Asymmetric Bases Ch. 06

She nodded that she agreed.

I continued "Final question. Are you planning to escalate things to a point that you will expect me to endure extremes?"

"I'm not and I don't see that coming, because as you see, we maintained a balance. Ours was just the opposite of that engagement. Considering the point where we started and the point where we reached. Don't you see that?"

"I guess..."

"Don't guess. You might be thinking that you have one ammunition left, which is your decision at the end of this period. You are wrong, I have one of those bullets as well. So, you may think that it makes me vulnerable and if you stay with me or we continue this after that deadline, you will be helpless at my mercy. But you're wrong. I don't bargain on my feelings. I give up anything that makes me weak. You are the one who will give this fight, not me. If you..." she stopped

"If I?"

"No, I will not say that. I told you that I don't want to interfere with your future, you make your own decisions, I won't show a carrot for you, you find your own path. And I agreed your comment on not killing the cat. Let's leave the box alone, for as long as possible."

"This is not me resisting but I don't accept a scene as the one last night, never again. I don't like playing games involving other people. You made me feel like an asshole."

"OK"

"OK, what?"

"It won't happen again."

"Will you see him?"

"Not until this is over." She looked sad when she told me that. Was she sad that she wasn't going to see him or because she mentioned this being over, I couldn't be sure.

"Promise?"

"Are you questioning me?" her face got tense, she really didn't like being questioned. I didn't know where to stop.

"No, sorry"

"You're pushing this too much, considering your situation. Do you want me to ask you similar questions?" she said.

I lowered my eyes, feeling ashamed.

She stood up and walked to her room. I was watching her in adoration. After a few seconds, I heard her shout "I'm waiting!"

After about one hour, Amy sleeping in my arms, I knew I was adjusting to my new role. When I was fucking her, she was whispering in my ear "How does it feel to fuck someone's fiancée? To make her moan, sweat, squirm and cum on your cock?" just to make me feel uneasy. I knew her ways finally.

That was different than her words earlier, they were also disturbing but in a completely different way. And arousing, again.

Even being given the role of bull in her game made me feel inferior. She was right about finding her inner power and she was right about being a natural about that.

She didn't question me about how I felt after those words, possibly due to the fact that she was a giant sensor reading everything about me.

When I was in my room the next morning, I was thinking about the main question. Did she really not want me to leave? Did I want to leave? Did I want to stay? How? Would she agree to keep me if I wanted to stay?

This was too much for a weekend and it probably would take time for me to digest all of this.

How was I going to leave her, this life? How was it possible for me to stay?

Since she was working in her room, I googled the cat thing myself. An understandable summary was something like this:

"It is used to illustrate a hypothetical unobservable cat in a sealed box and some radioactive substance that will kill the cat when that substance decays (not a real lab experiment, only as a teaching method - no cat was killed, don't worry). It is used to describe a paradox in quantum mechanics (paradox of quantum superposition). As in, the cat may or may not be alive - to be more precise, the cat is considered to be both alive and dead at the same time - depending on the unobservable decay state of the radioactive substance. In other words, this means that the radioactive atom starts in a combined state of decayed AND non-decayed (at the same time) and remains so until it hits the Geiger counter (observed), where it gets its definite final state as decayed OR non-decayed. Observation word is used to describe the 'definite measurement' here."

Yeah, it didn't fit perfectly. Because, even if I decided not to end this, she could say that she would consider my application to stay with her. I now knew how cruel she could be. This would put the cat in the box again. And this time, the cat would not be the perfection of the relationship, it would be me.