Haunted Mind

Later that morning, Olivia met me in the park across the road from my apartment to discuss Theo's walk back to reality. We sat on a bench by the duck pond to watch the wildlife as we developed our plan. I explained how Theo and I grew closer after my outburst in class earlier in the week. Olivia smiled and nodded as I explained how Theo calmed my mania without even trying. She wasn't surprised when I confessed to being bipolar type II. She said my extremely realistic and cold view of reality gave it away. She said I spoke like a disabled veteran who had lived a hard life despite only being twenty-two. She knew hypomania caused people to function in full-throttle until they burned themselves out and crashed.

"I try to keep my shit together by taking care of myself. It's so much fucking work on top of an already exhausted mind and body. Theo picked up on it because he had seen the symptoms in Ben. I know why Ben killed himself. The battle seems pointless most of the time. One really bad day can do you in. Even with a support system."

Olivia took a deep breath and nodded.

"Christina, what do you tell yourself when you fall into despair like that?"

"I refuse to destroy my parents. No matter how loud the demons get, I won't make my parents suffer by ending my life."

"Shit," she breathed and shook her head.

"What?"

"That's a common answer. Bipolar II patients who have deep empathy last longer because they can't stand the thought of causing suffering for other people, especially their families. Take the family out of the picture, and their odds of survival drop."

"What are you getting at?"

"Theo and Ben's parents died in a car crash over ten years ago. They were financially stable thanks to their parent's life insurance, but their family's emotional support was gone. I could tell they tried to take care of each other, and it worked for a while, but Theo became an addict to deal with his pain, and Ben was fighting a private war with mania and depression. I knew what was coming when I discovered Theo's drug habit. I was working on my dissertation at the time and was utterly devastated he had hidden it from me for three fucking years. I could have helped him if he would have talked to me about shit instead of getting high. Then he chose the drug over me. I had to leave for my own mental health at that point. I feel guilty about it every time I think of him and Ben, but it's impossible to help someone when they won't admit they have a problem. Now we're in that boat again. Theo thinks Ben is still alive. He doesn't know he has a problem. It will be a bitch convincing him he needs intensive psychotherapy. Theo has a job and a comfortable life. He's high-functioning like you. Yet he..."

"Talks to his dead brother every day."

"Exactly," Olivia sighed and rubbed her eyes.

"Okay. What will happen if I gently suggest that he might be having a psychotic episode?"

"He could become paranoid that you're trying to mislead him. That could worsen the delusions, or he might accept that something isn't right. This has been going on for ten months now. Theo is a smart guy. He may know something is wrong, but he can't put it into words yet. Or, he knows confronting the delusion will cause him to lose his brother again."

"Fuck..." I sighed.

Olivia and I watched a family of ducks swimming by as we considered our options.

"Okay," I began after a moment of thought. "Let's assume I gently break the news to Theo in a non-confrontational way. I'll playfully present him with a story about a person in a similar situation and ask him how he would respond if it were him. If he reacts negatively, I'll back off and say I was just curious. I do this shit all the time in my head to deal with social anxiety."

"That's an excellent plan. If he knows something is wrong, a conversation like that might help him confront the problem. Which is way better than simply telling him he's delusional. What is your major again?"

"Quantum science."

"Wow, you should minor in psychology as a backup career," Olivia smiled.

"Thanks. I'll think about it."

Olivia and I wrapped up our meeting and promised to stay in touch. She was a lifeline I didn't know I needed. My mood was stable as I went about my day. I was definitely on the manic side of things as I planned my conversations with Theo. My main goal was to keep everything simple. We met for lunch at my favorite picnic table again, and Theo immediately started picking my brain for supper ideas. He was determined to impress me with his cooking. I told him he already impressed me with breakfast. He rolled his eyes and said breakfast was too easy. So, I challenged him to make a homemade pizza, and he happily accepted.

Theo was all smiles when I arrived at his apartment that evening with a freshly carved jack-o-lantern for his front stoop and a case of chocolate beer. I told him it was the most romantic gesture I could think of for Halloween. He was well into his recipe for a stuffed crust sausage and onion triple-cheese pizza. He was also planning a special custard pizza for dessert. While his creations baked to perfection, we sat on the couch to search for a movie. Theo and I both hated excessive gore and violence, but then we noticed Tim Burton's Sweeney Todd on the suggestion list. We both confessed to loving the slasher musical. Halfway into our musical pizza supper, the first trick-or-treaters arrived. While Theo checked on the dessert pizza, I greeted a Pink Power Ranger and Spider-Man with handfuls of candy.

Our evening continued in a blissfully uneventful pattern. The trick-or-treaters thinned out after nine-thirty, so we turned off the outside light and settled on the couch. We were overly stuffed and needed to rest after Theo's delicious pizza feast. We decided to chat for a bit before wrapping up our Halloween with a romp in the bedroom. My conversation with Olivia was still weighing heavily on my mind, but I couldn't bring up the subject after such a wonderful evening. It would have to wait for a better day.

"So, Christina, besides the ghosts and goblins we saw tonight, have you ever seen a ghost or something really creepy you couldn't explain?" Theo asked.

I looked at him in surprise for a moment, wondering where that question came from. I had to remind myself it was Halloween.

"Um, well, when I was fourteen, my grandmother was really sick. She was in her eighties, and we all knew there was a chance she wouldn't pull through. She did, though. She lived to be ninety. Anyhow, my family was taking turns sleeping in her den at night since it was right next to her bedroom. If she needed help, someone would be close enough to hear her. I fell asleep on the couch, and at some point in the night, I woke up and glanced over my shoulder. It was mostly dark in the house, but in the dim light from the hall, I saw a misty human figure standing beside my grandmother's bed. It was too tall and skinny to be her, and it didn't look like my mom or dad. It had long hair and a pale robe. I couldn't make out its facial features. It was completely motionless. It didn't seem threatening at all, but my mind told me it was a ghost. That frightened me, so I quickly looked away and just laid there, wondering what the hell I saw. Its non-human appearance scared me more than anything. A few minutes later, I worked up the courage to glance over my shoulder again, and it was gone. I never saw it again. I didn't tell anyone about it either."

"Wow... that's creepy. Are you sure you didn't dream it?"

"Absolutely sure. I know when I'm dreaming, and I've never had hallucinations. Dreams feel completely different to me compared to my waking life. That's why that thing scared me. I knew I wasn't dreaming when I saw it. I would honestly love to see it again so I can figure out what it was. How about you, Theo? Have you experienced something beyond explanation?"

I looked at him for a reaction when I asked that. He was staring at the coffee table, deep in thought.

"The day I overdosed, I thought I saw a man in my apartment. He was there for an instant, then he was gone. It didn't scare me. It was just weird. I asked Ben if he was playing a trick on me, but he said he didn't arrive until after I passed out. Sometimes, I wonder if it was my guardian angel."

I pursed my lips and nodded.

"You know what, I think Ben is your guardian angel. He always seems to be around when you need him."

Theo smiled and rolled his eyes.

"Ben isn't an angel. He's probably a poltergeist, or maybe a demon."

My brow furrowed after that comment.

"Um... what do you mean by that?"

He looked at me like he was about to say something, but he pursed his lips instead.

"Is Ben giving you trouble?" I pressed.

"No. He's just my pain-in-the-ass big brother. Forget I said anything."

I took a deep breath and hesitated. The conversation was suddenly too relevant to drop. I decided to push it a little further and see if Theo would tell me more.

"Okay, now you have me concerned. Is this about the event yesterday? I want you to know you can tell me anything. You have been amazing for my mental health. I want to return the favor."

He gave me a sad smile and studied my eyes for a moment.

"Thanks, Christina. Um, Ben has been acting a little weird lately. If I didn't know any better, I would say he's jealous of you."

"Hmm," I nodded, completely taken aback by that revelation. "Um, what makes you think that?"

"He's been rolling his eyes when I talk about you, and he tries to change the subject. When he knows I'm waiting to meet you somewhere, he's suddenly ready to leave. Just like at the event last night when I chased him back into the maze. He hid from me for the rest of the night. It's just not like him at all. I thought he would be happy for me and want to meet you. I just don't get it."

My heart was beating a little faster at that point. It seemed like Theo's subconscious didn't like me interfering with his delusions. I wished Olivia was there to advise me on the matter. Either way, it was time to push a little more.

"Theo, I need to tell you something."

I stood and sat on the edge of the coffee table right in front of him so I could see his face. He straightened up and leaned forward, bringing his pretty eyes closer to mine. He was ready to listen. I smiled and picked up his hands. I squeezed them as I worked up the courage to speak.

"Theo, when I was a kid, my cousin Becky claimed she had a new friend. She called him Sam. For a while, I was convinced Sam was real. Becky would tell very detailed stories about the games they played together. As time wore on, I realized something was wrong. I never saw Sam. He always avoided me. He only played with Becky. One weekend, Becky didn't come over to play with me. I found out she was in the hospital. She had jumped out of a tree and broke her leg. I went to visit her at the hospital and asked her what happened, and she burst into tears. She said Sam didn't catch her. Later that day, Becky's mom told me Sam wasn't real, but Becky thought he was real. She claimed she could see him. They put her on medication, and she finally stopped seeing Sam. Does that story seem familiar to you?"

Theo was looking at me with his brow furrowed. I really hoped I didn't upset him.

"Christina, have you been talking to Olivia about me?"

I blushed and nodded.

"I have. Do you know why I'm concerned for you?" I pressed.

He took a deep breath and nodded.

"Christina, I'm not having a mental breakdown. I know Ben is dead. I've known since I found him hanging from a ceiling fan back in December. For the past ten months, I've been talking to his ghost. After I found him dead, I called my old suppliers. I wanted to overdose and join him. Ben appeared to me and stopped me. He's been watching over me ever since, and he's jealous that you keep stealing my attention. I want you to know he's actually standing behind you right now. He said if you want to see him, you can. All you have to do is look."

My heart sputtered at his words. I was trembling as I searched Theo's big hazel eyes. He was dead serious about what he was saying. The scariest part was it felt like someone was standing behind me. I shivered as goosebumps made my hair stand on end. I could choose not to look and simply let Theo enjoy his delusions. Or I could look and argue against it. I honestly hoped Ben was standing behind me. I wanted to thank him for saving Theo and ask him what it was like to be dead. I was torn and a little terrified, but my curiosity got the better of me. I took a deep breath and looked over my shoulder. To my absolute horror, Mr. Stabby the Bloody Clown was standing behind me, holding a large knife and smiling like a deranged murderer.

"Hello, Christina," he announced. "I lied to you yesterday. My name is Ben, and we're going to have so much fun together."

All I remembered after that was the sound of my scream.

The end and happy Halloween!

If you prefer a less creepy ending, keep reading.

-- Alternate Ending --

"Christina, I know what you're thinking, and I love you for your concern, but I need to tell you something. I'm not having a mental breakdown. I know Ben is dead. I've known since I found him hanging from a ceiling fan back in December. For the past ten months, I've been talking to his ghost. After I found him dead, I called my old suppliers. I wanted to overdose and join him. Ben appeared to me, plain as day, and stopped me. He's been watching over me ever since, and he's jealous that you keep stealing my attention. I want you to know he's actually standing behind you right now. He said if you want to see him, you can. All you have to do is look."

My heart sputtered at his words. I was trembling as I searched Theo's big hazel eyes. He was dead serious about what he was saying. The scariest part was it felt like someone was standing behind me. I shivered as goosebumps made my hair stand on end. I could choose not to look and simply let Theo enjoy his delusions. Or I could look and argue against it. I honestly hoped Ben was standing behind me. I wanted to thank him for saving Theo and ask him what it was like to be dead. I was torn and a little terrified, but my curiosity got the better of me. I took a deep breath and looked over my shoulder. Nobody was there. Damn it. I looked at Theo's smiling face and shook my head. Ghost brother or not, I planned to stay with him until he figured it out. I just hoped Ben didn't follow us into the bedroom later that night.

Epilogue:

Christina and Theo grew inseparable as she helped him find his way back to reality, and he helped her manage her mood swings. Olivia directed Theo to an excellent psychotherapist to help him unpack his trauma so he could heal. Olivia personally worked with Christina to learn more about her high-functioning coping mechanisms to develop better ways to treat type II conditions. After a while, Theo confessed that he still saw and talked to Ben, but it was more like reliving their best conversations when he wanted to. His therapist said that was a good sign and meant Theo could control his delusions instead of them controlling him. Theo earned his PhD the following year in quantum science and continued teaching while pursuing research projects. Christina picked up a minor in psychology and began working on her thesis. It's too soon to say they lived happily ever after. No one's life is that perfect. Instead, Theo and Christina made every day more enjoyable for the person they loved, ensuring they always had something to look forward to.

The end.