All Comments on 'First Time in the Apartment'

For a first submission, this is very good. First Time in the Apartment has great characters and storyline, which shine in this compelling romantic drama. Shortcomings are twofold: the introduction to the characters and their situation should have been more extensive, and, second, the use of the present tense to narrate the story is unfortunate; the past tense would have been much better. That said, this is an excellent story overall, and more chapters are certainly warranted. Hopefully the author will write them.

I agree with earlier comments. Also, the dialogue seems to be written by the 12-yr old grandson of a 70's porn producer. In other words, ridiculous.