All Comments on 'What I Think of You Pt. 03'

points for more depth and background. The story just got a whole lot weirder. But its really a stretch that one girl refuses to see Alex (but would be insane enough to sleep on top of this 5 store apartment building in the rain no less... and the other refuses to see her Master until she can give him at least 10% of her wealth? You dont think that would conflict with her insane desire to serve and please her Master? Not seeing him/ serving him for a week or more seems counter productive in her condition. ie hard to accept she wouldnt do anything it took to please and serve him. She has already shown insane jealousy over him. You think she would leave him alone for a week to find a new girl to keep him company? And how the hell can this last girl actually see the sade? Alex doesnt even know it exists. You are SERIOULSY stretching peoples suspension of disbelief here. One that breaks... your story looses all interest to your readers. Sure, its fantasy, but even a fantasy world has to have rules... without which the story looses all interest.

Yoshino, Yoshiko, Hoshino

Is this character actually D.I.D. or are you not sure what name you want to stick with.

I look forward to finding out more about this shade in future chapters.

All in all I think its coming along well. I really like the theme and story line. I do also feel like some of this could've been worked better as the first commenter said. The cliff hangers are good, but it does leave more questions than desired. I feel if you're writing something you should have explanations for everything in the writing. Leaving things to guess at the end just doesn't feel right for the length of these chapters. If you were to cliffhang at the end of the whole story or even make them cliffhangers with sound principles like "will they have sex next time or won't they" just as you did in number 1. That would be good. I still think its an awesome story! I am really enjoying the read please keep going <3

I'm enjoying the story. I always enjoy the reality and perception altering style of mind control. I have a sadistic streak too, so I love the corruption of Alice and Rachel and their self-degradation and extreme submission. I also love the angle of Rachel tricking Olivia into the camp to mentally and physically destroy her, so hot, as well as the camp itself.

It is a bit weird though that we haven't actually seen Alex really get to enjoy any of the women, and introducing the new element of Yoshiko seeing the shade and wanting to destroy her "friends" seems to be overcomplicating the story quite early on. I am eager to keep reading though and see where it goes, the sadism is enough to keep me happy! 😄

yoshino, yoshiko, hoshino, you are not keeping names straight, makes it harder to follow when you suddenly misname your own characters. you have done this several times throughout this story, using the wrong character name or misnaming a character.

Okay, nooot a fan of the dark things and emo girl, but MAN! Keep it up! Everything else is great!!! I'm yearning for more dégradation/abuse/slavery, but more importantly PLEASE make the boy realise fast, enjoy his girls and use his powers willingly. Please!! We need this, it's so awesome up until now! ;)

Thank you to everyone who's left comments under this chapter, I've read them all, and I thank you for your feedback.

Part 4 took awhile, but has now been submitted, and is pending. It is by far the longest chapter I've written to date (12500 words) and I hope to hear your thoughts on it as well.

Regarding the three different names thing... yeah, apologies, my editing process up till now has mostly been just checking to make sure words are spelt correct, and trying to make it not flow like a river of bricks, so that completely slipped by me. Something to learn from I suppose, I'll eventually update this chapter to fix it, and as many of you correctly guessed, yeah, I was still deciding on a name mid writing. One of you used the name Yoshiko, so that's what I settled on.

Thank you all for reading, and I hope you enjoy the next chapter :)

Enjoy the story. I do hope he is able to get some control over this power at some point. It would be more entertaining if his "fantasy" world's were dialed back 10% or so. I assume you're taking it to the extreme for the effect that he is unaware.