All Comments on 'I Won't Stand For It'

Nice BTB fantasy but in real life, hubby would be charged with the beating. Stupid to attack Bob in the hospital and very cowardly to do it while Bob was helpless. I don't know how this would go down in the UK but in the US, our hero would be arrested straight away, wifey would get a restraining order against him due to the drinking and violence, and she'd get the home while he would get lots of bills. Story was full of cliches and was repetitive. A good editor would really help.

"very cowardly to do it while Bob was helpless. "

Yeah, as if stealing another man's woman and sneaking around makes Bob some kind of hero?

Fuck you, asshole.

If I was the writer, Bobby would be dead, and Steve would be banging the hell out of Sammi in front of his soon to be ex-slut wife.

The story was okay as far as it went. It only seems as part of a circle, the aftermath needs to be told. Of what happened to all "post confrontation". At least a chapter to tie up the loose ends after Steve made his knowledge of the affair known to her. The "Theatre of the Mind" only goes so far in imagining an ending, Thanks!

Who cares about it not being real life? You want reality? Read non fiction.Everyone is a critic,including me.

Is you based it in America but used British slang. It is slight but telling.. Trunk for boot and we say in the hospital not just in hospital.

Sorry but Vulcan is spot on. There might not have been security cameras at the driving range, but they'd be as plentiful as bedpans in the hospital. Next the not so stupid police detectives would be checking our hero's alibi, the poker game. When they ran checks on all his buddies, a cage fighter with a record would tend to warrant a second look. Then they'd impress upon his buds that lying about when the poker game really started would land them all with a likely felony conspiracy change. One of them would cut a deal. At that point some very bad things (legally) would start happening to our now really and truly F'd hero!

You REALLY, SERIOUSLY need a good editor. You managed to take a reasonably good plot & spoil it by some very average at best ( & I'm being kind ) writing skills. I read to enjoy a story, not trying to sift through the mass of dialogue to decide who's saying what. This is the first of of your tales I've read, it'll be the last too - life's too short & stressful to read crap work. 1 *

Sorry, too many run on sentences, I gave up before the end of page one. You had commas where they aren't needed and none where they are. And it's a little repetitive, the first paragraph alone was sentence after sentence that said the same thing. I thought finally a non cuck writer to break the drought but fuck, get an editor.

The most important thing for happiness is to have a sense of understanding and control over your environment. If you don't have this, anxiety and fear will creep in. When a person discovers a cheating spouse, they lose the sense of understanding and control in their life. Some spiral out of control and hit the wall. Others regain equilibrium and go about re-establishing that sense of control. There are many ways to achieve this. Following an emotional yet moral path of justice is often a good solution. Satisfying a need for retribution, repayment for the theft that has occurred is a reasonable course to take. The trick is to stay within the bounds of moral justice if you want to keep from becoming the unjust one. Often it is better to seek the counsel of another respected and detached judge prior to taking action.

In some cases an injured party may simply choose to "forgive" the losses due to the theft from the marriage. They do not do this out of love for the cheater, they do this out of love for themselves and perhaps God. On a practical note, forgiveness is often the wisest most expedient approach to regaining control. It is simple, it is quick and it allows the injured party to moved forward quickly. Forgiveness does not mean tolerance or acceptance. It does not mean that the marriage continues. It only means that the debt is forgiven and the now dead relationship can be laid to rest.

This was a good story, but it has a big issue: his visit to the hospital...Hospitals are all covered with cameras, so it would be easy to the police to see him there...He didn't even tryed to enter there with an heavy disguise...he could even pretend he was limping from one leg...Then he could be anyone...And throwing his wife from their house wasn't any revenge...was a normal act from a cheated husband with no children...However a 3*

good start, can't wait for the finish

thanks.

Another gay women hater writer.Wish B.T.B had its on catogery so we could be spared this crap.

The pain caused by cheating tends to grow and grow until iit finds an outlet. Prenups can lessen the damage but retribution is still needed in the majority of cases. It still amazes me that so many cheaters don't give a thought to just how many dark or blind areas they pass through every day. A swift blow from a crowbar administered over a long period can accomplish more than a single iinstance of getting needed retribution. Cheating needs to be made costly in both health and finances, only then will it possibly become rarer than iit currently is.

do not forget to factor in rehabilitation for your self and family on a long term basis. TK U MLJ LV NV

Every hospital I have been in for the last decade has security cameras everywhere. The cops would have been on him like a cheap suit with more than enough evidence to convict.

Also how does he kick the wife out of the house? No where in the US does that fly and I suspect it is the same in most of the English speaking world.

Overall a fair story.

He committed a number of felonies, showed zero remorse, plans to commit more and HE's your hero? You want to know why she cheated? It's because he's a fucking psychopath and she's afraid for her life.

From his perspective, he thinks he's blameless, he's justified in his actions; but what the author forgot to mention was the punishment he inflicts on her for not making his supper just right. How he abuses her when the house isn't perfect, how he is very careful not to damage her face or leave visible bruises but she lives in fear of his violence.

Before you say hat my version isn't in the story, true; but it's all a matter of perspective. He's admitted to assault and battery, he's admitted to arson, he's admitted to a number of crimes that he believes he is justified in committing, what's to say he's not justified in beating his wife for a burned dinner? When violence is your reaction, it's because it's always been your reaction.

Seriously:

- a dumb wimp husband who turns hardass

- a stupid cheating wife

- a sister who looks like his wife

- violence

- financial safeguards

- serial cheater ex boyfriend

The list is endless. I didn't think the writing was too bad - seen worse! but really! 1*

You seriously need an editor, and watch the POV shifts!

thanks for posting. I enjoyed your tale

Steve can’t tell his sister-in-law that he suspects her sister of cheating! Maybe if he KNEW he could say something, but not just a suspicion. Since Sammi knows her sister is cheating and is pretty sure that’s what’s bothering Steve, she’s the one who should say it.

“the obvious lack of opportunity for any fun too." – “fun”? Does he mean sex? Aren’t they sleeping together, that’s plenty of opportunity for “fun”!

She’s accusing HIM of cheating when she knows she’s been cheating?!

“That's the Bob you said you didn't know about bitch.” – Technically, it was your “old friend Bob” that she didn’t remember.

Re: Hospital – Even without cameras, victim id’s him, new injuries to wife’s lover, hmmm…

@Anonymous Re: Horrible – Where do you get “women hater”? Sammi and Bob’s wife were treated well, and a cheating wife was divorced. What would it take for you to NOT call the writer a women hater? Invite Bob over, suck him hard then cheer him on while he fucks Claire, then eat the cream pie?

@Whackdoodle – You can imagine all that in your own mind, but until Bob we see KNOW evidence of violence in his history, or any anger at a burned dinner. He burned her belongings, that is NOT arson.

I shall cut the feet off of Bob of the Stones, and make him dance on the stumps! I shall disembowel him and drag his entrails through my castle! I shall put his head on a pike and display it from the highest tower as a warning to all who might dally with mine wife!

Then I shall throw out mine wife and fuck the brains out of her luscious sister Sammi!

You could use an editor and there are some minor faults but all in all I liked your story and BTB solution. Keep them coming, there are so few LW stories posted nowadays that don't have willing cuckolds and wimpy fags sharing wives.

you cannot tell the reader what other characters are thinking. It's just that simple.

Keep writting. Would have liled to read more aftermath, but umderstamd why u ended there. Again, good effort.

Love it thanks for writing!

nice tale if only it could be true. where I live cheating has no weight in court.

everything is split 50 50 unless there are kids. then the father gets to pay

until the kids are 18. even if the mother has ten lovers the court puts kids

care first. the only way the father can win is to prove the mother to be unfit .

...if a little formulaic. Though I'm guilty of that myself sometimes so who am I to judge.

Good story thank you

Bob got the beating he deserved and hopefully hubby starts to fuck her sister and bobs soon to be ex. In the USA cheating is taken way to lightly. People should be held accountable and it should way in on a divorce, especially if there are children involved because at that point the cheater is cheating the whole family and will be the reason for all the problems their kids , their spouse and themselves go through. I've seen way to many men get destroyed in court when getting divorced and it was the wife who was fucking around. It works both ways and should apply in the divorce. A friend was destroyed both financially and mentally by his kids telling him the neighbor comes over every day. He made real good money and she and the courts took him to the cleaners. So way should he have to give her so much money when she destroyed the family. He eventually lost his job and had to move back with his parents at 40 while she lived in the big house and had to fight to get the kids on weekends. She was a cheating cunt and he suffered while nothing changed for her. The system needs to change where cheating has some weight for both the man and woman

A decent plot, with interesting characters. Here are some observations you might want to consider.

You start off with a lot of suspicion and conjecture about all the little details that indicate cheating, but you don't tell us what the details are. Why not? Obfuscation and confusion do not equal drama and suspense. They just create a since of confusion, and then manipulation from the author. That's not a good feeling.

People who get drunk when they have a problem are a problem. You describe a husband and wife who apparently spend a lot of time away from each other, going out with friends and associates. They seem to have limited information about each others friends, who they see during the day, where they go for lunch, and what is on each others minds. Why would a functioning loyal partnership have separate finances? That would be absurd in a business partnership, why does it make sense in a truly intimate cooperative marriage? Overall their marriage appears to be weak, casual, and shallow. Hell the wife couldn't even remember the last time she made love with her husband. So it makes sense that one or both might seek romance and excitement outside the marriage. And it makes the reader care very little for their future. Its obvious he is divorcing his wife to punish her for betraying him. He never asks her why, he never seeks to understand if he had some role in her betrayal, he doesn't seem to care if she has some emotional or psychological issue that would at least help him understand her falling. He throws her out like you would discard a pet who has soiled the house, or bitten one of the kids, without determining if there was some explanation or provocation. She'll be better off without him, and God help Sammi if she takes him in; no sequel needed.

I found all the introspection and meandering contemplation annoying and obnoxious. There was too much of it, it was often pointless, and often repetitive. And all the whiskey flowing just reinforces people of weak mind and character. Alcohol is a drug, and a poor drug to help you think and act more intelligently. So the character just comes off as a stupid clueless detached oaf.

And you always, ALWAYS, break bones and disfigure a predator. You want them to be reminded of the consequences every time they move, or look in the mirror.

Again, a good first effort, much better than most. Hell, much better than 70% of all the stories in the LW section. Totally disregard anything I said that will dissuade you from writing more. I hope to read more of your work in the future. Thank you for your time and effort.

Written by a ten year old child ? Garbage

. . . . a bit formulaic, but what really troubled me was that it was so poorly written as to detract from the story - terrible punctuation, run-on sentences, etc. Get yourself an editor, please. 3* for the effort.

I liked it, however I felt it could have had more to it than the ending showed. More content. Otherwise, it did keep me intrigued as to what was going to happen. Will there be a part 2?

Good first story. You obviously have talent as a story teller. I read it through, which is surprising, given the distractions. The plot and execution were nice. There are some people who are always going to comment on a BTB story that you are "paint by the numbers." They can be safely ignored. Their number is about four.

The distractions: You have no clue about punctuation or sentence structure. It was very hard for me to read. You need an editor, badly. Nothing wring with that, everyone needs an editor. One writer here has a PdD and she uses editors. You need help and you should get it. If this story was cleaned up by the services of a good editor, it would be top drawer. As it stands, it's so poorly done from a mechanical standpoint that it's about a 3.5. I rounded up and gave you a four. I want to encourage you to write more. It was a nice story, just very badly written. Good luck.

Well done; could've gone a little further mentioning retribution; going after company that both of the cheaters worked for. And, possibly his love life afterwards. That's what makes some of the better BTB stories; showing their life better after the divorce. It's what gives people hope that might be going through the pain. - Just saying...

I imagine it must be catharctic to release all that pent-up rage, both for the writer and the readers. This is divorce-porn at its finest. You managed to check off all of the boxes in the BTB template.

The one exception to that template is that hubby is far from heroic. As with all of these stories, he is stoic and emotionless through most of the story, but he leaves the heavy lifting to his pals. Instead of beating up the bad guy himself he outsources the task. Where is the satisfaction in that? Then, to compound his wimpiness, he breaks into the guy's hospital room (as if that's even possible) and beats him up again, while he's helplessly laying there. Not exactly a heroic act.

As with all of these stories, my main beef is that we have zero reason to root for this married couple. Their marriage is dead at the very beginning of the story, and therefore why should we care when it ends? This couple hadn't even been married for five years!

The purpose of these stories is to portray an evil bitch wife and then burn her (and her lover) at the stake. With that purpose in mind, this was well-executed. It was also well-written. I'd like to see you write something outside of the "Save the Cat? No, Burn the Bitch!" template.

Very poorly executed. I won't beat up on that because others have already said it. What gets me is that if this was "the other type of story" it wouldn't have even surpassed two stars.

I get a bit dismayed at the unfairness of this section. I don't want to take anything away from you. I do see talent, and I have no doubt that you will get better as time goes on. It just gets me that people can point out these problems and still give you 4 stars. They will then list these problems in "the other types" of stories and talk about how badly written it is.

After that, they will claim that they aren't voting with their bias.

No sense beating up on a dead horse. I will give you 3 stars and say that I hope you continue writing.

Why does this surprise you, love? You know that the "other type" of story is wildly unpopular. Let me explain my thought process. (It's important for a man to understand his lover)

Yes, the story was badly written, but it's a good story. It has characters that I can identify with and understand. I feel the same things they do. I have the same emotions. The author got more than half of what I'm looking for in a story, a good guy to root for. However much the critics hate that he takes action against people who betray him, he is understandable and his reactions feel like the reactions most people have to betrayal. So, he gets three stars for writing a good story about characters most people can identify with.

Had it been bad story, poorly written, about characters I hated, he would have gotten a two, or maybe a one, if the characters were especially execrable. However much decrying voting on content others may do, I'm not going to give a story about characters I hate a good score, no matter how fluid the mechanics are. The characters make it a bad, or good, story, in my opinion. It may be possible to destroy a good story with poor writing skills. This one came close.

I gave him one star because it is his first story. This is my typical practice for newbies. Four stars, three for a good story, one for inexperience, minus one for mangling the mechanics. My man understands?

Write a story -- any story of any quality -- where:

-- An evil bitch of a wife cheats on her loyal and hard-working husband for no particular reason except she simply can't control her lady parts and has no ethics. We need to despise her from the very beginning of the story or risk relating to her in some way -- or perhaps even recognizing her as human.

-- A heroic hubby who discovers his wife is a cheating bitch and catches her in the act (usually by means of high-tech gadgetry.) Hubby should be emotionless, hard-working, and live by a strict and never-wavering moral code.

-- Include plenty of boring details about securing bank accounts, changing the locks on the doors, gathering evidence, hiring a lawyer, yada, yada, yada.

-- Hubby beats the crap out of the lover, humiliates and divorces his wife, and leaves her penniless, lonely, and ever-so-remorseful. She should beg hubby for mercy while he treats her with casual, emotionless, disdain.

-- A happy ending where hubby ends up with whatever other woman was included in the story. That woman should be more gorgeous than the ex-wife, completely loyal and faithful, and believe her new hubby walks on water. Make sure the ex-wife lives out the remainder of her days in absolute misery.

Later, rinse, repeat. Write this same fucking story a thousand times and you'll get a thousand four-star ratings. Deviate from this template even a little bit and risk the wrath of the BTB Brigade.

I actually took a look at this author's profile after writing my comment, and it looks like he stepped outside of his comfort zone with this one. I can respect that. But just because you write a BTB story doesn't mean you HAVE to stick to this template beat-for-beat. You can mix it up a little and portray the wife as a little less evil, or hubby as a little less heroic, or change the ending a bit.

Don't the BTB fans EVER get tired of reading the same fucking story over and over? Only the names of the characters seem to change.

He could not throw her out of the house, if she called the police he could be removed till the courts decide . Especially if he threatened or hit her. He can also be charged for assaulting bob in the hospital. Since they all have cameras. So he would be the one in hot water.so she cheated .just end it there where no children . The burn the bitch crowd loves this bulshit. They also love Donald trump.

You should practice writing instead of flaming on other people. This guy is way better than you are. Your score is way better than his, author. What a dipshit. Good story.

I understand. Sadly, it doesn't surprise me. I scored a three because it was his first story, so I understand the benefit of the doubt.

I guess I feel it is a bit hypocritical. Not going to get on a soapbox and preach about fairness and all of that. It is what it is at this point. But I do find it hard to actually judge quality of stories based on the score. Reading a 4 star story should indicate that it is worth reading (not to indicate that this story isn't worth reading). But with the amount of many errors that are in it, do you honestly feel that it is worth 4 stars?

I don't want to use this author, or this story, as an example. However, it is here, so I might as well. Stories and scores like this give SJ a platform to preach on. When he says "boilerplate revenge story", and you have one that is filled with errors score 4 stars, he becomes right. Then, I can't even disagree with, even if I become annoyed at the frequency at which he says it.

Just saying love bug.

To the author. Don't take offense to what I said. I do feel that you have talent, but I feel that this story is not worth 4 stars. I feel that you are being judged by bias, and not by skill level. If I were a writer, I would want to see how good I really am. I feel that with this scoring, you won't truly know how good you are. It is like singing in the choir. Everyone sounds good as long as they all sing the same thing. Then they step out, do a solo, and sound horrendous.

For the read.

I am also weak in the editing department. I always say that I am a better storyteller than a writer. So I can forgive bad punctuations and whatnot, especially on your first story. It's hard getting out here and putting your work on display. Before my first story, I was extra critical. It was easy to point out the mistakes of other writers, especially when I was just anonymous.

When you see that your story is about to post the next day, your heart speeds up. You sit in anticipation of what they will think, what they will say. Suddenly, you remember all of those critical comments that you made on other's stories and you cringe. That's how it was for me.

You made a lot of mistakes, but you have something to build upon. Good luck. I gave this story a 3 because it was your first time.

I agree, substantially, with both of you. The writing was God-awful. Sorry, Mr. Jones, I'm an English teacher. I'm not just criticizing. Send me the next one and I'll mark it up for you. Only one, I've got plenty to do. Still, I did read and enjoy the plot. I don't care about whether the plot is similar to others of the genre, all stories are.

The interactions of the characters are what make or break a story, in my view. I genuinely like the guy and the sister. I hope they hook up. I liked the way the story was told, I just hated the destruction of the King's English. The problem with trying to judge by scores is that the best stories are deflated in score in this category, and the worst stories are inflated. Every story has four stars, no matter how dismal. You have to adjust your thinking. It needs to be 4.20 or better for me to read a new author out of the archives. Of the names I recognize, I will read some, no matter what the scores are and I won't read others, no matter what the score is. Make any sense? I'll give this one a three, but with a little work, it could easily be better than four.

The protagonist did not offer much. I was almost expecting him to end up in the wrong but the game was too simple. The only thing positive with the wife is that she forgot to risk his health by letting him screw her! He got away clean... Er, I do condemn the stupidity of his visit to the hospital and the free shot he took is morally abominable.

You were much too easy on them.

Writers need to be logical, even with a fantasy site. Here, Hubby mentioned the CCTV at the hotel, but never followed up to get proof. Second, with careful planning on the initial attack, he then leaves some of his DNA on his enemy's face so the police can collect it and prosecute him and identifies himself as the attacker so that Bob can direct the police to him. Third, his promise to get retribution against Claire seems only be a divorce. You should have made it more clear that she really will be hurt by a divorce because she really loves him. Your description of her does not show that she does love him.

...it's Friday, and it's been a slow week at work, so why not? At the risk of further enraging Lex1, I have to interject one more time.

I get so tired of hearing "all stories are the same" from the BTB crowd. No, not all stories are the same, and we shouldn't have to tolerate reading the same plot over and over again.

Every LW story I've written has a different plot with different types of characters in different situations and with different endings. It's not impossible to write a story that doesn't follow a template.

Only BTB stories seem to have this problem with repetitiveness. They all include the elements I mentioned earlier, which follows the template I outlined in "Save the Cat? No, Burn the Bitch!" EVERY BTB story has the same characters in the same situations and follows the same predictable plot line from beginning to end.

It's possible to write a BTB tale that doesn't follow this template, but the problem is that it's SO easy to write one that follows the template step-by-step and receive praise and high ratings. If your reason for writing is praise and high ratings, penning a BTB story is the easiest way to do so. It requires minimal effort and almost no creativity.

The problem for BTB writers is that if they deviate from the template even the slightest bit, they'll catch shit from the BTB Brigade. If you portray a husband as emotional, and express the slightest sadness that his marriage is ending, you'll be called a pussy. Ditto if the wife's lover is a better fighter, and hubby doesn't win the inevitable fight scene. If the wife moves on with her life after the divorce, or if hubby doesn't end up happily-ever-after with the sister, the lawyer, or the lover's wife, then the BTB crowd will howl in protest.

The BTB crowd only wants to read one type of story, and there is a small group of writers here who crave their approval enough to give it to them -- over and over and over again. Sad, but true.

I started reading knowing full on theme and tenor of the story. I realize fiction is fiction and I do like good stories, even ones where i'm in social disagreement with the author. As pointed out by blackrandi this story just doesn't do it for me and probably other readers as well. I didn't torpedo you (3 stars) because I know you can write a better story with a much improved storyline. If I were you I'd enlist Blackrandi to assist with the editing. Keep writing. Xoxoxoxo Annette

It was much better than a lot. After all it was your story and not from some who have never written tho feel the need to slam writers over and over again. With so much negativism on this site when you can get a score like you have, I would feel good about that. ****

"Don't the BTB fans EVER get tired of reading the same fucking story over and over?"

Funny question coming from you since it seems you read ALL the BTB stories. To top it off you comment on all of them bemoaning the scores (I suspect because they score higher than your stories).

I guess since your wife is out banging strangers all the time you have nothing better to do.

Like the way Payback was given. even if he can get it back up Clare will be the least of the things he has to Deal with. His wife and Kids as well as a Pissed Off Husband. will keep his mind focused.

Enjoyable enough for a BTB formula work. Also is an example of how a very ordinary story gets a 4+ mark, just because it plays to the crowd.

It however could have used a confrontation with the wife before he took all the action. Also, no one in their right mind would go after someone in a hospital room with violence, way too many cameras. Just showing up and confronting the guy would have been enough.

I liked the story, until he punched a guy who was laid up in the hospital. That's chicken shit. On the other hand had he waited until Bob healed, then Bob would be fair game.

Because they're all different. What we do get tired of is Swingerjoe making the same fucking comment over and over again. You're one boring ass prick. Why do you read these stories? Maybe it's time for the Andi's to write another story. That was some funny shit. Go check your score, comments and favorites, Joe. See how bad you suck?

The story was pretty good, but the run-on sentences made for a difficult read.

Why are all the comments saying this is this author's first story ? Simply click on his user name and go to his home page , he's posted many LW stories before this.

Now my congratulations stem from the fact that this seems to be his first consequences storyline .

Those bemoaning that fact can go to this authors site and read his other offerings. It looks as though his main focus has been on wife sharing/ Hotwife storylines.

This author just seems , to me anyway , to be trying to stretch his literary wings. Where's the harm in that ?

Grammatically , yes there were a lot of mistakes ( you really do need to take Randi's offer !) , but I'm not a nuts and bolts type of reader . If you want to classify my tastes under technically unsophisticated, you certainly may. What I look for is some conflict , some drama , and some sense that some small slice of justice will prevail in this fictional world. I think I'm not alone in that .

One of the very best authors in this genre , qhml1 , will have several grammatical errors in a lot of his stories , but the story itself is usually so strong that very few of the hard core grammar Nazi's even complain.

So Micheallajones , I want to thank you for the entertaining little yarn you've provided us today.

3.7 = 4 *'s

Gee, that was embarrassing. Is my face ever red. Well, sort of brownish pink, actually. I didn't bother to read a bio, I just saw, "This is my first foray... thought I'd give it a try," and made false assumptions. Thanks for correcting me.

Not only Randi, but several others have commented that this is the author's first submission and have made allowances accordingly.

I actually read the first sentence before going to the comments. That sentence says:

"My first time venturing in this area, after reading many of the excellent submissions in the BTB category." So the confusion is understandable.

As one who dislikes the 'BTB' category with an intense dis, and as one who believes there can be no such thing as an "excellent submission" in that category, I thank the author for his warning. I also thank the commentariat for an entertaining commentary.

Lue

Thanks for the entertaining read.

Didn't bother to read it, but given the comments I feel safe saying this was exactly the same as every other story like this. He's perfect, she's a slut who has no reason for what she's doing. He's a criminal mastermind who can commit multiple felonies leaving no traces and magically beat all elements of divorce law to keep everything because he's so moral and upright and YAWN.

At least it looks like you kept it short unlike some of the btb crowd, no sense filling ten pages with cliches when you can be done in three.

As usual I don't vote on stories I didn't read. That said, I've asked my code personal friend Laurel to change the votes as usual. She hasn't gotten back to me, but with swingerjoe and I but l both asking all the five stars should be changed into ones in the next couple days. Just like always.

It's just too bad your main character didn't take a pair of channel locks to Bob's balls and permanently neuter him.... but the thought of his making his life a living hell is almost as good.

5/5

You are some piece of work. You need to get your towel. The foam on your lips is getting a little embarrassing, there.

He claims carvohi emailed him asking him to come back.

I suspect that it was actually someone who either hacked carvohi's account, or used his email address falsely.

I received a message through the Lit. feedback system with carvohi's email address on it which was completely out of character for carvohi at about the same time as flc returned.

FLC may not always be as diplomatic as others would prefer with his words, but many of his messages are not too wide of the mark. He knows where his towel is most of the time.

Lue

I gave you a five but you didn't deserve it. I checked your 'favorites' listing; you've got a couple reputable writers, but come on. You want to swim in the LW end of the pool where the sharks are you need to know who's writing what. Do two, no three things.

First, sit down and start reading Hard Days Knight, Francis MacComber, Rehnquist, Just Plain Bob, the Unoriginalist, Richard Gerard, that Julie Black Randl person, Troubadour, Josephus, Matt Moreau, Daniel Q. Streele, and if you can't get to sleep some night read something I wrote. In other words find out what's going on.

Second, learn to proofread.

Third, HDK is right; if you're in the first person you can't cheat.

Oh and yeah there's a fourth thing. Jack Daniels isn't smooth. Buy yourself a nice big bottle of Jim Beam 'black label' if you want smooth. I've got a big glass with me right now. (Burp)

And one last thing; no happy cuckold semen slurping bull shit. This is a good clean porn site! We like to keep it that way.

Thanks for the story. Read some Brit Tease and Wanderer too. Have nice day.

Jedd Clampett

It had a vibe of classic LW stories. I wouldn't call it BTB but he was pretty unforgiving. I liked the tension of the story. The feeling that "Something is wrong but what?" is a nice touch. I'm glad that the plan wasn't overly complicated or thought-to-death. Act fast! Good there were no PIs or hidden recorders. There were some Noir touches. Over all a fine story. One quibble was the inner thoughts of Claire regarding the 'This is just for fun and Steve won't be hurt.' statement. It comes out of nowhere. Still this is a great beginning for an author. Full marks!

Great tale of consequences and revenge. Both the cheating, married lovers of faithful spouses paid the price. This is why I read tales on this site. Cheaters deserve to be punished and I am glad when they are. Unlike other commenters who will read this tales and complain about being the same over and over again I don't read tales that upset me. I don't read cuckold or sharing tales because they are all boilerplate tales. Also there is no love. In marriage there is supposed to be love.

So keep writing the revenge and consequences tales and us believers in love and fidelity will be reading.

My two cents.

No wimps here.

Very thoughtful and complete revenge, complete with kickin' the slut wife to the curb. A Classic!

Thanks to everyone who has taken the time to make any form of comment on my story. Firstly I am from UK and yes things are very different here to US and not just in the laws we tend to abide by or not as the case might be. One of the ways we differ is in that in nearly all the stories I have read from some really good authors on here ( I have actually read all the authors on the list suggested to me from one comment.) there are major differences in the routine, 50/50 split of assets, bank accounts being wound up, cards paid off etc etc even the actual time taken to get a divorce petition started. If believed the US has all these areas so much more regulated and apparently everyone plays by the book, that's bullshit and I think we all know that..When it gets down to it no matter how much some of the comments mentioned the legal aspects of assault,CCTV etc etc there will always be those that choose to take what we Brits call "Route 1" and that is the direct approach, no messing, no major planning, no thought for the consequences to the self, lets get real it happens. Secondly, I am not the greatest writer on LW by any stretch of the imagination. It is something I like to do and am working on to improve, so any specific and constructive criticism is actually welcomed, so please keep it coming. I would say however that amongst the responses there was very little or specifics that were mentioned in that vein so it would seem that a lot of the comments are generic and boilerplate?. This is my first effort in this category that's true, but it is good to try something new, I will also say I am a great believer in justice for the victim, I make no apology for that but that is where I am coming from although I will throw an odd surprise in at some point. Apologies for the run on the sentences but I will use the services offered by at least one of the contributors. Thank you for persevering and reading so far.

Well balanced and paced. Keep writing

finally a man with a backbone

consequences stories really get their charge from the emotion shown. stay focused on this and you'll get a better story, whichever way you go in the end. the pov shifts, run-on sentences, and repetitive sentences all distract from this focus. more editing could help. you have talent. thanks for writing.

Why aren't we allowed to score zero or negative? Your so called hero should be in jail.

Your protagonist drinks his JD and remembers his past and then goes home to masturbate forever. He not only threw away a good woman (albeit she had a momentary itch for an old flame), but he threw his own life away by resorting to violent retribution. And, no, his violence did not win back the love of his wife, he trivialized his own life because of inflicting violence (indirectly) on Bob, so that your protagonist can never again look in the mirror and look at himself to shave without grimacing.

Enough comments have been said about your writing skills, and I won't add any, but skills will come with practice. Suggestion: On your next BTB submission, try to feel the pain of your protagonist and then translating those feelings to prose will come much easier. Good Luck.

This is a very hard category to write in since almost all the interesting ideas have been tried. If you're going to try LW you have to have a new Idea, have an interesting take on an old idea or try humor. In any case be concise - long is boring. This story has no redeeming features that I could detect and on top of that wasn't even erotic. Fortunately for me I didn't read it very closely so I didn't spend too much time on it; just enough to get the gist of it and five it a 2*

A little longer than necessary, I'd recommend sticking to the high-points and tighten things up a bit.

And of course, the annonys who think cheating should not bring consequences are out in force. Ignore them, for they wish to excuse their own shortcomings by excusing others'.

Not that I mind a reconciliation if there are genuine extenuating circumstances. But your story had none, so no reconciliation was warranted.

Good luck in future endeavours

The retributions were generally not overdone as in some btb stories. But a future encounter with both would be awesome. Thanks for this.

I don`t give many five`s----You got a five---Good BTB story.----A woman is a life support system for a cunt.

The full anonymous comment:

"Duh

I don`t give many five`s----You got a five---Good BTB story.----A woman is a life support system for a cunt."

Thus we have an overt expression of the intellect of the average lover of BTB stories.

We used to call them MCPs -- Male Chauvinist Pigs -- but Misogynist seems to have replaced it in common parlance. (From the Greek Misos = 'hatred';

Gune = 'woman'.)

There certainly seems to be an astonishing level of hatred directed at women from the LW commentariat.

Lue

You nailed it. And yes, that seems to be the entire point of these stories: to portray a "cunt" and then destroy her. This category is populated by damaged men with damaged personalities desperately seeking some way to justify their feelings of resentment and inadequacy.

Here we have a story where a man assaulted another man who was lying in a hospitable bed, utterly defenseless, and the BTB crowd has cheered as if it's the most righteous thing they've ever read.

There was another story posted a week or two ago where an ex-husband (yes, EX-husband) impregnated his ex-wife by flooding her room with anaesthetics and raping her unconscious body -- repeatedly. The BTB crowd loved that one.

The very worst of humanity can be found right here in the "Loving Wives" section of this erotic website.

Are the "cuckies" having a love fest here, or just backing each other? Strange how they seem to gather at the BTB stories. Have you been invited or just crashing?

I think you wrote that "Duh" comment just so you could do some more of your usual posturing. It's obviously a fake, designed to make your crusade look righteous.

Just noticed your comment on my comment, too. You're not my BFF with whom I swap jokes during my breaks. I find you pretentious, sententious, mendacious and tedious. Get the picture?

BURN BITCH!

Corvette John in rainy Seattle

I mean really

I choose my friends carefully, and I can't classify you as one of them at present. I see you as a very aggressive person and I'm not attracted to people like that.

I even wonder how long your chosen BFF Lex1 will be able to tolerate your apparent affiliation. Most of his comments are reasoned assessments of stories.

I have yet to understand what I have done to earn your ire. Along with Randi (who has recently sent me an e-mail excommunicating me) you seem to have decided that any critique I make is a personal slight. As far as possible, (and apart from this missive) I try to avoid the personal and make my critiques about behaviours.

Lue

Well, how do I really feel. Like a glass of good wine, some good music and going to see what my lovers are up to. That seems like a good idea. Nighty-night.

i think ken phillips, wife is free for the next 10 mins. he is the biggest cuckold in history.

The BTB people will like this one, I think. Instead of the silent staring, perhaps he should have reviewed the string of lies and made her realize how awful she'd behaved. The best revenge is not leaving any room for self delusion, and to leave an indelible mark on her memory. I am guessing that Sammi might be moving in now.

Reading your other stories suggests that this is a real departure from the norm, and not what your readership usually looks for. My own preference is to hear more from the Flashing or Kay stories

As others have pointed out, Steve has somebody else beat Bob up, then he goes and attacks him when he's injured and can't fight back. Steve's a total scum.

I prefer it when it's clear that the cheater was wrong, and unfortunately, that's not the case in this story. I wanted to believe Claire was horrible for the affair, but if it helped reveal that her husband had a serious cruel, psycho streak, I guess it's for the best. You wouldn't want this guy raising, or even being around kids. Heaven knows what he'd do if one of them made him angry.

He will of course do some jail time, and end up paying Bob a ton. Some of his friends may end up there to. Claire, once he's in jail and his true nature is known, should do very well in the divorce. The story will probably be spun well by Bob, making himself seem like the tragic hero . . . you know . . . he was trying to help out a friend with a sadistic, psycho husband, and fell for her, subsequently ruining his own marriage. Most people will believe him, 'cause after all, Steve actually attacked him while he was an injured, immobilized patient. It seems as if Steve must be truly sick, and Claire's lucky to be rid of him . . . that's what everyone will bellieve anyway.

So, while I wasn't really happy with the idea that the betrayed husband is the bad guy, and the cheaters' actions will eventually seem forgivable (Claire being seen as lucky, and the scummy Bob as a hero of sorts), I must congratulate the author on presenting a story that forces such conflicting thoughts and loyalties. Well done!

We can tell by your favorite story.

sorry. I usually enjoy your stories. But venturing in this new area does not suit you.

please go back to your usual stories

You know, the part where the Bobby carts him off to one of Her Majesty's fine prisons, where he drops the soap and gets acquainted with his new cellmate Bubba?

The hospital would've called 9-9-9 once they heard the screams and saw the new injuries. There would've been CCTV. There would've been questions. The bonfire was also an incredibly stupid move, with no means for him to pin that on someone else and a very real probability that someone would've seen smoke and notified the fire brigade, lest the fire spread to buildings and do major structural damage.

I suppose Sheri will have to testify and explain to the magistrate the state of the accused and any possible motives for his crimes. That would be awkward and I don't envy her position - even if she's not a named accomplice and not charged with him, she will be a pariah by the time this is over, having burned bridges both sides.

The blatant criminal activity is a plot hole as he will be inevitably caught, tried and sentenced. He can't have the affair he was wanting to have with his wife's sister when he's in HMP doing hard time for an aggravated assault causing bodily harm. Furthermore, the bailiffs will have auctioned the house long before he gets out of gaol as the money has to go to the full replacement cost of all the property he has destroyed. Even if he does eventually get out, his job will not be waiting for him and, with a criminal record, he's unlikely to get a situation elsewhere.

That said, Bubba says that he does have a really cute butt and that's good because prison gets really boring at times...

1) Your punctuation is not good.

2) You do not attribute your dialogue enough to a specific person. You THINK it can be ascribed to one or another but that is not always the case.

3) Your character in the first half of the page seems wildly inconsistent. On the one hand he KNOWS shit is going on and on the other he has his head up his ass?

Get an editor.

I enjoyed your story, and rated it 4. You could have improved it by dialing down the stereotypes a bit - the protagonist seemed to drink too much. By the end of the story, my opinion was that he was a raging alcoholic.

Here we have you as one of the undifferentiated anonymice accusing FLC, Joe and me of using anonymous postings to make a point.

Weird, what?

I haven't seen any reticence on the part of FLC or Joe to say what they think, quite often in less than diplomatic language, so why would they bother posting anonymously?

And I have not posted anonymously since I registered the name Luedon some time ago. I see no need to do so.

Lue

I didn't read swingerjoe's last story, nor did I read this one. I very rarely read stories here any more, I stopped months ago until carvohi decided to try to pick a fight with me in email then begged me to come back and read his little melt down that no one was smart enough to get his stories.

But to answer the sad little anon coward, this story is 3.9, Joe's is a 3.5. I may be mistaken but there's not a lot of difference between those scores, certainly not so much you should be using that as your sole argument. Given how many automatic I've votes Joe's story must have gotten from you changing IP address to vote again and again (you seem awfully certain how someone would use that to get around lit's safeguards, hmmm....) then an awful lot of people must have liked it too.

It's almost like not everyone judges stories purely by whether violence occurs or of enough misogynist sentiments are expressed in defense of a violent asshole. Weird, huh. Even by btb standards this one must have been a flop. Did he not also beat up or kill his wife? I know that's the key to cracking 4.5 usually with the anons here.

And I have never posted anonymously. I used a different pseudonym to actually publish stories here three or four years ago, but learned my lesson another the fifth or so round of death threats that the sick little violent misogynist bottom feeding deplorable here sent my way.