Lawless

I can sit on the porch with my thoughts and be left alone, with nothing but cool clean air pressing against me. Or I can join the family in the kitchen, or in the family room and join in their fun or just sit quietly and enjoy their laughter.

No one has pressured me, but Maggie made it clear I can stay.

I sigh, a smile spreading over my face. I feel calmer than I have, well, probably ever. Today I am getting married and I want this to be my home.

Candi is an editor; she can work anywhere, and she's been back here for over half a year already.

I had a personal training business. All of my clients would have moved on when I was taken, but there's a hotel, a gym, and a spa in the small local town. I'm comfortable in the town. The pace of life and friendly greetings suit me.

I could find work. Set up a new business. Maybe a combination of the two and help at the farm as well. I seem to have a natural kinship with the animals.

My parents are gone, I've no one else to consider.

My smile widens and my heart skitters with pleasure. Decision made. This is home now.

Movement catches my attention and I look back to the yard where Williams is making his way across towards the paddock.

Williams is the most amazing man. He lives in a cabin similar to Ben and Jack's just a little further back and slightly smaller.

He was apprenticed to Maggie's grandfather and is ninety- three years old. He knows everything there is to know about the horses and still tends them every day. He still rides as well.

Apart from a short stint in Korea, he has lived here for over eighty years.

Williams is family. I've found myself talking to him a few times over the past few weeks. Or just sitting. He's an old man and easy to sit with.

Williams raises his hand and hails someone. I move closer to the window to see who is there and see Jack and Ben sat on the paddock fence tying to keep the horses from messing up their suits.

Maggie might be conducting the ceremony with only close family and friends in attendance, but she still insisted on us being what Jack calls, 'Suited and Duded!'

My breath catches and a sense of panic nearly sends me to my knees.

Ben.

We've skirted each other for weeks. Played poker against each other, shared family dinners, never making eye contact. Politely respecting each other's space.

Every time I see him unexpectedly I get a wave of nausea. The sickening memory of being filled. The taste of salt in my mouth.

Once again the panic threatens to overwhelm me, but it's different.

My heart is thundering, my palms are damp, but this isn't fear. It's something else.

All at once I know what I have to do and terrified that I've left it too late I fly down the stairs and peer out of the door.

They are still there, chatting.

I slip out, taking care that the screen door doesn't bang back and disturb the big orange tom cat who is currently sprawled on his favourite perch. Dead to the word. A heap of legs and tail.

I smooth down my suit and walk determinedly towards the small group.

Jack and Ben both hop down from the fence as Williams shouts a hello. I nod to him and Jack, but my eyes are on Ben and his on mine.

He looks scared.

"Ben," I stop a few feet away, "I need to ask you something."

A flash of pain crosses his face before he squares his shoulders. I see Jack grip his arm, but I don't move my eyes from Ben's face. I realize with sudden sympathy that he thinks I'm going to ask him to leave, so I rush on, my voice shaking.

"Three things dawned on me. One, we're about to become brothers. Two, I don't have a best man, and three," Deep breath. "Despite the strong competition in this family, you are without doubt the best man I know, so," I pause as Ben's hand flies to his mouth, his eyes immediately overflowing.

Jack, beaming, moves in closer and slips a hand around his waist.

"Would you?" I manage at a whisper.

"Really?" Ben's eyes are liquid hope.

I can't speak. I just hold my arms up in a universal 'need a hug' signal and am grateful for Jack's bracing hand against my back as Ben crashes into my arms.

We cling to each other and it's not frightening, or strange. This man saved my fucking life.

"Thank you," I choke out against his shoulder and grunt when he holds me tighter.

Jack has enclosed us both now and it's in danger of becoming a group sob-fest.

Williams seems to realize this and moves into action, "Okay, break it up," he clears his throat and I pretend I don't notice he looks a little teary-eyed himself.

"This is exciting," he says to Ben in a rough voice, "Do you know what your best man duties are?"

Ben's eyes widen, "Duties?"

"You need to take care of the rings."

Panic moves over Ben's face as he stares at us and I fight back a laugh.

"I don't know where they are," he admits, flustered.

"Now stop scaring him you scoundrel," Jack tells Williams, gripping Ben's arms and turning him, "Your Mom has the rings, so you need to run up to your sister's room, tell them the plan, get the rings, have a little cry, then blow your nose and hold a wet cloth over your face for five minutes because you'll hate yourself forever if your nose looks red in the pictures."

I'm grinning like an idiot as Jack explains all of this in a calming, reassuring tone.

"Okay," Ben's eyes are still wide and damp, "Okay, I can do all that."

"Good," Jack kisses him quickly, "You've got fifteen minutes."

"Oh Shit!" Ben runs a few paces and then just turns and gives us the biggest smile. His eyes are still overflowing with emotion. Then he turns again, takes the porch steps in one bound and crashes through the screen in a move that he probably perfected aged six and disappears into the house.

I brace my hands on my knees and bend double, laughing so hard I fear I'm gonna pop the stiches that are nearly healed.

I must admit. There's more than a hint of hysteria, but I can't seem to stop.

"What's so funny?" Jack asks, his hand on my back.

I straighten, still laughing, "The cat. The cat didn't even move." I point at the porch where the screen door has just slammed against the wall about two inches from the sleeping cat's face. He hadn't even flicked an ear.

Jack grins at me, "Well, he's used to it."

"What changed?" Williams asks with the complete lack of regard for my privacy that being ancient gives him.

I sober up a little. Jack is watching me curiously as well. I shrug, "I dunno. I just looked out of the window and I saw. Well, I saw Ben."

Jack still looks confused, but I think Williams gets it.

"You saw Ben, and not what happened?"

I nod, "I don't know how else to explain."

Jack is smiling now, "It's great," he says, "and in another ten minutes you are right. You'll be brothers."

A different sense of panic overwhelms me, and I fall against the fence, flashing hot and cold, "Whoa!"

"I've got just the thing," Williams says and reaches for the worn silver flask in his back pocket which has molded to the shape of his ass.

"Oh, Jesus!" Jack mutters.

"One big slug," Williams tells me as he unscrews the lid, and needing some Dutch courage I take a swig.

For a fraction of a second there's nothing and then my tongue rolls to the back of my throat, my head rotates six times and a feeling like molten ice rolls down my throat to my stomach.

Assuming there's anything left of my stomach.

Jack pats my abs hard to restart my breathing, and I gasp in air, coughing and hacking.

"Holy fucking shit!"

Williams is laughing and gleefully slapping his thigh.

"Wow."

My head is clear like a tornado just swept through it. I can hear something that might be the grass growing. Everything is crisp and clear. Hell, I've probably got X-Ray vision.

"You're an evil bastard," Jack tells Williams who just offers the flask to him.

"Hello! I'm the sheriff!"

"Old Sheriff Watts used to buy a crate every month."

"That's probably what fucking killed him. Put it away before I have to arrest you."

"Wow," I say again.

"Good to go?" Jack asks me as Ben comes back out, still grinning.

I beam at him, "Yep, I'm gonna get married."

I walk to the small group that are waiting. About fifteen people in all.

A small circle of chairs facing an archway that is decorated with fall flowers, colorful leaves, and berries.

Ben and I stand together in front of Maggie, who is smiling tearfully at us.

I smile at Ben and he sends a pleased, shy smile back.

He's four years younger than me and he's gentle and sweet. I'm suddenly astounded and humbled at how he managed to deceive everyone.

"Thank you," I say quietly to him.

"For being your best man?" he asks.

"Exactly," I say and let him see in my eyes that I mean for everything.

He nods, a little embarrassed and then bursts into laughter when I add.

"And for all the free babysitting you're about to do for us!"

Movement behind us and I turn to see Candi and Adam walking towards us.

Candi's hair is teased out, with flowers woven into it and looks like a soft crown.

She smiles at me, her eyes shinning and a little puzzled as to why her brother is gigging.

I take both her hands in mine and kiss her.

"Hmmm. Did Williams give you some moonshine?" she licks her lips.

She grins as my mouth falls open, "Is that what that was?"

"Gimme another," she demands, and I kiss her again, forgetting myself until Maggie clears her throat, "Lee. Candice. You're getting ahead of yourselves!"

We separate, laughing and turn to her our fingers linked. On my right a soft head squirms under my hand and I look down at Rag (short for Ragamuffin), who gives me a doggy grin.

Keeping my hand on his head I look forward again and we wait for Maggie to begin.