Ah... Honey, We Have to Talk Ch. 03

She laughed and I nervously joined her.

"Before he left, he told me that he knew I would need help. Not with the kids, but in bed. He told me to do as Jake told you before he left."

"And you did?" I asked inquisitively.

"Oh I told him to forget it and I would be fine, but by the second week of him being gone I was missing IT. But I used toys and my fingers and made it to the second month before my first temptation. I was at the PX and ran in to a former teammate of Ruben's. We just chatted, but he did look me up and down and I him. But I knew I would never do it with anyone my husband knew and definitely not a military guy."

"And did you?"

"It took me another week or two before I got the nerve and went out on a Friday night dancing. I let some men feel me up as we danced, but I chickened out and went home. But I was horny as hell and even two hours with the toys didn't take care of it. The next day I was right back to missing Ruben. I thought I would feel guilty about men touching me, but surprisingly I didn't. Those men meant nothing to me."

I just listened knowing there was more.

"That Monday, I took the oldest to school and had a pediatrician's appointment for the baby. As I was in the waiting room, I noticed this father with a baby come in. He signed in and sat across from us placing his baby carrier on the floor. We made polite conversation about the babies and the office wait. It turned out he was a military dad whose wife had deployed while he stayed home with the little one.

"He was not anything special to look at. Just an average man with a baby. I think that he was Hispanic, and speaking a bit of Spanish to each other made us feel a certain kinship. Next thing I knew we were waiting for each other to finish our appointments and went to lunch with our babies at McDonalds of all places. Very innocent right?"

"I guess," I said mesmerized by her accounting of her story.

"His wife had been away longer than Ruben by that point and it did not take long before IT came up in conversation. No he didn't bring it up. I did. I asked how he coped. He said it was hard...really he said that and we both laughed. After the ice was broken and the taboo subject broached, we just looked at each other in silence making eye contact. You know the kind."

I smiled slightly and nodded. But I didn't. I had not been in that position yet unless you count the Todd Manson incident in the armory.

"Then he said, 'are you free right now?' and...eh. Well, I was at his place fifteen minutes later for our first quickie."

"First?" I asked. "You went back?"

"Once a week for a couple of hours for the next two months. But then his wife was returning so we stopped."

"Did you tell Ruben?" I asked curiously.

"I didn't say, and he never asked," Esmy replied. "Part of the deal."

I shook my head. She noticed my reaction and from that moment her mood changed. Esmy acted like she regretted telling me her secret.

"Do you do this all the time when he leaves?"

"We have a different arrangement since then," she replied. "But I would rather not talk details. Let's just say, it's a form of the hall pass I told you about and leave it at that."

I nodded and all of a sudden wanted out of there. But I was polite and chatted with her some more about other things.

"I'll keep this to myself," I replied, and she nodded as I stood.

"Please do," she replied.

In the next few days what Esmy told me was on my mind but not the way some of you may think. No. I did not call her and join her in looking for lovers or share her lover. In fact our relationship cooled to practically no contact. I knew I had made her uncomfortable somehow. She probably sensed that I was not willing to cross the lines she had and thought I was looking down at her? Who knows. But the reality from my end was not what she was doing, but what I was not going to do.

It was rough. I wish I could tell you that I "got used to IT" and stopped craving IT, but that would be a lie. The longer without sex I went, the worse it got. But I forced myself to get busy with classes during the day and studying and the babies at night. I only had one class in the summer, so I had more time on my hands in the afternoon. Then around five I picked the kids up from day care and went home.

There was a guy in classes that kept complimenting me and hovering, but I just couldn't cross the line. Oh how I missed cock. I found myself one day doodling in a class bored to snot from a boring professor. And I was drawing cocks on a piece of paper. She almost caught me but a young skinny guy across the aisle noticed the prof walking our way and made some noise to make me see her.

After the class he told me he loved the pictures because he was gay. Just my luck right? But actually, it was my luck. Because the excitement of almost getting caught drawing dicks aroused me. When the young man was talking to me, I was thinking of doing him. It's a sign I told myself. I'm not meant to cheat. I looked down at my crotch.

'Bad pussy...bad!' I scolded my best friend and enemy.

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The World - Fort Bragg, NC - Leila and Angie

There was something wrong with Jake's family. I couldn't put my finger on it, but it was something his sister Nancy said before she went back to college. We had gone to lunch by ourselves. Her mother, Angie had volunteered to watch her only grandchildren so we younger women can bond. I needed the break, so I jumped at the chance.

Of course we did some light shopping before our bellies were full and then we sat back to talk. She talked about her degree and I mine. She talked about her current boyfriend in college that her mother made clear was a looser. I talked about Jake and how I missed him.

"At least you and Jake are doing well," Nancy retorted. "My parents seem to be phoning it in."

I was just getting to know my in laws, so I stayed quiet and soaked in this information. Nancy hesitated for a minute then exhaled in frustration. Nancy apparently had wanted someone to talk to.

"I have seen them drift apart over the years. Since Jake left home for the service actually. I was too young before to notice." She said scoffing apparently at herself. "You know how teen girls are. All we care about is ourselves."

"Been there, done that," I retorted with a giggle. "It's normal."

"I guess," she said. "But I missed out on signs. Signs that should have told me not all was well at home. When we were younger, mom and dad were closer. But not anymore. They just seem to coexist, but I can tell they are doing just that. I mean he goes to his business trips, and she goes on hers. But when they are home together they just...I can't find words for it. It just seems like they are just going through the motions."

"Your mom is beautiful. I can't believe she is what? Forty? I hope I look that good when I'm her age."

"Keep going she is over forty five. I'm not sure exactly. I haven't asked and she is not volunteering that information. She didn't always dress young or show her assets like she does now. Especially since the boob job especially."

"They seem real," I commented about Angie's substantial yet not overly large breasts. "They're not?"

"She had them lifted and slightly enhanced. But I don't think it was for my father's benefit."

"You mean she did it for her self-esteem?" I replied. "My mom had hers fixed because one was bigger than the other and she wanted to wear some clothes..."

"No Leila," Nancy cut in. "I mean she did it for other men. For her lovers."

I think my mouth dropped in shock. I had not expected that from Nancy about Jake's family. But then who expects that from anyone's family. While my parents seemed OK now, we kids remembered that time ten years ago when they had seemed on the outs. Dad had moved out for a couple of months and mom had been going out with her girl friends a lot. But then they sorted things out and dad came back home.

Was my mother in law cheating on Randy? He was so handsome and seemed attentive to her when I had been around them? But I was the guest. People behave proper around guests.

"Lovers?" I asked surprised. "As in more than..."

I felt stupid the minute I said that. But Nancy didn't seem to notice as her mind was on her parents' marriage problems.

"She is very successful at her job. And her looks apparently help. Oh, mother is discreet, but I can tell. Now that I am a woman I can tell and things I saw when young seem to fall in place and tell their own story. She is more careful now. She is prim and proper when daddy is home from his trips. But she is out with "the girls" every night when dad is on his trips. She gets home late and..."

"Sounds like she is letting off steam. She said her job can be stressful at times," I said.

"Don't let her bullshit you about her job stress Leila. Mother can do that job with her eyes closed. She loves it." Nancy replied. "I don't think there are any..." she stopped and did finger quotes to emphasize her point as she continued. "girls."

"Oh..." I said trying to not say anything stupid.

"Yeah...OH!" Nancy replied. "That was my thought when I realized it during my senior year in high school. Until one of my girlfriends told me she saw mother with another man one day. They were at a restaurant having lunch. It was apparently proper up until he reached out to touch her hand and instead of pushing it away, my mother just looked around to see if anyone was looking. Then mother let this guy play finger sex with her and smiled back at him in a way she should only with dad. I confronted her a couple of weeks ago and she told me that it was something between her and my father."

"Do they have an open marriage?" I asked.

"If they do, its new to me. Has Jake said anything about it?"

"No," I replied. "Have you and Jake talked about this?"

She seemed a bit uncomfortable and a little guilty? I wasn't sure how to read her yet.

"I should have Leila," Nancy replied. I could tell her eyes had moistened and I watched a tear run down her cheek as she continued. "I wanted to ask him, but I was afraid of what he may say. But more than that, I worry about Jake. He goes to war. He doesn't tell us much, but we know what he does. He can't be distracted with our problems."

"That may be so Nancy," I replied giving her a tissue. "Not right before he deploys. But when he gets home he needs to be told."

"To be honest Leila," she continued wiping the tear away smearing make up in the process that she hardly needed. "I am surprised that my parents made the move here together."

"Maybe they thought this would be a good place to start again? My parents separated ten years ago and got back together again. They sold our old house."

A memory of that popped to my head then. It was my father saying something to his brother just as the sale sign was placed on our old front lawn.

"I'll never sleep in that house after what happened."

What had happened there that dad wanted to get away from it? But I snapped back to reality as Nancy continued.

"I tired talking to my father about it, but he seems resigned to things as they are. I know he is holding back on something. I just have a feeling this may be the last time I see them together."

What prophetic words from Nancy. She left for college, but her mother Angie had already moved out of her and Randy's home; only house I guess. It stopped being a home after their kids moved on and the older Sloans drifted apart.

I was just getting out of class and rushing to pick up the kids from daycare when I received a text.

Nancy: "my parents are divorcing."

Me: "I am so sorry. Are you OK?"

Nancy: "Can you check up on them?"

I thought I didn't know them enough to butt in their problems, but I did for her sake. Randy, my father in law, was out of town just then, so I contacted Angie who confirmed what I already knew. Then she invited me over to her new condo.

Angie fussed over the babies with me as we changed and fed them. If you think being a mother of one baby is hard, try feeding and changing two. And they suspiciously both need feeding and changing at the same time. I'm on to their tricks you know...but they have me where they want me. They are so cute!

Oh yeah, back to my mother in law. I think I have attention deficit issues. Oh shut up, I know you noticed. Do you want to hear the story or not? OK then. So Angie was holding little Lana as I held and fed baby Randy.

"Have you told Jake yet?" was the first thing she asked. "I mean about me and his father splitting up."

"No," I replied. "I don't send him bad news while he is deployed. Not good for his mind. he has to be focused."

"Thank God for that," she replied and winced at the insensitivity of her comment. "That's not what I meant. I agree with you. He needs to get back to us all in one piece. How do you handle it Leila? Is it because you were in the military?"

"No Angie," I replied. "Everyone thinks so. But its actually worse as I knew what he does. I was the armorer at his unit. Now I have to depend on some guy I didn't know to service Jake's weapons before he leaves and while he is there."

She saw my discomfort and pursed her lips in a compassionate gesture.

"I am sorry," she said. "But I am stressed out with Jake being over there in danger and the divorce."

"What happened Angie?"

"We drifted apart Leila. He with his travel and me with my job after the kids were in school and didn't need me as much. I was the good wife during the early years, but I got tired of him always being gone. No, that's not it. I got tired of him acting like he couldn't wait to go back on the road. Him ignoring my needs sexually. Him not making me feel special anymore.

"Then in my mid thirties my sex drive kicked in overdrive. I always loved sex and craved it. But it got worse in my thirties. At first he enjoyed my attention and willingness to do everything with him that most wives would not do with their man. Then I started noticing him staring at other women. At social gatherings he was so attentive to other women. Your father in law can talk a nun in to breaking her vows Leila. He sure talked his way into my life when we were young.

"Sure, I have had an above average sexual appetite. I had a lot of fun as a young woman in college and before even. But I fell in love with Randy and wanted a family. You can't be a slut and have children, so I kept my wants and needs under control when we had kids. They are both Randy's kids. And I kept it under control when they were younger, and he was traveling all the time leaving me alone to raise the kids and have no man most nights.

"When I tried to tell him that I needed him to be home more, there was always an excuse why he had to go to one more trip. One more month or year. And the more I needed him in my life and my bed, the more he ignored me. By my late thirties, the kids no longer needed me all the time and I was bored out of my mind at home. So I returned to work. And I love it. I was good at it. Better than most.

"And I started to get complements and interest by men that made me feel alive again. And still I was true to him. I tried to get him to change. In a moment of weakness I asked him if he needed other women and asked him if he wanted to join a swinger group so he can screw other women. I was actually that desperate. But instead, he drew further away. And he got boring in bed. In the end, I just had enough and decided to live life while I was still young enough to enjoy it."

"How long ago was that?" I asked.

"Before Jake left home to go in the Army," she said looking at the baby sleeping in her arms. "I started going out with men when Jake's father was out of town. I had waited for Randy and he just cast me to the winds. It was a bit awkward at first. Like a swimmer who has not swam in a long time. Oh there was some guilt at first, but I was surprised how fast it passed. All it took was Randy to come home and ignore me again. And I never looked back.

"In fact, I enjoyed it immensely. I felt wanted and desired again. I felt alive again. And I was no longer dependent on Randy for that happiness and desire anymore. I found my own."

"Yet you stayed with him and moved here together. Why?"

Angie smirked at that and looked at my babies lovingly. But her eyes were hard.

"I grew to like and enjoy fucking around behind his back. So long as the kids and others didn't find out. But I suspect they might have and not said anything."

I winced at that as I knew Nancy had already found out about her mother's infidelity. But it was not my place to say anything at this point. Although I did have something to say.

Angie went on to tell me how she and Randy had split up and how they were working on a divorce. What surprised me was the lack of remorse or regret on her part. As she spoke I realized that she had been cheating on him for so long that she had dealt with and rationalized any sentiments of guilt or remorse.

The conversation she and I had disturbed me. All kind of thoughts went through my mind. Disturbing thoughts. I saw some similarities in her and me, but not many. While Jake and Randy were both away from home a lot, Jake was attentive, loving and sexually insatiable when he was home. And Jake was far from boring.

But I wondered if after years of separations like Esmy and Ruben Jefferson, would Jake and I find ourselves at a similar crossroads? Whatever happened, I lulled myself in to thinking I was not going to do as Angie had. I did not feel neglected or rejected as she said she had been. And that assumed she was telling the truth. I had not heard from Randy yet. Something I hoped I would.

When I did, Randy was evasive. He made it clear that this was between him and Angie. And that he and I were not at the place where we could share such intimate details of our lives. I think I made him uncomfortable and backed off.

What Randy and I agreed on was that Jake did not need to know while he was in harms way. So once again, I did not mention it to Jake in emails and calls. It could and would wait until he returned.

---------------------------------------------------

The World - Fort Bragg, NC - Leila's temptation.

As disturbing as my mother in law's confession was, it paled by the events of the next two weeks. Thoughts of what Angie Sloan had done to her marriage were overshadowed by an increase in my libido. It had been so long that I had Jake in my bed that I no longer thought of my bed empty of him, but my life empty of the sex I craved. I was still in love with my husband and missed him, but it was the sex I missed most.

In the first couple of months I felt the shame of just having thoughts of sex with out Jake. By the end of the second month, my fantasies as I masturbated drifted from Jake to other men I had. Especially the divorced civilian man whose name had faded from my mind. I had erased him from my phone contacts and there was no way I could remember. I wondered why my mind was playing such a trick on me. Was it protection from succumbing to my flesh desires and calling him?

Either way, I let myself remember all the erotic and sensual things divorced man and I had done and came repeatedly. But it was not enough. No matter how much I fucked myself with dildos and vibrators, I craved a man's touch and a man's feel between my legs.

Once again, men all over began to look better and better. I didn't care who they were as persons. I just saw male groins and wondered what their cocks looked like and felt like. But I resisted the urge.

Then one day I came home from school, fed and got the babies to sleep and sat on the living room to relax a bit. And that's when I heard the nock on the door.