All Comments on 'Incubus Pupa Ch. 08'

This one was a little different than my own personal preferences, but still a very enjoyable read. Thank you!

Very sweet and very well written! I like that you took the time to let them grow! A humanizing moment that actually works well with this story as it grows! Thank you!

Promising story, cant wait to read about the seduction of Ella and making her the queen, and bringing in amy and christine to the house. Imagining all the plays there.

I got kinda worried with the last two chapters that this was just gonna become some B grade harem story. Paragraph after paragraph of (intense, definitely, but still) meaningless sex, gathering faceless women to fuck, none of the character building you started out with. Don't get me wrong, this is still a porn site, and those scenes are decently written porn, but this story has so much more potential than that, and I'm glad to see it back on the track to greatness again.

Really good story. Here are a couple of suggestions.

Think about giving Adam a challenge, a temporary setback that he needs to overcome, maybe another Fey taking one of his girls, or Ella, and he needs to fight to get her (them) back.

The sex is fairly vanilla. You could add more different acts; for example, threesomes, foursomes, anal sex, spankings, etc. Consider switching things up a little.

I’ve only ever left one comment before in all my time on Literotica. An absolutely amazing “story”! I couldn’t stop reading it. And hot too!

Can’t wait for more!

I love the story as it has all the ingredients of my favorite kind of mind control.

But here is a little feedback:

So at this point he has had wings for a couple of days now. I mean WINGS! And he never once tried to fly with them? Even if they are more symbolic, I feel he should at least try.

Ianthe is a very interesting character, because she is such a commanding, dominant business woman in her professional life, and yet she is craving to be dominated at her core. Her mask is so strong that it took an incubus to unlock her deepest desires. At the beginning of this chapter it seems like she starts to become soft in her professional role as well. I hope she remains every bit as commanding and strict in her role as the boss, maybe even more so. Because the dichotomy between her public and her private role is what makes her character so interesting.

I really like that the girls are characterized and not just random add ons

One of the first harem stories I've appreciated as a story and not just... jerk off material.

Awesome cant wait for more and I live that there is more than just sex that he actually cares about his women. Hope to see more of that side of the story!

Keep doing what you do. Whatever that is don't stop writing. (Especially this story)

Look, this is certainly a good premise, and your execution has been great. To be honest, like some people had commented harem is rarely enticing pieces of literature but you certainly have created something quite good, so consider me a fan and hope you keep writing.

Good points :

The premise, you don't have to convince the audience of the how. Sometimes authors do uber convoluted justifications that ends up in severe plot holes (if we accept talking animals or lightsabers in fiction you don't need pseudo science to create 'realism').

The characters, this chapter explores more depth to them but more importantly your willingness to flesh them out. The MC is not just another self insert and the women should be more than just some cliche like ' the blonde cheerleader'.

I don't think there are glaring points that I would consider bad or awful, I read the part about the power progression but I don't think is a break dealer or that this the kind of story for a training montage, maybe sprinkle and extra paragraph in previous chapters or use a flashback talking to the other incubus before meeting him again.

Anyway, wish you the best.

Next chapter!

Another request for the continuation of this excellent story!

Another request for the next chapter!

One of the best incubus/succubus related stories i've read!

Such a treat to read ! Well written and the pace overall was great. I really liked the way you spaced out the sex scenes with a great story line. I do hope there is more to come.

Cant wait for more the story has been very fun to read!

We need more so much more to tell

This is such a good story. I need this story to continue. Please keep writing

If I could give you twenty stars, I would!!!!!!!!!!!!

Awesome story, you really must continue it, I'm curious to see how Ella gets on board with all of this......

I love the story and enjoy your writing style immensely. I wanted to suggest, however, that if I all of a sudden gained all of these powers and then popped out 20 foot wings. I can say with a high level of certainty that I would have been outside of town that very first night figuring out the mechanics of flying, both alone and carrying weights to figure out if I could grab Sandy and take her for a weekend romp somewhere fun. Again I love your story, eagerly awaiting chapters 9 thru 100 lol

Warmonger (on a mobile, no tab button)

Hey,

It's wonderful that you are developing characters and have dates like this. It's very preferable above the shallow cheerleader personality.

It would be cool if there will be some light competition in the bedroom, but not dominating outside (where they can be still friends). Than are protagonist will be in the middle of a thug of war. Just a suggestion/ wish.

And of course: let the milk flow :)

It's been half a year sInce this chapter was posted already.

I hope everything's ok for you?

We're eagerly awaiting more

I love where this has been, and where it's going. I hope you continue this story, it's great!

It's been a while, is everything alright with you?

Please stay healthy so you can share more of these characters with us!

Seems our Incubus needs to work on his queen, also I’m a bit confused on the timeline, I thought the park was Sunday and the card game was Friday?

enjoyed the read

Okay, so I usually reserve comments until the end, but figured I'd do it here. There seems to be some.. inconsistencies, unless I totally missed something, when did he tell sandy? When did his dick go from 8 inches to 12? Why is it okay for him to sleep with sandy so much? If last chapter was Friday with the boss and this one is Sunday, it feels like a lot happened Saturday without being told.

That aside, I really do enjoy this story, he's not a sociopath just out to fuck, I enjoy the moments he has with each woman, I honestly appreciate the pet names too, not enough stories use them and it adds an element of intimacy that's really nice.

I will say I wish his discussion with Elias was more of a they probably can't fuck you more than a few times a week because your dick is huge, rather than the they'll get sick and die, because it takes away from the I timacy of each relationship. If he can only be with sandy once a week, than it eliminates a lot of time together.

I will say, I enjoy that you didn't just add like 9 girls to the harem with the same personality and turn it into a generic Harem stroke story, while it IS heavily sex focused, it's nice that the cast is still somewhat small, I think harem stories fail at being stories when by chapter 3 there's like 12 girls you have to remember and none of them have depth at all.

Overall good story, again not sure if I just missed something or if there are inconsistencies but I don't even really mind I'm enjoying it so much.

Side note, I noticed people complaining about Ianthe going from a strong independent woman to a sub and it being ridiculous, honestly they've probably never been in a D/s relationship and don't know anything about submissives, it was great to see her heart laid bare, doesn't make her any less of a fuckin boss bitch.

@Anon

Thank you for leaving a comment. You are certainly correct that there are inconsistencies. I make no excuses for the errors, but I've picked up some better habits to help me track all of the little details as I've improved my writing techniques over the last couple years, so hopefully you'll be seeing less of that in the future. I'm going through a re-write now. Not to change the substance of the story, but to clean up a lot of the kinds of issues that you and others have pointed out, as well as other stupid mistakes like referring to Christine (who is supposed to have blue eyes) having green eyes, as an example.

Regarding some of the specific things you mention:

1) I didn't write the conversation wherein he told Sandy that he was an incubus, if that's what you're asking. I've elected to focus on certain character interactions rather than replay that specific conversation and all of its variations with every one of his ladies (unless it makes sense to do so, like in the case of the discussion with Ia later).

2) His dick never grew to 12 inches. If you read that somewhere in this story, it was a mistake. I believe the last time I gave a length it was closer to 10, which is still massive, don't get me wrong, but it's not a foot long. If that mistake is in the story, I will be sure to fix it in the re-write.

3) I've received a lot of comments on the mechanics of sex and his incubus nature, mostly people pointing out how what happens in the story conflicts with what he was told by Elias. At this point, I almost regret even writing that scene, because it's become the noose by which I'm hanging myself. I do plan to make some tweaks to that chapter to make things less definitized, but know this: almost everything Elias said was generalized and not intended to be a hard and fast guide for a) how many times he can sex up a woman in a given period, or b) how often he needs sex. Both of these vary broadly by woman and context (i.e. Sandy might have more to give than Christine, and Adam's changes are likely making his energy needs different from one week than the next). Adam may also not be typical at all for an incubus, which is all the information that Elias has. It's like asking how long people can hold their breath; some can only go 30-60 seconds, while others can go for better than 10 minutes.

Thanks again for your kind words. I certainly take this kind of feedback to heart. It really allows me to improve.

Great story

Who will be the Queen Anne will have hordes of kids he will need the mansion to house them all

5/5

I kind of want Sandy to be his queen. Seems he's developing quite the deep bond with her. A lot of work to be done still, but I like her for the part so far.