All Comments on 'BabyBuff Ch. 01'

Is there some reason this is written in the style of a sixteen year old who can barely speak English? Sentence structure is all to hell... few "connecting words"... few verbs and adverbs? Why?

The basic premise is very good, making it very promising as a story. Plus, the creative intent has appeal to a wide range of readers. So why spoil it with barely comprehensible sentences? You obviously have talent but the quirky presentation leaves much to be desired. Cheers.