Dimples 04

Dimples 04

"Dimples, I've heard a rumor that you may have seen Suzie completely in her birthday suit and that's something special because I've always heard that when she and Jimmy J have sex, that she keeps her side tie undies on for the highlighting effects of her world famous hips, so?"

"Well, Chewy, I've heard a rumor that you volunteer down at the Tranny old folks home to change Brie's bed pan, so?"

"Well, it's a two for deal, that's all. I mean, it just slips right in and all I have to do is the gently roll Brie on his side. And it's not like I actually touch the bed pan, so."

"And good bye, Chewy."

"Ahh, come on, Dimples, one tidbit, that's all."

"It's all that, Chewy, so bye now and spread the word that I'm goth now!"

"With those dimples, Dimples? Is there a Lilly White goth that I don't know about then, Dimples?"

"Butthole! Can't you see that I've changed my image! And if you see Tyler, I mean, say it like Wyoming Goth and make it sound dangerous like riding a horse, Chewy."

"Got it, Dimples, you bought a black leather jacket and you're the ticket master at the Pony rides, LOL."

Stupid guys! Also, stupid facial surgeon who went overboard with a few things!

"LOL, guys, right? Was Chewy bothering you, Dimples?"

"If a guy is just being a guy, then is that guy really bothering anyone, Maye?"

"Um, yes, no and maybe, I was just being polite. Anyways, so?"

"Let's go, Maye."

I mean, you had to hang out down by the river if you want to hang out with the goth crew, right? Plus, the Pony rides along side of the riverbanks were half price, so.

"Hey, we don't do the whole "I heard a rumor" thing down here, Dimples. I mean, we start rumors, but that's all, so? Also, Dimples, there's even a bigger discount for the Pony rides if you can positively prove that you're on your 7th rebound, so?"

"(Hah, I should ride for free then). Well, I mean, I'm a little new to all this having just moved here from Lilly White, Wyoming, Sidekick, so?"

"Dimples, do you have a boyfriend? And does Maye have a gun up her sleeve?"

"I just said that I'm on my 8th rebound, Sidekick and it's a crossbow up her sleeve, so are we getting to know each now or what then?"

"(Giggle.)" [From the crossbow holder]

"And I'll have you know, Sidekick, that I'm a bit reformed now that I've changed my middle name over to "on the rebound again" so don't expect much. I mean, I'll suck the lips off of your face, but that's all."

"(Giggle.)" [From the crossbow holder]

"And we're not riding the Pony because it hits too close to home from my straddling Viva Wyoming days!"

"(Giggle.)" [From the crossbow holder]

"Aha, aha, aha, Viva Wyoming, Viva Wyoming, aha, aha, aha, I mean, but they say when you fall off the horse, I mean, you crawl and claw and nibble and bite and suck your way right back up to that amazing Viva Wyoming position, so?"

"(Giggle.)" [From the crossbow holder]

Stupid "old sayings" and stuff! And how did he know how I made my up from on my knees between Todd's legs and into the proper Viva Wyoming position anyways, huh?

"Why are you looking at me like that, Dimples? Do I have a broken motorcycle part sticking out of my neck or something?"

"No, but this is the moment when you say something more stupid than the thing before, so get with it, Sidekick."

"Oh, you mean like if I ask if after we hookup, then are you are my boyfriend, my girlfriend or just my little bitch then?"

I mean, you had to see it coming, right folks?

"Well, the chances of our "hooking up" are setting faster then the sun is right now, but, to help you with the math, Sidekick, I'm a guy who dresses like a girl and I claim neutrality and carry the three, so?????"

"Oh, 42."

"(Giggle.)" [From the crossbow holder]

I mean, that young female singer, right? She said "thank you, next" or something, right?

Although, I mean, you have to feel something for a guy who bothered to google "what is the answer to everything", right?

"Dimples, Dimples, Dimples, you're in need of a rescue and I'm here to help! Or you're looking for someone who knows math and I'm your guy! Or you'd rather not be on a date with someone who doesn't have a motorcycle kickstand sticking out their neck and that's me! Um, pick one, Dimples while that brute is still googling stuff."

"Well, well, well, Danny from the hood who loved to call me names back in the day! What are you calling me these days, Danny, hmm?"

"Hot. I mean, pretty. I mean, um, the Malt Shop has a three for one special going on right now, so?"

"(Giggle.)" [From the crossbow holder]

"Well, Maye and I will meet you there because we need three, so."

Finally! Some stupid old three for one special worked in my favor and it wasn't for a 3-way! Maybe.

And it's always best to order up at the counter service area so you can't be overheard.

"Norma, I think Maye will have a chocolate malt and she will probably slurp it over there because that guy has been winking at her since we walked in and it's making me dizzy and then, Danny, who has been calling me names since way back in the day, will have a spiked vanilla malt, because you know, of all that name calling stuff and I'll have a strawberry malt and a sneak peek at Jeff's break time, so?"

"Got it, Dimples, hook Maye up with Gino, put your butt wad old flame date asleep and give you the appropriate hand signal when Jeff takes a quick smoke break out back. Are you mad at me that I slept with your brother in your bed then, Dimples?"

"Norma, I'm happy that my brother actually came over to my house to visit!"

Well, I mean, even family relationships can become strained when there is one bad apple. Oh, and the bad apple is my brother, Mac! I'm way too cute and petite to be considered a bad apple, so.

[Nose swipe.] [Nose swipe.] [Hey! Nose swipe.]

"Oh, I'll be right back, Danny, so, nighty, night.

[Snooze, saw, snooze, saw]

[Puff, ahh, puff, ahh, smoke ring, ooh]

"I mean, hi, Jeff, I mean, with the way you go all "grr, grr, grr" with the malt mixers and all, so."

I saw you with your boyfriend, Dimples."

"Oh, you didn't see what you thought you saw, Jeff. That's sleeping time pay back and if you would open your eyes and see what you see right here and now, well, I'm in the back alley of the Malt Shop with you, Mr. Grr, Grr, Grr, so?"

"Yeah, Dimples, well maybe I go all "grr, grr, grr" some other times too then, so?"

"Yeah, Jeff and maybe I go all "grr, grr, grr" back and stuff, so? Well, it's "ugh, ugh, ugh" in Wyoming, but it's the same thing, so?"

"Are we going out then, Dimples?"

"Duh, I mean, but all that, so?"

"Oh, yeah, well, I've been lonely lately and didn't have much of a reason to trim my beard, so. Oh, and all that back at you then, hmm?"

"You don't like your dates to be on the Lilly White Goth side then, Jeff, hmm? And yes, it needs some work, so?"

"Well, I mean, I have two tickets to the Astro Con tomorrow, so?"

"Well, no you don't, Jeff, the other ticket has just been claimed, so?"

"Well, are you going to be bitchy and stuff, Dimples? And I'm just asking because I'm pretty sure that Lilly White Goth folks are expected to be bitchy. And less Lilly White, so."

"Oh, you might be bitching about all the attention that I get at the Astro Con tomorrow night and I'll be much better with the whole goth look thing, so."

"Well..."

"Well???"

"I'll pick you up at 7pm then, Dimples."

"Will you put Danny safely out on the sidewalk bench then, Jeff."

'I doubt it."

"Cool. I'll be ready at 7pm then tomorrow night."

I don't know, is that how date conversations start and end then? Huh?

What I do know is that I spent all of Saturday morning creating a better non Lilly White goth look. Which, um, well, I did the best that I could. I mean, I grabbed a pinch of leather, a dab of fishnet, a glop of face sparkly, a teaspoon of a logo t-shirt, which wasn't much bigger than a teaspoon, some pretty nice sleeves and a heaping cup of sheer tights to go under my new black Denim shorts.

"This is your body, Dimples?"

"This is my body, Jeff. We should go."

"Your body isn't big enough to hold the correct number of vital organs, Dimples."

"They are there and they fit. I mean, I had to go to Wyoming once and ride a horse to shift things around, but I have everything that I need and they all fit, so, we should go."

"We should get lost in the Viva Wyoming moment first, Dimples."

Oh, that was easy to defend. I mean, just the smallest mention of the panels and the autograph time frames, right? Which I trusted would be there to save the day and yep, they were and he reacted to that because the panels are important, I guess. Also, DM me if you know what an Astro Con "panel" is, okay?

[Reach, zip, pull, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, stroke, stroke, fap]

"Jeez, Jeff, this is a grueling schedule!"

"Oh, stop with the grueling schedule and more with the stroking, Dimples! Aha, aha, aha, ooh."

[Fap, fap, stroke, slip, slide, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, stroke, stroke, fap]

"Jeff, keep your eye out in parking lot! Not every date is getting a hand job before they go inside, so."

[Fap, fap, stroke, slip, slide, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, stroke, stroke, fap]

"Aha, aha, aha, clearly, you have never been to an Astro Con before, Dimples, aha, aha, aha."

[Fap, fap, stroke, slip, slide, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, stroke, stroke, fap]

[Looks around the parking lot, and huh, well what do you know! It must be a nerd standard!]

"I suppose you want me to catch it with my mouth then, Jeff, hmm?"

"Ooh, ooh, ooh, that would be a nerd first, Dimples, ooh, ooh, and make me king, aha, aha, aha."

[Fap, fap, stroke, slip, slide, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, stroke, stroke, fap]

"Ugh, ugh, ugh, Dimples, ugh, ugh, are you duck lips battling, ooh, ooh, oh, oh, oh, Dimples!"

What? Me? Duck lips battle. Nah.

[Cover, oops, whoop, goop, clump, ow, ow, slurp, suction cup, suction cup, do it, ooh]

"Ahh, ooh, ahh, I mean, I mean, I mean, you can open the truck door and spit, Dimples."

"[Gulp, swallow, clear throat.] What, Jeff? Do you keep a crown in the back then, King Jeff?"

Pause for utter amazement from Jeff the grr, grr, grr, nerd to realize what just happened.

"Dimples, you're my boyfriend now! I, um, I command it to be so as king, so?"

"LOL, you're the court jester, Jeff, but I am your date for the evening, so now what? And please, please tell me that it's not to sit here in the parking lot like while you beep your horn to claim your victory!"

{Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep]

"Oh, I mean, that was so great that I went limp and fell forward on the steering wheel, so."

"Nice try, Jeff! I claim the "passed out limp noodle" thing after Viva Wyoming, so."

[Weep, whoop, zing, ping]

"And why is your phone blowing up, Jeff? And why is there a small line of nerds along side of your truck then, hmm?"

"Oh, ooh, I mean, tee, he, oh, they want a scene reenactment photo of, um, well, they surf Chang, so they know something about that Viva Wyoming passed out limp noodle thing because it's still trending on Chang, so, tee, he."

"Ugh, give me your phone!"

[Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, weep, whoop, zing, ping]

"Um, Dimples, I'm afraid to ask! I'm also afraid that you will walk out on this date, so?"

"Let's get with it, Jeff, but I may have said that if I get a Red Icy inside, well, maybe there will be a Viva Wyoming reenactment about 9:12pm, so?"

"Aha, aha, aha, aha."

"As long as you keep your tongue in your mouth, Jeff! I mean, unless we're smacking lips, so."

"Mm, mm, mm, mm, mm."

Guys! Smartasses all the way. Especially since it goes "hm, hm, hm, hm, hm" and all, right folks?

"Jeff, what the hell is all this then?"

"Astro Con, Dimples?"

"And how many kinds of a nerd freak are you then, Jeff?"

"Nine, I mean, it's really 42, but nine sounds better, right Dimples?"

"Give me your phone again, Jeff."

[Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, weep, whoop, zing, ping]

"I mean, we're inside now, Dimples, so you can't abandon me!"

"Relax, King Jeff, I just updated my Red Icy to a Green Icy. Who is that Green Girl then?"

"Oh, that's Princess Zora, she..."

"Green Icy?" Green Icy? Green icy? Green Icy?"

Huh, I mean, I didn't think that one through very well, now did I? I should have asked for one Green Icy with four nerd straws, wait, that's stupid too, so I should have asked for, um, I'm waiting for your advice DM here people! And I just dropped three of them because of the delay with my DM system, I guess.

"Alright, wait, so, it's Curly, Squirrely, Burly and Whirly, right guys?"

"(Grumble, mumble, ooh, mumble, grumble, okay.) No, but we won't quibble, Dimples. Will you please host a game day then? Or at least have us over to watch your home movies of your Wyoming holiday?"

"[Slurp, ick, sour green icy.] Well..."

"(Grumble, mumble, ooh, mumble, grumble, okay.) I don't mean to interrupt, but I'm Hurley, not Curly and I'm officially claiming proper social protocol and submitting that I'm the prefect height for you, Dimples. Even if I have to slice my feet sideways in half, so."

"[Slurp, ick, sour green icy.] Well, I'm on a date with Jeff and this type of talk is inappropriate for now, so. Also, I seriously need a Red Icy! One, with four straws! Which still doesn't work out, but it can't be four Reds!"

Alright, it's good news, bad new time. The good news was the Astro Con was crowded, so getting lost in the crowd and away from Curly, Squirrely, Burly and Whirly was easy. And then Jeff and I actually had a pretty good time. The other good news, which was bad news for Jeff, was that the parking lot was lit up like daylight, so, there was no fooling or scene reenactments happening there.

The last good news was that I actually went on a date that started with a pick up at me door and ended with a drop off at my door. I mean, Jeff came inside with me and maybe we got lost in those memories of Viva Wyoming that he asked about earlier, but it was still a date from start to finish.

And Jeff finished twice, so. Oh, also, huh, Jeff really does go all "grr, grr, grr" during Viva Wyoming sex.

End Dimples 04