All Comments on 'Mr. Williams'

First her husband’s name is Saul, then you changed it to Isaac. You have no clear break between paragraphs and who is talking to who. Storyline was great but it was terribly confusing.

Apologies for the name shift. I thought I had done something wrong but missed it in all my read throughs.

I struggled with this, when i started I had the end in sight and steps to get there but just couldn't get motivated.

As for confusing. I do try to not have to do the said Jenny bit so i like to have the conversation flow as it does in real life. Apologies if this spoilt it.

But at least the storyline did work.

Yup, I caught the name change too, but quickly figured it out. I like your conversational flow and frequently mention all the "said" in other peoples tales. On the other hand, I almost didn't finish the story as I generally dislike non-consent material. I'm glad I did, as the villains got what they deserved and the good guys/gals look like they are going to have a much more exciting life. Keep up the good work. ;-)

Campus

I'm glad for your response

seems conversational flow is a love it or hate it thing

what