All Comments on 'Wear the Collar Ch. 03'

Good, I enjoyed it.

It’s not something I’d want 24/7 because TPE doesn’t do it for me I prefer the use of safe words because tolerances can vary easily day to day and there’s no way I’d want me or my partner to suffer real pain (physical or emotional) just for shits and giggles.

I think a lot of people forget that safe words are for both parties. That’s thoughts on the matter but that doesn’t detract from your fantasy.

Tess (UK)

Your work is extremely erotic conceptually. However, I have a few suggestions that would make it even better, in my opinion.

First off, stop using the word 'slut' so much. While it's definitely demeaning and serves it's purpose, you end up slipping into redundancy when such words are used as frequently as you have. There are other terms that can be just effective and wouldn't hamper your style at all (tramp, ho, whore, trollop, etc).

Also, don't forget to linger a little in your scenes! The appeal of submission lies in your protagonist's vulnerability. Tell me more about how it feels for him to be tied down, dragged along on a leash, etc while being used as a sexual object. Right now, it feels like your going from one sex scene to the next and, while its all very erotic, I nonetheless feel like more could be done. Choking, Water Sports, etc are very effective tools that could be used to flesh this out and make it a little better.

And finally, I think you should allow your protagonist to orgasm a little more often albeit in demeaning ways. You could, for example, have Lisa and Julia set up an orgy in which your protagonist is used by a bunch of gorgeous females. During this time, he's forced to go down on everyone and fucked until his eyes roll into the back of the head. Then, at the end, he's told he can come but only if 'he's quick about it'. Really degrade him and make him feel like he's a toy. have him collapse unto the ground covered in seminal juices.

Still, your work is good and holds a lot of potential. 4 stars out of five