All Comments on 'Conversation Took a Left Turn Ch. 03'

you forgot to write that Bobby had also invented a cure for cancer, restored the ozone layer, stopped the last hurricane devastating the southern United States, and pacified the conflicts of the Middle East.

Ah that Bobby, what a man.

A GREAT story. I'm starting to view your writing like a Grandma Moses painting. It's folk art, with the art in its simplicity, it's homespun feel. Same with your writing. The story carries the writing.

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Having stated that, one really unintentionally funny part: '...required a Herculaneum effort.' Let me add that after I was finished, the band played Pompeii & Circumstance in celebration!!

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5+++++/5!!

The rest of your grammar and punctuation is no better.

This chapter is completely unbelievable. There is no way Mary would object to getting fucked by a stranger in a sleazy motel. That sounds exactly like her idea of a great time.

this isn't a RAAC story. Its your typical, I'm a willing and proud Cuckold story. It's about 20 chapters of I'm a sissy ass cuckold and I miss licking my whore's fouled pussy

Interesting story so far, still don't much like Mary. Not much redeemable that I can see. If the guy is getting his life back together and bettering himself he really doesn't need someone like her bringing him down.

Note to self: Sell all shares in Grammarly, ASAP.

Oh? Is ol' Bobby Boy finally worthy of the slut now that he's almost given his life to defend her? Is getting stabbed, tased and killing a man finally enough to earn him the affections and loyalty of the Not-At-All-Virgin Mary?

This author is known for the RAACuck stories. Mary is not only a whore but also a hypocrite. She has cheated on Bobby for years, but he has no right to date with other women. Bobby himself was imprisoned because of her behavior, he had to pay compensation to the whore's lover. Despite his mistakes, he became a better person. Mary is still a hypocrite and selfish. The husband, on the other hand, does everything to make her happy. The wife in this story is an innocent victim whose infidelities are justified.

1*

It’s a decent story but you really need to take the time to proofread. It gets so confusing trying to understand you. I didn’t rate the story but if I was forced to I couldn’t give it better than a 2.

WTF? Do you know what a pronoun is? Mixed tenses, names and a deteriorating story line. Sober up and check your writing!

I threw his hands up as I turned.

Ur grammar sucks!!

Mary is even more irredeemable now.

What a disgusting whore.

She actually had the guy pick her up at her house so everyone could see. I guess her kids are braindead or they would be pretty embarrassed to have such a slut for a mother.

I like the story and plotlines but this chapter needed more polish before posting.

Ok. Sure, save her life. But why is he still there? Move on. She is dating! Like her friend told her if you want him back stop dating.

You need to get an editor in the worst way, the grammar is getting worse. The storyline is being rushed and difficult to understand

LOVING this story so far.

Bobby is tough, muscled, badass cuck. He does all for his family, he doesn't fuck anyone but she continues to screw other men and he loves that women - typical cuck. The most tragical thing in woman's betrayal, that she will never respect a man who fogave her. And for most women forgivness is sign, that he will forgive second, third and other time. He was bad husband, he is guilty, but her actions are unforgivable. The best finish is to give her half of his money and get divorce, as they planned and to remain friends. But I predict, that author will reunit poor Bobby with cheating whore.

Thinly disguised cuck story.

I’m really hooked on this one, watching for updates! That said… So she decided she did still want to ‘date’ and they do have an ‘open relationship’… SMH

I was liking it until she did that. Now the jury is out. I need a better understanding of just how much she’s been chatting around - before, during, and after Bobby’s prison sentence. And what was on the Vegas videos? Since we don’t know, we don’t know if they’re just trying to outdo each other at infidelity again. But I doubt it based on how you’re setting up Bobby. There has to be some weird twist. Which makes it more frustrating that you didn’t reveal/explain it. And that Mary went out on a ‘date’ again. And here - was he driving her to the outing ‘with friends’ (as she SAID) or were they on a date and she intended to screw him (AS IT APPEARED)? Totally unclear.

I finally caved and read the original… have to say that except for the story title (which makes way less sense for your story), character names, and VERY basic bones of the premise, this is SO different that I don’t think you even had to give credit to the original if you’d just changed those trivial details and said ‘guy gets out of prison after beating up one of wife’s multiple lovers after she decided they had an open relationship after he cheated one time’ - not so unoriginal (or maybe so ‘standard’) that you have to give credit to anyone. But I guess you knew personally where the idea came from so think you did the right thing - still the apple fell way far from the original’s tree

Now let’s talks about 1st person and 3rd person narration. In 1st person, EVERYTHING is “I” or “me/my/mine”. The person telling the story is the person IN the story. AT ALL TIMES. In 3rd person, EVERYTHING is “Bobby” or “he/him/his”. EXCEPT for dialogue - an outside CAN HEAR Bobby refer to himself as I/me/my/mine… as long as it’s spoken aloud.

Seriously- PICK ONE! Then go back through searching for all the WRONG ones and replace them with the one you committed to. Otherwise, it’s like Bobby is possessed - sometimes the narrator is INSIDE him / sometimes the narrator is observing. Sometimes in the same paragraph.

Little things - the honor of your ‘presence’ - he wanted her to BE present at the party, but that’s not the same as ‘her presents’ - that would be if she brought more than one gift

Tik Tok is an app; ‘tick tock’ is the sound of a clock meant to convey the passage of time (and what the app name bastardizes)

Lots of other tiny goofs but honestly - fix the POV (1st person v 3rd person) and the quality instantly gets much, much better.

Trying to help here because I thought I really liked this story, now not so sure based on the lack of clarity around just what Mary is doing and thinking.

Wonderful story. It should have been a new story stories, without being a sequel to trincoli’s story

I don’t think your grammar/ spell checkers are working, try standing closer , or better yet get yourself an editor …please.

ugh, what a fucking mess.

she wanted to play games, she deserves to win the prizes.

trying to make him jealous, and beg her to not go on a date. what a fucking dumb person. he respects her as an adult, so he wont stoop to forcing her to change her mind. he loves her enough to NOT play games. if she wanted him, it was up to her to forgive him. but she hasn't. i thought last chapter that she did not deserve him, now I KNOW that she doesn't deserve him. what a toxic dumpster fire she's become. yikes.

Nice side plot with Dutch and his mom! These keep getting better with each chapter. You're really starting to hit your stride in the genre. 5*

I enjoy stories with a good amount of needed violence(Hate it when a perp doesn't suffer) but you should find a proof reader, even if itis just your neighbor. Presents is not Presence. Tik Tok is not Tick-tock which is a pendulum clock marking time. Drug is never ever to be used for dragged. Drug is Always a noun, never a verb. There were several other misused or misplaced words that a normal reader would be quick to spot. That being said, I await your next chapter knowing I'll enjoy your story.

Lots of potential; lots of unforced errors. Get an editor, but keep writing.

I actually believe he should have let Mary go, without tracking her. An idiot would know he turned his life around. She'd have been a hurting unit, or dead...Just like I told ya, EXCELLENT STORY!

I’m just gonna recommend something that I think EVERY author should do before submitting a story - READ IT.

There are a lot of embarrassing errors in there. This chapter was pretty difficult to read because of all the switching from “I” to “he”. Don’t say, “that’s just my style of writing.” It’s not style, it’s poor writing. Your story is pretty good, but you need an editor. At least read what you’ve written before you submit it.

First chapter was good but this second chapter was too much.

You are still jumping first to third person.Makes this very hard to read.Also I don't understand your depiction of Mary. You hint she wants Bobby back but you make her a cheating whore. Andyou are going for a reconciliation?

only worth 2 stars for this useless endeavor. You could have made it so much better.

please get an editor. The story is beginning to get very confusing as to whom is talking and to whom.

The story flows decently, and the writing's good, but my main problem is that Mary's not that interesting or deep a character, and she occupies too much of a role in the story for her shortcomings to be overlooked.

You have to edit this. The grammar and spelling are atrocious.

Beyond stupid, just stop right here.

sorry 2*s. The reason - You said at the beginning that this was a RAAC story. Nothing in these tree chapters has Mary done ANYTHING worthy of being redeemed. It's still basically a cuck story. Not sure how crappy of a husband he WAS, Mary has been a whore throughout.

The writer seems to be trying to write in first person and third person at the same time throughout this chapter, which at times was confusing for this reader.

I really want to give this chapter and series 5* but the writing is terrible. It switches from 1st to 3rd person in almost every sentence, which has gone from silly to down right annoying. I've never claimed to be perfect or even close to it. I use several extra sets of eyes when I publish, and love the help they provide. Please consider finding someone to help proof your work. I've read other work by Omega and don't always enjoy them, but for me I've oddly gotten to liking this cast of characters.

Sorry but this writing is abysmal. Constant switches of point of view - even in a short sentence. Get an editor please.

Damn suspense! LoL.

Wow, what a change for the better. Hard to believe the writer of Chap. 2 is the same writer of Chap. 3. Much better, and altho I still think it's very 'over-the-top', much more enjoyable to read. Keep it up.

Not sure about this chapter at all, apart from giving Bobby sainthood there is no mention of Mary's infidelities that contributed to Bobby's situation. OK so he appears to have rehabilitated, more likely grown up some, yet she also appears to still be blind to her issues. The threat of divorce hanging over Bobby's head is nothing less than cruel in this story. Either do it or not, what is Mary waiting for?

Sometimes the writing is better than the story, and sometimes the story is better than the writing. This is one of those times. I can handle most of the errors but this first person third person stuff, particularly when there is a second person in the mix is just flat out terrible.

If I were your seventh grade English teacher I'd fail you.

Still, I'll read the next part as I do enjoy the story.

Rather than give this the two the writing deserves I just won't rate it.

Great. What about the desk clerk as he was part of the gang? Also, do finish the plot hole of Bobby in Las Vegas.

Please learn to proofread your work. You change tense constantly through virtually every sentence. You have no clue as to how to use quotation marks and you have taken what could possibly be a good story and made it unreadable.

Doc

Well, at least you can say that Bobby can keep a New year's resolution.

Dude, this is worse than the trials of Hercules, trying to get back in the good graces of the "gods" and the world. By worse I mean so unbelievably lop-sided...

However, please reach out to an editor. The changes in person and point of view are coming approximately with each new sentence, and word jumbles abound.

Mary is a real POS.

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And Bobby is terminally stupid.

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This story is rapidly devolving.

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3 weak ***…..and only because of the curiosity factor regarding what the hell is going to happen to these dolts.

Yeah, no on the RAAC. Mary has long since passed the point of no return. This just topped it.

maybe she will quit cheating now

A little over the top,

as was told at the beginning. Looking forward to the continuation.

Thank you.

I enjoyed the stories but in this is a big butt this last Edition sucks there is no good reason why you couldn't have concluded the story at this point or in this chapter. Stringing out the story does that make it better. When you start to string it out you start to lose your audience.

You write well. Thank you for reminding me of long ago and the great taste of Golden Rule Bar-B-Que on old Hwy 78 Northeast of Birmingham, Alabama.

I don't like the wife or her actions. But, the character development is excellent.

Please post the rest of the story at once, I assume that it is finished as you post a chapter everyday. It would be different if they were 5 pages long but they are just 2-3 really messing up the flow of the story.

Seriously!! Two pages per posting?? This is pathetic. Honestly, you must have a really poor opinion of the readers here if you think we can’t handle more than two pages at a time.

In chapter you wrote, 'Mary responded in a matter-of-fact tone. "You know the deal, Bobby. We'll stay married till Amanda graduates high school. You can sleep in our bed, and we can have sex maybe a couple of times a month. I'm still planning on dating other men. And there is nothing you can do about it.'

If this was going to be an RAAC story, then Mary would need to be the one begging for the reconciliation.

In this chapter you wrote, 'Mary came down dressed for her date. She looked to see Bobby staring at her with an awed-inspired response to her beauty.'

It's been 5 or 6 years since he has been out of prison, paid all the bills, raised Amanda, educated John in the true facts of life and made it to where Mary had nothing to do but study to be a lawyer.

In chapter two Mary asked for advice from Mr. Harrison, he told her, '"Bobby was immature, lazy, and drank too much. He made many bad choices. But he was never a womanizer, I don't know what happened that one night, but it was a one-off, I bet. Now, if you want to save your marriage at all, then you have to quit dating other men, period. If not, get divorced."

So for a one off and getting drunk during their marriage, her opening their marriage for her alone (and for how many years, is Amanda really his) she expects him to pay for the rest of his life.

What did she tell all of her in-laws to warrant this, "I am sorry I shot you. God only knows how many times I wanted to shoot you in the ass with my Glock. For the way you treated Mary.

"When I got to the room, I saw the man dressed in a suit on the ground outside the room. I walked in with my gun drawn to see you heading towards Mary on the bed. At that moment, I thought you had gotten jealous and gone after them. (Been there, done that.)

Like I said, Mary needs to be the one begging for mercy.

Stop submitting and find an editor. Word and Grammarly are nigh worthless. You've proven that. POV changes mid sentence. Verb tenses out of whack. Quotation marks desperately needed. The list goes on.

Will you for god's sake just pick a tense and stick to it!!

The mix of 1st and 3rd person- often in the same sentance - is really pissing me off.

A little far out in this chapter. You made him into a mind reader, Mary a dumb slut. A super hero that should be dead with those stab wounds. So what’s next .why would he want Mary the whore.he can have the cream of the crop. She is so stupid after all this time seeing him put his life back to together and successful .yet she runs off with a sexual deviant who is going to rape and film her. You got this man with the wrong women.

Kudos. I like the story quite a lot and in general the writing is good. But, this chapter in particular seemed a bit rushed and sloppy. There are quite a lot of easily fixable errors of randomly changing point of view and present/past tense (sometimes in the same paragraph). I only mention the errors because they are frequent enough to be distracting. I’m torn between wanting you to speed up and post the rest of the story and wanting you to slow down and take a bit more time to edit and polish it.

1st person or 3rd person perspective? Could you please stick with one of those? Changing in the midst of a sentence is just annoying.

meh

she didn't make a mistake by dating this scumbag, she actively chose to still cheat on him (yes, to me, her decision to go out with her history.... I'll take that as an attempt to cheat). She shouldn't have dated this guy in the first place, she only did it to provoke the MC.

I don't know how many months/years have passed since the jail stuff, but I'm guessing she screwed while he was in jail and screwed around for quite a while before she cooled it down and decided to go back to being a ... you know what, I don't care why, she just did it

so karma account for Him Con: was lazy and inattentive, cheated once too

bad enough

Con for her: has been screwing around with many, many, many people for years, has no shame and is partly proud of it, rubs it in and still wants him to run to her while she's still screwing around... and she becomes a lawyer, the second worst kind of person after politicians/managers

Pro Him: served his time for assault, has changed, helps other convicts who deserve it, tries way too hard to make it up to her

Pro Her: ... was a good mother until she was the one who couldn't keep the kids in check?...

so this is going to be a RAAC okay, but how are you going to accomplish that other than just writing "and this is how it should be".

Right now this is a disaster, nothing is settled, she is still unilaterally deciding how this joke of a marriage should go on.

RAAC without a good, understandable explanation or good reasons are crapRAAC.

And right now it's not getting worse, it's just getting hard, really hard to sell RAAC - imo

P.S. Bobby is way too much of a saint to be human enough to be a husband and, as others have mentioned, editing my friend.

This is an interesting concept but it's slipping through your fingers like an oiled eel because you are butchering the perspective and grammar and continuing to have no real repercussions for Mary's insane, degenerate and purely base and selfish behavior combined with the near angelic behavior of Bobby.

Try and bring Bobby down to earth a bit, seriously smack the shit out of the irredeemable whore Mary and proofread before posting.

You may want to get an editor, I know Microsoft sucks but if their grammar checker passed this, oye. Not just wrong words, but things like mixed third and first person in the same sentence made it hard to read at times. I like the story , waiting to see what happens , if they both pull their heads out of their asses and figure out each other. Gonna be interesting to see what Bobby was doing in Vegas.

Bobby is working for the obvious reconciliation but it looks like Mary is doing her best to throw their marriage down the drain. I hope you can wrap up this story in the next with chapter.

Stop switching between first and third person narration

Her self justifying dating finally bit her in the ass

The slut wife is going to have a hard time to be forgiven by readers. The whore could have gone out with a group of classmates instead of a man. Bobby was a turd before but she is a true blue slut. Good luck getting readers to accept her instead of pairing him up with a deserving woman.

Kudo!

Annnndd then….

TK

Moronic !

The point-of-view pops randomly back and forth between first person and third person. It’s REALLY annoying. When you’re writing, pick one or the other and stick to it. Proofreading/editing the story after you finish it is probably MORE important to producing a good final product than finishing the first draft of the piece, and it’s pretty obvious that didn’t happen here.

The story isn’t bad, but it could be so much better,

very strange and not cohesive

Seriously in need of a serious proof-reader.

Ah, you had a pretty good tale going but it may have jumped the shark with this installment. Sorta took a turn into crazy that hard to believe and not credible. bobby was already hero enough in his own life,without saving Mary from a sexual predator.

The awful grammar has made a relatively interesting story unreadable. I have better things to do with my time. Good luck salvaging this.

That went South in a hurry. Mary had no business going on a date with someone she didn’t know very well, or anyone for that matter. Maybe this will wake her skank ass up finally.

You're over doing it. Pretty lame, and so obnoxious having the cuck eating her shit just for a chance to see where it comes from. This is not reconciliation, this is a slave owner allowing her servant to share her presence and her exhalations, if he acts right. Whatever comes next will be her sexual left overs, bestowed upon the faithful stupid pet. Serves him right.

Just fucking nuts.

ditto buzzczar again. Hard to read. Further proof that Artificial Intelligence isn't.

It’s harder and harder to stomac this. What a chicken-shit-soup you dish !

Captcha

Continues to be a great story. Bobby sounds like a new great guy. Thanks for your writing.

TERRIBLE WRITING!

You need to get a much better editing program. I have whiplash from trying to follow names, pronouns and word placement.

Still going in the same direction, the thing that upsets me is how you change between first and third characters all through this, it’s off putting

This is a very good story, but the punctuation, spelling, shifting from third person to first person, having one person's point of view with another's in the same sentence made it very hard to read.

Great story, love it. You either need an editor or you could use Text Aloud to write your stories! 5 BIG ASS FUCKING HUGE FLAMING NOVA STARS!

"One minute I'm still furious at him. And the next, I want to rush to his arms and tell him I forgive him."

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One of these chapters someone made a comment implying Mary has been fucking a *lot* of guys.

Just curious how many guys she thinks she can fuck before she's passed the point of being the one *owed* an apology.