Freja and Jeanie Ch. 03

"Back to the matter at hand," Vince said, trying to get control of the situation after Jeanie had accidentally derailed it by speaking a language she didn't speak. "So Alexa is just visiting along with her brother, and Freja is our... our maid."

Everyone nodded, Jocy and Freja reluctantly.

"Okay, but that leaves some other matters to consider," he said, sounding reluctant himself. This was about to get dicey. "For instance, why, pumpkin, did you marry Alex?"

"Oh, well now," Jeanie mused, folding her hands on her lap, straightening her legs and crossing her ankles while smiling up at the ceiling. "He's handsome, he smart, he's funny..."

Both Jocy and Freja were scowling again as Jeanie continued her litany, now counting on her fingers.

"He's really polite, he knows his way around a footrub, his family is loaded, and-"

"I think that's enough, Jeanie," Vince said, holding up his hand. "And it's also illustrating a small problem."

"What?" Jeanie asked, making a wry face. "I haven't even said what he's like in bed yet."

"Honey, please," Vince pleaded while Jocy groaned and looked at the ceiling. Alexa could barely keep the smirk off her face. "That won't be neccessary. But something you already brought up is a problem."

Jeanie pondered the issue. "Foot rubs?"

"No," her father said, trying not to despair. "You said Alex's family is loaded."

"Well, yeah, at least that's not a lie in all this," Jeanie said, shrugging. "Gram and gramps are kinda wealthy, so won't they be happy that I married a rich dude?"

"It's not that, sweetie," Vince said, clearly reticent to say whatever came next. He looked over at Jocy, who turned her face away and stared at a point on the far wall, her cheeks turning red. She folded her arms as if shutting out the world. "It's..."

"Oh, I understand," Alexa said suddenly before getting up and going over to kneel in front of Jeanie and Freja again. "It's not about you marrying money, darling. Not just that, anyway. It's about the fact that you married money, and your dad, their son, didn't."

Jeanie thought about that for several moments. "And they're always crappy to mom because she's not from money..." she murmured.

There was a soft, hurt sigh from Jocy behind Alexa's back.

"But... what do we do about it?" Jeanie asked, genuinely at a loss. "Pretend he doesn't have money?"

"Well, yeah," Alexa replied as if it was the most obvious thing on earth. "I mean, look at the shaggy thing. He's wearing a D&D T-shirt I can't make him get rid of for love or money. How hard is it to pretend that's never had two dimes to rub together?"

"It's true, I'm kinda shaggy," Alex agreed helpfully, moving his head side-to-side to shake his mane of golden hair around for effect. "She even offered me anal and I still would't get rid of this shirt."

"Alex!" Alexa hissed, shooting him a look but unable to keep the giggle out of her voice while Jocy clapped her hands over her ears. "Shut your dick-holster, man!"

"But you still didn't get rid of it even after you got her in the butt, right?" Jeanie asked, needing to know.

Alex nodded.

"Woo, up top!" Jeanie cheered, reaching across her scowling wife to high-five Alex on a job well-done while Vince just put his face in his hands in despair.

This couldn't possibly end well.

***

"Here we go," Vince sighed as they watched the grey sedan pull up the long driveway toward the front of the house. Standing with him were his wife, while Jeanie, Alex, Alexa, and Freja waited just behind. Jeanie squeezed her wife's hand and looked over at her.

"I'm sorry, Fre," the brunette whispered, giving her wife a doleful look. "You deserve better than this. D'you really think you can do this?"

Freja nodded. "For you, yndling, there is nothing I cannot do or dare."

Alexa considered and shrugged, standing beside her best friend. "Well, that's true, anyway. This isn't nearly the weirdest shit she's ever gotten herself into."

She ignored the look her soulmate gave her as she watched Grandpa and Grandma LeTourneau get out of their vehicle. While it wasn't the Bentley back home at Blackwell Manor, it was certainly a nice enough car. Vince had explained that his mother and father, Imogen and Randall, were both from well-off families who had lived in the region since before Confederation, and were considered blue-bloods and local aristocracy, for what that was worth.

They were both rather severe-looking individuals, who reminded Alexa of a few of her Blackwell relatives. Both had steel grey hair, Imogen's tied back in a tight bun. Despite being in at least in their late sixties, or probably early seventies, they both stood erect and seemed alert.

She sniffed. She'd faced down worse.

As they came up onto the porch, Vince opened the door, beaming a smile and welcoming them in. Alexa wondered if the chill that came in with them was the weather or their demeanour.

"Hi, mom, hi dad!" Vince said, giving Imogen a prim hug before shaking his dad's hand.

"You need to upgrade your verandah and your gutters out front, son," Randall said. "Did property value stop being important while we were in the States?"

"Hello, Vincent," Imogen said plainly before brushing by Jocy without even looking at her and heading straight to Jeanie, giving her granddaughter a hug. "Jeanette, darling! How are you?"

"I'm fine, grams," Jeanie said softly, praying that this entire scam somehow went off despite her involvement. "How was Wyoming?"

"Not nearly the great state it once was," the older woman replied. "Overrun with tourists and foreigners now, gawping at everything in sight and taking pictures on those selfie-sticks."

"Yeah, it's kinda our thing these days, grams," Jeanie said agreeably. "It's good to see you."

Imogen pulled back from the hug and looked at Freja doubtfully. "Vincent? Who is this girl with the blank expression?"

Jeanie said, nothing, not used to not being the one with the blank expression, and let her dad field the question. He moved in quickly. "Mom, this is Freja, she's our live-in housekeeper. She's been working for us for a few months, communting back and forth between here and Jeanie's apartment in Toronto. She's from Denmark."

"Vincent, what have I told you about foreign help?" his mother scolded. "Unless they're picking the fruit out at the farm, you're better off hiring locals. It's not like there aren't enough layabouts these days in town who could use a job."

Jeanie and Alexa could both tell Freja was biting her inner lip to curb her natural response, but she simply folded her hands in front of her lap and nodded her head. "Welcome, Mrs. LeTourneau. I am Freja, and I am hoping I will be of services to you."

"Sad English," the older woman sniffed, looking Freja up and down. "I hope you're paying a reduced rate then, Vincent."

Imogen missed Freja's eyes blazing wrathfully as she turned and looked at Alex in disdain. "And you must be Alex, the boy my Jeanette married."

"It's a pleasure to meet you, ma'am," Alexa said, holding out his hand for her to shake. "I'm looking forward to getting to know you."

Silence reigned as Imogen simply stared at Alex, ignoring the proferred hand. After several seconds, he lowered his hand and smiled again. "I'm sorry you couldn't make it to the wedding, we missed you there."

"Doubtless, although clearly I didn't miss much," she sniffed, starting to walk around him, assessing him as if he were a racehorse. "What is your last name, boy?"

"DeBourne, ma'am," Alex said, trying not to frown as she inspected him.

"Where are you from?" she asked. "Where is your family from?"

"My... my family, they're from Kapuskasing, ma'am," he said somewhat awkwardly.

This made her pause and almost scowl at him. "So certain? Not Moose Factory or Head-Smashed-In-Buffalo-Jump, perhaps?"

She wrinkled her nose as she looked at his long, wavy golden hair. "No proper grooming... dull look in his eyes... from Kapuskasing... well, Jeanette, it was kind of you to not try and outdo your father with regards to a spouse."

Alex frowned while Jocy, standing near the back of the small crowd, turned red.

"What are you studying?" she asked, standing in front of Alex again.

"Studying, ma'am?"

"Yes, studying," she snapped. "You know, the process where one attends an insitution of learning and improves their mind? You are studying, aren't you?"

"Of course, ma'am," Alex said rather hastily. "I'm a languages major at U of T, specializing in ancient languages, like Babylonian, Sumerian, and Aramaic."

"Oh, Heavens, an Arts major," the older woman sighed, shaking her head. "Randall, it would appear we missed nothing."

"Why don't we move this little soiree into the living room, instead of being bunched in the foyer for warmth like penguins?" Jocy interjected, tired of being ignored in her own home. "Follow me. Freja, would you find us some tea, please?"

"It is my pleasure, Mrs. LeTourneau," Freja said, nodding and turning on her heels and marching away toward the kitchen, wondering if arsenic was a flavour of tea.

"Can't imagine that one lasting long," Imogen muttered as she joined her husband and they all headed into the living room. Vince gestured for his mother and father to sit in a loveseat that Alexa assumed was habitually theirs during their visits, while he and Jocy resumed their previous seat. Jeanie sat with Alex on the large chesterfield, while Alexa eased herself into a nearby chair. Once she'd removed herself from the herd, she caught Imogen's attention. "Who are you?"

"Me? I'm Alexa," the blonde girl said, placing her fingers against her collarbone. "I'm Alex's older sister."

Imogen looked back and forth between the two of them. "Are you his caregiver?"

Alexa's eyes danced with mirth as she tried to not laugh, while Alex scowled. Jeanie was clasping her hands in her lap tightly, restraining a smirk. "You might say that, ma'am," Alexa answered breezily.

"Oh, you poor dear," Imogen said in a voice tinged with sympathy, a sound that was totally at odds with her appearance and demeanour. "A full-time job for such a young woman, just to be deprived of a promising future."

"I'm kinda hoping this is where Jeanie takes over and I'm finally free to live my own life, you know?" Alexa added, clearly enjoying her self-assigned role in this fiasco.

"Speaking of ruined lives," Imogen said, turning to look at her granddaughter and her so-called husband. "I assume this was a legal arrangement?"

"Oh, totes, grams," Jeanie chirped, eagerly fishing around inside her purse. "I keep a copy of my marriage license with me wherever I go! Just to remind myself how lucky I am!"

She got up and went over to her grandparents, handing the unfolded legal paper to her grandfather, who examined it, adjusting his glasses.

"Alexander Orion Dayraven DeBourne," he mused, as if he were tasting each word as he spoke it. "Odd names, what are they compensating for?"

He handed the paper to his wife, who gave it a cursory glance before putting it aside. "You are going to school in Toronto? With my Jeanie?"

Alex nodded. "That's where we met, ma'am. At the university."

"But before that, you were from Kapuskasing," she iterated, getting back to some apparently salient point. "Were you born there?"

"Nnnnno," Alex said somewhat warily. "I'm not sure-"

"Birth certificate," Imogen said bluntly, holding out her hand.

"Excuse me?" Alex said.

"Your birth certificate, boy, let me see it," she said tersely, scowling at him. "Didn't you just finish saying that you were a language major? How can that be if you don't comprehend simple English?"

After a nudge from Jeanie, Alex stood up with a strange reluctance, and walked slowly over to his new 'grandmother-in-law'. Alexa tilted her head slightly, not used to seeing such hesitation from her normally confident husband.

Alex was just fishing his birth certificate out of his wallet when Freja came back into the room, carrying a tray with a pot of piping hot Earl Grey (arsenic was not, to her distress, an available choice), and several Wedgwood cups. She was making to put it on the table between the seats when Alex handed his birth certificate over for inspection.

Imogen looked at it for several seconds, her expression growing more wry with each passing moment. She passed the document to her husband, who blinked and then looked up at Alex, unimpressed.

"You were born in Dildo, Newfoundland?" he queried.

Vince and Jocy were looking at Alex in astonishment. The tea tray trembled and the delicate set on it shook as Freja tried to control herself. Jeanie's eyes were wide, and she was holding her breath, trying to keep something inside.

Alexa seemed calm on the outside, the only indication of anything unusual being the sapphire light dancing in her brilliant blue eyes.

"Yes," Alex sighed, knowing what was coming. "I was born in Dildo, Newfoundland."

"My deepest apologies, ladies and gentlemen, but I really should phone our family to tell them Alex and I arrived safely here in Collingwood," Alexa said as she stood up from her chair and walked briskly out of the room.

"I too must be making myself scarce," Freja said, barely holding it together. "I have... so many things... that need the seeing to."

She dashed off after Alexa, leaving the LeTourneaus and Alex in the living room. Jeanie was still sitting on the couch, but her expression was that of a little girl trying very hard to not tell a naughty joke, bouncing her knee.

"I am tempted to think that explains just about everything, but I somehow doubt it," Imogen sighed, shaking her head before looking at her son. "Vincent, really now."

Vince held up his hands helpelessly. "She's allowed to marry whoever she likes, mom, it's the law. There's only so much we can do about it."

"Did you threaten to cut off her money?" Randall asked. "Always worked on you, didn't it?"

"Actually, dad, she's been cut off for some time now," Vince replied. "Has been since late last year."

"I doubt any boy could be worth getting cut off over, let alone a special-needs case," Imogen sniffed, causing Alex to colour slightly. "Should we even bother asking to look through wedding photos and video, or would be just be bored and disappointed?"

"Bored, grams," Jeanie said quickly, wishing they'd had time to somehow manufacture some convincing images. "But I'll try to find a few cute pics of me in my dress, 'kay?"

"Well, at least there's that to look forward to," sighed the grandmother. "Now let's see if this girls of yours knows how to prepare tea."

Vince made to pour for his parents, and Alex looked on, hoping that Freja had somehow found some tea-flavoured arsenic...

***

Blackwell Manor, that same evening...

Mike and Karen were walking around in the greenhouse, holding each other's hand and looking at the various breeds of exotic rose that they were growing. They's stopped to look at one that Mike, who had a very green thumb, had been raising for some years, and it was Karen's favourite. It was such a dark shade of blue that it was almost black, and she'd named it the 'Black Prince', hoping that they could begin an entire new strain with it.

"I know it makes me seem old-fashioned, but hybrid teas remain my favourite kind of rose," she lilted as she gently stroked her hands up along the outside of the blue-black petals. Mike would have sworn that the plant almost leaned into the caress. "Grandifloras and Floribundas may be and seem more natural, but there's an elegance to teas that I have always-"

"Sous le dôme épais
Où le blanc jasmin
À la rose s'assemble
Sur la rive en fleurs,"

As the phone in her jeans pocket went off, Karen smiled, recognizing the ringtone she'd chosen for her younger sister. It was the Flower Duet from Delibes' opera 'Lakmé', and they'd agreed they would sing it together one day.

She fished the phone out of the snug pocket and answered cheerfully. "And how is the world's most wonderful baby sister?"

"DILDO?!" Alexa cackled into the phone so loudly that Karen held it away from her ear and even Mike could hear everything. "HE WAS BORN IN DILDO?!"

Karen just sighed, knowing that a night of explanation was due some time in the near future. Damn the Gordons for having such strong ties to the east coast.

It was nearly three minutes of Alexa's wheezing laughter before the older sister could get a word in edgewise. "Are we quite finished?"

"Couldn't..." Alexa gasped, trying to control herself. "Couldn't you've told me that before I decided to fall in love with him?"

"My little boy is rather sensitive about the matter of his birthplace, and you're making it rather obvious as to why," Karen replied, rolling her eyes while Mike just examined a nearby rose. "If he hasn't seen fit to tell you, then it's certainly not my place to. And besides, no mercy for your own husband about matters beyond his control while you are no doubt feeling sympathy pains to some degree for Jeanie's mother?"

There was a pause for a moment before Alexa spoke. "How did you know?"

"I've met her," Karen said simply. "That woman did not grow up around money."

"Wow, way to deflate my hysterical laughter moment, sis," Alexa muttered. "In any event... why the heck was he born in Dildo, Newfoundland?"

"We happened to be visiting relatives in the region, Gordons, if you must know," Karen explained while taking her husband's hand and walking along with him past all her favourite blooms. "We thought we'd manage to make it back to Toronto, or at least Quebec City, but Alex had other plans, announcing himself three days early, and taking thirty-six hours to finish his exit. You've seen his skull, Alli. Think about that for a moment."

"Kar, you are absofuckinglutely inhuman," Alexa said in a voice of grudging wonder. "Is that what I'm in for when I have his kids?"

"How's it going up there?" asked the older sister, deciding to let Alexa ponder the question and reach her own conclusions.

"Well, I gotta admit, Jeanie's grandparents remind me a lot of some of our Blackwell relatives," Alexa admitted, and she wasn't happy about it. "At least, in terms of how they look down their nose at people."

"I doubt they've had centuries of breeding and training to that effect," Karen sighed. "In any event, are you having a good time, darling?"

"Oh, yeah, they love me," Alexa said simply, as if this was a given and didn't bear discourse. "I'd better get back, so I'll call again tonight. Love you, sissy!"

"Love you too, darling," the bronze-haired beauty chimed before hanging up. She continued her walk around the greenhouse with her husband, who seemed unperturbed by everything. It was par for the course.

"Anything worth noting happen?" Mike asked.

"Pretty much what we predicted. Life lessons all around, except for Alli."

"And we're not there to moderate," he chuckled. "No good can come of this."

Karen nodded grimly. "An Alli unsupervised by us? I hoped everyone understands exactly what kind of trolling they're in for..."

***

Collingwood, later that night...

"Oh, wow," Jeanie said as she watched over Alex's shoulder, her breasts pressed into his back. Alexa and Freja were also there in the bedroom, standing just behind them. "He did a pretty darn good job, didn't he?"

Alex nodded as he examined the pictures that had been sent to him. "Ari knows his way around graphics programs. This is good enough to be deepfake stuff."

Jeanie didn't know what that was, but she nodded all the same- at Alex's behest a little over three hours ago, Ari Jaffe, the Blackwell estate's new cybersecurity and tech guru, had begun taking pictures from Freja and Jeanie's wedding last summer and seamlessly interposing Alex into them, to make it look like he was the groom. Freja was carefully edited out, as were Mike and Karen, just in case questions were asked. Just pictures, though, there hadn't been time to somehow edit video clips.