tagHumor & SatireLST3K Ep. 04: Erthe Day

LST3K Ep. 04: Erthe Day


Welcome, gentle readers, to a special Earth Day episode of LST3K!

Today we have a tale dredged off a 3.5 floppy found buried in the bottom of a box, in a garage. I applaud my reader who had the tenacity to hunt this up, and the balls to show it to another living being.

Although, I'm still twitching a bit from the first time I read it. I'm pretty sure I'm going to need therapy.

My comments break it up, but imagine this tale as a single, long paragraph and you'll have a clue of what it looked like when I got it.

The theme for today is Earth Day, and this story certainly should have been recycled! There's enough pure stinkiness in this tale to fill thousands of stink bombs.

Pull up a patch of moss, hug your favorite tree, have some granola, and prepare for the pain!

Turn down your lights (Where applicable)


I woke up becase I had to piss.

Dark: Oh boy -- that's an ominous first line. Lessons number one and two, grasshopper. Number two: Spellcheck. Number one: Don't start a smut story with a number one.

I got out of my sleeping bag and crawled out of the tent. I did not put on my pants becase they was cold and damp from sitting on the floor of the tent wile I was sleeping and I was going to piss anyway.

Dark: Run, little sentence! Run free! Run on, and on, and on, and on...

I could not see very well becase the forrest was dark

Dark: Like a box of chocolates...

and my eyes were hevy from being up all day planting trees with my scouts for Erthe Day. I was proud to be the scoutmaster of my scouts for planting so many trees and doing such a good thing for the erthe wile they got thier merit badges.

Dark: You should have used this story as fertilizer for all those trees you were planting IN A DEEP, DARK FOREST, Scoutmaster Gump.

I herd something and went over to see what it was wile my big 10 inch dick swang from side to side.

Dark: Yah! Get along little somethings! We're herding you off to market, with our giant imaginary penises swinging in the saddle!

I got over there and saw two naked women! I drooled and my prick got hard while I watched them dancing.

Dark: Ignoring that his bladder was strained to the point of waking him up a minute ago...

One had blonde hair and had 44d tits and the other had red hair and 36d tits and both thier pussys were shaved!

Dark: He can't spell, but he can spot bra sizes from several feet away in a dark forest at night. Here's somebody with his priorities in order!

Dark: Hey -- Wait just a darn minute here! That sentence did not start with I. That's five demerits, and a one inch penalty on your imaginary penis!

I could not believe that there was two naked girls with big tits dancing in the forest and playing with their pussys.

Dark: Suffice to say, my friend, neither do I.

They saw me and stopped dancing and said they liked my big dick. I knew they was nimphs and that nimphs try to trick you.

Dark: Yet another merit badge I'm unfamiliar with -- mythological creature identification. Of course, he would have failed anyhow, because he can't even spell Nymph.

I told them that I was not going to fall for any of thier tricks. They told me that they was not trying to trick me. They told me I did a good thing for the erthe and that they was going to fuck me for doing it.

Dark: He must be doing something else good for the Earth, and preserving the endangered quotation mark and comma populations.

I still did not trust them but thier jugs and hot pussys looked real good.

Dark: Where did the cats and jugs come from? More importantly, do the jugs have milk in them for the hot pussies to drink and cool off?

I grabbed my big 10 inch dick and told them that I would fuck them if they bobbed my nob first and let me cum all over thier faces.

Dark: Hey, I docked you an inch earlier, buddy!

Dark: Somewhere, out there, BSA officials are waking up drenched in sweat, screaming in terror, and they don't know why.

They told me okay and got on thier knees. They sucked my dick and I played with thier big boobs. They deep throted me and thier noses was in my pubes every time they sucked my big hard 10 inch.

Dark: In an effort to drum up ticket sales, the Olympic Committee has introduced a new event, synchronized fellatio!

I knew I was going to cum when my nads got tight. I jerked my dick and cummed all over thier faces. I cummed so much that they looked like glazed donuts from all the cum on thier faces.

Dark: This week we'll be showcasing Time to make the dougnuts commercials that didn't quite make the cut.

I like muffdiving so I told them I wanted to eat thier pussys. They told me to eat them and I started licking them.

Dark: He's licking them both at once? That's one long tongue! I'm surprised he leaves the house.

I was licking the dark haired girls snatch and the blonde girl sat on her face!

Dark: There's a flexible woman for you! Is this what they mean on the airplane when they tell you to put your seat back forward?

I stopped licking the girls hot pussy and told them it was hot to watch them licking pussy. They told me they liked pussy too. My dick got hard wile I licked them and they licked each other until they cummed. Then I licked the blonde and the other girl sat on her face and they cummed again.

Dark: This is written like dance aerobics. And lick -- one, two. And cum -- one two. Come on girls, fake it! Scream like you mean it!

When they got done cumming

Dark: "Do you think we've faked it long enough? Thank god..."

they told me they wanted me to fuck thier pussys with my big ten inch dick. I shoved my dick in the blonde girls hot hole and she screamed because I was so big and she'd never had a dick so big in her cunt before.

Dark: "Oh, I can't handle those seven imaginary inches and the three real ones!"

I grabbed her waste

Dark: Ewww, wait a minute here! I didn't sign up for this! That is disgusting you... Oh, wait, that's just his dysfunctional brain spelling things wrong again. Whew!

and fucked her pussy hard. She cummed again and told me how good my big dick felt in her tight wet pussy. I watched her big firm boobs shake becase of how hard I was fucking her.

Dark: Okay, this is getting out of hand. If 44Ds are firm, then even the Nymphs are getting implants now! Cosmo has gone too far!

She cummed again and screamed wile I pounded her pussy. She told me to sew my seed in her woom.

Dark: "Uhm, I'm not so good a sewing. How about macrame instead? Check out this cool lanyard I made!"

I cummed like a volcano in her cunt and it squirted out of her pussy becase I cummed so hard.

Dark: Looks like you're out of a job, Peter North! This freak of nature can apparently fill five gallon buckets.

Then I fucked the other girl to and made her cum hard on my 10 inch prick. I could see my dick poking her stomach as I fucked her.

Dark: Hold on Superman. Do you have x-ray vision or something? She's not hollow like your inflate-a-date, numbnuts!

I cummed in her pussy to and then lied

Dark: Bub, you started lying long before now.

down becase I was tired. I woke up the next morning in my tent and thout I dreamed it all but my dick still smelled like pussy and had pussy juice all over it so I knew it was real.

Dark: No -- trust me -- you dreamed it buddy! You just rolled over in the can of sardines you fell asleep eating last night.

I plant trees every year now and fuck the nimphs. Erthe Day is a good day!

Dark: Mother nature would like to disavow any connection whatsoever to this story, the author, or any of the insinuations made in this tale. The BSA could not be reached for comment, but sobbing could be heard from behind their locked door. This sordid tale of unbelievable ribaldry brought to you by the author, teenage hormones, the United States public education system, and the number three.

And here I thought there was no way to ruin a Nymph story. I stand corrected -- and nauseated. :: Red Skelton voice :: Good night and god bless!


Once again, thanks to the author for donating this story to be spoofed! I knew putting my own horrific, ancient work out there in Ep. 02 would pay off. He wishes to remain anonymous, for obvious reasons.

Take a moment to vote, won't you? Be sure to check out the rest of the LST3K episodes if you liked this tale, and read/vote on as many contest stories as you can!

Keep circulating the links.

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