All Comments on 'Mona'

You need an editor... all the commas had me reading the story in Shatner’s voice, which seriously detracted!

Nice quick story. This was the first time you two were together; however, the “First Time” category typically refers to the first time ever for one or both people.

The flow is hindered by excessive comma usage:

“She had a, nice, tight, pussy”

In this example, commas 1 and 3 do not make sense.

This pattern appears many times in this short story, so it was very distracting.

I think the comma squad of the punctuation police has a warrant for your arrest on charges of comma abuse. Sweet little story tho [no comma needed].

You really need to learn to punctuate properly. You have taken a decent story and ruined it with WAY too many errors that made it almost unreadable.

Nice little story, but waaaayyyyy too many commas.