All Comments on 'Breakfast with Sister Betty Pt. 01'

This is a great story. But it lacked any description of pussy hair. Well-trimmed, shaggy, thick full bush, leaving the reader to think it was a story about another shaved, razor burnt, chaffed, stubbled up mess, potentially covered by several nasty infected hair pimples. So, there is not a 5 rating for this one. Possibly in your future stories, you will not leave some readers with similar thoughts by adding appropriate pussy hair to your work(s) and by the way, saying she was "just shaved" usually means re-shaved meaning the nasty pimple heads were clipped with the stubble and pus is now oozing along with orange-tinged skin from hair follicle blood. Many authors don't go the hairless bare pussy route at all. I rated you a 4 that should have been a 5. I do look forward to your future (a thick covering of pussy hair spilled from the sides of her panties when she bent forward) works.

half finished and way too repetitive

And then? Next chapter please

Great first offering. No BS, just a slow burn to her climax . . . Sorry Jacob, maybe next time ?

Continue please.

Hot Hot Hot!! Chapter two please.

5 Stars.

I dont know is step siblings really insect? They are not blood related and they could get married if they wanted to. In other note I really thought this was going to be a day dream for a second lol. I know this is your first story and it was ok. Needed more description of the four play and her body.

IN the beginning, it is mentioned that she is his sister. A little later, it mentions step-sister.

Which is it?

Poor sentence structure. Poor grammar. Poor spelling Poor story. Give up writing please. I couldn't even finish reading this one.

Definitely want more.. this was good but too short..

For a first story it was OK.

What a wonderful situation to be in.

Now dear author, please go forth to continue this connection.

Pay no mind to the cowards who make their statements and post them under anonymous.

That was good Jacob, please don’t stop.

This is a great story. But it lacked any description of corrective glasses. Wireframe, half-moon, thick full lenses, leaving the reader to think it was a story about another 20/20, hawk-eyed, farsighted, clearviewed mess, potentially covered by several nasty freckled undereye tans. So, there is not a 5 rating for this one. Possibly in your future stories, you will not leave some readers with similar thoughts by adding appropriate corrective glasses to your work(s) and by the way, saying she wore "shades" usually means regular sunglasses meaning the nasty plastic bridge was rubbing her nose and her bridge is now indented with red tinged skin from agitation. Many authors don't go the prescriptionless perfect vision route at all. I rated you a 4 that should have been a 5. I do look forward to your future (a thick covering of bifocals spilled from the front of her frames when she bent forward) works.

If you put anything at all in your bio, we might have some idea who we are reading

So, I have no answer for you!

Good story...until the end. Maybe it's a nitpick, but perhaps switch up the dirty talk. You had a great start until the end when your writing became a tad too repetitive. Again good attempt. I encourage you to try again.

With a great deal of cleaning up the simple mistakes and a good editor to rewrite the 😴 boring stuff, this could be really good. But it reads almost like a Kindergarten Primer. See Spot! See Spot run! See Jane chase Spot! Go, Jane, go! You get the picture.

There's also stuff like this that makes the reader pull their hair out:

"It's ok, Jacob."

"It's normal, don't be ashamed. I think we've both seen the other naked before." She blushed. "I have."

There's absolutely no reason for you to split this into two paragraphs. The sister, who was never named in the story, was speaking in both lines. If you wanted to indicate that she pauses in between, then use narrative for that:

"It's ok, Jacob." My sister paused momentarily, "It's normal, don't be ashamed. I think we've both seen the other naked before." She blushed. "I have."

I'm sorry, but I'm not impressed with your first effort. 😔 You also lost points for brevity. Write up a story with a minimum of 12,000 words and flesh out your characters better. 3/5

I loved it!!! Your story was super hot!