All Comments on 'A Night of Passion'

You create tense, highly erotic, almost immersive scenes — the bathroom stall sex in your first piece and now the bedroom sex. Some readers may complain about your run on sentences, but when part of your description of sex the lack of punctuation and stringing lines together actually heightens the passion of the moment — the quickened pace of reading mirrors the intense action. Clearly I like the short pieces you’ve created around Lisa and Cheryle, and I look forward to more. By the way, your description of your favorite activity in front of your bedroom mirror in your Biography is highly erotic (in just two sentences — fun to read; rarely is biographical material so sensual). You might consider a piece around that scene. A few issues are distracting: Though I was not bothered by run on sentences and they may be intentional on your part; I would review in draft to make sure they work for you. When describing breasts, no need to add bra size — unnecessary and detracts from erotic moment. Perk or small or large or … enough. Edit for mistaken words like “has” when you mean “as”. Thanks for sharing from your imagination; please continue to do so.

I enjoyed the story as well as your Discovery story. The energy of your discovery of Lisa is fantastic and erotic. You do convey the confusion of a first time lesbian relationship really well. Like Migbird below, reread the story - pretty sure Lisa didn't have "half dollar size nibbles".

Hoping you write a longer, slower story of you and Lisa, the slow burn of soft, simple touches, caresses, and teases. The kind of sex men are not known for!

Beautiful words from a beautiful girl

The wonderful Migbird said so much that I wanted to say, and I so agree with all that was written. You set the scene well; you capture the erotic excitement, and yes, the run on sentences help with that. I am enjoying this xxxxx

Have you ever considered doing some of your stories in an erotic audio format?