All Comments on 'Let Go'

I struggled through the first four pages and then skipped to the last one where my suspicions were confirmed - RAAC. This would have been better placed in Novels/Novella or Romance or even Non-Erotic.

I've read the comments which, by the way, were more interesting than the story. It would seem I wasn't the only one cringing at the editing. I read your editors explanation and all I can say is for "college graduates, with degrees in English, and long-time writers and editors on Literotica" they did a very unprofessional job both in the editing and checking what versions they were shuffling around. Didn't you or your editors come up with some system for naming or numbering the different versions? It's not rocket science.

Even worse, when commenters have commented on the poor editing one of the editors got their panties in a knot and come out hollering. BTW, pointing out flaws in the story, be it plot or editing, doesn't make a reviewer an asshole. It makes him or her observant. A more sincere apology and a little humility would have served her better. Arrogance and a fuck you attitude shows her in a very poor light.

Sorry qhml1, I couldn't give you more than 2 stars for this one. Not up to your usual standard at all.

QHML1

The undisputed king of Literotica.

Then you handed editorial control over to the person that wants your crown.

Then you ended up looking like a beginner.

I'll just hang this 'smuck' sign off the knife in your back if that's okay.

Working with multiple versions of manuscripts isn't the best cover for mistakes. There are plenty of programs which will let you see the differences between three documents and choose which changes of the three to incorporate into whichever one you want to be final. Differences are highlighted. You choose the direction of change. You can prepare the final draft while fixing the other sources.

There are also less traditional methods like multi collaborator text editing, although that might be less effective than merging multiple drafts. When creating transcripts depicting speech and activity from video, I keep editing until I do three consecutive passes with no corrections required. But that isn't why I rode into town.

This is about 2-4 pages too long. I skimmed the last two and a half pages. The taking in of random girls and then the interaction between them and Beverly was one of the reasons I didn't need to read further, except to see if her company arc was resolved. Reconciliation at that point is the least desirable fantasy to fulfill.

I'm not sure why Beverly realized that she cared about her marriage. Once you think of something as discardable, loving it again is unnatural. Maybe using, but not so sure about loving. I think it was because someone talked to her about it. She just couldn't understand why he left, and I believe it.

His reason for taking her back seems to be as simple as he missed her presence-the one from a few years ago. That's human, and probably why there's so much actual reconciliation and actual staying past the expiration date. It's human for bad memories to fade. But that's the strongest reconciliation reason I saw, and time in a story doesn't pass quite like real life...although that might explain the extreme length of this story. Seeing how he burned her, the length of time apart emotionally and physically, I find the outcome...Not very likely.

And she doesn't even try until someone tells her, "hey you're missing your chance!" That's just not doing her character any favors.

Also, a minor arc with her fixing her company wasn't resolved by the time I started skimming. Adding that depth is probably not worth it for free, but the gains are long term-if any. And using "X" even when immediately clarified to Xavier seems off.

At the moment 101 persons have read this story, giving it a 4.65 score. I can't believe we all read the same story! As I said before, it appears to have been written by three people -- beginning, middle and ending all have different themes, different editing errors, different writing styles. Perhaps this supports several claims here the story is not original, or is pieced together from several sources.

One alibi says the copy we read here yesterday was, by error, the unedited version. Inexcusable, if true. Already many hundreds of man/hours have been consumed by the readers, so the author has an obligation to insure what is published to the public is the results of his best efforts, not something accidentally pulled from the trash can.

My time is limited, so I select what I read here by score -- must be 4.50 or higher -- and my opinion of the author's previous submissions. That is why I read this one. In my view, he consistently has been one of the best authors I've read, anywhere. But this one is far from the high quality bar his many prior stories established.

Step back and really look at it. It is a cut-and-paste job -- and not a very good one. It should be scored for WHAT it is, not WHO it is.

Trying to tell who was telling the story. The narrator and pronouns jumped all over the place and sometimes it pushed me out of the story. The ending also moved forward so much and so fast that it was a weird synapses of the characters lives and you even wrapped up a conflict for a character you never introduced (Sols daughter).

I would disagree with the complaints that he messed up her career by filing a grievance because he was angry... yes he would be angry but if the wife can fire him in violation of company policy and claim it’s just business then he should be able to respond to the action as part of doing business. Is that bad for a marriage, yes. But that’s the point of this story.

Jumping back and forth between 1st, 2nd and 3rd persons stopped the even flow of the story. I gave it a 4 because 3.5 wasn't an option.

Hi,

Great story, but again switching between 1 st, 2nd, and 3rd person was a bit confusing. Because I'm a southern gal with a penchant for happy endings, I took the score back to 5. Thank you for being one of my favorite authors, and please keep writing

Respectfully,

Ms. Marie

Loved the story and having known a few women executives I can identify with their challenges. I also have a golf partner that's married to an executive so I get to see the interactions and mutual support between them. This feels like a true story with all of the emotional turmoil yes, the editing mistakes were there but it didn't interfere with my enjoyment of the basic story which was 5*

Thanks for the entertaining story

I messed up the star system I ended up giving it 1 when I wanted to give it 5. Loved the story didn't give a flying fk about mistakes. Found it emotional and interesting and a good warm hearted tale. Thanks 5* ....... Oops sorry

Once and again qhml1 gives us a very well written and emotionally compelling. We have the classical enemies of a long marriage, the importance tha many gives to one job's, the lack of communication, the lack of spark, the "boring" each day, and yes your tipical backstabbing snake. I do remember a couple of stories with the same premise but i think that this one its the better one.

Mike and Bev are "trapped" in theirs lifes, the work in the same place and one its the boss of the other, thats lready something that will present challenges from time to time, and in this case Bev (it could be Dave, but in this case its not) its the one that was incapable to give her husband his rightfully place in her life. Mike its not totally innocent, i mean if he is that unhappy after 13 years of marriage, why he wait until now for act?, yes i know that fired him its the start of the story, but it seems that he tacitly accept the way of their lives will be. I takes a separation and the risk of a professional career being destroyed for Bev take a serious look on her life choices. I appreciated that the fails and mistakes of Bev were only because she wanted to be the best in her job, and that she not develop that entitled sentiment of "be deserving" anything that she wanted like take a lover, like in many other stories, that make the end more easy to accept. For all of both shotcomings in their marriage, at least fidelity its none of them.

So i not sure of call this a RAAC, since it was no cheating at all (i detest the great mayority of those). Bev carries with a good chunk of the guilt, and her actions hurt the career of Dave and put the marriage in a coma, but she is the one who takes the steps to rescue their marriage. Now while i do like Marsha and Ari, i feel that somewhat their presence rush the reconciliation between spouses, i will liked to see more about the councelling sessions and how they try to rekindle the flame of their relationship, once that the girls are in the picture the conclusion was pretty much obvious.

Minor nitpicks. Its Sal o Sol? in the beggining was the first one, but after the middle of the story was the latter. Also i dont know why Bev think that being 36 somewhat render her body biologically incapable to be pregnant, i mean i know of about several cases, with 2 in my own family in that women (aunt and a cousin) have childs after pass the dreaded 40s... and the babies were healthy.

Good story nevertheless.

Title says it all once again a superb tale from one of Lit's master story teller's

Many thanks for sharing.

Dang! What a shame can only vote once. Tried giving 5 stars again but they won't have at it. Brilliant. Been there and wish my ending were the same. Well written.

Yes it was shocking to have a woman firing her husband and exclaiming she still loved and him to stay with her. The long road back and the examination of the various barriers passed make this romance a pleasure to read.

What an outstanding and emotional story. It should be read by all married couples. It certainly brings into clarity that married couples should always communicate openly with each other and try and understand the other persons position. The love and openness from Dave and Bev to their two new children was inspirational. Thank your very much for sharing your gift.

The one thing I find hard to believe is, after his wife lost respect for him due to her job, she did NOT have sex with a man she thought was her equal, or would help her corporate ambitions. This attitude is very common when someone thinks he/she is superior to a spouse.

I'm a sucker for good manners - personally, I don't have them, but I'm a sucker!

If only life allowed you the take the ureic out of someone so badly, and then have such a manicured and formulaic way of way earning the right to salvation!

That bit of carping aside, worth 99.9% of the five pointy things awarded.

Whilst I liked your story I found the moving from third to first person narrative in the middle of sentences to be distracting. Sorry...

Your stories are the standard that everyone should strive for!

My mood lightens up when I see a new story by qhml1. Love his prose. How he manages his plot, character development and usual satisfying denouements. Know as a good writer won't mind this wish. Occasionally I find the use of pronouns hard to connect because of murky contextual cues. In one of the conversation with the females it was difficult to know which one "her" referred to. A kinda picky one was during the wedding ceremony when the question was asked

, "who gives the bride." The answer was "their daughters." More loving and even correct for it to be "our daughters." My wife has the same problem in her conversations and I sometimes have no idea to whom she is referring and feel lost. As is the thing now in texts, not important but just saying. Thanks q for all your work which definitely gives more joy in my life.

Wanted to give Q a 6. Had to post a 4.

PoV shifts were distracting. Several times it was unclear who was talking, and in some cases, it couldn’t be the implied or indicated speaker. The ending was drug out to make sure a happy ending was there for any character who deserved one.

Finally, not one bit sure how Boss Bev qualified as Adventurous Wife.

I agree with Anon about switching between first and third person. You would use she and me in the same paragraph referring to the same person. But the story was wonderful and the way they came back together was believable . Thanks, you have been on quite the roll.

You can't determine the sex of an unborn child at 8 weeks by ultrasound and too early for amniocentesis. Still a great story though. 5 Stars

Had tears in my eyes on the last few pages. One of the best stories, errors and all (yeah, the pronouns did get a bit confusing), I've read anywhere! Great job!

I haven't read this yet. I will but even before I do I have some concerns. First, and very much foremost qhml1 prefaced his story with a reference to MM, and this story being in the spirit of that writer's framework. I assume he means Matt Moreau, an excellent writer on this site whose stories frequently have a "long suffering and forgiving cuckold protagonist". Verily, readers and comment writers excoriate MM for his stories for the theme he so often uses. I wonder if those who've lauded so much praise here might be the same readers who've so vilified MM. I would hope not.

Second, qhml1 has his editors, and we all know who they are, and they are excellent writers. I enjoy their stories immensely, and I want to thank them for their efforts in story telling and in editing.

Editing anything is tedious. I know I've done it, and for very little money. Yet I find it annoying that our named editors might appear to categorize qhml1's critics as being assholes. I recollect a comment made by the actor Jeff Bridges when once he was called an asshole, his response, "I am not an asshole. I am a hemorrhoid, and we know what they do - they irritate assholes." To be sure, I find calling others assholes is uncivil, and I hope people who write stories I respect will desist.

So qhml1 I'll get to your story, then I'll leave an honest appraisal, and of course my rating will be a five regardless. I am of the opinion anyone who puts something up for others to read deserves full credit. I am an old math teacher; it's not always whether you got the problem right, but did you follow the formula and show your work.

Jedd Clampett

P.S. qhml1 I do enjoy your contributions here. They've added to my well-being.

You hit the sweet spot. Neither a Neither a BTB nor a RAAC but the best kind, an earned reconciliation.

Thanks for a qhml1 for a fabulous, feel good read.

5*

You could write novels if it pleased you. Thanks for the story!

Thanks for sharing.

I've read a couple of the stories mentioned at the start. Unlike them I could invest in the characters in your version. I got the feeling, intended or otherwise, that Adler was deliberately trying to undermine their relationship for his own ends which I thought could have been explored further given the length of the story. I agree with a lot of the other comment that it chopped back and forth between first and third person a bit confusingly but otherwise ten out of ten.

and long-leggety beasties, and things that go bump in the night, Good Lord deliver usl

Oh, I almost forgot, and last-minute POV changes.

I knew it would be a great one. I wasnt dissappointed. Wish more would write like this. The site would be terrific if they did.

Another excellent read from 'qhml1'. I knew right from the start that the master was up to his usual standard. Well Done

A good start on an interesting theme, wife fires husband, but it fell into the hackneyed gender trope/trap of wife as heartless, domineering bitch. And after the first couple of pages the story could have been poured over pancakes, it was so sicky sweet.

If you are going to write this long you need to find story lines and characters that keep us interested. After a short while reading about everybody's fairy tale lives and impossibly happy endings just got boring.

As others have already said, it was easy to identify and "connect" with Dave and his family. Having had a successfuI career, I neglected my family during my life; fortunately my wife and I have stayed together for 57 years and at our 50th anniversary, my reflection on our life brought that to my attention and I have tried to rectify my errors. My wife is a cancer survivor for the last 25 years and my rush upward ended with her first diagnosis, but we don't have the closeness we had before the first diagnosis, but we love each other dearly. This story rang a bell with me and you made me very happy with your resolution the this couple's problems.

Thank you very much.

I have read all of your stories on Lit and love them all.

I will have to re-read them but this one had a grammar item that really bothered me. The pratice of changing personal pronouns in the same sentence (He said... and I had the same opinion ----- both referring the the same person {my made-up example}) kind of interupts the flow when you have to figure out if you missed something.

Thank you again, and I look forward to more.

Best regards,

Wally

I am surprised that an almost-perfect story like Dark Handsome could be followed by a story with so many careless mistakes (mostly wandering POV) and plot clichés. What happened?

First the good:

This was not really like a Matt Moreau; he's good but more the suffering hero than the conqueror. Your story takes us from the defeated desolate husband to the "Man" we all knew he really was.

This was the fast paced style the turn the page quickly to find out what happens next I like in your writing. That alone compensates for most short-comings.

I thought the story wasn't quite as clean as it could've been. Bev just seemed a little too single-mindedly relentless to recapture her true self as quickly as she did, but this was a minor quibble and nothing was lost in the story. At first I despised, but later liked Bev; nothing like a little redemption all the way around to make me happy.

Last, it was a good idea, a good theme, it was well delivered on the level that was most important, and that was readability.

Now the less good:

The story came out over qhml1's name, and not a couple editors. The mistakes were the writer's, not the editors. I'm proud the editors stepped in to run some defense, but that doesn't excuse the errors.

And about the errors? I thought, aside from the occasional shift from first to third person, there was a some-time slippage in tense, perhaps the misuse of commas in a few places, the once in a while absence of a needed article, and every now and then I thought a phrase or two within a sentence could have been transposed. I thought I was reading a second or third draft and not the final version. All in all though, these were little things, and not worth a reduction in score.

Last of course I'll be castigated for my criticisms; after all I have my less than perfect stories too. I take comfort in the fact that none of us, not me, not qhml1, not even his editors rises to the level of an Edna Ferber, a Larry McMurtry, an Owen Wister, or a Chekov. (Anyone care to wonder who I've been reading lately?)

This was certainly a five. Not up to the "Annies" or "Birmingham" or "Roasting a Pig", but still well up in the Literotica stratosphere, certainly above my pay grade.

Thanks for a very good story.

Jedd Clampett (carvohi)

happen if the reverse were to be the case? The wife, failed executive, and the husband, the CEO? Would she be allowed to raise holy hell the way the husband DID, whining and kicking a storm in a corporate tea cup? I don't know why stories have to so chauvinistic, always it has to be only the man who rise from the ashes; and for the woman, her man deigns to take her back, she has conquered the heaven. It is not about right and wrong; so much focus on male pain, never about women who have been suffering since the neanderthal days and in a patriarchy that spouts cooked up virtues to safeguard their power.

Way too upbeat for someone as dark as I usually am ... but it was incredibly compelling and well-crafted. 5*

I didn't get it that Dave was running down the old stock, selling it at discount prices, in preparation for a new line and Bev, in her position did not know about it. Someone in the management chain must have agreed with him to do this. This was the basis for him being 'Let Go', but it didn't add up.

His boss knew, but he was scheming to get rid of him, and his wife. He kinda set them both up.

You are by far one of the most beautiful storytellers on this site but this was one of your worst uploads. So many mistakes and changed from first to third person.

Also what's all the shit about her being too old to give him kids wasn't she only about 36 years of age? This wasn't set in 1970 was it? There are always stories in the newspapers of 40 or 50 year old woman giving birth and even if she was too old thank god the neighbors kids were ripe for the picking.

A great, fast-paced story. It had great BTB flavor that made me root for him, but also had the best redemption/romance twist I have read in a long time.

However, several times I almost quit the story because of the GLARING mistakes. I'll send you a PM separately to offer my services as a proofreader.

detroitdave

Chur bro awesome story

qhml1

I for one enjoyed your tale...an interesting take on the alpha wife beta husband plot. I thought your characterization was also well executed. Jesus, I don't know what folks expect from writers! Anyway, you got my vote!

It felt like this was originally written in multiple first person pov's and then haphazardly changed to third person. Maybe I am a grammar nerd, but it really took me out of the story. I love QHML's work but this one just felt so rushed/unfinished that it falls well short of five stars.

This was my favorite rendition of the story. Well done!

What a great story. I will say the editing was appalling with the first person to omniscient to whatever was going on, but the story itself was very enjoyable. Thank you.

Thoroughly enjoyed it. Thanks

Theakston

I didn't see a single mistake. Great story, well worth the five stars I gave it. You shit birds can go fuck yourselves.

Absolutely fantastic story - had me gripped from start to finish. You know, if you billed it up a bit you could make it into a novel! There's so much potential!

... as had been pointed out, several POV errors, sometimes within the same sentence, if not between adjacent sentences. Always 1st person / 3rd person errors.

Also, what happened with the front endpiece for Dave’s project car? She went and found it online, bargained the guy down $1000, went to find Dave at his new home, then... nada. Unless I had a brain fart and skipped a paragraph, (not unheard of) there’s no mention of it again.

Anyway, the story itself is outstanding! 5-stars.

“His building stood shining under a fresh coat of paint...”

We dont know what building this is. Obviously, within a few sentences you can figure out it’s his aforementioned Work Shop. But, for those few sentences, it could have been the house itself, a barn, garden shed, a garage, tool shed... an outhouse even?

When Ari first says “pretty” it took about five sentences before I figured out it’s the diamond pendant. And another five sentences before I as sure it is, when Bev asks Dave to unclasp it. With that action i knew for certain what is being talked about. Ari could reach or point to Bev’s neck or throat, or even specifically look there. Or Bev, in the next sentence, grasps the diamond at her throat. Or the like. We know she’s wearing it, but until the unclasping, it might be a hairpiece, a barrette or headband, earrings, or painting on the wall, or just Bev’s face that Ari thinks is pretty.

At the party, Marsha is at first wearing lipstick (when she kissed Dave on his cheek), then later is wearing no makeup (as noted by Bev when she is envious of Marsha’s youthful complexion).

Not an error, but I thought it might be nice, if after Bev washes off her makeup after she’d been crying, something could be said about how beautiful she still is, even without makeup. If she does it it’s a bit egotistical. But if Dave notices it...? Maybe, if in the mirror, Bev thinks she looks old, compared to the fresh faced Martha. But immediately runs into Dav in the hallway, and there is a Dave “thought bubble” thinking how beautiful she still is.

[Yeah, I know. I’ve got POV errors, so who am I to point fingers]

...might that not be fatal to the division, if things were that near the edge. Certainly, if not fatal, it may hurt the division not getting a jump into implementation. If it’s that important, then missing it may cost the division millions.

I’m surprised the Chairman took her misstep, because of domestic reasons, so lightly.

I could swear I reAd something like this before, on some other site. Plus, it hint the story is overrated. Does not deserve a 4.64 rating.

Read paragraphs 1 & 2.

I think i liked the original better, but this was still a great story if you don't compare. At one point Marsha calls Beverly Mom, then later Beverly says she hadn't... I thought all of the constant crying in the story was overplayed but still a great read. Thanks for the entertainment.

A nice variation on the theme of successful if misguided boss sacking her other half, which I am sure I have seen similar before. This was quite sweet, lacking a lot of the rancour which could have resulted, so I enjoyed it greatly. Thank you for a nice story.

I don't know why I made that rhyme. Anyway, I'm reading through this and for the most part enjoying it but I keep coming across parts switching from third person to first person and back. Obviously the story isn't written from the first person perspective but I'm assuming that one stage it did and it was rewritten but numerous instances were missed. It ruins the pacing for me and I just thought I'd bring it to your attention, although someone must have already mentioned it with the amount of comments it's received.

Anyway, I hope it can be corrected without having to resubmit the story.

Guess you ran out of room before you could describe how Bev won the state lottery, and Dave's 9-inch cock. Still, plenty of perfect events happening at the perfect time, and everyone lived happily ever after. Perfect!

Thanks for fun fest.

The thing I found hardest to deal with was the constant changes in who the characters were and who was telling the story.

Sometimes it was 'Dave did this' or 'Bev said that' then in the same paragraph it became 'I did or said something'. Very confusing.

Also it did seem to keep going over the same things time and time again. OK! We get it, she was a bitch for firing him and he was upset. You made the point, you didn't need to drive it home with a steam hammer.

Apart from that it was really nice to read. Not all LW stories have to be 'Cheating Slut' and BTB ending in hatred and pain.

WELL DONE - But watch those continuity errors. They cost it a Star - 4 instead of 5.

This was a good, interesting story but a bit surprising since you have written some very good ones over the years. This one needed an editor, in part when you mixed the first person - third person in a number of scenarios and that helped confuse those segments of the story. In spite of the good parts of the story, there were very few segments that contained real passion of any sort.

Go back and reread this work of yours.

Tiny Tim

wondering what happened with the car Dave was rebuilding? Bev goes through all the trouble to find a parts car for him, and then we get nothing more about it. One paragraph starting with her cyber-stalking him, finding the car, buying and getting a good deal on it after finding out he's doing it, and done. She doesn't ask about it at the cookout, or at any other point afterwards. I have to ask, what was the real point of that paragraph, other than to maybe tell us about how Bev is seeing how Dave is getting on without her while she gathers the courage to talk to him again?

I used to read. The story was not only substandard, in premise and in dialogues, it also was heinous in grammar, flow, and every other possible parameter.

I won't mind if it was a well written comedy. This was just piss poor on so many levels, again, it's hard to think it's written by "qhml1"

this is not qhml he/she must have let someone else use his account, really bad plot and writing. whoever did write this his/her first language is not English lol

Always great when things come together like this. I've always loved a feel good story because I am sentimentalist at heart! It is a long story and towards the end it did not even feel that long. Thanks for sharing qhml1. 5-Stars is too little wish I could have given you more!!! It has all the elements of a good novel! You're up there with some of the best!

A pretty silly premise that dragged on too long.

The beginning felt too contrived and rushed, the rest would probably have worked better if it was either shortened, or effort had been spent to make the plot more interesting.

Not to mention the sloppy editing that dragged it down a tad.

This isn't one of them.

I liked the plot and changing out the career as the "other person" in the affair. It did have its weak points in some of the sub-plots like what happened to the Parts Car she bought for him? (As a guy and car lover, especially older cars, this is a big deal lol). It was a big deal how she found it and negotiated the price down a grand but then we never heard about it again? I had assumed it was being delivered the same day as Dave's Party but the author forgot to "plug it in" somewhere in the story. There were also some weak points in grammar but I find them easier to overlook when a story is really good like this one was. It did drag on a bit, but it was fun little tidbits so that isn't so bad.

I rarely give out 5 Stars but I gave this story 5 Stars for a few reasons, it had a different or unique premise for the plot, a cheating wife but with her job, not another man. It makes it easy to root for them to get back together and flourish as a couple without making the Husband out to be some weak cuck or pussy. There were also numerous cool and fun subplots that had a few twists. I really thought they were going to get pregnant for most of the story after they got back together but as time went on and the story progressed, I doubted that and then suddenly..... BAM, she's knocked up. I was kind of wondering why she would write "Motherhood" off at 36 years old, I know several people that have had children into their late 40's. Another reason is this is just a shameless feel-good story and while a tad sappy at instances, it's ok to have these types from time to time. Honestly, it puts me in a good mood for the rest of the day much like reading too many Cheating Wives stories, especially the ones that realize they ruined their marriage by making a stupid mistake, make me a tad ornery.

If I could I would have given this story 6 Stars and it would only be the 4th time I have found a story like that. Well done.

First, I loved the story because you took a middle road between the cuckold version of BigGuy and the BTB ending. you wrote a believable reconciliation tale.

I've read most of the comments of BigGuy story, which are usually more interesting than story itself, and it seems you took a lot from there.

Second, the person who edited your story did a very crappy job as many other spointed out. For your next story get a less "loveliest lady" but one who actually know her job.

Third, I'm glad you are still writing. There are no many good writers left. Good work, despite the poor editing job.

Read it again and realized you took me from hating the bitch and wanting to see her burn to being happy about the reconciliation to chocking up over the kids and I never felt the transitions. Masterful.

All your stories are well written. When I saw that you had submitted a new one, I immediately went to it. This one is one of your best. I hope you are back in a more frequent contributor mode again.

This is the second time I've read 'Let Go' and loved it more the second time. It was written by a human so, Yes, it's not perfect and needs editing. And Yes, it's a little sappy. BUT it is a very GOOD story.

THANK YOU for a very enjoyable read.

In the vast majority of the states of the United States, any adult may be adopted by another adult. Alabama doesn't allow it, Colorado allows; not exactly adoption, but one adult may become an "heir-at-law" of the adopting person. Connecticut allows it, with some limitations on spouses adopting the other spouse, certain relatives, etc. Illinois allows it, but with a strange rule: if the adoptee is an adult, he or she must have resided in the home of the adopter for two years prior to the adoption. No such time reqirement for a minor. So husband and wife could adopt Ari immediately, but Marsha would have to move in with husband and wife (if both are adopting, or if they are not adopting jointly), with which ever one of them is the adopter. Idaho requires the adult adoptee to have resided with the adopter for at least one year while a minor; or the state court investigates and determines a substantial familial relationship has been created. Nebraska allows adult adoption if the adult adoptee has had a parent-child relationship with the adopter for at least six months BEFORE the adoptee reached 18 years and if the natural parents are both dead, or have abandoned the adoptee before the age of majority, and some additional hoops to jump through. Ohio allows it of the adult adoptee is permanently and totally disabled, mentally retarded; or if the adoptee and adopter had established a parent-child relationship BEFORE the adoptee reached the age of majority. South Dakota requires the adult adoptee to have resided with the adopter during the adoptee's minority. Virginia requires the adult adoptee to have resided in the home of the adopter for at least three months during minority; or, if the adult adoptee is at least 15 years younger than the asopter, and they have known each other for at least a year before adoption. Wyoming requires the adopter to be a stepparent, grandparent or other blood relative, foster parent or legal guardian who participated in the raising of the adult when the adult was a child.

Most of the states have provisions requiring the spouses of adoptee and adopter to consent to the adoption, with varying degrees of proof of that required. Many also have bars to one spouse adopting the other, or some too close degrees of kindred.

So, unless they were living in Alabama, Colorado, Nebraska, Ohio, South Dakota, Virginia and Wyoming, husband and/or wife could adopt Marsha.

i like that dave man up and moved in the light. Then deb brain kick in and marsha helped.but the real hero and winner was ari who love brought them all together..wonderful story

One of the best I’ve read in a good while, and thanks go to “Q” for posting it here. There were a few editing errors (third person over to first person in the same sentence) that confused me for a minute, but the story was otherwise written so well that those little glitches were nothing. I thoroughly enjoyed it.

I have now read this story four times and continue to find little nuisances that I had not noticed before. I love the character development, the fact that Bev was never described, other than as being very attractive and still "Rocking a Bikini" and the emotions that flowed throughout the piece was wonderful. I have to agree with some of the other respondents, in that Ari was the magic that became the glue that held them together.

More please.

Thank you for a very wonderful 5* plus story!

Just wish you'd work a little on the actual dialogue of your characters. Feels like they're reading lines off a teleprompter at times.

A very good story. I would give it 4.5 stars but I can't so I have to give it four stars.

That are almost two stories in this story - the wife overworking and ignoring the husband, and the adopted family at the end.

First let me say I always like QHML1's stories.

The author seemed to like the second half of the story better than the first.

As others have pointed out there were some POV tense problems in the first half of the story. The author seemed undecided on first person versus third person, and a couple of times used both with an "I" and a "he" or "she" side by side.

Also the husband seemed to laugh at the wrong places.

Usually a story has a climax near the end. But in this story the climax seems to come in the first third and then has a long, slow finish after the husband and wife get back together.

The counseling sessions are very brief and hint at problems, but don't really establish any suspense.

This is more constructive criticism than complaint. I still enjoyed the story.

Steve

I loved reading this story, I must be coming an old romantic. 5 ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

So she fired him, he wanted an equal partnership or no more marriage but as soon as she got to his place she resumed her role of THE BOSS. PLEASE , GET REAL.far too contrived, turned into a weak surrender on his part so fast i'm surprised he even gave her an ultimation

After years of disrespect from the wife and her total disregard for her husband, their marriage was already dead. Bev being a self-centred bitch and firing Dave without letting him defend himself was just the icing on a shitty cake.

Dave should have divorced Bev, netting himself a nice chunk of the marital assets as well as alimony. He was a good-looking, wealthy salesman... Ditching the middle-aged corporate bitch and replacing her with an attractive younger woman would been incredibly easy.

What he really needed was a fresh start with a family-focused girl in her mid-20's, who would put him and their kids first. A better ending would have been Dave enjoying family life with his new wife and children, with Bev alone and miserable as she read reports, her only company a glass of Chardonnay...

when 2 strong business couple drift apart and then rejoin with perks galore. TK U MLJ LV NV

Great story and touchingly written. Ok for some you may find it just too happy at the end but there are enough dark stories here that a good happy one was fine with me. 5 stars!

My only question is what happened to the car she bought for parts.

I like this one the best. A little awkward in places with the mixup of first and third person narration, but great otherwise.

I did not realize that I had read most or all this maybe seceral years ago and I was thinking that he was going to burn the bitch after about of 3-4 pages at most and still thought he would when Marsha kissed him and sauntered away! Thanks for writing such a fantastic and loving story about the 4 of them then surprise their 5th wheel biological daughter.

I don’t know how often you write these stories but hope you have a long life and a good computer with lotsa memory! Keep it up! :<)

Baton Rouge Cajun Guy!

At last a good story about loving wife maybe you should rename the loving wives to cheating wives Lol

5* all the way. In almost every instance where a marriage galls apart its almost always due to lack of communication and/or respect. These are the underlying factors that lead to things like infidelity and divorce. You framed it perfectly in this story imo.

I read these stories exclusively on the Android app, which allows voting, but not comments, so lazy me hasn't flipped over to the browser to log in and give feedback.

Time to fix that, right?

I like your work. Your story lines have a solid theme through them, a strong foundation that gives the reader a good sense of the characters, making it so much easier to identify with the protagonists.

Please, keep up the good work. Know that I'll be here, enjoying your efforts. :D

you way, way, WAY overdid the crying bit.... and all the fainting made me decide that they must be sufferers of too low blood pressure. I'm 78 yrs. old and only three times have I known of anyone fainting. You must have given us a dozen cases in a four or five year time frame. In effect, I'm saying that you blew the story's realism out of the water. (I can still sense the sobs)

there wasn't any cheating but to me, this is still a reconciliation story. If there's a better rec story on here I don't recall it. To address some comments. It didn't grab you emotionally? You might want to make sure you still have a pulse. Too long? Yeah, cause I spent way too much time choking up over the kids. It was like the author was showing off his brilliance. I think of it as showing Bigguy33 how it can be done right.

What happened to truck that was being rebuilt , she bought parts for. Otherwise great story with no physical cheating.

Please pick a damn tense and stick to it, you change it multiple times in one sentence.

Thanks!! I wasn't all pissed off at the end! !

I don't care about the tense or the truck or the fainting. I just read it.and.........enjoyed it.

and snapped up that cherry 18 year old

In two spots it seems as if they’d been married for 13 years, but in a few others they’d been married either 8 or 9 years (it’s not clear to me which).

Another is in the final confrontation with Bob Adler (great name BTW — Adler, for a man who had lied to and misdirected the company). She leaves for the meeting with Sal. Sal says he doesn’t like nor trust Adler. She sits in the park afterwards thinking, and calls a meeting with Adler and the company. And, it seems, in one day the corporate finds out Adler was sabotaging the company and backstabbing Bev. Now, this couldn’t have taken just one day. They must have found out days, if not weeks before. And if corporate did find out Adler was trying to sabotage the company wouldn’t they call Bev ASAP to let her know her next in command was doing so?

... the problem with Dave being fired without due corporate diligence, i.e. not getting warnings and probation and such, is addressed.

If qhml1 were to correct the inconsistencies, most especially the 1st/3rd person probelms, and the time/age inconsistencies, and perhaps the deal with when corporate knew of Adler’s malfeasance, this would be a, technically, near perfect story of its type vs BG’s and MM’s attempts.

Still, 5-stars

...

It's been a long time since I read this. It came up on the Recent Comments list, so I decided to spin through the comments.

Many people refer to it as "RAAC." This IS a Reconciliation story, but RAAC means "Reconciliation At Any/All Costs," and I don't believe that applies here.

Interesting plot and well written. Deserves and gets a 5, despite the following quibbles ;-)

1. When beginning to deal with the guardianship issue, you have the wife say: "Here's what we do. I'll take charge of the legal stuff, that's my strong suit. Yours is sales, so you need to sell her on the idea of being an adult and doing what's best for both of them." Were you intentionally trying to be funny? There was only one serious legal matter she handled, and she bungled it like an amateur.

2. You have characters discuss the wife as if she is a highly competent businesswoman. Yet, there's not one action taken by her in the story that actually supports that. Apart from creating a large lawsuit, destroying morale and alienating her employees, not understanding her company's market at all, not listening to a plainly smarter employee (her husband) about business conditions and how to position the company and its products, and being gulled by her husband's immediate supervisor, what business ability did she demonstrate? Someone could point to her cleaning up enough of her mess to sell the company, but it was her husband who knew what needed to be done and educated her. Moreover, selling a minnow (if a $2 million lawsuit was a big financial deal, the company was quite small) to a strategic buyer in what was probably a roll-up isn't genius work at all. Even when the acquisition is vastly larger, it's certainly not genius work by the seller (It's the buyer that has to be right because it's taking the long-term risk). Apart from some mere assertions about her ability, the evidence in the story is quite different. She comes across as the supervisor in a Dilbert cartoon. In real life, she's the affirmative action incompetent promoted beyond her ability for political and legal reasons.

3. You rely on the marriage as "a partnership of equals" cliche, which seems almost de rigour in LW stories. From time immemorial until about forty years ago, no significant percentage of the population would have assented to that manifest absurdity. In fact, one would have to be something of an evolution denier to believe such nonsense. Men and women are, idiot feminists notwithstanding, profoundly different. In fact, it's the most profound differentiation among the members of our species. In nature, and among humans, males and females are adapted to play different roles with, of course, some overlap. It would be refreshing to see a story that doesn't mindlessly deploy the "partnership of equals" cliche.

4. Why have a 36 year-old wife repeatedly say that she regrets she's past child bearing? Women at 36 and much older have children all the time, and the wife ultimately did have one.

5. The husband allegedly found his testicles after he left. Yet, when she's back there are scenes where she's ordering him around like a flunky, and he supinely acquiesces and says nothing. This was wildly inconsistent and a missed opportunity to deepen your character development and reconciliation storyline.

6. Finally, using the "cute little girl as a catalyst for mending marriage" cliche made part of the story, along with the epilogue, a bit maudlin.

As I said, these are quibbles. There's a lot to commend in the story, which I enjoyed. I hope you'll write more!

You old romantic you, Almost a Mills and Boone classic. Loved it, well done.