All Comments on 'Comic-Con Pt. 02'

You tell an engaging tale, but you have a way to go before you qualify for the Literotica Hall of Fame.

Let me offer some what I hope will be constructive criticism:

* Trying to maintain, as you have, two perspectives simultaneously is fiendishly difficult. Unfortunately, you haven't reached that level yet, and I have no suggestions to offer for how to get there. Megan and Silvia should each have a separate and distinct "voice." Your characters don't. In each case, it's the same person speaking just applying the first person singular to a different referent.

* Your grasp of the difference between the transitive verb "to lay" (lay/laying/laid/laid) and the intransitive verb "to lie" (lie/lying/lay/lain) is tenuous at best. Usually the same deficit manifests w/r/t "raise" and "rise" but I don't recall how they were used, if at all.

* Here's a glaring syntax error: "After that, I headed to my room. Susan soon followed, meeting me in the bathroom while brushing my teeth." Literally this sentence says that Susan was brushing Sylvia's teeth. It's called a dangling modifier.