Hallmark Santatown (porn parody)

"Ken, you asked for true love. I KNOW you wish for Kurt. All these years you have only pretended to be friends, a buddy for a beer, but I know you love each other, and you will love each other for many years."

Similarly, Mad Maddie guesses the secret desires of a mature woman and a girl and reveals that husband and wife would like to form a Poly cell together with a third partner.

"But who are you?" Kurt asked in a hesitant voice.

"I know you all believe that I am the inexperienced daughter of some Hollywood VIP. And that I will win you an Oscar Award on the mere strength of my family name. Well, it's much more than that.

I'm not Mad, but I'm a little magic.

My name is Maddie Claus. I am the third granddaughter of Nick Claus, aka Santa Claus. We live at the North Pole but we know everything and we hear everything, like the Olympian gods, like Heimdall the Norse deity.

And do you want to know what we have heard in the last five decades? Thousands, millions of people always expressed the same wish: to have sex with a loving person (or persons).

My Grandpa sent me to allow you to change the history of Cinema forever. As happened in the pirate industry after the masterpiece "Stagnetti Revenge".

All the great Hollywood Majors owe a great debt to my Grandpa. From Frank Capra to Disney, from Emma Clarke to Brooke Shields and Cary Elwes.

I am here to allow you to collect that debt.

Everyone, literally, desires sex. You have a duty to revolutionize the "Christmas Movies" industry. This first script contains, at an embryonic level, all the sub-genres you can develop, as cataloged on the "Literotica.com" website which is 90% run by Santa Claus (secretly).

I read in alphabetical order, Anal, BDSM, Exhibitionism, Fetish, Group Sex, Incest (with consent), Reluctant... Ah, just to clarify: "Loving Wife" means "married women performing the act of loving," not necessarily the husband. To avoid controversy.

I suppose each of you could create other categories: perhaps within the generic "Fetish" you could develop a category "Men with Caged Cock," "Women with Chastity Belts," "foot fetishists," and "stockings addicts," each with its own subgroups (Cruel Femdom, Gentle Femdom, FLR, and FLM...) we put no limits on your creativity."

Some of the writers were talking to their desk mates, immediately beginning to imagine new categories (all above 18 years old).

Maddie continued, in a persuasive tone of voice.

"The Academy Award is assured for this year. Call it Christmas Miracle, call it whatever you want. Best picture, best actor, best actress, and best-supporting roles. And we don't even need anyone to punch the presenter, us.

For subsequent years it will be up to you. You can go for the music, the costumes, the cinematography, and the CGI special effects. Costumes need not be a little see-through G-thong...in a CFNM situation set in the late eighteenth century (just say the word: Hamilton, earnings, and fame), the men could be naked and handcuffed, while the women would wear elegant silk dresses with lace and long velvet gloves. It is up to you to make the next movie unforgettable.

Hallmark Christmas Movies of the classic, Vanilla type were appropriate thirty or fifty years ago. Now viewers want something more exciting.

Before the movies were all the same and the only way to distinguish them was by geographical location. Christmas in Oregon. Christmas in Vermont. Christmas in West Virginia. Even if you wanted to put in parentheses that they were all shot in Vancouver in the summer, for low-budget reasons."

Everyone shook their heads negatively.

Maddi concluded enthusiastically. "I propose that we differentiate the Christmas-yet-to-come movies by porn categories!

And consider that most VXMs (Vanilla Xmas Movies ) seem to be inspired by songs that everyone knows.

But if you start with the real original songs, everything changes.

"Baby it's cold OUTSIDE" was the tale of a slave husband, naked and cold, whom his hot wife had locked out the window while she elegantly sits on the couch in front of the fireplace, and sipped eggnog with two of his best friends.

"Last Christmas, I gave you my ARSE, but the very next day, Thou LOAN IT TO A GUY" was the story of a wife who had offered her precious rosebud to her husband, but he had taken the opportunity to invite his own lover as well.

"All I want for Xmas is YOUR COCK, hoo-hoo" was a heartfelt prayer from a neglected wife.

"Here come, Santa Claus, in the pussy of Nice Little Jane" was another prayer formulated by a 19-year-old still a virgin, who declared that she had not been Naughty.

"You better watch out because Santa Claus IS COMING, in town!" was the sequel (Be careful what you wish for, fellow viewers, it may be too big to handle.)

Everyone applauded, excited and happy.

Maddie took off her wide glasses. There was a murmur of confusion and Charlie exclaimed, "Who are you, stranger? And where did Maddie go?"

Maddie, huffing, put on her glasses again.

"Oh, Maddie, you've come back! How fortunate for us! An unknown person had appeared in your place..."

Maddie removed her glasses.

"But this is magic!"

"No, you fools, how can you not understand? A woman remains herself, with or without glasses! It's the Clark Kent Effect, I was aware that you include it in so many movies, but I thought you screenwriters were aware."

Charlie was deeply offended. "Miss Unknown, I don't know how you people got in, but this is a confidential meeting."

The chief scriptwriter, Albert Hitched, grabbed Maddie by the elbow and dragged her away before the conflict escalated distracting the workers from their work. "Boys, Girls, Non-Binary, I want you all to write. I want to receive at least twenty scripts by Thursday, and don't neglect the Southern Hemisphere.

I want stories set in Rio de Janeiro on December 25, without snow and with girls in micro bikinis on the beach, tongue-kissing in front of everyone-Teresa, Barbara I'm counting on you two.

Oh! Evita's tango! Emily and Richard, you two are going to write me a story about a pair of tango dancers in Buenos Ayres: B.A., the Big Apple. For the face, one might look like Banderas--you think about it.

I want stories set on the wild shores of Australia over a prawn barbecue: Mitch, Mike, and Michelle, the three of you, I want, hot tales filled with sex in Tasmania and New Zealand.

I want the Republic of South Africa and Madagascar. I want heat and warmth. You, Charles: I want a Romance in Madagascar, a six-part series, romantic but also full of hot sex. You, Ken: a sailing cruise in the Indian Ocean, interrupted by Somali pirates capturing two beautiful girls in late December.

We get it.

Let's put it all on Porn.

From now on my name will no longer be Albert Hitched! From now on you must call me Alfred Hitchedcock!

All hands on deck!

Geronimo!

Everybody get to work now!

You come with me instead, Maddie."

The Chief dragged Maddie away from the meeting room as the scriptwriters rioted, exchanging tips and shouting suggestions at each other.

Albert locked the door to his luxurious office. The luxury of the furniture contrasted sharply with the deliberate poverty of the meeting table, or the lack of comfort of the writers' bare desks, which were poorer than the "Brooklyn 99" or "The Mentalist" offices.

In the Chief's private study, there was a huge aquarium with large tropical fish, two huge rugs, a large brown leather sofa and a fireplace lit with crackling wood logs. On the cabinet in front of the door were souvenirs from many trips: among other items, one could recognize a gondola from Venice, a snow globe with the Eiffel Tower, and a small medieval brass lamp bought in the Middle East.

Albert motioned Maddie to sit in the guest chair in front of his huge desk. Stephen King, if he had seen her, would have commented that the small armchair had been chosen on purpose by the decorator to put the interlocutor in a subordinate position, where on an unconscious level he would be more inclined to submit to the will of the Chief.

In a persuasive voice, Albert said, "you can easily fool those fools, Maddie. But I have been in this business for many years. I've seen actresses more talented than you, fooling more experienced producers than those fools. But I don't believe in it. I don't believe in Santa Claus or a pretty granddaughter of his. Now tell me who you're really serious about."

Maddie blinked, blatantly subdued by his baritone voice, as if she had been hypnotized. She spoke in a flat voice, as if in a trance.

"I am a girl-Genius in a bottle. I am five hundred and nineteen years old. My real name is Emma. My Professional Tag qualifies me as a Genie shapeshifter. I can take any shape you desire. I can fulfill your every wish without limit, the only limitation being that I can't kill anyone, I can't raise the dead, and I can't expand into an area larger than -- this big room, let's say. If you need two women or two men, I may shapeshift for you."

Albert looked in amazement at the two women. One was still sitting in the small chair, her blouse buttoned up under her office blazer; the other was standing naked in stockings and heels.

Maddie continued to speak, but her voice changed the accent to be more seductive. "I can be two women for you, I can be anything you want. I can be two redheaded Irish girls [voice changed to a beer-drunk Dubliner accent], I can be a pair of heterosexual lovers from New Orleans [voice changed to a strong Cajun accent with French inflections], I can be two males if that's what you need [her voice was now deeper than Albert's], I can be your slave in chains, your nurse, your pirate captain tied to the main mast, your policewoman...whatever you need. I am a blank page, just waiting for your big pencil to squirt its ink, ropes, and ropes of white ink over me..."

"A genie who grants me three wishes?"

"Oh, no, Master! [she giggled] Those are Genius-Just-Three-Free-Wishes! It's a completely different genetic group. No, no. Those ones just want to be liberated, and they do a lot of mischief for the sake of having fun. I am not like that. I will stay with you forever, as long as you want, or I will live in my lamp with all my micro-comforts: I have a micro-jacuzzi and a micro-gym, and I will be fine. But don't worry about what I'll do when you're away... tell me what you want me to do to you now that I'm here. Don't you want to see Emma, your helpful Genius, in full Action?" with dimples on her cheeks she smiled to encourage the Chief to take immediate advantage of her offer.

"Oh, Emma, Emma... You're a dream, you're what I've always wanted since I was a child... My parents didn't understand me, and they only bought me clothes, but I wanted an angel like you... And I have a wish, yes, right now."

"What do you wish for, Master? I don't want to spite you by quibbling over words like those boring wish geniuses, who take advantage of your every grammatical error to do the opposite of what you asked for... Once, a master said 'I wish I turn into U' and the genie changed the letters of the alphabet, do you realize how stupid that is?"

"How should I formulate my wish, to be granted?"

"It will be enough for you to think hard about it. I will read on your lips what you wish, and grant it. If you want to...see...Emma the Genie in Action..."

Albert stood motionless for a moment. He had known for years what his wish was. He closed his eyes and imperceptibly moved his lips.

Maddie smiled.

"Wish Granted." She said.

Her body changed shape. She became three different people. Two old college buddies appeared by the desk: Jock and Josh, two typical Alphas, the classic "most popular guys in school." Jock was captain of the baseball team and president of the math club, and he was the son of a Congresswoman. Josh was the quarterback of soccer and founder of the Francophone club and the son of an Ambassador. They had always teased him and had once stuffed a dirty sock in his mouth.

Even now, in the elegant room, Albert had his mouth gagged by a cotton sock: this time it was clean and smelled of soap, but thick enough to prevent him from speaking. A woman had materialized in front of him, sitting on the leather sofa: the French language teacher: a young girl, who was at the time only a decade older than her students.

Maddie spoke in the professor's voice. "Je n'aime pas... I don't find it fair that you two bullies are mocking the poor boy who is here in front of me. You think he is a Loser just because he doesn't play competitive sports, but I see great potential in him. And I prefer him to you two."

The Chief's cock at these words had become as stiff as a steel pipe bar.

The professor began to unbutton her blouse, releasing two small but firm tits. Albert remembered that in class she had said that many French girls never wear bras, as a matter of elegance. Right.

She, surely, had never worn one, and all the males (and all the females) had eagerly spied her nipples and fair skin through the soft buttoning.

"I know very well that all you guys masturbate thinking about me! [she snapped her fingers. Gone were the pants and boxers to the three males, who remained in their shirts with hard dicks]. But I don't want you guys to jerk off!

Ne vous branlez pas! Don't jerk off! Only Albert can cum: I forbid you two, for you two there exists only denial."

Out of the corner of his eye, Albert noticed that the two athletes were jacking off, but not cumming. Both remained on the edge. He remembered that they were not real people, but just a part of Maddie's body playing their roles. The two real alphas would cum in less than a minute because they were (notoriously) early ejaculators.

Albert thought it was very comforting to know that his ideal woman had ordered the two Alphas not to cum. That order was the most powerful aphrodisiac.

The teacher was wearing one of those thin, colored silk blouses that she always wore to class-she had at least ten of them, in different colors. She usually wore pants and flat shoes to class.

Now she looked at him quizzically. "Do you want me to wear a different kind of shoes, Master? Even if you have never seen them on HER, you can wish for the kind you like and I will wear it for you..."

Chief thought of a pair of shoes he had seen on Samantha's feet in "Sex and the City." Instantly they appeared on the teacher's feet. But the thin leather straps went up almost to her knee, and her pants had vanished in a tiny cloud of smoke, leaving her legs bare.

She smiled mischievously at him. "Would you like to imagine something to cover my legs, or would you rather see me naked, Master? Consider that these two fools will also see me, but they will be in denial."

"Naked. Naked will do."

"Okay then." Said Maddie, smiling, and unbuttoning the last button of her blouse. Exposing her twin nipples, she spread her thighs wide, offering a perfect panorama of her shaved pussy. Everyone was convinced that every French girl shaved it because the teacher had said in class that it was very trendy, and by inference, everyone thought she was talking about herself.

She motioned the Chief to come closer. "If those two hard dicks bother your sight, I can secure them!" she snapped her fingers. The two Alphas suddenly dropped to their knees, their wrists cuffed at the ankles with large, heavy lead shackles, and a black metal chastity cage imprisoning their purplish cocks.

Albert could not imagine having an even more intense erection. Seeing both of his nemeses defeated as he was about to cum in the French teacher's cunt.

"Viens ici, mon amour, viens dans ma pussy, viens, je t'aime, je t'aime."

Funny how a song from 1967 can make all the Christmas carols disappear in a second. And funny to think how the mere memory of Jane Birkin's raspy voice was enough to induce Albert to release a heavy cumshot into the hot, soaked pussy of his French teacher.

Maddie encouraged him, "Come, come, don't bother to pleasure me, I am your slave, you don't have to pleasure me too!"

Albert needed no more words. For years he had struggled to hold on for a long time, to meet improbable duration requirements elaborated by over-imagined women's magazines. Meanwhile, the two bullies, Losers, groaned as two small metal cages clamped bars around their urgent but futile attempt at erection.

Encouraged by Maddie, Albert cummed without hesitation, amid grunts and spasms. She received the boiling jet of his cum as he slumped on top of her.

Maddie waited a few minutes, holding her stud in a gentle embrace, then snapped her fingers. The two bullies disappeared in a cloud of smoke. The teacher's body disappeared from the leather couch, leaving room for Albert, who was almost fainting.

After his selfish orgasm, the Chief remained to lie on the leather couch and fell asleep. Behind him, standing near the cabinet, Maddie shrinks into a cloud of green smoke and hides inside the brass lamp. But instead of staying inside the lamp, she is teleported to Santa's Sleigh, which at that moment is flying over the sea between Norway and Iceland.

.

Epilogue.

.

"How did my favorite granddaughter's mission go?"

"Everything was perfect, Grandpa Nick."

"Did he buy that lie about the Genie of the Lamp?"

"Completely. «Emma Genie: Imagine». «I'm a Genie in Action: Imagination». A real sucker."

"Congratulations, granddaughter! Now, speaking of suckers, don't you think it would be time to suck your old grandpa's cock?"

"But here, in front of the magical reindeer?"

"The reindeer have already seen me orgasm dozens of times, granddaughter Maddie, it won't be one more cumshot that will bother them..."

Maddie knelt down for a blowjob worthy of joining the Ten Thousand Foot High Club. She unbuttoned her blouse to offer Santa Claus a landing strip for cum (although she knew full well that his favorite "landing strip" was carved in the hairs of her mound).

The old white-bearded man serenely hummed "Here comes Santa Claus, here comes now, here comes Santa in his Santa Way..."

Gradually the ditty was interrupted by grunts and gasps. "Suck it, nephew, right now, harder and harder... You are my little Prancer (not you, reindeer!)... you are my tiny Dancer (not you, again!). Suck it, Maddie... Yes, yes... Oh, oh, oh! Oh... oh... OOOOOOOOH!"

He spurted.

She swallowed most of the cum, but it was too much, and some dripped from her chin onto her bare tits.

"Thank you for your gift Santa Claus, it was exactly what I wanted."

"I know you're referring to the scriptwriting Crew... but remember that I hear the words you say as you masturbate in your bedroom, little Maddie. I hear you every night when you masturbate invoking my name... I hear everyone, and I know if you've been naughty or nice."

She smiled, her lips still covered in glistening semen. "And have I been Naughty, or Nice?"

"Both. You were always my favorite 19-year-old brat, honey."

THE END

*** A contribution to the Winter Holidays Story Contest 2022. Remember to vote, not only this tale but the one you liked best.

Disclaimer: I always ADORED the Hallmark Movies. When I was in a hospital bed, they kept me company, serene, and predictable as nothing more. However, they are perfect for recovering energy, in the (unavoidable) time between a fuck with your woman, and a masturbatory session.

Any constructive comments will be welcome.

English is not my mother tongue, forgive mistakes. Be happy: Merry Xmas everyone!***