All Comments on 'Wicked Desert Seductress Pt. 01'

iggy, please consider this constructive criticism designed to help you create a story. You introduce 4 characters and start the story from the POV of Zack BUT... as each new person enters, you start describing what they are thinking etc from THEIR point of view. How is that possible? It isn't. You need to have a primary POV with,perhaps a second POV if you are able to introduce that into the storyline. Therefore reactions/actions need to be described from the POV of normally one person. How is Zack able to relate in the story what Mike, then later Rick is thinking? Same for Natasha. The story can't be told as if viewed from an invisible eye-in-the-sky that also reads all minds. Things just don't work that way. But keep going. We all went through a learning curve. That's often the fun part for a writer. Cheers.

They aren't needed for this story. Lucky Rick!

Name af male character keep changing from married mike to single zack

Throws the whole story off