All Comments on 'Hunger Within'

A lot of run-ons and awkward phrasing. Other wise though, good start!

I can't until write til you add another chapter to this story. And please don't get writers block, if need be I could help with the story and still give you all the credit.

It was a good start to an interesting story but there were WAY too many run on sentences and fragments. You definitely need to double check or get an editor before publishing. Whole paragraphs with only one period are really hard to follow.

interesting, please continue the story.

Intriguing start. Sure, you could use a bit of editorial assistance, but this is certainly a solid beginning. I know I'll be waiting for the next installment. I do hope that the next submission is a bit longer. With so many perspectives, you can barely scratch the surface of each individual story before it's time to move on to the next. I'd like the chance to grasp the character and point of view of each individual during the current conflict before the close of the chapter.

That was amazing!

As others have commented, it has promise but you need to add some punctuation: commas, hyphens where necessary, mispellings (e.g. unphased - unfazed) and standardise your capitalisation. Please also look at the length of your chapters, this one's too short to get into and make people want more.

Thanks for the feed back guys. I do need an editor with school and work i don't have enough time to edit like i need to and as this is a thing i do for fun it just comes to me n i type it i haven't focused on that i'm a newbie at this so bare with me while i work through the kinks feel free to leave suggestions as to what you like and think needs more work in the story line and i will try and improve it thanks again.

Yes there is some room for improvement, but this is really good. Some one said it was too short, but it just get you hype for the next chapter. I feel like some of the haters need to stop being bitchy because half of you don't have a story submitted to begin with. Plus she explained she is new to this, so give her a break.