Crazy Cornelius & the Magic Pills Ch. 02

"It was that Henry Cole guy across the road, he's dead," said Danielle matter-of-factly. "The postman apparently had a parcel for him, found the corpse lying dead in the front yard."

Faye looked disapprovingly at Danielle for her complete lack of tact but said, "I wonder how he died?"

"How the hell should I know?" Cornelius grumbled, shrugging his shoulders in an insolent way.

"I was just speculating Cornelius, there's no need for you to be so rude," said Faye.

Erica and Gavin watched the scene across the road. "It feels so eerie, we were talking to him only this morning," said Erica. "Well, he was talking at us to be accurate."

"Yeah, it feels so strange," said Gavin. "Maybe he was sick or something?"

"Yes, it's terrible and so sad for his family," said Faye.

"If he had any family," said Danielle. "I doubt it."

"Yeah, he was a grumpy old prick," said Cornelius. "Who would want to marry him?"

"Cornelius, don't say that, it's not nice to speak ill of the dead like that," Faye warned him. "Especially when he only died today."

"I don't give a shit that he's dead, and I'm sure as hell not going to his fucking funeral," said Cornelius.

"And nor should you, if you were planning on wearing that sick tee-shirt you've got on today." Faye indicated her son's suicide tee-shirt.

"I don't care," said Cornelius. The rain got heavier and the Hawkins family headed back inside, only the patriarch Alistair missing now.

Faye looked at the clock. She had been delayed at work, which meant tea would be late. And Alistair would not be happy about the delay to his dinner when he got home from work.

"I'd better make a start on dinner," she said.

Cornelius turned to his mother. "Actually Mum, you don't need to worry about that. Tea's on me tonight. I'll order some pizzas and garlic bread from that new shop that opened up the road. Plus I bought six mini mud-cakes for dessert."

Faye was suspicious. "Since when do you buy dinner for the family, Cornelius? And where did you get the money to buy it? It's not dole day for another week."

Cornelius was nonchalant. "Oh, I was walking down the street and there was this 50 dollar note blowing in the breeze so I picked it up and thought I'd treat everyone." He pulled one of the remaining notes stolen from Mr. Cole from his pocket and showed it to his mother, then looked at Gavin. "And you too buddy. You want to stay for pizza, garlic bread and chocolate mud cake?"

Gavin did indeed want to stay for dinner. "My sister Lisa's got her boyfriend over, so thanks Cornelius that would be great."

"Well, um thank you Cornelius," said Faye, still suspicious as to why her son who never did anything for anyone else was suddenly treating everyone to dinner. "I just hope your father is in the mood for pizza."

*

Alistair Hawkins was not in a good mood as he drove home in the pouring rain. The jobs at Woolloomooloo and The Rocks in the morning had gone reasonably well, but there were no end of problems with the job over in Kings Cross in the afternoon. The swanky apartment building in the gentrified suburb seemed to be filled with poofters and lesbos, which while better than the trash at the housing commission towers yesterday, pissed off Alistair more and more as the day progressed.

Far worse, when he and his team finally finished and were packing up in the rain when a car-load of faggots sped around the corner and through a puddle, splashing Alistair with muddy water. Although the poofs apologized, it didn't make Alistair any less cross. And things only went downhill on the drive home, when an expensive car full of young Asians cut off Alistair on the Lower North Shore, crossing into his lane without looking or indicating, responding to the beeping horn, flashing headlights and Alistair waving his fist with an 'up-yours' hand gesture.

Turning into his street, Alistair sighed when he saw the police car, assuming that it had something to do with Cornelius, but to his surprise it seemed to be related to that dickhead Mr. Cole. Maybe he had called the cops on Cornelius and Alistair would have even more bullshit to put up with tonight?

Mumbling and grumbling, Alistair stopped his four wheel drive in the garage next to his wife's car, put down the roller door and slammed into the house from the side door.

"How was your day, Alistair?" Faye asked as her husband entered the kitchen, although she could tell from his expression that he was anything close to a good mood.

"Crap," grunted Alistair, going into the fridge to get his beer. "What's going on across the road? Did that cunt Cole call the cops on Cornelius again?"

"Alistair, Henry Cole died today," said Faye. "He apparently collapsed in his garden some time during the day."

"Good," grunted Alistair, before taking a drink of beer.

"Alistair please, what an awful thing to say," said Faye.

"Oh you know what I mean Faye," grumbled Alistair. "Cole was a pain in the arse, always was and now that's one less problem I have to worry about." He looked around the kitchen, expecting to see his dinner underway on the stove or oven. It wasn't, to his great dismay.

"Faye, where's my dinner?" Alistair demanded.

"The same place as your manners, Alistair," snapped Faye.

Alistair went bright red and slammed his open palm down on the kitchen. "Goddamn it Faye, I work my arse off all day! Is it too much to bloody ask for to have a proper dinner waiting for me when I walk through the door?"

"I've been working hard all day too, Alistair, don't start on me," retorted Faye. "In any case, your dinner isn't too far away, Cornelius just ordered it from the pizza shop."

"Pizza?" Alistair asked. He turned to Cornelius, who along with Danielle. "You've ordered pizza?"

"Yes Father," Cornelius said.

"Yes, you like pizza Alistair," said Faye.

Alistair ignored his wife and daughter-in-law, and affixed his attention firmly upon his son. "Is this bullshit?"

"No Dad, I found fifty dollars today and I'm shouting pizza to everyone," said Cornelius. "Plus garlic bread, and mini chocolate mud cakes for dessert."

Alistair clearly was suspicious but said, "Just make sure you get proper pizzas. Not garbage pizza."

"Only the best, Dad," Cornelius said.

"I know the shop where it comes from Alistair, it's an authentic Italian pizzeria," said Faye.

"I don't want poofter shit pizza like that crap we were served in that restaurant in Adelaide when we went to see your sister and her husband," Alistair said to his wife. "About the size of a cookie, feta cheese not real cheese, on a huge plate with little piles of weird vegetables and red dust sprinkled around. And I don't want pizza like that place out near Manly, which was run by gooks. What are gooks making pizza for? It'd be like going to a Chinese restaurant and finding wogs running it not chinks."

Alistair took another swig of his beer. "Oh, and Cornelius?"

"Yes Dad?" Cornelius asked.

Alistair stood right in front of him. "If I find out this is some sort of joke, or if I wind up paying for tea because you were lying about having the money, then I will take the pizza boxes and shove them up your arse so far that you will need surgery to remove them. Is that clear, Cornelius?"

"Yes Dad," said Alistair.

Cornelius and Danielle retreated to their bedroom and closed the door.

"Your Dad's in a really bad mood again tonight," laughed Danielle.

"Yeah, what's new?" asked Cornelius. "Thought he might be happy when that fucking old dickhead across the road kicked the bucket, but no."

He then produced the six pills scored from Justin earlier. "I think we can get Dad to cheer up more."

Danielle looked at the six pills. "I've never seen these yellow pills before, did Justin say what they were or where they came from?"

Cornelius shook his head. "Nuh, said they were new, came up from Melbourne but that they're really good."

Taking the tray of mini mud-cakes and the tube of frosting, Cornelius extricated the first of the six tablets and crushed it up, mixing it up with some icing that he applied to the first cake.

"Don't say Cornelius Hawkins isn't the type of guy who doesn't share with his family," he said. "One for Cornelius's wife." He repeated the process with a second pill and cake. "One for Cornelius."

Going through the remaining pills and cakes, Cornelius kept up the commentary as he went. "One for Cornelius's sister. One for Cornelius's sister's boyfriend. One for Cornelius's Mum. And last but not least, one for Cornelius's Daddy."

"You are so bad," Danielle laughed as she and Cornelius kissed, Danielle returning the tray of cakes to the fridge before their absence was noted by other family members.

*

Alistair Hawkins was not at all disappointed with the quality of pizza delivered to the house along with garlic bread and soft drink, followed by a moist delicious chocolate mini mud-cake with great frosting, but instead it was Cornelius and Danielle who would be the disappointed ones.

They waited eagerly for the high of taking the new drugs Justin had sold Cornelius -- and nothing happened. They watched for the anticipated reactions of Erica, Gavin, Faye and Alistair -- and nothing, they all just behaved normally.

"Something's not working," Danielle said to Cornelius as they sat watching television later in the evening.

"Yeah, I feel normal too," grumbled Cornelius. "Justin had better not have ripped me off."

"What about everyone else?" Danielle asked.

"I'll go and check, somebody should have reacted by now."

Leaving his wife sitting on the couch, Cornelius got up and looked into the study, where his mother was busy with some home paperwork.

"You good Mum?" Cornelius asked.

"Yes, fine thanks Cornelius," said Faye.

With his mother seeming just fine, Cornelius went looking for his sister and her boyfriend, finding them studying hard as usual for their university course. "That was pretty good pizza, huh?" Cornelius said. "I reckon I could eat another one right now."

"Yeah, I really enjoyed it, thanks Cornelius," said Erica.

"Yeah mate, I think it's because they're wood-fired, that's the best type of pizza," said Gavin.

Cornelius was most dismayed, the two squares were normal, so what the fuck was going on?

Not sure where his father was, Cornelius returned to the living room he and his wife watching television feeling as normal and normal as could be. Outside the rain continued, and a thunderstorm made its presence known across Sydney. Lightning flashes lit up the windows, followed by the roll of thunder.

Cornelius switched over to another channel where an American sitcom was playing, and soon heard the voice of his father. "Get that fucking shit off the TV right now."

Looking around Danielle and Cornelius saw the tall figure of Alistair standing behind them, a can of beer in one hand and a sour expression on his face.

Cornelius looked at the sitcom, which had a mostly African-American cast, and back to his father. "You don't like this show?"

"No."

"Can I ask why you don't like it Alistair?" Danielle cut in, her smart-ass tone designed to annoy Alistair even more, which she did.

"No, just get it off the TV. Now!"

"Okay Dad, we'll watch something else," said Cornelius.

He changed the channel to another show, this one a current affairs show about Aboriginal issues in Australia.

"No!" shouted Alistair.

Cornelius again changed channels, this time to a music video show showing African-American rappers performing.

"No!" roared Alistair, going redder still.

Cornelius switched channels again, this time to a sports report about cricket in the West Indies.

"No!" bellowed Alistair, slamming his fist into the coffee table.

Cornelius looked at his father. "Dad, there seems to be something wrong. Is there a problem I'm not aware of?"

"It seems to me that your Dad has a problem with TV shows about black people," Danielle observed.

"So, you don't want us watching TV shows involving black people?" Cornelius played the mock innocent.

"I do not want to see any of that fucking Sambo shit on my TV screen in my house!" boomed Alistair.

"What just for today, the rest of this week..." Danielle prompted.

"Never!" yelled Alistair.

"What, not ever?" Cornelius smirked.

"Never!" Alistair roared again, looking close to a heart attack.

"Hey, it's your house, you make the rules, it's no problem," said Danielle.

"We'll turn off the TV right now," said Cornelius, doing just this. "Like Danielle said, your house, your rules. See, no more black people on TV in your house."

His son's response had that smart tone just designed to piss of Alistair, which it did. Slamming down his beer, Alistair grabbed Cornelius by the shirt, dragged him off the couch and across the room, and like he had done in the bathroom the previous night, slammed him against the wall, holding him against it with one hand, his fist raised with the other and a furious expression on his face.

"You're up to something you useless layabout. And as soon as I find out what it is, I'm going to bust your arse, you stupid, worthless little shit!"

"Alistair, Cornelius that's enough, why does this house always have to be like an orangutan enclosure at the zoo?" The petite red-haired figure of Faye Hawkins appeared at the door, and she was joined by Erica and Gavin who had been alarmed by the yelling and commotion.

Alistair lowered his fist and released his grip on Cornelius. "You just watch your step you stupid smart-arse, because I will be watching you like a hawk, and when you fuck up like you always do, I'll fucking smash your fucking stupid head in."

With another episode of domestic violence in the Hawkins house narrowly averted, Alistair collected his beer and went on his way, grumbling and grouching as he did so. If Mr. Hawkins didn't have such a hair-trigger temper and wasn't such a racist then Cornelius and Danielle would have thought that he might have been under the influence of the drugs, but this was how he normally reacted to things that angered him, so obviously nothing wrong with him either.

Gavin departed into the wet night, driving the short way up the road to his parents' house where his sister Lisa was saying goodbye to her boyfriend Pete with a lengthy session of making out. Gavin was relieved to have not been a third wheel to cramp his sister's evening, even though his girlfriend's father had proven to be as big a grouch as usual.

At the Hawkins house, Alistair, Faye and Erica had gone to bed, as had Danielle and Cornelius, who was still fuming about the lack of effect of the drugs.

"What a waste of fucking money," he lamented. "Justin fucked me over that's for sure."

"Oh well, how about you make yourself feel better by fucking me?" Danielle asked suggestively, twisting a few strands of her untidy blonde hair in her fingers.

Cornelius's interest pricked up and within seconds he sported a full-blown erection in his boxers. He then stopped. "But you're on your period."

"Since when has that ever stopped you?" Danielle teased. "And anyway, it's not your problem when we make a mess, it will be your Mum's problem on the weekend when she has to wash the sheets."

In no time, Cornelius was naked and Danielle had taken off her oversized tee-shirt and her knickers, her overnight pad attached to her panty saddle courtesy of the adhesive strip and the wings that held it in place showing a considerable red stain courtesy of her heavy monthly womanly flow.

After some minimal foreplay, the two of them making out and Cornelius playing around with Danielle's naked breasts, bare bottom and her bare feet, kissing and caressing them and sucking her toes, Danielle lay back and spread her legs wide, showing off her pubic hair, genitals and anus to her husband. Coveting his wife's cunt, Cornelius mounted her and shoved his dick up her wide-set vagina, the natural lubrication of Danielle's menstrual blood making it easy for him to slide up there.

Cornelius fucked Danielle hard on her period, the smell of menses and Danielle's feminine excitement clear in the bedroom, blood going everywhere until they came at the same time. A rush of pussy juice and period saturated Cornelius's groin as Danielle's orgasm went from her clitoris through her vagina and up into her bowels, the muscles in Danielle's anus and rectum clenching hard the toes on her bare feet clenching as she kicked out.

For his part, Cornelius shot his load deep inside Danielle. Had this been another week, it might have resulted in Mr. and Mrs. Hawkins becoming grandparents in nine months' time to an infant born to their despised daughter-in-law and sired by their loser son, but as it was Danielle's time of the month, there was no such danger. There were no ova to be found in Danielle's fallopian tubes, and in any case the sperm had no chance of swimming against the crimson tide as Danielle's uterus worked overtime to shed its lining, copious amounts of menstrual blood flowing down her birth canal to her cervix and out of her vagina.

Their satisfying period fuck over, Danielle and Cornelius kissed and got out of the missionary position. Danielle grabbed a box of tissues and she and Cornelius began the task of cleaning her menses from themselves. Cornelius, while cleaning Danielle's period blood from his cock perved on his wife as she applied tissues to her vulva, cleaning up menstrual blood, pussy juice and white semen.

With the blood cleaned up, Danielle put on her knickers, adjusting her napkin around her fanny so it was comfortable, then covered her tits and panties with an oversized tee-shirt, while Cornelius put on his boxer shorts. Lying down on the blood-soaked sheets that Mrs. Hawkins would need to wash the next time she did the laundry, Cornelius again lamented the fact that none of them had been affected by the drugs he had purchased earlier. Not only had he and Danielle not gotten high, his practical joke had failed too.

But otherwise Thursday had been a successful day for Cornelius. He had pissed off plenty of people on his day out in Newtown especially the cripple whining and sooking about the fucking disabled parking bay, collected a heap of stuff out of the dumpsters, his adversary the dickhead neighbor had dropped dead after Cornelius had pranked him allowing Cornelius to take his cash, he had made his Dad get mad and finally he had fucked Danielle while she was on her rags. What was there to complain about?

END OF CHAPTER 2 - TO BE CONTINUED...