All Comments on 'You're Gonna Listen To The Rules'

You make ass eating sound like fun

Not bad. Could be infinitely improved with a bit a grammar check and some post editing. You need to get someone else to do that. You can't spot errors in grammar and syntax in something you've written yourself!

Would be improved with a little more intro and a bit more back story. As it is it stands on it's own not as a story but more of a vignette. If you're intending to continue it then you need to give it some establishing basis and a justification for why she's being punished or if this was something she brought about.

Good but could be improved.

Reads like it was written by a virgin teenage boy with no knowledge of female perspective. Lacking experience and details.

It's not fun. It's a sure trip the hospital.

need pt 2