All Comments on 'Alana Takes Control Pt. 01'

She was 14 when he left, she's 30 now but he says they haven't seen each other in 20 years. If you're going to use age as a reference at least get it right. You missed the mark on your first story, at least it wasn't a stupid cuck story, maybe you'll get better with time. If not you'll be like thousands before you who get chucked onto the proverbial pile of writers to ignore. It isn't worth more than a 2 and that's being generous.

More!

Thank you for your comment, you are right about the discrepancy but it was deliberate, I was trying to convey how flustered Daniel was when being confronted with a grown-up Alana. Perhaps I was being too clever.

Good start - looking forward to reading more