A Millbrow Idyll Pt. 05

Cassie had walked down into Millbrow to shop. She avoided Helene du Cul's lingerie shop and hoped that she would not meet Zack. She was coming out of the post office, however, talking to one of her neighbours over her shoulder, and literally walked into his outstretched arms.

'Just what I need to brighten up the day,' said Zack, planting a light kiss on her lips, before she could stop him.

'Stop, Zack. This isn't right.'

'Of course it is. I'm your loving son in law as well as the former wife of your husband. Aren't we a tight little family?'

'What would Frances say?'

'Frances is far more of a free spirit than you imagine. She'd insist on watching me make love to you and she'd join in. Your daughter likes a threesome or a foursome.'

'Tom came home last night.'

'So I gathered and it left me horny as hell and I had to give it all to Frances. She wondered why I was so needy and I told her.'

'What did she say?'

'She said she was jealous as hell but she wanted to lick your mummy clitie whilst I shot my sperm into your pussy, so that she could suck it out.'

By this time Cassie's cocklet was leaking into her panties. 'I must go. Stop all of this. I don't believe you about Frances or anything else.'

Zack took hold of her arm. 'But you obviously do,' he said. She tore herself away from him and almost stumbled down the street to The Café. When she arrived there all the tables were taken but Miss Evadne and Miss Lucinda, who had arrived just before her and had taken the last free table, waved to her to join them.

Cassie found the solidity of Miss Evadne's no-nonsense, tweed-clad presence, rather comforting. They ordered and their coffee arrived. Cassie had begun to settle down when Miss Evadne whispered to her, 'Lucinda and I saw Zena-Zack or whatever she's called these days bullying you. At least that's what it looked like. Do you want to talk about it? Lucinda is very good at listening and, despite appearing so fluffy, my dear old girl has a lot of common sense. You could do worse than talk to her.'

Miss Lucinda exhibited her fluffiness by sorting through the many layers of pastel-coloured soft wool she was wearing to find her glasses on their cord, perch them on her nose and peer at Cassie. Cassie thought, with surprise, that her old eyes were remarkably shrewd. Miss Lucinda laid her hand on her lover's arm and said, 'Cassie doesn't want to talk here, dear, but you're right. She does need an outsider to talk to.' She turned to Cassie.

'Would you like to come home to a bowl of soup with us? You'd be very welcome.'

She went on, 'We're not gossips. Don't worry anything you say to us will go any further. We can keep stumm.'

Cassie was so taken aback by the little bit of slang being produced by such a proper lady that she laughed.

'Oh good,' said Miss Lucinda. 'It's not as bad as I feared if you can still laugh at a daft old biddy like me.'

Miss Evadne had parked their ancient shooting brake in the car park between the post-office and The Café. Evadne moved various large parcels to one side so that Cassie could get into the back seat. 'Horse blankets,' she said, briefly.

Miss Evadne ran a riding school just outside the town and Miss Lucinda cooked and kept house. They had been there for fifty years and were known to be entirely devoted to one another. They rather kept themselves to themselves but were respected and liked. As they drew into the yard a child riding a pony round and round on a leading rein waved. The two old ladies waved back. They parked and walked down a path to the right of the mellow brick stables.

The house was a long, low, white-stuccoed building. The path was bordered with lavender and standard rose trees. The roses were almost over but the lavender was alive with bees and butterflies. Cassie swept her hand through the lavender as they walked and the scent which rose around them was intoxicating.

'I always do that,' said Lucinda. 'The smell lightens the heart.'

In the kitchen Lucinda took a bowl of home-made soup out of the fridge and set it ready for the pan whilst Evadne returned to the stables, ostensibly to dispose of the horse-blankets.

'She's giving us time to talk. If you wish we'll bring her into the discussion later. Now, my dear, tell me what all that was about with Zack.'

Initially Cassie found herself being defensive about her own feelings for Zack and for Helene du Cul but soon Miss Lucinda's calm acceptance of her worked its magic and Cassie poured out her fears, her sense of shame, of lust and confusion. Having started she found it hard to stop. Miss Evadne appeared and still Cassie went on. The three women sat together around the kitchen table. Slowly the tide of self-recrimination petered out and Cassie sat drained of all emotion.

Gently Miss Lucinda led her back through her story. Miss Evadne kept silent but from time to time she reached out and patted her guest's hand reassuringly. There was something hugely sane and sensible about the old ladies which quietened hysteria and began to put everything into perspective.

At last Miss Lucinda sighed and said, 'It's not surprising you're having the feelings you do, my dear. From what you tell us you didn't think of yourself as a woman until you and Tom got together not much more than two years ago. Is that right?'

'I should have said I was entirely and vigorously male before Tom took me and showed me myself. I shall always be grateful to him for that.'

'How old are you, Cassie?'

'Forty-seven.'

'So for forty-five years you had been a virile man and then suddenly you realised that you were a woman with a woman's needs. It's not surprising you have been knocked way off kilter. You have found the pleasures available to you, which were entirely suppressed before, and you want to sample all of them. We saw you on the day at Ladies' Gill Falls and clearly you were having the time of your life but then, from what you have told us, you saw that to continue like that would ruin your marriage with Tom. What matters now is what sort of life you want to pursue and only you can decide that.'

'Don't you have any advice, Miss Lucinda, Miss Evadne?'

'We don't give advice, my dear. It has a habit of coming back to bite one and, even if it doesn't, it's rarely useful. Only you can know what you want from life and what you want to give to life. The one thing you can be sure of is that you can't have everything.'

'But I don't know what I want.'

'I think you do. Naturally you're greedy like the rest of us but if you ask yourself calmly what matters most to you, you'll know.' Lucinda turned to Evadne and said, 'Can you make yourself scarce for half an hour, dear. I want to talk to Cassie alone again, if you don't mind.'

Miss Evadne pulled herself up from her chair and Cassie noticed for the first time the difficulty she had in rising. She wondered how old the ladies were.

'It's the knees, dear,' said Evadne. 'You'll probably find out in time. Most of us do. I'll go and see that they've finished cleaning out the stables.'

When Evadne had gone Lucinda continued, 'I want to ask you about Tom. Evadne can get rather over-emotional about him.' She saw the look of surprise on Cassie's face. 'You don't know? Oh, well, why should you? We've known him from his birth. His parents were friends of ours. He was always around here riding or looking after the horses when he was a boy. He looked on us as courtesy aunts and when his parents died Evadne became like a mother to him. Of course, he was already grown up and doing his wrestling by then, but there is a deep bond between them. I love him dearly but I can be more objective.

'He and Zack had been close as children and we were pleased when Zack became Zena and they married but I always felt that something was missing in the relationship. It was too open for the Tom we knew. Not that he ever said anything in criticism to us about Zena's carryings on. We were both surprised that it didn't seem to upset him because he was a boy who needed fidelity. Then he met you and when you got together we saw the difference immediately. He cares about you too much to be willing to share you with anyone. I think you need to realise that you can have Tom or you can have all the rest. Only you can know which you want. Do you?'

Cassie sat and contemplated herself. She was not altogether pleased with what she saw. Yes, she wanted Zack's and Helene's cocks; she wanted them painfully, but did she want the people the cocks were attached to? About that she wasn't so sure. She saw her desires through the eyes of Miss Lucinda and she wanted reassurance that she hadn't already damaged Tom's love beyond repair. Perhaps she wanted absolution for the pain she had given him. It was not forthcoming.

Cassie explained her problem: she had enjoyed and been enjoyed by the women at the Ladies' Day and in the weeks following, and she blamed Tom for not having forbidden her to take part. As Cassie spoke Lucinda seemed to withdraw into herself. Then, with a great effort, she made herself respond.

'I shall tell you something I have never told anyone. Many years ago, when Evadne and I had been together for about ten years a very pretty girly boy, she must have been twenty years old, came to work part-time at the stables. I realised almost immediately that I had made a catastrophic mistake in allowing her appointment. Evadne fell in love with her. I saw it in Evadne's eyes whenever she looked at her. I don't know how far it went; I don't even know if it became physical at all beyond holding hands from time to time; but it almost destroyed me whilst it lasted.'

Cassie was shocked to see the anguish of forty years earlier still sufficient to distort Miss Lucinda's sweet old face. She made as though to put her arms around the older woman but Lucinda held up a hand to prevent her. Lucinda pulled herself together sufficiently to continue.

'After about a year Dora, that was her name, left to go to college. Evadne and she wrote to each other; it was in the days before mobile phones; I feared Dora would come back and Evadne would leave me. In her third year she wrote to Evadne to say that she had met a man and that she was in love with him. Evadne was heart-broken and I helped to pick up the pieces. I love Evadne deeply but I have never recovered the certainty in our love we had before Dora appeared. We are both damaged goods and I have never spoken to Evadne of it since and I want you to keep my confidence now. I tell you this for you to understand that I know what I am talking about when I say that, although you have lost the unquestioning certainty of your love with Tom both for yourself and for him, you can have the comfort of your damaged love or you can break it entirely. It is up to you.'

'How truthful should I be with Tom?'

'Be entirely truthful about your love for him or your lack of love for him.'

'Of course I love him. He is my life.'

'Not entirely or securely or we should not be having this conversation. As for the rest of it, Zack, Helene, whoever, I should only tell him what he wants to know, if anything. Usually the urge to tell all is intended to ease our own guilt by dumping knowledge they don't want on the other partner. But, as I keep on saying, it is up to you.'

Cassie had not expected so forensic a response. She realised that Miss Lucinda was a much more formidable and less cosy woman than she had imagined. The effect was hard but bracing and concentrated Cassie's mind far more than sentimentality would have done.

Miss Evadne returned and they had their soup.

When Cassie went home it was as a much more thoughtful woman. Tom was out. She set about preparing their dinner. The phone went. She answered it. It was Zack. She could tell that he was sure that she would fall into his bed and she felt revulsion against his certainty. Her response should have left him in no doubt that any further approach to her except as a friend would meet with a similar rebuff and yet she could tell that he was still not convinced. No sooner was he off the phone than Helene rang and this time her feminine assurance of her own magnetism angered Cassie and she stopped short only of being unpardonably rude.

When Cassie saw Tom come through the door it was as though she had emerged from a dark wood and here was, if not yet light, the possibility of light.

'I am such a bloody fool to risk losing him,' she thought.

'I am so glad you are home, darling,' she said.

'I'm glad to be home,' he replied.

They sat down to their meal and it felt strange for both of them. They were too consciously polite to each other. They lacked spontaneity. Cassie had made boeuf bourguignon, with mashed potatoes, broccoli and carrots, which she knew was one of Tom's favourites but, somehow, it was leaden on the tongue. Tom put down his knife and fork and said, 'We've got to sort this out, whatever it is, Cassie.'

Cassie began, 'I met Miss Evadne and Miss Lucinda in The Café this morning and went back to their house to have lunch with them. You didn't tell me how close you were as a youngster to them.'

'They are my family, next to you,' he said, simply.

'They love you very much.'

'Were they arguing my case with you?' Then after a pause he asked, 'Did they need to?'

'They helped me to see my own case more clearly. I looked at myself and realised that I am not worthy of you but that, if you will have me, I want to be entirely yours.'

'Bollocks to your not being worthy. You are the most wonderful, beautiful woman in the world. If anybody's not worthy it's me.' He burst out, 'Has Zack been bothering you?'

'Why do you ask?'

'I'm not a fool and I was married to her for twenty-five years. I know every turn in that mind of hers and every expression that runs across her face. She fancies you like mad. I'll have a word with Zack and he won't bother you again.'

'Don't do anything silly, please, Tom?'

'I'll not lay a finger on him. If I had been going to kick the shit out of her I'd have done it years ago but she didn't matter to me as you do. Isn't that odd?' He looked amazed. 'All those years imagining she was the love of my life and yet as soon as I met you I knew the difference between what I felt for her and the total love I feel for you.' He paused to contemplate the wonder of it all, then he said, 'We'll just have a quiet talk. That will be enough.'

Cassie started to cry and immediately Tom took her into his great arms and she knew she was where she had always belonged.

'Why the tears, sweetheart?' he asked, as he stroked her hair.

'Relief, so much relief that I have found my home,' she said.

He raised her up and nuzzled his lips into her neck, whispering, 'My cock needs to find his home too. Can you help?'

They walked upstairs into their bedroom. Cassie began to undress her husband, starting with his shirt. First she undid the buttons down the front and ran her fingers through the mat of hair on his pecs. She kissed his nipples into life, then removed his cuff-links and slipped his shirt down from his magnificent shoulders and arms. Next she concentrated on removing his belt and sliding his trousers and pants together over his solid buttocks and the growing rod of his cock, past his thighs and calves so that he could trample them off. She kissed the purple head of his cock, weighed his balls in her hands momentarily, and descended to remove his socks, kissing his toes as soon as she had done so.

Tom stood before his wife naked. He lifted her to her feet and unzipped her dress. She let it fall in folds and she stepped out of it. He slid his fingers under the straps on her bra and gently pushed them from her shoulders. She held the cups to her breasts as her husband kissed along from her shoulder. He eased her hands away so that he was able to kiss down each breast to its rosy nipple. He suckled on her. Next he sank to his knees. He slid her panties from the buttocks he loved. He handled them and ran his fingers along her crack, just grazing her pucker and making her shiver in anticipation. Suddenly he darted at her cltie and took her cock and balls into his mouth, sucking feverishly whilst his fingers reached through her taint to tease open the entrance to her cunt. She couldn't resist crying out in delight. Tom redoubled his sucking and she came into his throat. He was her baby and she shed her milk into his demanding mouth.

Tom pushed his wife back onto their bed. The time had come when he must enter her and make her totally his. There was no foreplay, no leading up to the central act of love. Instead he thrust the whole ten inches of his cock into her in a single movement which ended with the massive girth of the base of his cock stretching her to the absolute limit of her capacity. She cried out but he went on thrusting and withdrawing over and over again until all pain had morphed into pleasure and she no longer had any doubt whose woman she was and where she wanted to be. He climaxed and spurt after spurt of his baby batter invaded and filled her womb and she knew that he was in his home and she was the predestined container for his cock and his sperm. She buried her face in his pit. She tasted the sweat of their love and smelt the scents of their mutual adoration. He ruffled her hair and whispered 'Mine, all mine, little wife?'

'You know I am,' she said.