All Comments on 'Laura and I Finally Together Pt. 01'

Well done, so far. Waiting expectantly for developments.

5*

Tc

A well thought out and constructed story. You captured the difficulty of expressing feelings and the fear which goes with such confessions very well. Looking forward to future installments.

I'm not really sure what to say about this. The writing was kind of all over the place. Almost as if English isn't the author's primary language. The best thing I can say is that at least the author put the story in the proper category. To me, sex between stepsiblings is neither incest nor taboo.

The flow was rather boring. Most people don't talk the way you wrote the story. Most speak in contractions. For example, I've, instead of I have. Or, we'll, instead of we will. I found instances within the story where sometimes the author would use contractions and other times wouldn't. It's very irritating.

Best to get an editor to help you before you publish, if you really want to get better. 3*

You obscured their real relationship to each other that that became my only interest in this otherwise boring story. WTF?

@ Anonymous, you're correct, English isn't my primary language, and I'm trying everyday to get even better. I'll pay extra attention to the contractions next time. Except in the rare instances where I might have consciously avoiding them for a specific effect, you may have a point. My goal is specifically to write dialogues as credibly as possible, so I'll keep it in mind next time.

If you have other specific concerns regarding my writing being "all over the place" I'd like to hear them.

@Muskyboy, I'm not sure I understand what your point is. I thought it was obvious that the characters are not a biological relation to each other. If they shared one parent, I would have called them half-brother half-sister. They are step-siblings that share zero biological parents. Whether one of them is adopted or they are both adopted, or it's simply a mixed family with attached kids, I'll leave that up to the reader, and frankly I don't have a clear opinion about it, also because I don't think it's very relevant. I feel like the entirety of my story works equally well, and could potentially happen (at least in my mind) in all of those situations.

@WantingToWriteGood and @Anonymous (TC) thanks for your kind comments! Future instalments are in the works as we speak! Greetings.

The very same details you mention in the notes detracts from the overall storyline so far. I hope you rope them in as the series progresses. 3.9*

Just found your stories. Keep at this, your dialogue is good, and events described do sound plausible believable!!!! I would encourage you to continue writing be more descriptive when it comes to actual sexual events. (Specifically, the anatomy of your characters). For example, her thick nipples, her dark erect nipples, her pink nipples, her clit was erect and out from under its hood begging to be sucked, her pussy was smoothly shaven, her pussy was enormously hairy, she was massively hairy, her thick luscious bush, monster hairy bush. Her sexy tan legs, tone legs, her feet were tan and looked sexy in her flip flops. His cock was thick and pulsating beneath his man bush, his breathing was difficult, and heart was beating in his throat as he exposed his cock to his sister for the first time. In past year or so, I have also noticed that stories where the female character has a hairy pussy; they tend to be rated higher than those stories where the female characters are shaven or hairless. I see a lot of negative comments about shaved pussies and stubble, pimples, and razor burn when characters have shaved pussies instead of trimmed or hairy ones. Negative comments also appear around anal sex when it is a first-time encounter. Anal needs to wait until the fifth or sixth time and both want to try it. Keep at this, you have talent! Now, I am going to look at some of your other stories.

First what are their ages? (18 plus I hope, since it is a literotica requirement).

Where as the story has promise it is defiantly not light reading. The required cerebral 'work' was taxing.

Instead of ending part one as you did maybe the physical part of the relationship should have been explored with only hugging it is still very platonic. Maybe a romantic kiss could have ended this part?

I'll come back a rate it after I read the next part.

By the way not bad for an English as a second language writer. You have POTENTIAL.

You will notice that in the SIMILAR STORIES recommendations not one is a Romance that can tell you how close you are to a literotica Romance story. when I am ready to do more 'thinking' I will read part 2.