Defiled: Him

Noah swallowed hard, suddenly weirdly tense. "You... you could live with me, Jamie. I have an apartment very close to the campus."

Wow, I froze and raised my eyes to his face. He had rather an unusual expression, it almost looked like he was hoping I would say yes. But why?

Blinking dumbfoundedly I considered his words.

Yes, living near campus would improve my chances of regaining some influence over Tye. And we were in the same major, even better, more chances to see him without his new boyfriend. Noah could actually be right, I could have a real chance if I would transfer here.

"That's so kind of you, but I wouldn't want to impose on your hospitality..."

"You wouldn't be. I have two bedrooms... "

"That may be so, but I would need to pay for half of my bills, I can't leech off you..."

Noah seemed unmoved by my objections.

"That's not a problem. My boss needs someone to take care of our social media. Also to do some updates of our webpage with courses and pieces of training for bodyguards and security guards. The girl that was doing it just... wasn't that great. I can recommend you, since I know you have run a couple of fan pages in the past for different companies."

Wow. I stared at him for a while. Yep, that was true, during high school I helped to run social media for a couple of companies that Joseph cooperated with. I didn't even realize Noah knew that! Did he ask Tye about me?

"Well, thank you so much, that would be... of great help," I murmured, looking at him suspiciously, but he seemed now totally relaxed, his face almost innocently smiling.

We got inside the car, as Noah was about to drop me off at the bus station. My college was three hours from here. But at that moment I hesitated.

"Today is Sunday, but... Can I stay with you tonight? In that case, I could already go to the college administrative office tomorrow morning and try to make the transfer happen"

Noah suddenly got more animated. He smiled and nodded enthusiastically.

"Yes, that's a great idea. You can stay at my place, of course!"

I eyed him. He looked pretty happy just because I was about to stay with him?

As we were driving I started to consider for the first time that he... liked me. Perhaps more than just a friend? He was 5 years my senior, being 23, he left the army nine months ago, and had been working as a security guard during the last few months. Only since September, he has begun working in New York, near Tye's college.

I never paid much attention to him because I was so in love with Tye, but he obviously was paying attention to me. That was weirdly uncomfortable, and confusing.

While he drove, I eyed him pensively, noticing his muscular frame, military buzz cut, and regular, but sharp facial features. As we got outside the car and went to his condominium, I was watching his behavior pretty carefully. He, however, tried to act completely normal.

Noah led me to his apartment and he prepared sandwiches for me. Then he showed me a small bedroom, where I was supposed to sleep. As we sat by the kitchen table, we also talked for a while, he asked me about my college life.

"It was pretty boring. I was focusing on my studies, as I was doing in high school. I want to keep my scholarship."

Noah bit his lips and was obviously struggling with asking about something.

I observed him cautiously. He wasn't that strikingly Hollywood-star-handsome as Tye, he looked more manly, rough around the edges, with a wider jaw, always-present black shadow of stubble, a more pronounced nose, and thicker eyebrows. His skin was olive as Tye's skin, his black hair cut shorter, and his Sicilian heritage was clearly visible in his features. Only his eyes were lighter than Tye's, more green, contrasting with his tanned complexion. He surely was very attractive, just a different type from Tye, but I couldn't let myself dwell on that.

Suddenly he asked, "Did you... try to forget about Tye for these last two months of your college life?"

His question surprised me. I eyed him even more carefully.

"When the semester began I was shocked he returned to his original college, that he somehow managed to be transferred back. It was pretty unreal. I secretly hoped we would... find our way to each other while studying together. But he wasn't there. I was devastated at first, then decided I should probably try... to live. So, I decided to use Grindr."

Noah twitched a bit and snapped his head looking at me, seemingly startled.

"Grindr? And... how did it go?"

The insecure tone in his voice was very telling.

I closed my eyes. "I went on exactly three dates. These guys wanted to fuck me on the first meeting and I just... couldn't, so I ran away. They were far cry from Tye. Nothing like him..."

Noah was staring at his plate for some time.

"Were you searching for someone exactly like Tye?"

The silence was deafening. "I... I would just prefer to have him... not some other guy..." I whispered, afraid to look at him, for some unknown reason - feeling slightly guilty.

"Well, Tye found someone resembling you. Maybe you'll be lucky in the end?"

Noah murmured, avoiding my eyes. Was there a hint of bitterness in his voice?

I swallowed and didn't respond. I started to realize that his behavior pointed to some... subtle attraction toward me and it was very uncomfortable. Was it a smart idea to even live with him?

But I didn't have any other option if I wanted to pursue Tye in the next semester.

That evening, I made sure to lock the door to the restroom when I was taking a shower and I dressed myself fully before going out. I also closed the door to the bedroom he prepared for me.

Lying in the darkness I could hear him walking all around the apartment, to the kitchen, bathroom, and bedroom. I felt stressed he would knock on the door, and... and what?

Wanted something from me? Fuck me? After what I've been through, I really wasn't that interested in sex with anybody, except for Tye. He was the only one who could still make me hard. He was the only one with whom I had orgasms, except for some stress-releasing jerking off I did sometimes, just to kill the overwhelming feelings of loneliness.

For a moment, I closed my eyes and imagined Noah was entering the room naked. The wave of fear that hit me - was mixed with some forbidden, almost degrading feeling, that made me sick to my stomach. So, I pushed the thought out of my head forcibly. I wasn't going to let it grow in me.

I needed to focus, I had a very important mission tomorrow.

Transfer to this college, and the last attempt to pursue Tye again...

***

PRESENT TIME

I slowly walked toward the dorm Tye occupied with his new boyfriend. I wasn't in a hurry. I knew I would have a lot of time to try to mend my broken relationship with my ex-boyfriend, as I entered the dorm, I wasn't even sure if I should pay him a visit.

Most likely he was now fucking his new boyfriend. But I just... wanted to tell him that I was sorry to hear he was beaten by some psycho and was in the hospital for almost two weeks. I felt like I should. I was so strongly drawn to him.

(The story of how Tye was beaten is told in "Defiled:You")

The moment I started to walk upstairs, some girl ran past me, almost pushing me to the wall. She was beautiful... very "Instagram-looking" type.

I ignored the situation and continued to climb the stairs when I smelled something.

Smoke?

Carefully, I turned left to the corridor, on which there was a door leading to Tye's room.

And, yes - it was actually full of dark smoke!

I felt a pang of fear and took out my cell phone to call the emergency dispatcher. I notified him about the situation and quickly went down, to watch what would happen.

For some time, there was nothing visible on the building itself. The smoke however soon appeared from some chimney ventilation on the roof. Tye's room was on the fourth floor. I stared at the windows, where I suspected he could be.

I smoked my cigarette and waited.

About five minutes after I went down, one of the windows opened and two silhouettes emerged. From that distance, it was hard to know who it was, but as the difference in size was pretty obvious, I came to the conclusion it had to be Tye and my little twin-bitch, Nick.

They were slowly moving along the wide cornice.

Some other students who were walking past the dorm, noticed what was going on and stopped with their phones out, recording what was going on.

Two minutes later the fire truck arrived.

I stood in the shadow of the trees and observed the whole action with the truck's aerial lift that brought Tye and Nick down.

My heart almost jumped out of my chest, when I saw how Tye pulled Nick toward himself and they stood like that, hugging tightly. God, I hated this Nick so much...

I squeezed my eyelids and came closer.

"O, hi guys!"

They both turned toward me with shock on their faces.

"Jamie..." Tye whispered.

"Jamie!" Nick growled.

I puffed on my cigarette and smirked. I wasn't going to show any weakness in front of that weird imposter of mine.

"Trouble in paradise?" I grinned widely, and I let some ash fall to the ground from my cigarette.

Tye stared at me obviously not understanding what was going on.

So I winked at him, trying to look amused, even though I was bitter and hurt.

"Good news is... I managed to transfer to your college. I start this new semester. Do you know who helped me bring my stuff here? Your dear brother Noah! Are you happy, Tye? I can see you are... Yes. Now... It's gonna be hot, right?" I emphasized the word 'hot'.

Nick wanted to jump toward me, but Tye stopped him, wrapping his arms around Nick's shoulder and holding him in place. His boyfriend only roared like an angry lion.

I looked toward the higher floors and the opened windows up there, still releasing big black clouds of smoke.

Tye was just staring at me for a while dumbfoundedly, when Nick said,

"What does not kill us... only makes us stronger, bitch! Do you know this rule? You made a mistake, Jamie, coming here!" he hissed.

"That remains to be seen..." I grinned again and waved my hand goodbye. I let the cigarette fall from my hand to the ground.

I could see them watching me from the back, so purposefully, I swayed my hips a bit, just to annoy Nick.

But I was far from being happy.

I returned to Noah's flat on foot as his place was about a ten minute walk from campus.

As I walked in, I could feel the pleasant smell of some food he cooked. Noah was a pretty good cook. I'd had a chance to eat what he prepared for me already a couple of times, and it was always tasty.

While I went to the kitchen, he eyed me, seeing my provocative outfit. I was wearing very tight pants and a very short jacket, showing my waist and ass pretty well, as I knew it was my biggest asset, which Tye always praised. He used to say that I have very narrow hips and round buttocks, which he called bubble butt. I guess he found another ass he enjoyed so much more...

"I just witnessed a fire in Tye's dorm."

He twitched. "You were in the dorm?"

"I was. Tye and Nick are okay, but I think the floor got a little damaged. "

"Fuck," Noah gaped in surprise. "That's crazy. How could that happen?"

"I saw a pretty bitch running down the stairs. I assume she had something to do with it."

Noah plated the meal and put it in front of me. It smelled nice.

"Why would... wait, what did she look like?"

"Very pretty. A model type."

Noah hesitated. "The roommate that Tye and Nick had beef with, the one that beat them up, and got expelled... he had an Instagram model girlfriend. Weird. Could that be her?"

I shrugged. "I don't know, do you know her Instagram?"

Noah pulled out his phone. "I don't, but I can try to find it. Tye has this guy, Greg, in his friends on Facebook." He scrolled for a while and made a short snort.

"Oh. I can see her on Facebook. There is also a link to her Instagram. Is this her?" He presented me with the photo visible on the display of his phone.

"Yes! That's the girl."

Noah nodded slowly. "She's probably angry they got her boyfriend kicked out of the college, and he now has serious problems with the police over the assault he committed..."

"Well, she effectively lost her football-star boyfriend, so she may be furious, blaming them. She almost shoved me to the wall! Brutal! She was in such a rush!"

"I'm not surprised, she is 5'11'' tall from what I can read in her little bio. And very fit, I can see it in her photos." Noah raised his eyes on me with light amusement, "And you are so... small."

I could feel a blush on my cheeks. "I'm not that small! I'm 5'8''." I pouted my lips.

"And I'm 6'6''" he said in a low voice, and narrowed his eyes." But I would never push you against the wall..."

Wow, that was such a weird thing to say!

Kinda intense. I stared at him for a while, before I forced out, "That...that's reassuring..." And quickly lowered my gaze to my plate, but suddenly remembered something.

"Wait. Did you see that... Nick on Facebook?"

"There is not much to see, his posts are hidden from public view. You can only see his very... blurry picture and some basic info, like his hometown and high school."

"What is his hometown?"

"Scranton."

I felt a sudden surge of stress in my stomach.

"He... he... is... from Scranton?"

Noah nodded. "Yep, the famous city where The Officetakes place."

With some difficulty, I swallowed a piece of the meal and said, "Can you let me check his profile on your phone?"

He hesitated but gave me his cell phone. I stared for a while at Nick's avatar photo. Then I sorted through his friends. I found his two brothers and... his father. Obviously. I fixed my eyes on that man's face. He was very similar to Nick and... me. Of course, he was also older and more chubby, but the similarity was obvious.

God, what if... what if??? Weird thought.

My mother told me his name. It was Giovanni. The profile on Facebook had this name: G.R.Dernelli.

It was G... the same letter!

I pressed my hands to my cheeks, feeling a sudden blood flow there. Oh my God. What if?

"Everything all right, Jamie?" Noah was eying me.

"No, nothing is all right..."

He leaned a bit and glanced at the screen where there was a picture of Nick's father.

"Who's that man?"

"I don't know. Perhaps my father."

"What?!" Noah stood up and walked around the table to sit next to me. "Why would you say something like that...?"

"I never knew my father, Noah. Never. My mother got pregnant when she was only sixteen. It was a man from Scranton. I know he already had one child and the second was on the way. And he was of Italian origin. He was much older than she was."

Noah stared at me with doubt in his eyes. "It could just be a coincidence, Nick..."

"Coincidence? His name was Giovanni. This man's first initial is "G". Another coincidence? The boy... Nick, he looks like my fucking twin! Twin! Not even a normal brother! And he is 4 months older than me, which would fit the dates my mother told me. He also has one older brother! A bit too many coincidences, don't you think?"

"Don't jump to the conclusion, it can be Gerard or Gary, not Giovanni..." Noah took the phone from my hand and started to scroll over the public posts that Mr. Dernelli was posting, as he had much more of them than his son.

I observed his face, and noticed a slight twitch, when Noah spotted something between the comments under one of the pictures taken on a fishing boat (Mr.Dernelli was obviously an adept fisherman).

"Fuck," he mumbled and showed a picture with the man holding some fish and one comment below, "Big congrats, Giovanni! That's a nice one!"

"Yes. Fuck...that is the proper word here."

At exactly that moment, Noah's phone rang in his hand!

It was Tye. We both looked at each other with panic in our eyes. But Noah cleared his throat and took the call with forced calmness on his face.

"What's up, Tye?"

"Is Jamie with you?"

Even I could hear his tone of voice. Tense, sharp.

Noah swallowed.

"Why do you want to know?"

The call abruptly ended.

We both still stared at each other.

"He is on his way..." Noah murmured, sliding the cell phone into his pocket.

I stood up and removed the plates from the table, hiding them in the dishwasher. Leaning on the kitchen counter, I fixed my gaze on his pensive face.

"Will you tell him, I live here now?" I decided to ask him.

He furrowed his brows. "Yes, I need to do that. I can't lie."

I felt an unpleasant cramp in my stomach. It didn't look good, not in the slightest... How would Tye react to it, how would it look from his perspective?

"I'm scared..." I whispered and Noah came closer. He put his hands on my arms.

"But why? He won't hurt you, I'm not gonna let him."

"I'm not scared of physical violence... I'm scared of his anger."

Noah hesitated, I felt like his fingers kinda slightly clenched on my arms, and made small, massaging gestures. It was almost tender...

The wave of confusion and abashment took me over. I didn't want to react to his touch, but my body, deprived of warm human touch for so long, craved the caressing to continue. I closed my eyes, and felt his hand slowly wandering toward my neck in a soft, yet... not so innocent gesture.

There was this special second again. The magical second - when I could forget, just... forget about everything. He could do that, he had that power, if I would let him, I could melt into his arms, put my head on his warm chest and drift away from all life struggles.

Then the second ended, like before, cut way too short by my guilty conscience.

I shivered and moved aside, along the kitchen counter.

"I will wait in my room for his arrival," I said, avoiding his gaze, and wanted to go past him, but his hand stopped me. I lowered my gaze at his fingers when my forearm.

They were warm...They promised tenderness. A panic wave took me over - I was terrified of my own reaction, which seemed to be out of control - and I made a whimpering, fearful sound.

"Please..." I whispered, closing my eyes. "Please, let me go..."

Noah took his hand right away, and I almost ran toward my room, closing the door with a loud slam. I leaned over them and slid to the floor, embracing my knees with my arms.

Reality had finally hit me.

Pieces of the puzzle started to align.

It was not very likely Tye would ever want me back, I was fooling myself.

He was coming here with a vengeance, fuming, furious...

I was doomed to lose the battle with Nick.

I realized Noah probably suspected that, how could he not? He knew his brother's character very well.

But he still wanted me to live with him, despite my slim chances to win Tye over. Was it his plan all along...? Did Noah hope for something? Did he want me? But why? He could have everybody...

I couldn't pretend I didn't see his secret gazes when I was walking past him. He was eyeing my body with such hunger... Didn't he understand what a sick situation it would be if anything happened? Tye was his brother! Didn't he realize sex was the last thing I was thinking about after what happened to me? The thought alone was... petrifying.

There was only one person I could give myself again, the only person that ever made me feel good during sex - and that was Tye.

I was deep in my frantic thoughts when I heard the door ring buzzing.

My whole body tensed in one second. I leaped to my feet and stormed out of the room. My gaze met Noah's unrecognizable gaze, as he was walking toward the door. He opened them with a pretty calm face. Behind him, in the dim light of the corridor's lamp, I spotted Tye's gloomy face.

His hazel eyes fixed on my face right away, he didn't even say hello, he made a move, as if wanting to go toward me, but Noah's massive hand stopped him.