All Comments on 'Working In A Shoe Store'

You really need an editor. You have the wrong words in places making it very hard to read. For example: “I tried not too look up and lock beneath her skirt”

I agree with Bullrider14 that you need an editor. That siad, though, The story was unique and interesting. You told it well in your broden English. It appears that English is not your first language, and, if so, I applaud you for undertaking the writing of it. Unfortunately, not many readers will stick with stories written like this. Yes, you really need an editor.