A T-Girl and a Tomboy Pt. 04

They set up to launch their aerialists and it's the one part of their performance I'm disappointed with. A-squad's aerialists are good, but not amazing. G-squad has Jena.

The performance is over as abruptly as it started.

"Fearless! Fearless!..."

Jena returns and sits next to Raven as the big screens play video highlights and dramatic stills while everyone waits for the judges' decision. When the emcee comes forward, it takes a minute for the crowd to quiet down.

A-squad takes top honors, followed closely by private schools from Santa Ana and San Diego. They get another trophy and bags of name brand apparel, they get passes for concerts and special events on the pier thru the end of the year.

The four of us sit quietly. We're one row behind my family and everything seems normal. I feel more comfortable and true to myself in my skirt and braids than I ever have as a guy. I love having Sam's arm around me. I like how we can be affectionate in public without it being a problem, and I like the fact that he has a cock.

Maybe I am gay. I like the idea of being someone's girlfriend, including Jena's and Raven's. I'm guess I'm bisexual. The girls are, is Sam? How is this all going to work out?

There's an hour break between the competitions. The stage is being shifted from an athletic afternoon to a more theatrical evening. The big screens show highlights while the stage is reset.

Raven sits up and says, "Hey Alex, do you still want to get your ears pierced?"

"Oh yeah. Let's go to the earring shop!" I say it to Sam and Jena, but my mom hears it too.

Mom lights up. "I would love to go with you to get your ears pierced."

I must be turning pale. Sam picks me up from the bench and sets me on my feet. Raven and Jena laugh and pull us toward the shops. Mom and Lisa follow, watching us with with vicarious admiration.

The shop is old and iconic. It's near the end of the pier, across from the fancy seafood restaurants. It caters to romantics who have gone as far west as they can. A sign in the window keeps a tally of over a quarter-million ears pierced since they first opened.

Mom gets nostalgic as we approach. "I took Jess and Tonya here when they each turned seven. I was excited but nervous for my little girls. It's funny, I feel the same way right now." She smiles serenely.

Am I finally the other daughter she's always wanted? I stop in front of the shop and face her.

"Hey everyone, go inside and pick out something simple and nice for me, okay? We'll be there in a minute."

They all slip past us and into the store, leaving me and my mother alone for the first time since the big shift in my world.

"Hi Mom."

"Hi Alex, you look great and you look really comfortable. It's amazing how much you and Tonya still look alike, you're just as pretty as she is. Identical twins are supposed to be the same sex but maybe you two are the exception."

"Or maybe not?" I look down at myself and shrug. "Maybe you did have three daughters."

"Oh Alex. Some native religions would say you're mixed spirits. You're male but you have always had feminine traits. In this day and age there are resources and you can do almost anything -- except provide an egg for a baby. Just know that you're still you, no matter what shell you're carrying."

"I know, Mom."

"Honey, it's okay to want something different, but don't miss out on what you have. Your body came the way it did, and no matter how far medical procedures come, they might not be as good as what you were born with. I'll be there for you whatever choices you make, just make them carefully and do the research. Don't rush anything, Okay?"

"I won't rush. I'm still figuring this out. I'll be smart about it."

"I know you will, sweetheart. I just had to say it." She reaches out and pulls me into a hug. "By the way, Tonya told me that you, Jena and Raven got together last night. Are you being safe?"

"Yes, mother."

"What about Sam? He's really into you, are you ready for that? If you're all going to be..."

"Mom! No, I'm not gonna talk..."

"Hold on. This is important. If you're going to play with a group of people, you need to use protection and establish ground rules and an emergency plan. And you have to agree on a..."

"...on a safe word? Yeah, Jess said the same thing last night. That party was a lot of fun." I suddenly feel awkward talking to my mom about it. "Um... I also kind of found out about you and Lisa. Are you really a couple?"

"We've been best friends since high school and lovers since college."

"College? So before you and dad got together?"

"You should also probably know that Jessica was the third of our triangle before she got engaged to Sam's dad."

Stunned silence.

"And, well... There's more to talk about, but you have a lot going on. We should probably save the rest for tomorrow or Monday or some other time, is that okay? Oh honey, you're so beautiful. Let me hold you some more."

I never would have imagined that a hug from my mother could feel so transformative. It feels like when I as a kid, coddled and dear. She admires me, stroking my hair and straightening my vest. We turn and walk arm-in-arm through the swinging doors of the jewelry shop dedicated to ears.

Shards of light sparkle all around the room, reflections from spotlights on the water of a decorative fountain dance across the ceiling, striking mirrors and hanging crystals. Everything in the store is glittering. Endless racks and trays of earrings are organized into different themed sections. No one could wear them all in a lifetime. There's an old brass salon chair, surrounded by windows to the sea and mirrors on the walls. I recognize the room as the background in pictures in the hallway at home.

My sisters had their ears pierced here. They had pictures taken on their seventh birthdays, sitting in that chair with their fresh new studs. I remember coming to the pier for Tonya's and my seventh birthday. Mom and Jess had taken Tonya shopping, while my father and I went down to the beach. It was a warm spring day, I remember that Dad was on his cell phone the whole time. He was agitated, probably frustrated that he got roped into a family day when he would have rather been at work.

Sam, Jena, and Raven are in the silver charms section of the store. They see me coming and hide their hands behind their backs.

"We're trying to decide what to get you, go wait in the piercing parlor," says Jena.

My mom scuttles over to them and shoos me back to the entry.

Lisa approaches. It's obvious by their looks that she's Jena's mother, but there's something else very similar about them too. Their whole family has always been very kind and caring with me.

Lisa says, "Hi Alex. I really like your new look, it fits you very well."

"Thanks Lisa. I don't know what to say, it's all so new."

"Is it though? I've known you and Tonya your whole lives and you have always seemed like identical twins to me. You looked so much alike as kids. Chris was really supportive. She used to dress you as a girl a lot until that last Fourth of July before Greg... before your dad left."

"I almost forgot that you were there," I say. The stark feelings of rejection are all I remember after seeing the look on my dad's face.

Lisa talks while sifting through a tray of novelty earrings. "Your dad broke your spirit that day. He was such an ass. I wanted to tell you that, but it wasn't my place. I really wish it had been, your life could have been very different."

My mom joins us. "You were right, Lisa. I told him... her. Sorry. I should have told her a long time ago." She has tears in her eyes.

"You told Alex about Greg and Tony?" Lisa asks.

Mom chokes a bit. "I didn't tell her that yet, I was going to save that for later." My mom sees the look on my face and knows it can't wait. She sighs. "Your dad and I aren't really married, only on paper."

"Wait, what? Then who..."

"Greg is your biological father, we did it artificially. I'm a lesbian and your dad is gay. Greg and Tony were partners until your dad got his big promotion and stopped coming home."

I need to sit down. I climb into the piercing chair and curl my knees up to my chest.

"Oh honey, you can't sit like that in that in a mini-skirt."

I put my knees down. "So wait, you and Lisa, and Tony and Dad? Why didn't you... I don't know... Why didn't you just live with Lisa while Dad and Tony just live with each other?"

"There were all kinds of reasons. Same-sex marriage wasn't even legal yet, insurance and job benefits weren't available to untraditional families unless you worked somewhere really progressive. We were all friends in school, active in the campus LGB club; T and Q hadn't even been added yet. We all wanted kids, but some of us had unsupportive religious families -- we still wanted the disapproving grandparents involved, so we made a plan to work it out communally. It worked pretty well for about twelve years, until Greg got really successful at the network. We all supported his career, I don't know what happened. I guess the news business changed him. Tony was heartsick for years."

"I know the feeling. Why didn't anyone tell me?" I'm tearing up. Being in girl-mode seems to make crying easier. Emotion overwhelms me. A few big tears run down off of my cheeks and soak into my skirt. Even with only a few drops, I feel my stress levels go down. "Tonya knows doesn't she? Jess knows? Jena knows... she thought for sure I'd know."

"What did I know, Alex?" Jena stands next to me. "About our parents? It's weird huh? We're almost related but not quite."

I try to shake some sense into my head. "Our mothers are a lesbian couple, our fathers were a gay couple, we were manually inseminated and raised by one half of each couple. Okay, what else?"

"You know something really spooky?" Jena says "These two used to be in a threesome with Jessica; Sam and Kayla's mom."

"Wot? What did you say?" Sam appears beside me, his eyes popping out of his head.

Jena repeats herself.

"I knew it," Sam says dryly, "I remember from when I was a kid. I remember Mum talking about missing her girlfriends." Sam turns to Lisa and my mother. "So you're Mum's girlfriends from school?"

They both nod with beaming smiles.

"Oh bloody unreal! Here, take a pic of us together. I gotta send it home."

He hands me his cell phone and stands between Lisa and my mom with their arms all around each other.

Sam is the happiest man alive. "I didn't know what I'd tell my folks about me and Alex... now I'm on steady ground."

"Do you want to send Jessica a picture of you and the girls?" Lisa takes the phone and has everyone surround me in the chair. We take a posed group pic then a closeup of me and Sam. He sends both pictures to his mom. I wonder if Jessica will recognize me.

"Ready to get pierced?" asks Raven. "As your stylist I recommend a hollow needle piercing, with a barbell in both lobes, a ring in your navel and a helix in your left ear..." She smiles, "but you should probably just have the lobes until after tomorrow's video shoot."

The store-clerk brings a rolling surgical tray with two sterile plastic-wrapped hollow needles. Mom wipes a tear from her cheek and hands me a jewelry box. I open it to find two diamond-studded silver barbells. I pick one up and admire its sparkle.

"They're real. We came back and got diamond studs for your sisters on their sixteenth birthdays. You can have them for special occasions. Raven says barbells are more your style so here you are. Happy sweet sixteenth. You're a big girl now." She smiles and sighs contentedly.

Diamond ear-studs? Okay. They're pretty and all, but what else do they do to justify spending so much money? I like the idea of piercings, I just don't need the precious stones. It makes me think of the bondage collars. They mean so much to some people, but what does it actually do for you? It must be a symbol, a symbol of what?

Mom seems relaxed for once. So rare. This is a big moment for her. I accept the gift reverently to make her happy. Is it some material fetish? She's always organizing something...

The piercer takes the barbells and sterilizes them thoroughly. She runs the needles through my lobes fast and painlessly. It's switching from the needles to the barbells that stings! When I see myself in the mirror, I feel embellished and decorated. Why hadn't I done this before? But those diamonds, whoa, they're dazzling.

Mom gets her picture of me in the piercing chair, in my cheerleader uniform with my hair in braids, a touch of eye makeup and new diamond barbell studs.

A minute later Sam gets a message back from his parents. He reads it; "Hi everyone! Hi, Alex! XOXOX"

Sam has Jena take a close up pic of me and him kissing so he can send it home. Seconds later his phone chimes with a new message. He reads it out loud; "It's about time!"

***

On the Brink

On the walk back to the amphitheater I hear whole new genres of family stories; times when different grandparents had been suspicious, times when our mothers were caught by Jess and Jena, how Dad had felt pressured to keep his sexuality secret at work even though many network personalities were openly gay -- he said it was different for talent than it was for executives... how Dad always insisted that Mom keep my hair short so he could tell me and Tonya apart...

The sky is full of stars and the pier is lit by the carnival rides, the huge video monitors, and the signs from the store fronts and inviting restaurants as we make our way back to the amphitheater.

It's almost time as G-squad gathers off-stage while another squad begins their routine. Raven and Michelle go around touching up makeup and tying ribbons in everyone's hair while Cheryl passes props around to throw to the audience at key moments during the performance.

The performance before ours is a circus theme with a ring master, acrobats, and people in plush animal costumes. They tell a story of a cocky new ring-master, who's trying to replace an older, wiser one. The story is good, they're talented and fun to watch. The best part is when the performers become balls in a giant juggling act. It ends with chanting and a standing ovation. The announcer congratulates the team, and asks their over-excited captain questions about what inspired them, and how long they've been working on it.

The emcee sees that we're ready. "Great show! Let's hear it for Ventura High! Next up; the Fearless Girls G-squad, with 'Everybody Knows'. That's right! Everybody knows they're in for a treat here at the Pier's 'Old vs. New' fusion freestyle invitational. Let's hear it for The Fearless Girls!"

The crowd roars and Charlie's drone appears overhead.

"Come on! We've got this!" Sandy directs us onto the stage.

Everyone is wearing their black skirts and buttoned vests, giving everything a stark appearance on the darkened stage.

We start without music, with the crowd chanting, "Fearless! Fearless! Fearless!..."

Sandy expected this and has worked it into the performance. Jena, Raven and I are sitting on a bench, center-stage, facing the crowd with the rest of the squad to our right and left as if we're cheering on the sidelines of a ball game.

The squad goes through the motions of a typical game cheer while the spotlight focuses on the three of us. The music comes in with the iconic bass line over modern dance beats, while Leonard Cohen's words pour out over the scene.

'Everybody knows that the dice are loaded... Everybody rolls with their fingers crossed...'

Jena and I are being affectionate but acting like we're trying to be discrete, ducking down trying to hide. Raven see's what's going on and we welcome her to join us. The rest of the squad notices and shifts from watching the imaginary game to stare open-mouthed at the three cheerleaders in their midst who are engaged in a taboo threesome.

The squad points and accuses as if it's a scandal, while the three of us try to get away and hide from their scrutiny. They dash between us in sets of stunts with the attitude of an angry mob. We manage to escape to our own corner and stand together exchanging gifts like you might for Valentine's Day.

Leonard Cohen sings, 'Everybody wants a box of chocolates, and a long stem rose...'

The squad finds us and takes our gifts while the audience makes theatrical 'boos' that quickly turn to cheers when the crowd is showered with roses and chocolates.

The squad circles us and blocks us from view. They sing along with the chorus as they strip us of our vests and skirts, leaving us exposed in only our sexy rubber swimsuits. We get whistles and cat-calls while we take center-stage and cower before the squad. The other girls do spring board stunts, angrily flying over our heads while we turn inward and become oblivious to them, again caught up in our own affections.

The angry mob grabs Raven and takes her from us, lifting her over their heads, passing her limb by limb around in a circle and up onto the high platform at the back of the stage. They grab me and pass me around the circle in the other direction until I'm thrown onto the back riser with Raven. I land on my feet and turn just in time to catch Jena somersaulting through the air to take her place between us.

Cohen sings, "There's so many people you just had to meet, without your clothes... Everybody knows"'

We dance on top of the pedestal and have at each other in our triangle of affection while the squad acts furious with their inability to intervene. The acting is improvised but it's still very expressive; the efforts to silence us have elevated us and made us the center of attention. Realizing the futility of the situation, the girls in the mob give up one-by-one, seeming to question why they were bothering us in the first place.

'Everybody knows...'

They lose interest, worrying about us less and less, becoming involved in their own freestyle dancing until one-by-one they shed their skirts and vests, revealing a rainbow of colorful swimsuits as they move to the front and sync with our dancing. Now they gesture, calling to us, inviting us to join them. We dive off of the platform, into the welcoming arms of the squad who passes us back to the middle of the stage.

We finish together with a flurry of stunts and styles, singing with the chorus as the three of us slip back into our skirts and vests and turn back into our original selves, still together in our taboo relationship which now seems low-key and more accepted among the colorfully enlightened crowd.

We finish together with Sandy at the front, chest heaving and out of breath.

The emcee waits on stage as it takes a minute for the crowd to quiet down enough that he can be heard. He raises the microphone and says, "You told a real story out there. Was this from personal experience?"

Sandy laughs. "Yeah, it's the story of anyone whose life style challenges social norms." She gets drowned out by the cheering crowd.

The emcee says, "Challenging social norms? That's something that the Fearless Girls are known for. Is it true that the Surfer Girls in Blue are part of your squad?"

"Yeah, they're Fearless Girls, they were our ménage à trois." Sandy motions for the three of us to join her.

"I thought I recognized those girls. Let's bring them up here while we wait for the judges."

We come to the front of the stage and stand with Sandy. I hear cheers for Raven, Jena, and Tonya.

The emcee says, "So much Fearless talent!"

The big screens switch to clips of us surfing. They show Raven dancing across the waves, then me desperately flailing -- although seeing it now, the recovery looks more like inspiration than desperation... then they cut to Jena's back flips, stopping with her face frozen in bliss.

"How did you become such an incredible aerialist?"