All Comments on 'Workout'

The guy ran onto the road, and it's Rocco's fault?

I've got two legs, pull the other one...

rocco didnt run him in front of that truck

Ask a law student to explain the law to you in simple easy to understand words

Should have just stuck with the marriage relationship afterward. He might well throw her out, too.

What they said.

Story makes no sense. The husband was not legally responsible for the man's death. The man was negligent and did not look where he was going. The driver of the trash truck was not responsible either. However, Rocco could be arrested if he removed his wife's teeth with his fist.

What was this story about? Who are the people? Do I care? No. Pointless set-up and pointless ending.

What's next Mother Goose gets laid? Pleazzzee!

The one comment said over and over by the other commentators is that you should develop your charactors more. If not, you almost end up with a kind of joke being told. "Did you ever hear the one about the guy who came home and ..." Instead make it a real story. don't be too lazy to cut out essential parts to a story.

The one comment said over and over that doesn't make sense is that the guy shouldn't be arrested. Sorry fellas but while Rocco may not have killed the guy he did throw him through a window. Go ahead and have someone throw you through a window and then decide if you would like him arrested for assault and battery. My guess is your calling the cops post haste.

A few thoughts.

Why the little guy in the gym? Not relevant to the rest of the story (at least he could have been the wife's lover).

The death obviously not his fault. Assault yes, but who is going to press charges? hahaha

Now the real crux of the situation here is the wife. She is cheating and when the guy dies she calls the cops on her husband? I guess the marriage was more over than he thought in the build up to the story.

As others have said, you did not flesh out this story at all. There are so many details that don't exist and no hints are given to the readers to even fill in the holes in our imaginations. PLEASE rethink this kind of story and make it more enjoyable for us before you submit. If they are just for you then keep them home.

Finally, I am not sure I have read any of your previous stories. I will have to do that to determine my overall opinion of you as a writer, but I sure hope the others are better than this.

I do thank you for your efforts however and I hope you can take this as helpful rather than criticism.

Charleybear

Bullshit, nonsense etc.

Evertb

The author obviously has no idea about law, and the story is just moronic.

It was a good story at the beginning but you ended it to soon to be any good as a supense story

Pat M.

Atlanta,Ga.

more likely detained for questioning. Not a bad story, but rather a lot of extraneous thoughs wander through Roccos's head.

Sorry folks, but assault and battery are certainly against the law, especially with the wife making the accusations. Obvious he threw the man out the window, not telling what else the woman told them. As for murder... hasn't anyone heard of California's felony murder laws. If someone dies in the commission of a felony, regardless of how the person dies, murder charges can be filed.

You rob a bank and the police shoot and kill your partner, you get charged with murder.

As for Rocco, keep your eyes open, we may see him again... think about what he focuses on here and figure out what story category he'll appear in.

jim : )

go one way or another: comedy or tragedy.

leave it to bill to do comic tragedy. he has the leisure, talents, and pages necessary; you don't!

you have only 1 to a few pages. you either try for seriousness or total bafoon halirity. if you try for bot hlike this, you fall flat on your face.

lesson here? do NOT have an erection talking to another man at the gym, like this Arnold Scharwzenegger wannabe here! LOL!!!

It wasn't the best story I have read, but it wasn't the worst story either. I liked it when the garbage truck hit him with a dull thud. If you screw around, you had better be willing to pay the price and he paid the dearest price. I hope she was worth it.

He threw the pervert out the window, but he did not tell him to run in front of the garbage truck. That was his own decision. Yes, they might get him for assault, but not for anything else unless he is related to the mayor. He wife is the biggest loser of them all. I am sure it made the papers and he probably divorced her for fucking around on him and for hitting him when her lover ran in front of the garbage truck.

Great beginning, now FINISH it!

Dumb story. Really dumb, and the outcome was even dumber.

Sorry I cannot say anything positive.

keep your day job.where these stories coming from.no common sense.

Nothing here to comment on except what?????

I have read much of you work and this fell far below your norm. Looks like you did this one in a hurry.

if the husband catches the wife in bed with another man, he can kill both of them and still go scot free. i read somewhere about adultery and enflagrante delicto. or something like that.

the man ran in front of the truck himself..

if your running from the cops and you get hit by a truck its not the cops fault

and the wife saying murderer.. (whatever shes a whore)

This story is so stupid, it's an insult to anyone reading it. Why would the cops arrest him? Why would his wife call him a murderer and why would this story be mostly about everything else but the infidelity which was thrown as a bone at the end? Unbelievable. I didn't know that writers here considered the average reader beyond a moron.

How dumb can it get????

so the lover is thrown out alive and goes into a vehicle, to his death. rocco is responsible? it is a stretch, a big one. other details just lacking. i like that rocco was not passive, but ...

Let me see if I get this straight: Rocco- a hardbody- gets a hard-on for a guy at the gym, but never sees him again. He goes home to find his wife fucking a man-tit pig, manages to see the guys face glistening with his wife cum, watches them fuck, all while never being noticed. Then he throws the guy, naked, out a window, the guy runs away and gets run over by a trash truck- and now Rocco is being arrested... for what.

Stupid, stupid plot. Totally lacking in meaningful character development- just flat out poorly written. Don't give up your day job

BEFORE START WORKOUT ,WARM UP SHOULD BE DONE

The guy runs in front of a truck..... and Rocco is arrested????

Really? The man was ran over by the garbage truck, and he was arrested by the police? What kind of police was that? In what coutry this happens? Maybe in a parallel world? 1*

They really didn't have much they could charge Rocco with if anything. The dude gt what he deserved. I just hope he suffered while the internal bleeding slowly shut him down.

and went downhill from there. One biggy: he would not be arrested for the trash truck hitting the guy. Another:: no explanation for why the wife was fucking him. Not a good story.

I do not get this story.

In my layman's opunion, this story violates the Chekhov's Gun rule: the scene where a character leaves his gun on the table makes sense only if someone will use it later in the story (or play).

Re anon 11/06/06

I agree the whole gym portion of the story makes no sense as it has no relevance to the reest of the story. The story should have started at the moment Rocco enters the house when he was supposed to be at work.

My impression was that Rocco was totally mesmerized, in a state of hypnotic shock, as he watched the big fat man relentlessly fuck Rocco's wife.

Re several anons...

Rocco did commit a criminal offence, namely assault. The fat man was not an intruder, he was visiting Rocco's wife! Grabing someone by the neck & throwing him out thru the window is a criminal act except in self defence.

That's why the police took him away.

Re anon 11/11/06

I beg to differ, sorry.

The big fat man DID NOT commit any crime because IT IS NOT AGAINST THE LAW TO FUCK A MARRIED WOMAN. If there is no delict there are no grounds for 'in flagrante delicto' clause.

Technically Rocco did catch his wife 'in flagrante delicto' (and in the old days, his lawyer would have used that fact in divorce proceedings).

Dumb..and wrong..Rocco cannot be charged with anything as the guy ran in front of the garbage truck..Not Rocco's fault..and this story was too simple, too short, and not worth writing at all..

DUH

How do you charge Rocco with murder? He didn't toss the guy in front of the truck. Hope there is more to this.

The man was ran over by a truck and he was arrested? In what country this shit happened? Uganda?

What happened, did the writer get bored. We need to know why she did it, why wasn't she pleading with her husband, why did he get arrested as he didn't throw the cheater in front of the truck.

This had the makings of a good story but the end was ridiculous.

Holy shit... what the fuck was that!?

Why do we need a part 2 for it, since it's so damn short? But THANK GOD there's a sequel - maybe it will justify the existence of such a worthless effort.

Really... get it gets worst?... Let's find out!

He might be charged with assault, but since the guy ran away he wasn't too hurt. I'll bet the jury refused to convict. As for the truck, that was all on the runner.

Here is how the story ends. The murder charges are dropped or never made. The assault charges result in acquittal. The divorce is ugly, but satisfying.

Agree with previous comments. Rocco wouldn't have been arrested for throwing someone out of his house. You couldn't even prove assault after what the truck did to him.

Well, this was just dumb.

What the hell?