All Comments on 'Fiona's Forecourt Fantasy'

"Having quickly walked up and down the aisle choosing some snacks." That is not a sentence. Should be, "I quickly walked up and down the aisle choosing some snacks."

"A young man in his twenties with dark skin and neatly cut black hair. " Should be, "He was a young man in his twenties..."

" I always got in and got out of the store as quickly as I could. Almost embarrassed buying my cigarettes." Should be " I always got in and got out of the store as quickly as I could, as I was almost embarrassed buying my cigarettes."

You have trouble with sentence construction.