Milly Scott Pt. 02: The Artist and Her Young Lover

"Nothing. Just a funny message from a friend." It was the truth, but only just.

I didn't see Fiona whilst I was there and I was more disappointed than I expected to be.

University commences

It was the day that Fiona was heading for the University and I thought about her. She was just rather wonderful and I was in love. I'd always loved her, but this was different, it went much further. It didn't matter, there was no way that it could work and there was no way that she felt the same way about me. I would just have to be grateful to have her as my friend and see her from time to time.

I didn't hear from Fiona for another two days when she called to tell me that she'd settled in and was getting to know the other people in her dorm. There were a couple of weeks of parties and events to attend and she was going to get involved. She sounded excited.

After the call ended I was devastated, I wanted to see her so badly. I sat brooding. I was going to have to be very careful over the next few years, or there was every chance that I could spoil our friendship.

She called me twice before the lectures started properly. She was fine and having fun, more than I was. I did some very moody sketches over those two weeks and I cleaned a lot; I found that scrubbing was good therapy.

After her first week, it was clear that she loved the course and she was meeting a group of her classmates for an evening out. I went to the pub that same evening and sat sipping at my beer a little miserable, selfish and jealous.

I heard nothing all week until Friday lunchtime when I got a message¾'Can I visit?' My reply was brief¾'Great.' Would it be great?

I heard her car and my heart was almost bursting from my chest. She came in wearing those damn jeans, heels, her hair in a loose bun, lip gloss and a white button-down collar man's style shirt with the sleeves rolled up to the elbows and tucked into her jeans, although how she'd managed that I wasn't sure. Stunning; even more beautiful than her sister had been in a dress that had cost a fortune.

She grabbed me, lifted me and kissed me on the cheek, my forehead and the lips. Then she put me down. "Missed me?" I asked.

"Nah, not really." She grinned at me, "Yes I have and I tried to resist coming so that I could get involved in stuff. I wanted to come."

"You did the right thing, but you're here now." I poured us wine and we sat.

"So traitor, do you have a thing going with my sister?"

"No, why do you ask?"

"Well she told me about your trip; over and over, it sounded like you two had fun, I was jealous. Never mind the photo."

"We did have fun, it was great and I loved being with her. I wish that I could spend more time with her, with both of you. She has a thing for someone, but won't tell who and, apparently, can't tell the person, it's not me and in any case, I'm far too old for her."

"I know, she won't tell me either and that's puzzling because we share everything. By the way, you're not too old for anything or anyone."

After a pub meal, we sat talking long into the evening before we went up to bed. I threw her one of my nightshirts and she laughed when she saw that I was still wearing the one that she'd left behind.

"You know that Jane and I slept together in London?"

Her head spun so fast I thought it might detach. "What?" There was a look of something, jealousy? Don't be daft I told myself.

"She held me; it was great, nothing else."

She strode over and with real authority pushed me on the bed. Shit, what was she doing?

"I can do that too." She spooned in behind me and it was wonderful, but I decided not to tell her that we'd been topless as well.

There was a little embarrassment the next morning and we didn't mention our sleeping arrangements. We went for a long walk and then wandered through Ambleside. I'd noticed a couple of people looking at me and at first, I thought maybe they'd recognised my picture from the gallery, it happened from time to time. Then it dawned on me that we'd been holding hands and from our behaviour, we obviously didn't look like a mother and daughter. If Fiona noticed she didn't care.

We slept in separate rooms that night.

Sunday was spent as we often had in the past with the newspapers, casual chat and lunch at the pub. Then she had to go. "Don't be a stranger," I said as I waved her goodbye. I was as happy as I'd been in weeks. I didn't have stupid unrealistic fantasies about sex. I simply cherished being with her, as much as it could ever be.

She didn't come to visit for two weeks and when she did, we simply repeated what we had done on her first weekend visit.

Fiona arrived again the following Friday and stayed until early Monday morning, having realised that as long as she could put aside a couple of hours to study over the weekend, it would be okay to stay a third night. I told her to bring her laundry so that she didn't have to bother with it; during the weekdays I batch cooked and would send her off with a couple of decent meals.

Most weekends we followed the same pattern; Friday dinner in the pub, walking on Saturday or Sunday, reading the papers, and chatting. We either had dinner out on a Saturday or we would watch TV under a throw. It was a dream come true for me and I could have lived like that forever.

One weekend I heard her on the phone, talking to Jess. "No, I decided to come and see Milly this weekend, it's been a while since I saw her. No, she's fine, busy with work."

That evening I asked her about the call. "For some reason, I didn't want to tell her that I'd been here most weekends. I hate lying too, but..."

"Come on what is it? She was suspicious of us last year, but there's nothing to be suspicious of," I gave her a steely look, "is there?"

"No, no of course not. I just love being here with you. I always have, it's nice, homely, being here has helped me to grow up and you're good fun to be around. You seem to like me being here."

I was sure that there was something else that she didn't say. "I love you being here, I've always loved having the two of you to stay, all the more since Jenny died. I love the company and fun. I never thought that I'd have kids, but in the last two years, I realised that I've missed out on something. I'd have loved if you two had been mine." I felt a tear and she wiped it away with her thumb.

"I told you that I was your friend and I always will be. Being here these weekends has been great; somehow it's helped me with studying."

"I'll do anything to help you with your studies, anything. At the moment it's the most important thing to me so that you go on to achieve great things I can say, 'That's my niece, my friend'."

"Thanks, Milly, I love you." Yes and I love you too, but I can never tell you just how much.

Christmas again

The Christmas break was coming and I knew that Fiona would go home. I'd not been invited this year and that was okay by me. I waved Fiona off early on Monday morning and knew that at the end of the week she would head south instead of back to me. It was the right thing, but it was going to be a long few weeks.

I kept busy with my work, did some picture signings and helped Alan with his project. I decided to take him out to dinner, to a fancy restaurant and I got dressed up. When I looked in the mirror I was happy with what I saw, mid-forties, but I still had 'it' and laughed at myself. Alan looked stunned when I walked in and he looked around to check and see if anyone had noticed how lucky he was.

"So Milly, what did I do to deserve the honour of a nice dinner with the most beautiful woman in the Lake District?"

I laughed, "Keep saying things like that. Actually, I wanted to get out and I wanted to thank you for being my friend." It was a delightful evening, Alan was great company and very funny. He asked about Jane and Fiona and I updated him on their lives.

"Fiona's at Lancaster isn't she? I've seen her visiting a few times."

"She comes over most weekends; I do her laundry and feed her decent food. She's good company. I wish that I had a daughter like her, actually her or her sister."

Jane called me early on Christmas day to thank me for her gift. I'd found a very nice watch for her, much more elegant than the one that I gave to Fiona and she told me that it was too generous. I spoke briefly with Jess and Victoria, gave them my good wishes. Jess mentioned that Fiona had popped out and would call me later.

I had lunch with Isha and her family, but things seemed a bit strained and I didn't stay long.

I waited and waited, but nothing, no calls. What had I done? It was just after eleven in the evening that my phone rang and I nearly dropped it in my hurry to answer.

"Sorry Milly, madhouse here and I wanted to speak to you without ears flapping. I really missed you today and I wanted to tell you that. I've been grumpy."

"My day wasn't so good either. I went to Isha's, she and her hubby are a bit strained and their families didn't help. I'd like to have watched TV with you instead."

"Thanks for the boots, I love them, but you knew that. Damn things have a defect though; there were things in the toes." She'd admired the boots, beautiful brown knee-high leather with a two-inch heel. They would cope with poor weather, looked good dressed up with a skirt, but they were astonishing with her tight jeans. I'd purchased two more charms for her bracelet, a birthstone and a pave charm. I knew that she would find them when she put the boots on.

I lay on the bed and we chatted for half an hour. Ten minutes later I got a text message¾'Merry Xmas, miss you. X'. I wasn't sure what to make of that.

New term, a new arrangement

Eventually, the new term started and Fiona showed up the following Friday afternoon. She was wearing the boots with her jeans and another button-down man's style shirt. Her hair was fastened back with a barrette, bloody hell; I'd forgotten just how gorgeous she was.

She scooped me up again and we hugged. An hour after we'd eaten we were sitting at opposite ends of the sofa and she told me all the news from the south. "Have you found out who the mystery person is yet?"

"Jane? No, she's been out with a couple of guys and a girl. Actually, I think that they're sleeping together, but it's as if she's trying to find herself."

"I nearly forgot, I have another gift for you, but you need to wait until morning."

She looked surprised and disappointed at the same time.

Fiona was still wearing a robe when we had coffee, I'd told her not to get dressed just yet. I took her outside and pulled a cover off of a road bike. She stood, astounded, staring at it and then turned to me, "What the hell?"

"You like the bike and miss having one here. You can leave that here or take it to the Uni."

"It's incredible, how did you know what to get?"

"That's what sisters are for. She helped, she promised not to mention it to you know who."

"Milly, thanks a million I love it. I meant to tell you that there were a few stares and unasked questions when they saw Jane's watch. I was convinced that Jess was going to blow when she realised the make."

"Jess never mentioned it to me. I'm not trying to do anything to make you both like me more. You're the only people I have to buy stuff for and I like doing it, I like the joy that it gives and you've been so good for me."

"I tried hard not to laugh and Jane told her to get over it. She flashed it all day. Now, Miss Scott, I need to find something to wear so that I can get out and test this new machine."

"Check on my bed, you may find what you need." I grinned, shorts, cleats, a polka dot jersey, a rain jacket, helmet and gloves were all lying ready.

Ten minutes later she grabbed me and lifted me up. It looked faintly ridiculous; she was fully dressed minus the shoes. "I think maybe I need to marry you before someone else scoops you up." She set off.

I retreated to my bedroom. Twenty years too late or too early and I would be scooping you up to my girl. I sat in my chair to put on some make-up. The reflection in the mirror looking back at me said, "You need to get through your thick head that you can only ever be friends." I simply replied to myself out loud, "I know."

Fiona came back three hours later exhilarated. She grabbed me and tried to hug me. "Get off you beast, you stink, get away."

"Seriously Milly, that's fantastic thank you. If you don't mind, can I keep it here, for now, that way I'll have to come and visit?"

Good plan I thought, but just nodded.

The next weekend she told me that she had an early finish the following Friday so she wanted to cycle down early Monday and back on Friday to test out how it was.

After that first run, she worked out that it wasn't practical to have to carry her clothes, study material and her laptop on the bike. We bought a new bike rack that weekend so that she could take it with her.

I was in Lancaster the following week so I sent Fiona a message suggesting that we meet for an early dinner. She told me to go to her dorm and meet her there. I was shocked. It was depressing. She shared with five others, only two bathrooms which... well they didn't impress me, the kitchen was tired and that was being kind. The common room was bleak and Fiona's bedroom was not what she was used to. The bed looked unwelcoming and sagged in the middle.

She told me that it was okay and only for the weeknights, that was why she liked spending the weekends with me.

I wrestled with that overnight and the next evening I phoned Jess. I told her about my visit and how shocked I was. "Jess, it's awful. That's not how she lives or what she's used to at your home. I want to make a suggestion, well two. She could come and stay with me at the weekends and she'd only have to spend four or five nights there. I'd love the company and I could feed her properly."

"What was your second idea?"

"Get her to move in here and for her to travel. It might be too much travelling every day, although I suppose she could always find a bed if she needed to stay overnight."

"Would you agree to that, every weekend?"

"I'd love it. You'd know that she was safe and getting properly fed. It wouldn't be any hassle for me and she's capable of doing her own stuff. I'd enjoy her company as well."

"I'll speak to her. Thanks, Milly, you're kind and a good friend. By the way, cool it with the gifts; I looked up the price of that watch!"

"Who else do I have to treat? I love being around them. I'd steal them from you if I could, but I like you too much to do that."

You lying bitch! Most of what you just said was at best misleading. I sat and wanted to be ashamed of myself, but I couldn't be.

Fiona phoned me later that evening, "Milly, what the hell did you say to Mum?"

"I told her about the dump that you're living in and suggested that you could come here every weekend and I'd look after you. At least this way she won't get 'pissy' when she finds out that's what you've been doing anyway."

"She said that you've offered to let me move in with you. Is that true?"

Oh damn, please let me stay calm! I took a very deep breath, "I offered that as a possibility, yes."

"Do you mean that? I could come and live with you?"

Stay calm. "Of course, but it'd be a hassle having to travel every day, so it might not be totally practical."

"Okay, let me think it over. I'll see you on Friday when I start my weekend visits." She was laughing as she hung up, and I reminded myself what a devious, selfish cow I was.

Jane phoned me two days later, "What have you been up to?"

"What do you mean?"

"Mum's been telling me about the kind woman who's letting my poor deprived sister come and stay with her a few days each week so that she can care for her, cook for her and even do her laundry."

"I was just making an offer that's in Fiona's best interests. I'd do the same for you." I was defensive.

"I know you'd do the same for me. But what if Jess finds out you've done that for months?"

Oops. "Let's hope that that the big bad sister doesn't spill the beans. Oh, what time is it?"

"Bribery is it? The watch is fabulous I love it, but it did raise an eyebrow or two."

"So I heard, sorry about that, but I like you. I thought that you might like it and I depended on my adviser or poor deprived sister as she is also known."

"So I heard. Thanks anyway. I suppose that the bike is a secret as well?"

"I'm afraid so."

Fiona arrived on Friday and came in looking a bit sheepish. She kissed my cheek, "Let's talk."

We went to sit in the sunroom. She was biting her bottom lip. "What's up? Something's bothering you."

"At least Mum knows that I'm coming here, that's good."

"But?"

"But, I never thought about moving in. Were you serious?"

"Travelling would be a pain, but I wouldn't be doing it. I'd like you here and I'd look after you. We'd be a team." I was desperate to get down on my knees and plead with her. It would be almost four years of magical fun, then she would pack up and go somewhere else, but four years would be more than I deserved. Even if she found a girlfriend, I'd still be with her much of the time.

"Milly, I don't want to be presumptuous, but all of my stuff is in the car. Is that okay?"

Fuck it; there was no sense in hiding it. I grabbed her and gave her a big. "It'll be wonderful to have you here and look after you. I love it." She gave me a squeeze.

When we eventually separated I asked what she was going to tell her Mum. "That I'll be staying weekends and occasional weeknights, is that okay?"

"Whatever you want." I was lying about my true feelings, but no point in admitting to them or she'd run a mile.

Fiona phoned Jess and told her about her decision. She handed me the phone. "Milly are you really okay with this?"

"Jess, think about it, she saved my life almost two years ago and we've become really good friends. I want her to do well, achieve a great deal. If I can help her, I'd do anything. Best of all she will stop me from being a lonely, sad, old biddy."

The next two months were fun as we got to know how to live together full time and to find a routine. Fiona did spend the odd night at the university when it made sense to do so. I felt great; I was happy and cheerful as I went about my work. I was managing to control my feelings for her, but sometimes when she looked at me a certain way it was a struggle. Fiona tried to help around the house, but I insisted that she study and work hard. After all, that is why she was at university.

Something happened

Saturday was a nice day, with clear skies and no wind as we set off for a mid-morning walk that took us over the hills and around the lake. We chatted a lot but also had long periods of silence. At one point I followed Fiona along a narrow path and my eyes strayed to her backside in the tight walking pants that she was wearing. I had to look away. I told myself to behave, enjoy her company and friendship for the next few years, anything more was fantasy. We were back home by mid-afternoon, tired, but feeling good. We sat with a beer and then went to change.

I was starting dinner when Fiona joined me and we cooked together. I loved having her helping me, being close, sharing things and she seemed to like it as well. Once we'd eaten dinner and cleared up we watched some TV sitting close together on the sofa.

It was such a simple thing that came out of nowhere. I turned towards her and, at the same moment, she turned to face me. We looked at each other; suddenly we were kissing, full-on, not mucking about kissing. She pulled back and for a moment I was disappointed. I realised that we'd crossed a line, and then we were doing it again.