All Comments on 'A Story of Discovery'

Not a bad first attempt at all, though I would recommend you double-check your grammar and spelling. Your pacing was a little fast, should try to slow down a bit and give more attention to some parts of the scenes. But congrats on your first publish sweety <3

A nice sexy short little story. Congratulations on having it published. I look forward to seeing more from you.

Well I think you know you need an editor. Badly. I'm not one of those moronic grammar nazis. If they're spending so much time nitpicking a story, how do they enjoy the eroticism of it? Answer: they probably dont. So please dont think I'm trying to harsh. But your spelling and word placement were so bad, as to be distracting from the story. And that's the only time I have an issue with grammar in erotica. On the plus side, I liked your idea. You seemed rushed, but that can be fixed over time. I really think you have much potential. So ignore those who will simply say "you suck", without an explanation, try to find an editor, keep writing, and it's my belief you'll be pulling in those five stars in no time. Good luck

Jedd

Oh loved this hot short story...it's the best tasting someone for the first time mmmmmm

Not really a fan . Seems choppy and rushed . I think slowing down the pace would help a lot .

Now I have something to think about tonight :)

So English is your second language?

I'm afraid the whole thing needs a good deal more care: punctuation is very lacking (especially commas), and word choice is often inaccurate. I don't want to be overly harsh or discouraging, but you could use more care, and proper editing, to make the telling of your story more effective and convincing.

Love the almost frantic pace of your writing including the run on sentences — in doing so you capture/mirror the lust you are trying to depict. And you depict it very well. Nice piece.

A lovely beginning, Cheryle, and you don't need me to add to what others have said about proof-reading, except to say I am happy to help.

You capture the eroticism of the two women very well, and you offer us an exciting opening chapter in what will be, I hope, your ongoing story of erotic pleasure xxxxx

Love an erotic story where those naughty desires are permitted to flow and evolve.

Unfortunately I only managed to read the first few paragraphs as the grammar and lack of punctuation made this difficult to read and distracted from the story. I hope you can find someone to help you so that your stories flow a lot smoother.

nice little vignette. shame about the poor grammar!