Katie Moves In Ch. 04

My cousin Katie and I, as we were growing up, were never particularly close. Our parents were and our families spent nearly every major holiday together and occasionally a vacation or two but Katie and I did have seven years separating us. Also, she was a girl and I was a boy and as kids we liked different things. Even when I was in high school, she was still in elementary school.

As the adults that we are now, we still have the same seven years between us. I am established in my job, in my career, and Katie has just dropped out of college and is still figuring her life out. Katie moved in with me at the request of my parents and hers. Katie did not want to live at home as that would be uncool and I currently had an extra room in my apartment.

This arrangement took a turn when Katie asked if she could have a party with some friends of hers and the conclusion of that party ended with Katie in my bed.

And the shower.

And just a few moments ago the living room floor.

We just finished a mind blowing, toe curling, scream at the top of the lungs love making session.

But was it though? Love making?

I was laying on the floor while Katie was cleaning up post sex. I was contemplating where we are and where we are going. The past twenty four or more hours were a whirlwind of sexual activity where each time it seems more and more emotional. Or am I reading too much into it? Was it just me forming an attachment that might not be there? Was it not emotional but just more intense?

Am I just a person of convenience for my cousin? Why does she have an interest in a guy older than her? Just the night before, at her party, during the game of truth or dare, she openly and willingly gave a guy a blow job. So again, I ask myself, no, rationalize with myself, that this is nothing more than a matter of the two of us being very horny and getting off. Nothing more.

I heard Katie leave the bathroom and go to her room which snapped me out of my deep thinking. Getting up off the floor, I too went to the bathroom to clean myself up and after, I went to my room to dress.

I was laying back on my bed, all in my head as I went over and over the past two days and what this all could mean and what it could lead to and eventually I drifted off to sleep.

Since it was late afternoon when I dozed off, when I awoke it was dark, both inside and outside. Groggily, I made my way to the bathroom to relieve myself but on the way across the hall I noticed that my apartment was quiet and dark.

After finishing up in the bathroom I went through the apartment looking for my cousin. She was not around. Not in her room nor the living room or kitchen. She must have left during my nap. In fact, she did not return before I decided to retire for the night. Tomorrow was a work day after all.

The next day I started my morning routine as usual, shower, dress, out the door and commute to work. I made it through my busy work day and returned home as I always do. Walking through the door I found Katie on the sofa, busy on her laptop computer and cell phone with the television on.

She looked up and smiled and welcomed me home telling me she had some leftover pizza in the kitchen if I was hungry, which I was, and I could help myself. I grabbed a slice and sat on the sofa glad to be home.

Katie was headlong into whatever it was that she was doing and barely lifted her head while she was plucking away at her computer. She was clearly busy doing whatever it was that she was doing so I got up and made my way to my room to change and relax and watch some television.

A little before ten that night there was a light tap on my door before it opened and Katie peaked her head in asking if I was still awake. I barely was but responded to her affirmatively that I was awake. She climbed on the bed, sat cross legged next to me. She apologized for ignoring me when I came home but she was trying to explore her options for a job.

As she was talking, there seemed to be some tension in the air. Or it could just be me imagining things. I could not put my finger on it. But she did look amazing sitting there in her shorts and tank top. She always looks amazing.

As she talked about her day and other things my mind began to wonder. This was how it was before the party, she would talk and I would listen, I would eventually start to drift off to sleep and she would retire to her room. So are we back to normal? Like the weekend didn't happen? Back to being roommates?

As Katie concluded her nightly update, she leaned down and kissed me, on the lips, and lingered for just a moment, lips to lips, before telling me good night. I felt her get off the bed and she stood there for just a moment, a pause, before she left the room.

For some reason, I was both relieved and bothered. Conflicted again. My thoughts and emotions are running wild. Why was Katie having this effect on me?

The next morning I was back to my usual morning routine, albeit tired because my mind raced all night causing me to get little sleep and work dragged on because of my lack of energy. Arriving home I found that Katie was out and she had not returned before I had fallen asleep.

Another morning and another shower and out the door to my job. I had not seen Katie before I left. However, during the day I received a text from her that asked if we could have dinner, she would cook, and talk.

I don't have a ton of experience with women but according to every comedian and guy I have ever talked to, the "we need to talk" NEVER works in favor of the guy. Now I have anxiety about going home.

I came home to find Katie in the kitchen. She was in a skirt and tank top and putting the finishing touches on the meal that she would be serving. It was a simple dish. But she put a lot of effort into it which I appreciated.

The meal was delicious and the conversation was casual and up to this point, she didn't present the "we need to talk" talk. I helped clear the table and clean up and was then led out by the hand to the sofa. Katie sat me down and then sat next to me, facing me, cross legged again.

I felt a bit of dread as she started with, "So...."

It hung out there. The pregnant pause. Awkward silence.

Katie seemed to be struggling with what was on her mind. She was fidgeting with her hands. Not looking directly at me. Searching for the words that she was about to say.

"This weekend..."

Another long pause.

"Us."

She was still not looking up at me. She was looking down. Her fingers fidgeting.

I was trying to be patient, to let her, on her terms and her timing, get what is inside her head, out. I can tell that she was struggling for the right words. That she probably rehearsed this dozens of times today in her head and yet now, when it mattered most, she was speechless.

"Have you ever...," a long pause with a deep breath and exhale as she contemplated her words," Have you ever looked at someone that was unavailable, that you crushed on from afar," another awkwardly long silence and deep breath by her as she thought, "this weekend..."

I could tell this was difficult for her. I twisted on the sofa so I faced her and took her hands in mine and looked directly at her. I was hoping this would put her at ease. And she started to cry.

"I'm so stupid!" she blurted.

I was confused. I could not wrap my head around what she was talking about or trying to say and now with her sobbing it was getting more difficult to follow. I know that what she is trying to say is important and I am trying to be supportive.

"Katie," I started, "You are not stupid. Are you regretting what happened? What we did? Because if you are, we can forget all about it. Act like it never happened."

This caused her to full on cry. Hard. Tears. Quivering lips. Runny nose.

My confusion was conflicted with my wanting to comfort her. I felt terrible for making her cry harder. I reached for some nearby tissue and handed her the box. She took a few and used them as she continued to sob.

"Sherri was right, guys are so clueless" she blubbered.

What did her friend Sherri have to do with this? The last time I saw her was when we were cleaning up after the party days ago. But Sherri was right, I am clueless. What is going on?

Katie stood up. She paced the living room trying to compose herself. Taking deep breaths and long exhales. Wiping the tears from her eyes, blowing her nose into tissues, and I remained on the sofa watching all of this before finally standing up and walking to her. Standing before her, my hands on her shoulders I pull her into an embrace and just hold her and she explodes into sobs and tears all over again.

It might have been ten minutes or ten seconds but I held my cousin against me and let her just cry as she needed to. I could feel my shirt getting wet from her tears. Or snot. I didn't care. What was important was that she needed me. Needed to be comforted. Assured that she was safe. And that was what I was trying to provide.

Katie composed herself and looked up at me asking, "Why do you have to be so damn good?"

I chuckled at the compliment and hugged her again.

"I'm serious!'" she protested.

"Any girl would be lucky to have you. I am lucky," she continued.

She took a deep breath and let it slowly out as she composed herself. I did not let her out of our embrace. She tried. But I felt like I needed to keep her close.

Looking up at me she started out again, "I have always looked up to you."

"I've always been taller'" I replied as a lame attempt at lightening up the situation.

She rolled her eyes. But she smiled.

"Continuing on," she sarcastically said,"I have always looked up to you as the ideal guy. The guy that I compared my boyfriends to. And none of them came close. And then the other night...," she trailed off.

She buried her face in my chest again. I felt her take a deep breath and she continued, "The other night was and the next day was more than I could ever imagine. It was magical. It was special. And it broke me. It broke me in a way that I can only say that no one else can ever come close to you."

I listened. I held her and I listened to her.

"My dropping out of college had nothing to do with you, by the way and it was just a coincidence that you allowed me to move in. And then you and I got together. And all those feelings and fantasies of a stupid little girl looking up to the one guy that she holds as the gold standard of all guys, it surpassed what we did. And since then...," she paused.

"Damn it!" She started crying again. And I held her.

Katie began to calm down. She had been holding on to me too. Her hands around me and just holding on. She broke that embrace and took my hands in hers, "I am going to tell you something and then I have to leave" she said with seriousness.

I looked at her, waiting for her proclamation.

"I love you!"

And with that she ran to the bathroom, the door slamming behind her. I stood there. Speechless. And not because no one was around. Katie just opened up and told me that she loved me. That she compared all guys she dated against me. That she looked up to me all these years.

The responsibility of that knowledge, The weight. The burden. It was heavy.

I quietly went to the bathroom and leaned against the wall in the hall and sank silently to the floor. I could hear through the door Katie crying, sobbing, blowing her nose, silence, crying again...

It felt like a knife through my heart. I wanted to comfort her. Hold her. Let her know it would be okay. That I felt the same way. That I loved her too.

That revelation startled me. Did I love her? Love her more than just family? Love her as a girlfriend? Love her as more than a girlfriend?

She said everything about her dropping out of college and her parents asking my parents to ask me to allow her to move in, all that was just a coincidence. And I believe that. But what if it was fate or some cosmic hand that pushed us together?

I started getting into my head again. What if it didn't work out? I'd lose a roommate. I'd lose a cousin. Things would be awkward at family gatherings. Weddings. Funerals.

I was conflicted. But I knew she meant more to me than just...

Just a what? Some strange woman? An ex-girlfriend? Any other family members?

I could not put my finger on it. I knew that Katie was something special. I felt that she was my favorite cousin for years. I always had feelings towards her too. I have other cousins that I didn't feel as strongly about. Yes, they were cousins and they were female but I always felt a strong connection to Katie. Why? And did that matter?

We were well into the evening, I was on the floor of the hallway, just outside of the bathroom that Katie had hidden in. She finally opened the door and found me sitting on the floor,legs stretched out before me. She sat opposite of me. She took a similar position, legs out straight. Our legs are not touching but very very close.

I looked at her trying to gauge her mood, what she was feeling, Her head was down. She had that look of shame. Shame for admitting what she felt. Shame for her honesty.

She had no reason to feel shame. She proclaimed her feelings towards me. And I needed to reciprocate that to her.

"Katie?"

She barely lifted her head.

"Katie, look at me please"

She reluctantly looked up at me. I placed my hand on her ankle which was next to me. Her soft smooth skin under my hand, I let my hand slide along her leg from ankle to just below her knee.

I took a deep breath and exhaled before addressing my cousin.

"Katie, I feel the same. You are not alone. I feel so close to you. Like you are my number one cousin. I have alway felt that you were my number one. My only one. Seriously"

Katie kept her head down as I continued.

"I've spent the past few days going over and over in my mind about the past week. Rationalizing. Explaining. Trying to figure out what's going on. What we are and like you my mind is going over things and rationalizing and confused and I know that before the past weekend of the party I really enjoyed having you here and then since the party it has been so much more. I feel closer to you, a connection, something that is stronger than just us being cousins."

Katie looked up at me finally. A small smile crossed her face.

I looked at her. I really looked at her. Her eyes sad and puffy and nose red from crying. I reached out for her hand and just held her hand between us. Finally I asked her if we could please get up off the hard floor and to somewhere more comfortable.

I took both of her hands and pulled her up. As we stood, I hugged her again and with my arm around her I led her to the living room sofa. We sat there side by side quietly. I was trying to absorb everything. Think through our confessed feelings. And I am sure Katie was probably doing the same.

Katie snuggled against me, her head on my shoulder. I leaned down and kissed the top of her head. Katie's hand was against my chest. She looked up with a look that was begging for me to kiss her. Leaning my head down, I did just that. A loving, passionate kiss.

I raised my hand up to her cheek, my thumb stroking the side of her face. Our passionate and loving kisses intensified. I kissed her neck, behind her ear and down to her shoulder. Katie removed my shirt over my head briefly causing a pause in my kissing. But I took advantage of that pause to reach under her and pull down her shorts.

I felt Katie's hands on my pants, opening them and then wiggling them down exposing my aroused penis. Her delicate and soft hands wrapped around my cock and pulled towards her, leading me to her pussy.

She leaned back on the sofa and guided me into her. I kissed her as I entered. I slowly and lovingly lowered my body down and into her until my full length rested deeply inside. Our kissing intensified. I hold myself in place and feel our connection. Her legs wrapped around my waist.

Slowly, my hips lift up and lower, finding a loving pace. Our foreheads touched as we looked into each other's eyes. I could see her love for me in her eyes and I hoped that she could see mine. Katie's hands were behind my neck. We said nothing to each other and yet we didn't have to. Our actions, our bodies and our eyes told us everything.

It felt like we were like this forever or at least I wanted it to be. It felt like everything around us was far and distant. It felt like it was only us and I didn't want it to end.

But it was going to soon. I could feel my orgasm build. Katie could too. "It's okay," she assured me.

She leaned up to kiss me and her hands went down to my ass and pulled me into her. This pushed me over the edge and I came deeply in her. She continued to hold and kiss me as my orgasm ran through me.

Breaking our kiss, we laid there, still together, still connected. I took her face in my hands, "I love you Katie"

I could see her eyes moisten but this time with happy tears.