James and Nora and Adrian Ch. 03

James was surprised by what came next.

"Perhaps you can bring your lovely new white wife along sometimes soon and I can bring my husband for her; who knows what we could all get from being together. My husband is a handsome man and an excellent lover and any woman would be fortunate to spend an evening with him. This could be very good for all of us."

Her comments provided some comfort to James, gave him something new to consider; perhaps sex with the wife could help reduce his own growing unease. It seemed clear, however, the main factor behind Nora's suggestion was finding a way to satisfy her own pressing need for more sex with Randall.

James worried Nora's relationship with Randall would leave him feeling more and more inadequate, alone, abandoned. If fact, he was fearful the genie was already out of the bottle for Nora--exciting sex, sex with a variety of new lovers, often giving her sexual satisfaction beyond James' own capacity. And what was he to do. What could he do now given that Nora knew she could what she needed from Randall? And probably most of it from others as well.

As James wrestled with his concerns, Nora's mind was racing as she left Randall in bed, then as she showered, while in the elevator down and in the taxi that took her home to James. She wished she could have spent the rest of the night with Randall, slept to recover, awakened to more hot and sweet sex in the early hours. But she had agreed she would always be home by midnight, home where her husband could reclaim her if he wished, home to share with him again where she had been and what had taken place. She would not dishonor her pledge to return to the man she loved and respected; she would make clear her gratitude for the freedom he was granting her. But how would he welcome her, she worried, if he had watched the video, if he understood even better now her passion for another man.

James welcomed her home with a deep kiss--which she returned in kind. They held one another, their arms wrapped, for a long time. She said nothing except to tell him she loved him. He said, "Nora, you are tired. You should sleep. We can talk tomorrow. We need to talk. You know we do."

He wanted to send her away sensing his deep concern. He added,"Tonight I watched the video of your time with Randall a week ago. I assume tonight was similar. You can tell me about it tomorrow. Will there be another video from tonight? I'm not sure I will watch again, Nora."

"I did not bring a film of what I did with Randall tonight, James. I turned the cameras off when I arrived. Surely the film from last week was enough. Perhaps far too much."

James grimaced. He took a deep breath. "Good night, Nora. Sweet dreams." He felt a hypocrite in saying those last words.

Clarification? Resolution?

They were quiet around each other all the next day. In the evening they fixed dinner together and, after eating, saying very little, they sat with their drinks on the couch where he had watched the video the night before. Nora began. "James, if you have things to say, I am listening. If you have things to ask me. I will answer your questions."

"Nora, from the video, not from what you have told me, I fear your relationship with Randall has grown too intense. It appears to me when you are with him you show a different level of sexual need than I have ever seen in you. I worry your need is emotional, even romantic, as well as sexual. That frightens me. You seem so needy--and almost completely submissive. It appears to me you are granting him total control when you are together, giving him your mind and at least part of your heart along with your body. Is that what you are doing? Is that what you want to give to him? So much? Are you even aware of this?

"Regardless of your feelings Nora, what really do you know about him beyond Adrian introducing him as someone he expects will be a new and satisfying sexual partner, a new experience for you, your first black man? Is dominance a pattern for him? A necessity? What is likely to come next? Do you know? If not, shouldn't you find out?

"What I am asking myself, Nora, for the first time, is whether your relationship with Randall can continue if you also want to sustain a loving, respectful marriage with me. I have not felt like his before. Uncertain, unsure, upset, on the edge, a tipping point for us. I hope we can we agree on how to respond to this situation. I am not prepared to let this pass unacknowledged, undiscussed, unaddressed! You must understand. You cannot hide from this."

Her first response was prompt and direct. "James, I feel your deep concern and I won't try to avoid it. I am not one to hide. You usually have been very perceptive about my feelings for other men who are interested in me. However, in this case you have not fully understand what is going on between Randall and me. You need to. Perhaps when you do you will be even more concerned. I will try to explain. In essence, James, it really is like the old saying: It's Only Sex!

"The sex with him is great. You can see that. As good as I have ever had except you and me in the months just before and after our wedding. But James, Randall isn't dominating me. What you interpret as dominance, as control, is not at his initiative. I started it. I wanted it like that. Then it grew. I have discovered I sometimes need it like that and right now I very much like it like that. I guess I have needed to be dominated by a man like him, very strong and assertive--and yes, big and black. It fulfills a fantasy for a certain kind of very physical sex, for sex with a man with a big black cock like he can give me. He brings reality to the fantasy. He gives me that reality James--the biggest cock I have ever had, and the only black one. And it excites me and pleases me.

"He has given me exactly what I have needed. All three Friday nights with him I have gotten just what I wanted. He clearly enjoys the sex this way too--but it mainly is my doing to satisfy a need I have just now. I am not a submissive, James--though sometimes I may want to act submissive for the sex to be what I want it to be. But when that happens the sex is not, and won't ever be, dictated by someone else; it will be what I want it to be with that person in that time and place. If there is guilt, James, it is all mine."

Nora tried to make clear to James, as she had tried several times before, how much her feelings about sex had changed during the past year and a half, how her attitudes had "progressed" from their fantasies to their role playing to their sexual arrangement with Adrian Benton--and since then sex with several other men and now with Randall. She emphasized again her increased awareness of her own desirability, understanding better that many men, and some women, wanted her, sexually. And she told James how more often than before she wished she would have been able to respond to particular men in particular situations.

James asked himself and then Nora whether "progressed" was a suitable word for all this as it related to their relationship. However, he acknowledged to her how his own attitudes also had changed in ways he would not have anticipated. He admitted he could not deny his own excitement, even growing enthusiasm, for sharing Nora with others, especially if he was a participant in one way or another. Even so, he argued, they both needed not to lose control of themselves in ways that could weaken their love and respect for one another. He emphasized how his worry had grown during the past several weeks from her behavior with Randall.

She continued to explain."James, sex is now much more on my mind now, and my body desires it more often. I need for you to understand the strength of this. I have a deeper yearning for sex, a greater appetite, and a frequent need for something new. Sometimes the sex I need is the dirty, nasty kind. While we are having sex I like telling you the dirty things that are in my mind. I like saying them to you even when I am thinking of sex with someone else. Sometimes I just want to tell you I love spreading my legs for someone new, taking new cock while I am on my back, eager for something different, for whatever and whoever comes next. I like exploring every position with a new man: on my hands and knees, taking it from the back, when I am on top doing the riding, or giving away my ass, responding eagerly to a shared hunger for that. Things that used to seem shameful or forbidden now I am willing to consider, inclined to try. I ask myself, 'Why Not?'

"Sex is now a central focus for me, a higher priority in my everyday life, a preoccupation. For the time being at least that is unlikely to change. I don't think I can help that; I don't want to help it. I feel like a sexual explorer. I like going someplace I haven't been before with someone I haven't been there with before. I like exploring new territory so to speak, the beauty and the novelty of it. And sometimes, the darkness."

Nora went on to explain how every day she is conscious of her sexual needs and every day she envisions how they might be met, sometimes by the men she is around that day, sometimes when she meets a man for the first time and is immediately struck by his attractiveness, imagining how it would be to be with that man. More often now she is tempted to make it happen--because now she believes she usually can make something sexual happen if she really wants to. Being able to seduce a man who attracts her has shifted from "maybe" to "probably." Even though she seldom acts on her desires, now she feels more confident; if she did act she usually could have who she wants and what she wants from him.

After describing her needs and her attitudes at some length, Nora asserted emphatically her feeling about their relationship. "James, for me, as for most people, sex does not require love and sex does not require respect, certainly not the kind of love and respect I believe we have always had, have now I hope. I am not sure I respect, or even like, Randall, for example. I certainly don't love him. l just have wanted a certain kind of sex with him. I have had it. And I still want more if I can have it--but not at the cost of what I have with you, James! Not at that cost. I have to have your love and your respect to live. Those are the only things I can't live without. The others are a choice; none will ever will be essential. You are essential.

"James, we must be able to work through this. I know you are not comfortable with how I have gone about satisfying some of my sexual needs. So far you have tolerated me even when my actions have frightened you, as they do now. I understand. If I become too driven in the future you will need to intervene again, as you are doing now, and I will need to step back to make sure I'm not risking your love or our marriage.

"I want to stay married to you. You are the only man I love, the only man I have ever loved this way. I trust you! I know you love me. I hope we can learn to enjoy together the changes in our erotic desires and in our sexual relationship. I believe we can. We have to!"

"I hope so too, Nora; I have been thinking hard about this. I have a suggestion, something we can do before you arrange to see Randall again. I believe we should discuss this with Adrian. While he has been your lover, he also is our friend and at times our mentor and guide. Also, he has known Randall for a longer time and he has introduced him to other women before he brought the two of you together. He has some responsibility for this relationship."

Nora agreed they should meet with Adrian to seek his advice. "Ultimately I will be influenced most by your opinion, James, but we both know Adrian cares about me. In fact, he cares about both of us and will try to help, at least with honest advice."

James called Adrian the next day to ask him to have dinner with him and Nora and he described briefly the matter they wished to discuss. Adrian invited them to his house for the following evening and suggested his wife Janet join them because, he explained, she also knows Randall, perhaps better, certainly more intimately, than he does. The latter point was news to James.

With Adrian and Janet

Over dinner at his house, Adrian began the conversation with an apology. He accepted responsibility for giving poor advice to Nora in introducing her to Randall. "Based on Janet's earlier experience with him, I anticipated Randall could offer Nora a very passionate and physically satisfying experience, and I believe he has. But I carelessly suppressed the possibility he might overwhelm her with his sexual power and prowess and his demands. And when I very recently learned more about his earlier behavior with his first wife and with other women, I failed to report this immediately to either of you. My poor judgement contributed to the situation you find yourselves in. I am sorry. Now, what to do about it? How can I help?"

Before James or Nora could respond to Adrian, Janet readily revealed her own charged sexual experience with Randall two years ago. Then she recounted what she and Adrian had learned only very recently about some of Randall's past relationships. This was just after he and Nora had met and began their affair. Randall, Janet explained, was divorced by his first wife due not only to his many adulteries but also because of his psychological abuse, including his attempts to control all aspects of her personal life. Her request for a divorce was uncontested. During the several subsequent years, Randall had been unable to sustain any romantic relationship for very long. At first he lived for several months with a twenty year old college student who soon left him because of his attempts to control her while he also had sex with other college girls. After that he was in counseling and therapy for a few months. During the past two-plus years he has had more brief affairs, including his times with Janet, but nothing longer lasting until he recently remarried--a very beautiful white woman. Neither Adrian or Janet had been aware of this. Nora knew of his remarriage but not the earlier history.

Adrian then reported Randall had called him after his first time with Nora to tell him how fantastic the sex has been and of his high hopes for their relationship. He said he believes he is giving Nora what she wants sexually and hopes to continue to meet her needs. No mention of his new wife to Adrian.

Janet acknowledged to all of them but, looking especially at Nora, how good Randall had been in bed. She had described this to Adrian from her very first time with Randall and Adrian had watched one of those episodes so he knew how compelling Randall could be to a woman, even one as experienced as Janet. She admitted she had struggled to give up her intense and satisfying sexual experiences with him. The previous night she had watched two of the videos of Randall and Nora together. "Nora, despite what you know about Randall's past issues, can you really give up the very fulfilling passionate sex we all have seen you having with him?"

Nora paused. She wanted everyone to absorb her statement. "I hope I can, Janet. I believe I can. I know I must. I promise all of you I will try very hard, starting today. I expect the three of you to help hold me to my promise. I need for you to."

At the end of the discussion, Adrian strongly advised Nora to immediately stop being with Randall, not even to talk with him, at least for a long while. He went on to suggest to Nora and James that if they needed sexual stimulation beyond what they offered to one another they should seek out sexual adventures that would involve both of them, directly sharing the experience while it was happening. He encouraged Nora to learn to seek greater pleasure from less emotionally intense sex. He promised he would suggest sexual opportunities that might intrigue them. Nora and James thanked him for his advice and his offer to help.

As James and Nora prepared to leave, Janet guided Nora into the other room with her to seek their coats. She emphasized again, "I know how hard this may be for you even given what you know now about Randall's uneven past. Just between us, Nora, he gave me some of the most intense and satisfying sex I have ever had. That was hard for me to give up. It will be for you. We really will try to help. And Adrian will find good alternatives for you and James, I'm sure."

Nora's response was not a surprise. "The same for me, Janet. Intense and satisfying raw sex. The videos of me with him show how and why it was so good. It was just what I had needed. I had not realized how much I needed him, or someone like him. But let's not say this out loud to our husbands--or to anyone else. I believe Adrian and James already know the truth of it. Don't you? They have both seen us with him. James has seen it more than once. We all have to live with that truth--but move beyond it. Without Randall."

After the meeting with Adrian and Janet, Nora sent a brief note to Randall with a copy to James and Adrian. She wrote that her relationship with him had become too intense and she was not ready for that now with anyone other than her husband. She asked him not to contact her. The indication of copies sent to Adrian and James probably helped induce compliance with her request.

A few days later Nora told James she recognized more clearly now how her need for what Randall was able to give her had led her to cross a danger line in their marriage. In the interest of honesty, she admitted to James that even knowing more about his history, she may at some later time feel the need to risk meeting Randall again-- at some point in the future, she said. She promised to communicate any such need to her husband before anything happened again.

James obviously was not pleased by Nora's admission of continued vulnerability. He made his likely strong intervention very plain to Nora. And he repeated it several times during the following weeks. So far, so good.

Likely next chapter--later. James and Nora recreate with Adrian their exciting first extra marital experience with him of over a year ago. Then a long weekend of sex in Boston and on Nantucket with Jon and Maureen and friends.