All Comments on 'A Marriage in Crisis'

Fuck off

No question I think you are full of shit. I am much too well mannered to tell you to fuck off.

Stick to your fetish and Romance category-you have no talent to be in this.

and for the life of me am sorry i did as far as all them other stories where the wife get caught on this site the sickos would have him joining in but i'm just a dumb canadian and i would kick the cheating spouse from here to kingdom come.

There are enough wimp/manipulative slut efforts in this fucked up category.

Post some where else.

I read the first comments. Not a very propitious start, though they all are anonymous. I'm putting another one up right now.

I have a hunch this is a lot closer to reality than most of what Iread. Keep it up

I really (insert sarcasm here)love how the BTB crowd usually hides under anon postings. The thing is though, I do actually love those type of stories. So I can understand somewhat where their comments are coming from...

My favorite LW stories though,are the ones that take some time to set up & work your way through. Sure I love an action/revenge story where the wronged party ends up winning the jackpot in the end,most people do.

But I also enjoy drama,and sometimes everything doesn't always come up roses,and there are no happy endings. Those tales can be just as compelling,if not more so than the usual flash tale. I've read some of your other stuff,and I think you are good.While there are one or two things that I didn't care about in this story - you did a good job,IMHO.

I gave you 5 stars. Keep writing...

Do readers a favor, quit writing, this is the most pissy wimpy story I have ever read. Really makes me sick to read it. I can count on one have the number of negative comments I have written and this one truly deserves a negative comment.

This wasn't all bad. The part with the wife going into bitch mode & withholding sex , information and overtly lying was deja vu, hitting all too close to home. Things started to get sophomoric from there, unfortunately.

It's not exactly cricket to compare one Literotica author against another but ' Requital ' by Longhorn set the standard in terms exploring the ' failure to communicate ' concept. Perhaps my expectations were raised unfairly by that story.

Wait! This must have been actually a parody of RAAC tales. Duh me ! What serious author would name two main characters TommYY & SandYY. Whew. I need to watch more John Waters movies to raise my spidey sense for satire. My bad.

It was an interesting read and quite the breath of fresh air for the loving wives category; My only complaint is that it would get rather long-winded at points.

As exciting as brushing my teeth.

Also, there are no 'miner' problems, and people do not become 'nauseas'. Dad scratched his comma, and you're does not equal your.

Longwinded and boring. Not actually bad, but a snoozer.

1. third person is not the most exciting writing. third person is dry, less interesting.

"she said" "she did" (third person) would be better if written "I did" or "I said" (first person).

2. the story is too long, lot of extra stuff that drags the story, makes it boring.

trim/edit about 1/2 to 1/4 of the story out. keep it to more essentials.

3. then go back and add some descriptors/adjectives/adverbs to sentences. he got in the car could be he got in the green car. she brushed her hair could be she gently brushed her limp hair. don't over do it. but a little more helps it all be more immediate, real.

4. get an editor who should catch many of your common mistakes/misuse/misspellings.

first of all the first couple pages are written so clinical a telephone book is more interesting.

then the start is almost a carbon copy of another story,although a lot more animated to read and get a feeling.

and then the character, for christ sake, any dumber and I really don't know how you measure IQ in your country, or let say it the other way round, no wonder half your country can't read and write with IQ of 150 ? how is that possible.

and then the Nazi story, any dumber is not possible.

and then the forced gathering, I did not know anybody could come up with several pages of bullshit but you can

if 5 stars is the best there should be - 5 stars as well and you all earned them.

lifeless story with the most impossible forced happy end and all that with IQ 150 , so what are your fellow countrymen doing with less than that ?

oh I forgot they are not nazis but always good for a war, aren't they ?

I feel like you had the right idea, however you drew the wrong things out too much. There wasn't a lot of attention catching dialog or action. Also, it would have been better had you written it in the first person & the grammatical errors took away from the story as well. When avid readers are reading any material they'll notice those things and the errors stick with them till the end of the story.

For me, story rated a five stars - well done.

Don't be upset by the horrible comments from the bitter crowd. I see it as a compliment to your ability to evoke an emotional response. The very best LW stories are emotional pieces.

It was also good that the husband had large flaw in that he did not like the idea of spending a lot of time kissing and squeezing his wife's perfect butt. Good that he misses out on one of the most wonderful experiences in life. In his treatment of wife, he figuratively kisses her ass - doing it literally would have been too much. He would have been too perfect a mate.

ABBA would be better choice. Cheating wife sings song written by husband about the pain of her affair was a real life event that still blows my mind. Winner takes it all means he's the loser right - but not a loser?

Hope to see more from you.

Thanks

author... you are awful. This is just sub human it is so bad. Please dont ever write any LW stories ever again

I respectively disagree with the author more marriages end do to infidelity than any other reason My husband and I have been married 29 years and we both agree if there was an affair his or mine our marriage would be over. Sex is not just Sex it is about disrespect. I Love my children but , I could not be with someone I did not respect !.

CLICHE #1 His wife cheats on TOMMY because he is TOO good in the bedroom? .. because he is too kind and considerate?

really?

CLICHE #2 there was NO penetration. Again the idiot author does this so that the reader focus is ONLY on the actual sex act... and NOT what the wife actually said and did .

The wife INTENTIONALLY engaged in a CONSPIRACY with another man to LIE TRICK DECEIVE tom so that she could fuck other men. But of course that part is ignore. 7 pages of this shit writing and it is barely mentioned even by Tom

CLICHE #3 all the pressure is put on Tom. The cunt whore wife 's parents says like 1 slightly negative thing to her... after that it is open season on Tommy.

CLICHE #4 older wise man...in this case lawyer .. but sometimes it is bar tender or friend or therapist ...tells a story that tries to make an analogy. And in every case the analogy makes no sense whatsoever and is a mechanism to forced a RAAC. Sure enough with Nazi story is soooooooo amazingly bizarre so irrational so NON relevant to what b has happened in the marriage that the reader can ONLY bust out laughing .

This is really badly done.

Are you serious? The FIRST thing she should have done was to say she was sorry. Sorry about what "almost happened". Sorry about being such a b*tch to him. Sorry about needing her husband to rescue her from her own stupidity. Sorry about being such an idiot.

Instead, we get a teacher lecturing a little boy, and bribing him with a child.

The ending was totally unbelievable. The ONLY way for this story to work would have been if she had immediately left the table and run after him. Instead, she remained there and went upstairs with the other guy. There is absolutely no way for any man to believe that she didn't do anything at that hotel room.

...Everyday people, so then why the need to give him a high IQ? All the more out of character from the way you write him. I did feel that this was a good effort, although a bit too long. I agree with some of the other comments as to the benefits of an editor. I actually think you should have written it the way you describe in your post script- that she never gave in after he tried to get the handjob. The "waking up" to what the predator was, and how much she realized she was taking hubby for granted would have been enough to propell the story, without the need for alot of details. Of course, passages that reveal internal emotions are best conveyed through good dialogue. And that seems to be the hardest challenge facing writers of these stories.

On a slightly unrelated note, it is true that alot of these stories follow predictable plotlines and get repetitive. A common theme seems to me to be that when the couple waited until marriage for sex (virgins?), that later on it seems to be their undoing. The "what did I miss out on?" slut logic. It seems so unlikley to me that someone who held those moral principles so dear, and succussfully developed a loving relationship without sex until marriage, would abandon so easily that same moral high ground, and descend into cheating on the spouse. Where did the faith and fear of God go? Well, I mention this little quirk of other authors to highlight the part of this story that I liked the best. I loved how when she got up to the room with Moyers, she could see the same look on his face that all those boys back in college had. She had been strong enough then, and she could be strong enough now. She finally could see his true base intentions for what they were: "he just wants to get in my panties". It was believable then that she could turn him down like she had practiced so many times in her past. Yeah, that was the best part. I didn't like the mountain analogies, and the WWII stuff seemed distracting. But I can tell that you will do better, and every writing is another chance to polish your style. Thanks, and good luck!

I read the entire thing and enjoyed it all. It's out of place in eroticism, but quite fitting for a romance novel. That said, she is a "loving wife" and in the grand scheme of life (at least for me) love trumps.

Congratulations!

Gerald

If you hadn't started this story with all the author's notes, I may have enjoyed it more. But the notes told me what kind of story this would end as, so once you got to a certain point, I just started skimming to see how you'd get there. Some of the other comments hit the nail on the head. No real apology, Tommy getting ganged up on by the wife's family while he has no one to help him, the weak analogies...there were too many points where I just can't suspend my disbelief anymore.

You honestly should have gone with what you called the 'real' ending. At least there I could see how everything could still work out. I think the problem with this story is you had a great idea, but tried to add a twist to it, then still finish off with the original plot. The problem is you didn't put in the right work to get to that same ending with the twist you added. You could have still gotten there, but you needed to change HOW you had them reconcile.

And adding that stuff about the bjs, I hope that was just you trying to piss people off...in fact, this whole story seemed designed to piss people off. Shame it was written well enough not to turn me off before I got to the end.

Terribly written. Spelling, grammar, clichés, and stupid story. Stop polluting this site!

it wasnt a mistake but hundreds of mistakes carried out lying and deceit to her husband. With sexual intercourse she actually showed a complete lack of love, respect, or fidelity to her marriage, to her husband, and to herself. There is no way a teacher could carry out this type of affair without all her colleagues knowing and talking about it. Must say had it been me, all ties would have been cut for good. Being in love with a woman is no reason to live in hell with her. And this woman by her actions and words has proven she cant be trusted. In this story you made her mature, in reality most never do.

Favourited, too.

An interesting story. Disturbing, as something similar happened to someone I know. Sadly, it didn't end well.

Real people. Real characters. Life isn't perfect. A great read . Thanks

tommy's wimp. no apologies. no remorse. and still he took her back.

While not as viscerally satisfying as a burn the bitch down story it was satisfying in it's own way. I'll read more of your work.

I don't agreed with Harry's negative reaction, but I did pick up some of the same vibe I think he reacted to. Somehow there is an LIt LW oblique undercurrent that threads in and out of the story. The husband too perfect; the wife too repentant. Women just don't act that way. I refer you to Papa Toad and Slirpuff and occasionally JPB - they write women well. Just a little too much drama here. Perhaps this one should have been in the Romance category, or perhaps even satire? Author has talent, though.

Why don't you try a couple for each group, it could give you some flexibility for the story lines.

A more realistic story of a near fatal mishap in a marriage. Just two people trying to keep their love alive & not going off the deep end. Thanks for sharing.

Harryin VA, tangoperu, and gatorhermit said it best. Some of their observations are dead on. You went too far with some of what the wife did. You did really convince me that the husband loves the wife and she did convince me that she knew her man and took over his emotions and won him back.

However, any MAN would have at least confronted the predator's wife with all of the gifts and proof that he had persued the teacher. All of this information would have also been presented to the school board. If the wolf had snarled just once at the husband, then he would have been packed in a can of chili.

Overall good read with good feelings at the end. 5 stars

You write well enough but your story lacked drama.

Also, when your main character is supposed to be a genius, don't portray him as having the emotions of an eighth grade girl and the intellectual depth of a house plant.

3*

It is a good story. I would liked for him to gotten some payback on Bill, maybe let his wife know what kind of snake she was married to. But over all a very good job of writing.

Fuck off. Worst psychobabble bullshit I ever heard.

I admire anyone who can write a good story. But whiile you insist it is based in fact i really found Tommy a super cry baby whimp. I really don't blame Sandy and understand how being around a suffocating personality like Tommy boy would cause her to seek some relief.

I think it is a first effort, and writing improves with time, but I liked the story. I liked the fact that it was different, that it wasn't the usual drama where the wife gets caught, she cries, tells him it was just sex, it was a mistake, crying, telling him let's get beyond this, etc, and as the story does points out, that doesn't work well, it is too trite. I think the approach in the story is a good one, but I think she needs to make amends a bit more for the deception that others point out, the being nasty, the chilling him out and so forth, and putting that into context of what happened. Mea Culpa Mea Culpa I have done wrong might work in confessional, but doesn't work in real life, but she also needs to show him that she is sorry about how much she hurt him, as well as saying she was sorry about the actual act.

Reading it, and putting myself in Tommy's spot, I kind of felt like sandy was just a bit too cold, a bit too much clinical saying how stupid she had been, it was a bit too much about her and not about him I felt. She didn't blame him, which is good, but when you are repenting (and it isn't a bad term), she also has to show him why she should trust him after she hurt him so, repenting isn't the mea culpa, it is in talking about the damage that caused her to do this in the first place and what she is doing to get it out of the way. Tommy after hearing this would wonder if any time she is down, any time she had a problem, if someone came along that tried to sweet talk her, how would it be any different? She sort of tells him this, about how she came to realize he cared about her so much that she tried to protect her, defend her, and that told her she had him, he was all she needed. It is that seed of doubt that is the big poison, and in the story, I am not so certain her approach would work so well (I realize this is a semi true story, so if this is the way it really happened, then my feelings didn't tell the story in this case).

I also felt her family was a bit too easy on her, a bit too trite, they are far too nice, far too understanding with her, and it seems like the way the story is written that they almost look at this as his fault, that he is just a stubborn mule, and that they understand what she did. In real life, unless her family was delusional, they hopefully would love her and support her, but would also read her the riot act for being stupid (the dad sort of does it)....one intriguing thing is the dad telling the mom that Sandy was her daughter, that could have led to an opening up, where the mom almost did something stupid once, for the same reasons, and have that open up the daughter when she talks about it, about how stupid she had been and how stupid Sandy was doing what she did......

The reconciliation also struck me as a bit too much of Sandy pushing Tommy back, almost bullying him, using his love for her to push him into giving in, there is very little of him there. He needed time to really talk, to open up about his feeling, I felt he got railroaded back a bit too easily...he needed to speak as much as she did....

I think the overall piece was a good one. The beginning was a bit clinical, it was describing the background without feeling it, it got better as it went on. It is usually better to try and talk about the feelings, and first person might work better in such a charged story.

One other point, I don't know the real story, but the lawyer that is the friend of the father in law might have been in an ethical quandary, taking on a client in a case like this would be a case of conflict of interest.More importantly, I wonder if he wouldn't, being a lawyer, see the clear sexual harassment claim against the vice principal, a vice principal is in a power relationship with the teachers, it would probably more then cross his mind:)

One thought, while I understand the purpose, the story about the SS guard and the blood transfusion may not be a good one, especially since the point is to give credence to the idea of rehabilitation and such. An SS guard at a concentration is not a good example, SS were not misguided victims, they were volunteers, they were the ones who ran the camps, whose troops machine gunned men, women and children and who killed unarmed POW's at Malmedy in Belgium (it is why a lot of WWII veterans, including my father, were pissed off when St. Reagan went to the military cemetery in Bitburg that had SS people interred in it, if my father had had a rifle and access to Reagan, he would have used it I think). It would have worked better I think if it had been 18 year old kid in the Wehrmact, who had been brainwashed by being in the hitler Jungen, rather then a hardenes SS fanatic..actually, come to think of it, that 18 year old would kind of like be like sandy, seduced by evil people though they weren't evil themselves;).

I look forward to seeing more of your writing. Don't let the anons deter you or those who think that if a wife cheats, that it is grounds to put gasoline on them and light them on fire or that they are soiled pieces of shit....this story is a lot more real then some of them, as much as I like BTB stories this one is a lot more real, and I think your writing reflects that reality more then many. My comments were simply to try and improve your writing. It would be interesting to see this story in the non fiction section as it happened, how the family was involved and so forth, but I am sure that is more personal:)

Saint Thomas, does everything just right, asks nothing of his wife, has the personality of a floor mat, she's board silly in his bed, and facing having kids and being tied down with him for decades. Even seeing his wife's desperate try at excitement, he's emotionless, look how sad I am, hanging here on the cross, and runs away. She makes the right decision and goes upstairs with fun and excitement, and then chickens out at the last minute.

Plus on and on with the hand wringing. Double the drama and action, and halve the words, and you'd have had a good story.

From the mechanical aspect, your writing style is pretty good.

to the story you say a young wife who almost throws her happiness away,...well if after all she did and you consider it almost, then i am afriad to ask what would she do or might done if she actually threw her happiness away

one of the tags for the story read "strong family support" ....why don't you add another one that says "wimp husband"

this, my grade for you started at 5 but as I continued it dropped and dropped until it reached a 2. There's no way I would have stayed married to her. You painted a sad picture of a man who has no backbone whatsoever, from his actions at work to those as a husband and a man. I'm not going to repeat what others have already commented on except to say what a disappointment Tommy is.

Jeebus Cripes, Lady!

You really are a pathetic excuse of a writer.

Worse yet you project your male bashing agenda as though were some kind of universal truth in your little fantasy world where men have no balls, and conniving women; are hapless, stupid, little creatures of benign "fluff" incapable of rational thought or genuine emotion.

In real life (which I assume you are trying to emulate) you will notice that women who give their bosses hand-jobs in restaurants are either single or divorced. Although she may be fun to date or have a "fling" with, nobody wants to marry, (or be married) to a slut like that. You conveniently overlook the very obvious fact that there are a lot of good women out there, and any man (not one of your wimpy, caricatures of a non-man, such as the one in this story) will, after a couple of binges, and a few one night stands of mindless "Monkey Sex" move on without a lot whining and crying about being in love with, and marrying a bimbo.

I could tell half way through the first page this was going to be a long boring drawn out, wimp story, so at least you didn't disappoint at that level.

I know, I know!

This story is not real life, it is truly a work of fiction, it's just not a very good one. So even though I think you are full of shit, it really isn't necessary for you to "fuck off,'" but it would probably better if you quit writing, or at least quit posting.

Just another wimp cuckold story, why bother with that huge introduction at the start? So Tommy is a wimp and if it's largely a true story, is it yours, you wimp?

She upheld her vows....this time but why the fuck was she even out with Moyers 'upholding' her vows? She'll cheat, and in typical wimp form Tommy will accept it.

Does Tommy get the sex change and start wearin women's clothing in the next chapter

An excellant story told with grace and sensitivity with a great original ending. Keep it up but this one will be tough to beat. Gotta say thanks for a great read.

RFM

You developed your characters well. And as you said, you filled a vacant niche in th LW universe. Ignore the naysayers. People, both husbands and wives who have gone through the trauma of real-life infidelity know very well that how we "thought" we'd act and how we actually act can be very different things.

Ther's a statistic that says that about 80% of those that divorce due to infidelity regret not working harder to keep their marriage. of course I think that population is more the cheater than the betrayed, but still it goes to show that infidelity is a huge deal breaker that doesn't necessarily have to be so.

Your protagonist Tommy showed how a poor choice (she made poor choices and decisions NOT "mistakes" - a mistake is forgetting to set the alarm; jacking someone off at a restaurant is a choice) does't have to end in tragedy if handled properly.

I encourage you to keep developing your talent and sharing it with your readers. I really enjoyed the historical theme associated with each section - very effective.

You told a good story here, with believable characters (it seemed a little bit over the top about how in love they were, but then again, I've known a person or two with that much love in their hearts for someone). I agree, a certain amount, about steering away from this being a scorched earth campaign for a man to regain his pride/dignity/ego. Thanks for sharing, I look forward to more of your writings.

The husband could not have been more of a wimp.

well written and realistic. Tommy was not a wimp. Write more!

He should have dumped the conniving manipulative bitch.

Wimp doesn't even begin to describe that pathetic excuse for a man.

I agree with staying with her and giving her a second chance, but I wouldn't have kids right away just in case. You are right, I know a lot of people, men and women who have put up with a lot of shit from their spouses, until their children turned 18. Then they got the divorce. Cheating is of course one of the worst things that can happen to a long term relationship. There are many other terrible situations as well: substance abuse, violence, psychological abuse, mental illness, financial irresponsibility. All these things I have seen hurt people as much as a cheating spouse. The simple solution is to ask yourself: "Am I better off with this person, or without them?" For each of us there is a different answer. I prefer to be alone to being with someone that does not share my core values. Whether those values are fidelity, kindness and politeness or financial prudence, those are deal breakers.

C,

You did a pretty good job of getting the emotive part of the story out there, or so I think.

You also managed to wake up HIV and the Anonymatii. Don't worry about them. For them reconciliation for almost any reason is to be condemned and the author of such castrated and marched bleeding down Hollywood Blvd at high noon on a national holiday.

I do have one criticism, if that's what it is. Someone else mentioned your use of the third person, as opposed to the first person in driving the tale, might need to be reevaluated. I would add one more thing. Maybe you could try to get away from so much narrative and let your characters tell the story, i.e., through dialog. Just a thought, but you're the writer.

Pretty good job regardless.

Matt Moreau

Why did I waste my time reading this fucking SHIT. Don`t write anymore of this cuck,wimp shit. Tommy needs to grow a set of balls then kick the ever loving shit our of his sorry ass controlling cheating skank wife. Then he can be happy on his Harley.

I liked your story and your style of writing. Thanks for writing and sharing.

I'm also going to offer you some unsolicited advice, because you seem to have a sense for what kind of stories are already here in LW and how readers react to them. I'm guessing your a regular reader from these ranks. Understand that your story is perfectly fine on its own - well written, creative, and not a repeat of a cheating wife theme done completely to death. I loved the in-jokes and while I think the husband was a little too forgiving of Moyers, it's not a horrific ending, it's simply about the consequences of predation on marriage and the ability to overcome that kind of thing. Cool. LW needs more originality.

As an apparent regular of Loving Wives, you know that many of the readers here are capable of viewing stories written in this category solely and i mean ONLY through the lens of "he's a wimp/cuck" or "he's a manly man". A reconciliation at all costs and destruction at all costs pair of crowds like opposites and neither with an insistence on endings that are close to reasonable or rational. Sure, I like the BTB stories alot, but they don't HAVE to end that way to be good. That's just rage-fandom speaking. Even if you chose a side, you'd still always have at least one group who utterly hates every story you put out. Because you're taking the middle road, you'll probably get bitching from both.

The advice? Do your own thing, don't worry about the scores (there are other more reasonable sites if you want an accurate reading for that sort of thing) and while you can accept people telling you to fuck off, (and oh boy will they ever), don't let them actually push you out. A good story stands on its own, and a creative story stands out.

There are lots of places you can go that authors simply don't do that much in LW, to my disappointment and the loss of the category in general. Reconciliation over minor infractions, loving wives who really are loving and not looking for other cocks, cheating husbands who don't get rewarded with harems for cheating (goddamn, I would love to read a BTBastard story), stories where sometimes both parties are just complete assholes and the heroes are maybe the kids or someone completely different. There's a mold here, and it should be broken. Stang's starting to do it, and I'd love to see it from authors, be they established or relatively new like yourself.CF

$0.02

She cheated. End of story. This was shit

I like all your stories and look for you as a good read. Forget the people who worship the formula driven model and do your own thing.

There are a lot of people (including me) who go out of their way to find and correct or criticize errors in writing. Hiroshima was bombed August 6, 1945. Nagasaki was bombed August 9, 1945. These are major historical dates, not trivia. A history teacher would probably know these dates; a writer who tries to use them should get them correct.

I believe your story could be improved with major editing and re-writing. Rome wasn't built in a day and writing isn't perfected over a short time. Is it important enough to you that you are willing to do the grunt work of major re-writing?

Good luck.

A very good and different story. Keep on writing.

Two cents has given you a million dollars worth of advice and validation. Keep on truckin' Wish I could have said it first....

good start keep it up.

You managed to create two of the most imbecilic, idiotic and RETARDED characters in the history of Literotica and hide them behind the veil of some fairy tale love. There is no way I believe that the same woman who was in the stupor created by Moyers could have effectively been so thoughtful and level headed in the hotel room. Do not presume to make us believe you did not embelish them in nature and dialogue. If indeed these are real people, and I don't believe that for a moment, then they had no business having children who would be incapable of remembering yo breathe. This was a fantasy romance that deserves to stay in he category you seem to be proficient in.

"It's OK to admit you were stupid, you did, or almost did a really dumb thing, but you're not sorry for anything you did to him, only for being dumb and stupid." You're not sorry? Really??? You feel that is an acceptable response? Only in the world of happily ever after where no one is responsible for their actions. Please do not continue to say that this is more the norm than we choose to believe because I know of no one, No One, who would react this way in a matter of days let alone months or years.

Perhaps this is a difference between Romance and LW stories, the believability factor. Something to consider.

" My belief is most husbands will accept one affair, and sometimes even a second, especially if there are children involved."

That actually hurt me, reading that comment when did pride and self respect become a bad thing? The person who cheated is the one that broke the relationship, just be honest if you want to be with someone else get a divorce. Marriage is a monogamous relationship, if you don't want that why marry?

The really fits the Romance category much better than LW. Needs an editor to help avoid confusing "passed"with "past' as well as other errors. I have difficulty understanding Tom's passivity. He played LaCrosse and other contact sports. People like that get into fights all the time, just like hockey players. I have difficulty believing such an individual would be a cry baby and all broken up/paralyzed over something like Sandy's bad behavior. He was thinking of apologizing to her? This just fails the credibility test.

The comment from looking4it said it perfectly. Oh and I have a bridge that I want to sell to the writer and I'm sure he'll buy it.

I thought it was a decent first attempt, despite feeling much too long in telling and length .I found myself wanting to at least find how the crisis resolved, even though I found parts along the way and the big pow wow where they reunite a bit unrealistic.But to each writer his own universe.I agree that pride can be a huge factor as you mentioned, and from both sides in that regard(not just one).It felt like the importance and effective damage that loss of trust (both mentally and emotionally) one would expect to have on the love birds seemed not to factor enough in the story.Hope the constructive comments are of help and keep writing :)

is their utter stupidity. THe wife whom you tout as smart, intelligent, has to be dumber than brick. And her husband. IF this is a true story, then maybe they did deserve each other. No "intromission." Maybe not physcially, but she cheated for weeks emotinally and this cheating affected her husband, hurt him. Dumb and dumber. This is not romance and her family should have stayed out of it. Their logic for getting them back together was ill-formed. This was not an issue of pride: it was an issue of trust. SHe broke it. She cheated. Her husband should have dropped the bomb. By the way, what they did with the lawyers comes near being a break of ethics. I would have sued them for interfence and I am sure the lawyers could even loose their liscence.

Just 7 pages of rot to make a cheating slut appear as Saint Joan and a ball-less wimp husband as a noble male. Bullshit. Go away..far, far away.

but you're right, Tommy is a cum-slurping wimp. He does admit it, but he doesn't take full responsibility for it. He tries to rationalize it and that makes him even less of a man. It is much like what you say at the end. It seems you would accept sucking some other man's cum from your wife's pussy and if that's your thing OK. As long as you can live with it. However there seems to be a bit of uncertainty somewhere in your mind as implied by your belief that most men will accept being a cuckold once or twice and that infidelity isn't a big part of the divorce rate. This sounds like you are trying to take some of the sting out of being a wimp by convincing yourself that most men are like you. I don't know why you feel the need to do this. Ordinarily I'd say it was a bit of manly pride speaking, but you obviously have none. Just accept what you are and live with it.

Too long, couldn't decide if a love story to his wife, an apology for being blind or what. BTW check your facts, the bombing of Hiroshina was on Aug 6, not Aug 8

I enjoyed reading this, even if I found myself skipping over some parts to get on with it: that might indicate the need to cut back a bit. The SS officer having the possible future as a good guy if he hadn't died was a bit of naive fantasy: SS officers did things happily that would never get them back into normalcy and empathy for others. I felt that the description of Tom's emotional whirlwind was hyper realism: dead on! Sandy's ability to steer things back was not, and her sharp insight into what was needed and was said was way off from anything reasonable. Good beginning though. Thanks for the entertaining read.

I've read babel translated stuff that flows better, your entire structure of writing is really hard to read. Also the highest claimed cause of divorce in almost any poll of reasons for divorce is infidelity this is a really easy statistic to look up. So at least do a little research.

He walked the wimp line but never crossed it as neither did she cross the Infidelity line. Choppy in places but recovers quickly. Looking forward to your next story.

I think the wife dumb, it happens. The husband was truly a wimp, all that crying shit made him look like a pussy. But atleast he gave ger a reality check. And if that's true the lawyer should get his ACLU card pulled.

JUST fucking awful.....

Tommy wanted to fight this; he suddenly sort of felt like he wanted to nurture his anger and sense of betrayal, "You did a terrible thing Sandy."

"No," she said, "I almost did a terrible thing, but my wonderful heroic splendid husband slayed the dragon and released the maiden from her delusional chains. And you know what?"

====================

again the AUTHOR attempts to LIE to the reader. The wife's whole DEFENSE is about the SEX ACT ... the actual fucking.. and since THAT did NOT occur... its not that bad

.

This is JUST from page 7

...Tommy had started to cry, "You hurt me Sandy."....

...His eyes were flooded with tears. The dam had broken. Days of determination, countless hours of holding it all in, the protective walls of denial and self-preserving delusion collapsed. He unloaded, "Sandy you hurt me. You really fucking hurt me." ...

... He was blubbering like a baby...

...He kept crying....

....He was crying again, "You've ruined it."....

....He kept crying, "You hurt me Sandy. I don't know. It really hurts."....

...He kept crying, but they weren't exactly crying tears. He couldn't explain what he felt, but he knew it felt really good. He was really crying hard; all boohoos and everything.....

............mommy!!!!!!!

It's your story, you made Tommy a wimp. Doesn't matter that Sandy didn't actually fuck Bill, she had every intention of doing so. While I didn't expect you to BTB, you've set Tommy up to be responsible for every stupid thing Sandy does. He's supposed to stop her from cheating on him...REALLY?

the comment section for this story to some kind of a forum but Matt Moreau comment really miffed me, you see men like me are not against reconciliation totally, i can totally forgive my wife for trashing the car or buying an expensive shoes that she doesnt need or anything of the one million and one problems that face a marriage but i can never forgive her spreading her legs to another man or even get emotionally involved with somebody else when i didnt give her a reason to or when she didnt warn me before hand that we have a problem, a one time drunken mistake ...maybe, very hard and for me personally but i can understand, but to engage in an affair, even if it is an emotional one...Matt, in your profile you state that you are turned on by cuckoldry, well good for you, but if other men don't have the same preference and they damn RECONCILIATION AFTER CHEATING then it doesn't mean that they are hard assed people who would through their wives to the curb for any mistake their women make.

As usual I make comments without reading others, so my brilliant mind does not get clouded with errant thoughts (LOL). I liked the story, but sort of thought the transition where he ran away and hid got a little weak. I don't see the husband as a wimp, because in the story he actually did the right thing. He threw the marriage in his wife's face (the ring) and it was her decision, win or lose which she then correctly made and sought the help of her family.

I particularly liked the references to Literotica and all the stories where men wreak havoc on the wife for doing something stupid. We all do stupid things in life and she admitted she had. I liked his discussion of not allowing endless "I'm sorry's" to mess up the story. All in all it was a bit a a fairy tale, but some lives are like that and I can only wish I lived one.

I truly enjoyed your story. However, was it really necessary to try to impress your readers with those 50 cent words?

As a female rider with my own Harley-Davidson (1450cc mind you!), I think the bike should have remained for two reasons:

1. It's actually been documented that couples become closer through riding together. If the girl rides bitch, being in close proximity to the man makes them have physical contact that often gets lost over time. If she decides to ride her own, it gives them a shared hobby.

2. Motorcycling is becoming a better known sport activity to be shared amongst the whole family including girls and boys.

Bikes are no more dangerous than anything else in life...including leukemia.

... but be warned because this a very cynical group, at best. You'll find out about their worst soon enough, if you continue writing in this category. The people reading in the "Romance" category may be sweethearts and give high ratings to almost anything along with glowing comments but, trust me, Toto, you aren't in Kansas anymore if you think that will continue in this category. Not only will your ratings dip but the comments about your stories will become increasingly harsher as some of the more, let's just say, crazier of the commenters (generally the BTB, short for burn the bitch, crowd) discover your work. This bunch will take real exception to a rather weak character like Tommy as the male protaginist of a story. Good luck and remember they're just comments and try not to take them personally.

Can't remember so many comments so quickly. Doesn't really matter whether 'they' liked what happened, as you obviously sparked some fire into them. There were some errors (including the date?), and in places it did go on a bit, but overall, a great little story, and a thoroughly believable ending. Many LV readers won't agree, but I guess a lot of them must have suffered at the hands of some unfaithful woman. By the way, appreciated the rejection of the anal sex bit, as it does seem to pop up here just a bit too frequently, and does get me wondering whether some of the writers should be trying their hand in the gay category. 5 stars, partly 'cos it probably deserved it, but also to encourage you to carry on in LV.

Others pretty much pointed out the shortcomings. All I can say it was one step above the normal fare of wimp ass cuckold stories that's been dominating the loving wives category lately. I found myself skipping through sections, too much irrelevant data. By the way, infidelity is one of the top reasons for divorce in the US if not number one. I guess not too many men like to share their wives, contrary to what the writer's of literotica say. lol. Thanks for the story author, let's hope you learned from the comments and your next effort in loving wives is more fruitful. (ML)

For encouragement, I gave you a 4* and clicked on Favorite Story. It's not really a "favorite" but for my own reasons, I want to refer back to it.

It's possible to write a story that's either all narrative or all dialogue, most are a mixture. Yours could maybe use a bit more dialogue.

Frankly, your final comments about your opinions were more interesting to me than your story.

BTW, stories are most interesting when there's some conflict. Long term domestic bliss is nice and, as you say, is more prevalent than drama--but it's the drama that readers want. That's because we're human.

Writing is work. Keep at it. That's the only way to get better.

Very good insight on both the downward trend and the upward mend! I am going to have to see what other stories you've written. I love the wisdom that shines through about "infidelity" not being the primary cause! Thank you. I'm actually a smarter man - because I've read this.

Don't get me wrong, I'm all for happy endings and I am of the opinion that the reason most women cheat is because the OMs are really dirtbags that seem to say and do things to get into a married womans pants, however, I don't understand how an accomplished athalete can be so weak. That was the only fault I found. Otherwise a good read. Keep up the good work.

The loving wives section is so depressing I rarely read much there. Since you're one of my favorites...this is new territory for you. Not bad but still depressing. Thanks.

Honestly did you go for how many words you could put together? This probably would have been a good story had the rambling and extra words not put me to sleep.

I'm not saying this to discourage you, but you need to be more consistent with your character development.

First, this sounds like a relationship based on codependency rather than love. In addition, our hero is a dichotomy of himself. I never met a successful athlete that didn’t possess some self-respect and drive. Even if he had no confidence with women he would have confidence in himself; our hero didn’t even have the confidence to balance his check book, so in my estimation, the main character was far from believable.

The same goes for the wife; she is supposed to be intelligent, yet she is unbelievably gullible. The husband is actually a classic case of, 'the perfect husband,' syndrome; he goes overboard to please his wife. In such cases the wife will stray because she loses respect for him; that would have made a much better motive.

I enjoyed the reconciliation to a point; since he botched the confrontation so badly, her calling him her knight in shining armor didn't ring true at all and suggested she was simply placating him with false bravado.

In addition, he was just too much of a wimp.

I didn't care for this story at all, but that doesn't mean I don't think you have promise. Keep writing and I will keep reading.

First of all, tommy is a boy name, not a man, Tom would have been appropriate. Second: if I have to read how awesome, how smart and how talented he is, you've lost my interest. People are flawed: everybody is flawed.

Third: no husband is perfect. If you have to tell me he is, then you're lying and passing it off as truth. Thanks; but I'll pass.

she planed to,was going to,so she crosed the line.

I come to read about the sexual adventures here on Lit and Once in a while I find a story that I can't stop reading just to see how things turn out and this my friend was one of those stories! I may have been Longer then I wanted to read for a quick pleasure however I found myself so involved in reading the story I forgot all about my pleasure~I was way in over my head once I got past the first page,So, I have to say that was a job well done! You kept me reading and it was well worth it~

Thanks Dave~

i give 2 *

her dad say "Remember what Barry said. It's OK to admit you were stupid, you did, or almost did a really dumb thing, but you're not sorry for anything you did to him, only for being dumb and stupid. Don't talk about being sorry"

so if when u do something bad or made mistake u dont have to say sorry then when or what is right time to say sorry or sorry word should be deleted ????????

I agree this was a story that I could not stop reading and which kept my interest. While I have witnessed similar experiences with friends and family, I find this totally implausable to have occurred in my life. Inevitably, the driving force is always the lack of self esteem of one spouse and the naivete of the other. When the spouse takes the cheater back I still get nauseous every time. What value does one place upon something that someone so freely gives it away? How does one recover from trust issues. While the answer is surely one day at a time the truth is that it will never be the same.

Loose her dad's ideas of making up. Keep her mom and brother going and beat the crap out of Moyers. The wife should be a lot more contrite. It sounded like she was telling Tom that this didn't matter, he just needed to get home and take care of her. Other than that, I really enjoyed the story.

Very enjoyable story but I must mention that the Atomic bomb was dropped on Hiroshima on August 6, 1945 not the 8th.

Oh, yeah, THAT'LL work.

Utter bullshit.