by tolyk
Nice little quick piece about a quick piece - here's hoping Sam does trip over Jim again
Good story, but it went a little too fast and easy for me. Keep writing.
I do agree that it moved a little too fast, and didn't have nearly enough build up, but from reading your own comment I understand completely. Good job for a first piece, can't wait to see what you come up with now. ~Minx
When you are in the mood, you are in the mood!! I enjoy reading about foreplay as well...how about in your next offering?
Now ya just gotta love a good shower scene!!!
Steamy little tale there tolyk!! ;-)
I found it very good and in fact I know a few females who have gone straight into the pumping and forgot the fore play
I agree that it did lack forplay but as a women I do find it fun to just get down to business every once in a while it makes it a bit more basic and animal. It floats my boat anyway.
I liked it but I could tell it was written by a man. No offense but not too many women like for men to jump right in and start pumping. We want foreplay. Lots of it. And I think you shouldv'e made a point of mentioning that Jim put on a condom really quickly.
Outside of that, not bad at all, it got me steaming...I am gonna go take a bath right now, and put some new batteries in my vibe.
Mizzbee, California
Hello everyone,
This sotry was so bad it's great! So stereotypical, transparent, just like an 80's porn flick. I loved it!
When I first read it (long before it made it here), I thought it was so corny that it was funny. That hasnt' changed. At least it gets down to the point, without being poorly written porn-without-plot (PWP) that most erotic fiction/fan faction just can't seem to get themselves away from.
Can't wait to see more.
-Warbuilder
I would really appreciate to hear any feedback by you, the readers. Thank you in advance, and I hope that you liked the story, it is in fact the first piece of erotica I ever wrote and is several years old. I'm now working on new pieces. You will see better workmanship from me in the future, as this was just a writing exercise I did one day and a friend of mine editted for me. Thanks everyone.
-Tolyk