All Comments on 'Cousins 30 Years Later Pt. 02'

Fantastic tale of cousin luvvin. Where to from here? Will they stay together? More please

Verb tense continues to be inconsistent. It dawns on me an example might be of help. Here is the original paragraph:

"Drinks in hand, doobie rolled and already naked, Rachel turns on the shower and we hop in. It was a much quicker shower this time, only enough time to smoke our joint. Once the last puff was smoked, eagerly desiring to continue in bed, I turned off the water before stepping out. We barely dried off when I scoop Rachel up in my arms to carry her back. Her legs and arms wrapped around me like a koala bear, I passionately kiss her as I carry her back to the bed."

Here is the same paragraph in a consistent present tense:

"Drinks in hand, doobie rolled and already naked, Rachel turns on the shower and we hop in. It is a much quicker shower this time, only enough time to smoke our joint. Once the last puff is smoked, eagerly desiring to continue in bed, I turn off the water before stepping out. We barely dry off when I scoop Rachel up in my arms to carry her back. Her legs and arms wrap around me like a koala bear, I passionately kiss her as I carry her back to the bed."

Perhaps I am too picky. Regardless, looking forward to more installments.

Great read

I agree with others on a proof read, or maybe an editor to correct the tenses and errors, but it wasn’t entirely distracting. Have to admit, I was fascinated by the amount of wine, drinks, joints, and showers they had. I’m not sure if this was a night shared, a full day, or a weekend, but how the hell they were still standing, let alone able to be so damn active, is astounding regardless of the time period. By my count, and it may be a little off, they had 3 bottles of wine, God knows how many drinks(a lot), 3-4 joints (if you count the time he goes to smoke as being a joint), and 3-4 showers. I started to wonder if it was a hot summer day that required so many showers, but I remembered this was around October in Canada. Lol

I tease, but it did give me a chuckle (in a good way) each time they got more drinks, a joint, or another shower. All kidding aside, I loved the concept of cousins fooling around while growing up together and remembering that time together so fondly, they can’t wait, nor resist, finishing what they started. Please keep writing!