Warmth of a Mid Autumn Night

"Is it too much to ask for more ale? Is it?!

As if it is not enough that my Kelsey left me. Now you want to take something away from me that numbs my pain?

Where are you Kelsey?! Where are you my lovely?

KELSEY! Come back to me! Come back to me. I will promise to take care of you. Please come back."

"Shhhh... No need to yell, Humbly. Relax. Let me make you some tea."

"NO! I do not want any tea. I want my Kelsey. I want her back. Where are you, Kelsey?"

"Relax, Humbly. Calm down. Sit down and have some shortbread cookie."

"Did you take my Kelsey away from me? Maybe it was you, Collin.

Could it be you, Alton? Did you tell her to flee far away from me?

I am going to look for you, Kelsey. I will look for you till I find you."

"You are not going any where, Humbly. Sit down and relax."

"Do not tell me to sit down. I will go where I please."

"Sit back down, Humbly."

"Do not push me. I want to find my Kelsey."

"I will push you as I see fit. You are not going out this door."

"Do not think your height could intimidate me, Collin. You will not stop me. I will find my Kelsey!"

"You are not going any where, Humbly."

"Both of you stop it! This is not the place to be fighting."

"Collin, I think you have hit him a bit too hard."

"Well I either had knocked him out or the ale got the best of him. Regardless, it is best that he is unconscious for now. Someone help me get him back to his private room."

I was too young at the time to know what was going on. My grandfather was not too thrilled back then with how Humbly was handling himself. He had passed away a decade later leaving Humbly to take care of me. He had seen me grow up all these years along with Alton. He too had passed away two years after grandfather leaving Humbly to keep the manor in order on his own.

Mother had always said father was a busy bee. I do not recall ever seeing the man. He could not handle being a parent. By the time I was 12, my mother had left with a French lover. She left her father and only child behind to persue her dreams in the city of lights, art and of course love.

It was not easy growing up, but Grandpa Edmund made sure that I was able to focus on the good parts in life and put in the time to be with me everyday. He was inspirational and lived to a ripe old age of 85. A painting of him hangs in the library along with the other ancestors.

Chapter 6 ==== Aveline Up and Hayden Down

Even though Humbly's past is a possibility that can happen to me, it is not exactly the worse case scenario. When I think of him, I also think of Aveline, the maid of Gracie's. It was a nightmare after the honeymoon that she did not see coming. Quite a tragedy that should not happen to a nice lady such as her. I remember what Humbly had told me about her past.

"Do you Hayden Jacob Fentonhills take Aveline Chantel Higginsmilton to be your..."

"Yes, I do."

"You may now kiss the bride."

"I will always love you, my sweet Aveline."

They were sweet as can be and always worked everything out together. She was the maid then as she is now. He was the new gardener at that time that also helped with other duties on the estate. As all couples do, they had their little arguements ever now and then. But it became worse after the death of his friend from his childhood, then his parents, then another friend and then Aunt Ramona. All of them died several months apart from one another. It was as if a brick wall fell on him again and again and was not ever able to recover from all the loss.

Aveline tried to comfort him, but it was never enough. He would drink too much and started to skip his duties. The staff had to do some of his work to cover for him to keep him from being fired by Mr. Highbrighton, Gracie's uncle. They knew he did not have any place to go since his two dearest friends and all his family members had passed away. Nobody wanted to see him fall apart or wind up dead in the middle of no where.

"Hayden, please put down that bottle and talk to me."

"Why should I?! I do not want to talk about anything. Leave me with my Scotch."

"The Scotch is not going to help you solve anything. Please let me help you, Hayden."

"I do not need your help. I do not need anyone's help. More Scotch!! Give me back my Scotch! Give it back to me woman!"

"No, I will not. Ahhhh!! You dare slap me?"

"I will slap you till you give me back my Scotch. Give me back my Scotch!"

"No, I will not."

"You dare push me?!"

"Ahhhhh!! No! Ahhhh!! Get away from me! Ahhhhh!!"

"Leave her alone, Hayden."

"Come and make me."

"No, Collin! Stop fighting!"

It was one of the many messy nights that Aveline had to witness over and over again. Hayden had turned into a drunken, abusive, bitter monster in the course of a year. He would only hit her if she did not let him have his way with the Scotch. The many nights she had sobbed and wish that she could have her old Hayden back.

He did all the despicable things that anyone could think of. Aveline did not deserve all the injustice he has done to her. From yelling to hitting, stealing the alcohol from the estate and on occasion he would take advantage of her in their private room. She was fed up with his abuse for too long and wanted to put a stop to it all. It was not easy for her to do, but the staff had decided enough was enough. They had to let him go.

One day, Aveline and Collin thought it would be good to take Hayden to a tranquil and scenic place and tell him that it is time for him to leave. There were plenty of trees and plants growing wildy all around them. About 40 yards out was the edge of the land with a sharp drop down to the ocean. It was a beautiful place for a picnic. What had started out as a sunny day became a dreary one.

"Hayden, you know I love you. We all love you. It breaks my heart to see you go, but I..."

"Hayden, you have been a great addition to our staff, but it has been too much to handle for all of us. We think it is best that you leave us in peace. It is time you sort things out on your own."

"What are you saying? You want to leave me, Aveline?

Is that what you want? All of you want to leave me?

Hahaha... Everyone wants to leave me. Hahahaha... You all want to leave me. Not this time. I will leave everyone. You hear me?! I will leave everyone!! You want to see me gone? I will be gone for good."

He then looked up and yelled out all the names of the people who had passed away and said that he will see them soon. Seconds after he had said that, the sky was turning grey very quickly. The wind was picking up faster and colder by the second. Hayden was laughing hysterically and drank half a bottle of wine before running to the edge.

"No, Hayden! Where are you going?"

"I am going to see my friends again! I will leave everyone behind this time! Hahahaha... I am coming!! Make room for me! Hahaha..."

They were running after this mad man until he was a foot away from the edge. His face was full of excitement and his eyes showed how far gone he has been. It was a moment that neither Aveline and Collin would forget.

"I will leave everyone this time!! I hope you are happy. I will be happy to see my old buddies again. Hahaha... I am comiiiiiiiiiing!!"

"NOOOOOOOOO!!"

Both Aveline and Collin saw Hayden holding the bottle of wine and leaped into the ocean never to be seen again. It was too much for them to deal with the loss. They would have stood there longer, but the rain was getting heavier and heavier so they had to go back to the estate as quickly as they could.

After all that Aveline had been through with Hayden, it made Humbly see that his loss was not as bad it could be. Due to her past experience, Humbly has been very careful not to assert himself too much. The last thing he would think of doing is to create a scar on her heart.

I do not see myself doing what Hayden did to Aveline. Every member of the family has left me years ago. I have only a handful of friends, but I do not see myself grieving that badly when the time comes along. It is possible that anything could trigger me to do the unthinkable, but I could not see myself doing any injustice to Gracie. The question is if that thought is enough to prevent me from doing anything wrong to her?

I think to myself over and over about how to prevent myself from doing what Hayden did to Aveline. Do I avoid such a scenario by keeping Gracie at a distance in which she is so close and yet so far?

Maybe what I ask for is too much for her to deal with and she abandons me at any given time. I would hate to put that much pressure on her. Humbly is as gentle as can be, but at the end, he was left standing alone at the altar drinking his sorrow away. All he wanted to hear were the words, "Humbly Egbert Benton Galantworth and Kelsey Flora Remgildbury, I now pronounce you husband and wife."

I want to hear the same words except with our names. As much as I want to hear the words, "Leonard Humphry Devoncaster and Gracie Autumn Highbrighton, I now pronounce you husband and wife," I hesitate to ask the question. I want to be her mate for life, but fear the consequences that could happen to either one of us at any given time. Sometimes it is difficult to make lemonade out of the lemons thrown at our vulnerable minds. After all, we are only human. None of us are perfect and we can plan all we want, but that does not mean we control everything in life.

Heaven forbid, but it is possible either one of us will suffer a health condition at any age. How would we cope with the illness?

What if I am the one to lay in bed sick before her?

I would be a burden to her. She does not deserve that kind of stress. Maybe she thinks the same way, but I would not mind taking care of her until she is well or off to a better place.

Humbly does see me stressed over the matter, but I try to hide it as much as I can so that it would not remind him of his past. He does wish to see me happy with Gracie, but does not pressure me to ask the question too soon.

Is it all that important to be married?

It is only a certificate that states we are officially a couple to the laws of the land. It does not guarantee that we will have a happy marriage. If either side has a wandering heart, affairs can arise at any time. The lonely heart can do anything to reach fulfillment.

My mind could not help to think of all the joys of being with her and all the consequences that can come along too. Nobody wants to be in an agonizing position, but it happens and we are always caught off guard when it does happen. The most we can do is be mentally prepared for the unexpected and the inevitable.

Chapter 7 ==== Honey is Sweet and Sticky

It has been a week since the last time I had Gracie over for dinner. I keep pacing up and down the library feeling conflicted about what I should do.

"Your tea, Sir. I have taken the liberty to bring you some honey instead of sugar."

"Yes, that will be fine. Thank you, Humbly."

"You look a bit anxious today, Sir. Is there anything wrong?"

"No, I am fine."

"You are thinking about when it would be the right time to propose to Miss Highbrighton, Sir?"

"Yes. I mean no. Yes. Oh I do not know what to do. It would be sweet to have her in my arms everyday. But then there is always the possibility something can go wrong."

"Perhaps you can look at the situation similar to honey, Sir."

"Honey?"

"Yes. What comes to mind when you think of honey, Sir?"

"It is sweet and tasty."

"You are right, Sir. What else is it?"

"It is also sticky."

"That is right, Sir. Even though it is sticky, you still enjoy the taste of honey. You learn to handle the honey in a certain way as to not get yourself in a sticky situation. No matter how sticky it is, you can not deny that it taste sweet."

"I believe you are right, Humbly. There is not any denial that honey is sweet. But I worry about my honey being taken away, missing from the last place I have set it or what is worse, not sweet enough for me."

"What ever that worries you should be discussed with Miss Highbrighton. I am sure she is as reasonable as you are, Sir. You two must be able to come to an agreement some how. It would be wrong to leave a fire unattended or ignore where the smoke comes from."

"Yes, you are right again. I should discuss various topics with her. Sigh."

"You still worry about the unexpected, Sir?"

"Yes. What if one day she loses interest in me or I lose interest in her?"

"That is a tricky question, Sir. It is a matter if either side wants to lose interest. Every relation is a two way street and it takes both to work everything out. We may not want to lose interest, but it can happen. There is not a fool proof formula to every relation of any kind. If there was then there would not be all these affairs, separations and extreme cases that exist every where at any given time. It requires a lot of effort on both sides to hold any relation together. I believe both you and Miss Highbrighton can get through it as long as the effort is put in and there is still interest of staying together in harmony."

"I agree with you, Humbly. If only I can relieve my heavy heart from these thoughts and put my mind to rest then I will have the nerve to propose to her."

"I will be in the kitchen making dinner if you need me, Sir."

"Thank you, Humbly. I will stay here for a while."

Humbly is right about the matter. I could think of all the possible events that can happen, but there is not any way to avoid them if there is not any interest to avoid them in the first place. I worry that my sweet Gracie will find someone else more interesting, enticing and alluring than me in the future. Maybe she thinks the same way of me.

My tea is bland without the honey. It taste sweet till the last drop once I put some honey in to stir evenly. Once the honey is swirled in, it can not be removed. I would have to finish the cup of tea before pouring myself another cup of bland tea.

I could pour tea in a separate cup and leave the one with honey alone. Maybe I can sip from both cups. But if I leave the tea with honey to the side, it would be a waste of the honey and tea altogether. Humbly went through the trouble to make the tea for me and gave me some honey to sweeten my tea. Nature let the bees make sweet honey for many to enjoy. Enjoyable it is, but everything must be taken in moderation.

What if I could see into the future ten or 20 years from now?

Will that change my love for Gracie?

What if in the future, we lose interest in our relation?

Is that enough to keep me from asking for her hand in marriage?

Can I afford to be alone and leave her alone for that long until the right one comes along?

What if I do not live that long?

Do I want to die without a love of my life?

Do I want to take Gracie into my world and then die on her too early?

Is it worth taking care of her for a short time and have someone hold the key to my heart to suddenly let go?

Are all the intimate nights holding her worth it at the end?

I do not have any intentions of mistreating her. It would be difficult to do such a thing to someone sweeter than honey. The twinkle in her eyes are some of her best features. I can look at them all day and night to fall into that sea of warmth she creates. It is heavenly to soak in her love and affection. Every time she is around me, it is as if all my worries are gone.

How could I mistreat her when she can offer me this wonderful sensation?

Can I live with her everyday for better or for worse?

Will our intimate nights together make up for all the wrongs that either of us can be at fault of?

I am not perfect and even though she has great qualities, she too is not perfect. Despite our imperfections, she is still a very attractive piece of art made by Heaven above. I would not be able to resist all her touching, kissing and hugging. She could have her way with me in bed and I would not disagree with a single topic she brings up.

My mind will lose all ability to object to anything she says when the time comes for me to see all of her smooth body. I will show all her soft cheeks the affection they deserve. My lips are ready to kiss every inch of her body and make her melt faster than butter on a hot muffin. It will be my pleasure to give her hours of bliss every night and take her worries away.

What would be the harm in doing that to my lovely Gracie?

Could she deny me of her sweet, sensual body if I offer mine in full for her to do as she please?

What would be sweeter?

To have the pleasure of knowing I could make her happy by letting her do what ever she likes to me in my birthday suit or to allow me to have my way with her without any limits?

If she was in the library with me now, I would not be able to keep my hands off of all her soft and sensitive spots. Not a single book on these shelves will compare to her magnificent presence that can make any red blooded man go wild with desire. Even the most intellectual could not resist her charm and beauty from within.

Am I guilty of wanting her soft flesh all to myself?

Yes, I am. But that is only a fraction of what makes her so appealing to my heart. Her gentle touches and exterior features would mean little to me if her character is frigid and ill inside. I love her for all that she is inside. Everything outside is icing on the cake that deserves the same amount of attention. There has to be a balance or I will risk losing her in some way or another.

I should invite her over for dinner again soon. It will give us a chance to discuss the topics that have been running through my mind once too often. Perhaps I should discuss the courses with Humbly over dinner tonight.

Chapter 8 ==== Something Missing in the Meal

Humbly had informed me that dinner was ready and promptly took the tea tray to the kitchen. The walk to the dining room almost seem longer than usual. As if I almost dread to dine without my dear Gracie.

"Your soup, Sir."

"Thank you, Humbly."

"Would you like to dine alone, Sir?"

"No. Please join me. I would only be staring at my food if I sit here by myself."

"Very well, Sir. I will be back with the cart."

As Humbly went back to the kitchen to get the rest of the food onto the cart, I could not help to think if this is how I will feel every time dining without her. I feel trapped within the walls of my mind and each door out has its own consequences.

"How is your soup, Sir?"

"It is alright."

"Alright, Sir? This is your favorite soup. Bouillabaisse made with a French Chardonnay and Fontina melted perfectly over the crostini. You usually eat through half it by now and be asking for seconds. Are you feeling ill, Sir?"

"No, I am fine. Maybe you were a little off on the spices this time?"

"Maybe. But perhaps it does not taste as fine because someone is not here to brighten up your evening."

"The absence of Miss Highbrighton does not change my taste buds."

"No, but it could change your senses a bit. If you would share what is on your mind, maybe I can be of help to you, Sir."

"Does Aveline ever tell you what Miss Highbrighton thinks of me?"

"I am not at liberty to say, Sir."

"Oh come now. You can tell me. I do not want to make a fool of myself in front of her for being too forward."

"Well she is quite fond of you, Sir. But I get the feeling that both of you share the same worries and do not know which path to take. What is holding you back, Sir?"

"I do not want to hurt her. The only tears she should have are the tears of joy. I would hate to be the one to bring her sadness."

"That is perfectly understandable, Sir. Nobody is perfect and you can not put that much pressure on yourself. You are beating yourself up before anything happens. This will not prevent you from making mistakes in the future. You have to let yourself be and go with the flow sometimes."