All Comments on 'Massage from My Sister'

Hot sexy start. More please. He needs to claim her for himself.

Several really bad plot errors here...starting with his own bed not being available because his mother piled stuff that she is storing all over it. My mom was no different, but if she knew that the bed was going to be needed by a visitor, she made damn sure that it was clear, clean and ready at least 24 hours before they were due to arrive. I felt like your story was kind of off in that regard, but there surely are some people who might be that callous and thoughtless to their own flesh and blood out there.

The next thing that I came across that was troubling was:

"You really look like you have been working out yourself, Very well defined," She continued.

"Thanks Sam, I usually hit the gym 3 to 4 times a week."

Okay, let me get this straight...Your main character is an injured football player and you inserted this for dialog? Was I supposed to read this as facetious banter on the part of both characters, like they're joking around with each other? If this was a straight conversation, then it was stupid. 😤

The final shot that I'm going to take is at this paragraph:

"Uh no sis, I was just enjoying the massage. Your really good at this." She smiled, "thanks for the compliment, anyway, I could use the practice, so this is beneficial to us both."

This is dialog for TWO DIFFERENT CHARACTERS. As such it should NOT have been in a single paragraph. It should have been in two individual paragraphs. For the most part, you correctly used the contraction "You're" instead of the common "your" mistake. But I did see at least once that you let it slip past you.

You did pretty good for the most part, and if you hadn’t kept it shortened to a single page I would have voted four. 3/5

more of this story please

What really takes me out of this story is how the dialogue switches geographical accents from a weird caricature of possibly southern to English. Writer is clearly from the UK.

Felt like it was written by chat gpt.

The grammar and punctuation police would have a heyday. But it is really hot first story. in spite of the distractions. Looking forward to more.

Very nice story. My sister is a masseuse, things can happen very unexpectedly. It's been great now for three years. No jealousy over each other's dating experiences.

Good premise.

But needed step-by-step sex. Needed him really showing his interest/adortion of her ass.

Needed her teasing his cock and balls, but not letting him enjoy it too much at first.

Maybe him begging her to continue.

Three stars.

nicely written.

Agree with Frankie, 5/5, but you need to finish this story,

Will be possibly continuing the story currently working on an unrelated story

Points taken Scottish Texan but You obviously don't know my mom she is not like your mom. In point two i don't see anything wrong with it at all it's an observation that was mentioned 3rd point, well I am not an experienced author and if someone wants to pick apart my 1st attempt at writing so be it. I certainly did not come here to read other's stories just to critique them I read them to enjoy them perfect or otherwise

Meh!!!

Hey Anonymous I see your comment "just a blowjob? Meh!!! perhaps go back and re read the story

Anonymousabout 3 hours ago

What really takes me out of this story is how the dialogue switches geographical accents from a weird caricature of possibly southern to English. Writer is clearly from the UK.

Writer is from Canada

Doesn't make much sense to me tion his 49 minutes of staying power for him to bust in about 4-5. That could have been drawn out a bit more. Maybe she got hers and he got to plunge into her ass after she released he was still hard. Or maybe he got her a few and walked out confident with a "Well it looks like we'll be having all sorts of fun" and leaving her satisfied