All Comments on 'My Marriage'

The last sentence of the story...who gives a rip about how good Ray's life is?! He was a big part of the reason things were going south for John! Ruth being the other part. Yeah, John had a part in the near tragedy too, he was responsible for keeping communications and togetherness moving. John should have given Ray's wife a heads up on Ray's new hobby of wife seduction! - TANSTAAFL

Okay, I guess I don't understand how any adult can write this badly? Half the time I couldn't figure out who was talking. The constant back and forth between POVs doesn't give the story a chance to flow at all. My advice is to go back and study some of the better writers and see how they do it.

Even tho she didnt sleep with the other guy she still ended hurting her husband women dont like to use their brian i see

Bullshit!

The change in point of view was tedious and unnecessary.

It was unerotic.

It was uninspiring.

Just goes to show what causes so many break ups in a relationship "LACK Of real communication " keep up the good work (jaybee186)

It was Odd.

It has become a fashion over the past year or less for people to write stories that bounce between 2 or more POVs. OK, I know this is an amateur site, and most people probably do not have any aspirations regarding their writing. So I shouldn't expect much.

However, comments are open ..

This style of writing is lazy at worst, and simply unskilled at best.

There may have been a story in there somewhere, but all the flopping in and out of the characters heads made it unreadable. Pick a narrator. Tell the story with that narrator. Anything else is just bad, lazy, and sloppy writing.

A good idea. Some polish needed. D

Good story of a loving couple

Awful. I felt like a tennis ball bouncing between the two characters. Please learn how to punctuate dialog.

She almost screwed up. Glad it worked out...

Terrible writing, disappointing story.

I gave it 4* because of the story theme. Common sense and commitment prevailed as it should. It would have more of an impact if you had used first person throughout with both of them speaking. The emotion needs to come out.

Where to begin...you might want to finish middle school before you get near this site again.

If my wife ever said that to me, it would be instant divorce. PERIOD. But then again, it is your story.

Unrealistic, stilted and without much cohesion. How does an author expect the reader to believe that a wife takes so much direction from someone who has ill intent for her?

It was “ok”. Ruth was bored…but by her own words, not because of sex, which she said was the highlight of their relationship. So her so.Union is to try to get hubby to let her have sex with another guy?

.

So why not find other things to fill her life? Bored at work? Change jobs or quit. Get a hobby. How about some friends?

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John’s reaction was novel, and effective. He recognized that he had a role to play in the relationship, and his “exercise” exposed it…and HE changed. And the relationship was rescued.

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Your back and forth change of 1st person perspective was dizzying! That robbed tale of a star.

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3 ***

The structure of this story is just a mess.

Why would he not tell the other guys (Ray) wife? Ray was willing to ruin his marriage so Ray deserves the same. I would have walked over to her at that dinner and explained why he asked Ruth to dance so the wife can then get after her husband. A wife will know when her husband is lying so anything the Doc says would be know.

Lastly, I would have held off having kids with her for a long time. Every time she brings it up I would remind her of this event and say I am still not willing to trust her and no way when I divorce do I want child support.

Please get an editor.

OK. The writing and plot were good.

But the main point, which was communication, was flawed.

Only a decade in and were already like this?!?!?!

Another point was the opening she gave the doctor.

The story doesn't make that clear, but she was very easy about it.

John did what he had to do. He put his point of view and kept his footing.

She was wrong again when she chatted with the doctor, forcing a date.

As far as I was concerned, John Deveri had gone out with the girl who had danced, only to make Ruth's thoughts even more troubled.

It all ended up leading to a reconnection, where they both realized their flaws and she understood how close she had come to losing her husband.

He accepted her, once again, even though he was on the verge of divorce. I confess it takes more courage than it sounds.

I offer 3 stars, if the asshole had suffered a slight accident, I would have given 4 stars. But John is kind hearted and not vindictive.

I didn't buy the part where the doctor thanks the counselor for the indication... And because life is good.

But that's just my opinion.

Geez, get an editor, or maybe ten. You have zero writing skills.

Nice Story

Good read. Good Loving Wife Story.

You might have made a fair story out of this but your formatting sucked. You switched from first to second to third person randomly. If you are going to tell it from each person's point of view do that. No each line of vocabulary switching back and forth. You even have Ruth saying "I said this to john and ruth said that.." You simply could not keep it straight. This made the story very hard to read.

Would have scored higher if Ray hadn't gotten off so easily. John should have had a word with Ray's wife while they were dancing. That would have been a more interesting outcome.

EHhhh...Sheeesh!

The writing was less than fluent, but some real thought went into the plot, which is rare here. You went a bit off the tracks with this: "Hoping I will feel so much in love and want to make you happy that I will go along with you fucking that guy all weekend." Given the development of the story, the comment should have been something along the lines of "Hoping that I won't divorce you for proposing I accept your adultery." Fortunately, things got back on track. Nice job overall, and much better than the repetitive cuck slop that regularly appears in LW.

Story structure is a mess. Feels very robotic. The reader can’t feel the emotions. Final killer, there’s nothing new in the plot. It’s all been said and done before, only written much more eloquently. Sorry. 3* for the effort, but not enjoyable in the least.

The story reads like something third grader would write. Two stars only.

Just another garbage story thrown into loving wives. Pathetic author and story. One Star.

Good story. writing could have a bit smoother to read but loved the story. 4*

An earlier comment said "He recognized that he had a role to play in the relationship, and his “exercise” exposed it…and HE changed. And the relationship was rescued." Uh, no. Nothing was rescued, because she's still a so-called 'wife' that's willing to step out on him if everything doesn't go her way. He just decided to accept that and cross his fingers. Pathetic, really.

There is a God!

Sad story that can only be appreciated by sad pathetic insecure men.

The story was decent and I didn’t mind the different perspectives. It needs to be identified better. I’m hoping English is not your primary language. You need an editor very badly. It was like reading robots talking.

You have the idea for a pretty good story, but you need an editor to help you with dialogue and flow. Like another commenter said, the dialogue was stiltet, people don’t talk like that. It read like a Google translation from another language. Also, how does he watch his wife dance with Ray, the man who wants to destroy his marriage, while the asshole’s wife is also present. Go have a talk with her and let Ray suffer a little pain also. As to your last line, why would they give a rat’s ass about Ray’s marriage?

Your writing skills and story telling need some work. You changed perspectives so often, even you got confused by who was telling the story.

Ray needs to be punched in his fucking throat!!!

You lost me with this one

Both of us wanted sex. So did John, but we stayed celibate.

Who was the third person?

Don't be too critical of Ruth. I could be her, and for years I craved a regular date for hard and kinky sex, neither of which my husband would provide. I finally found my man, and my life and my marriage benefited greatly from my nasty liaisons.

Last line was superfluous, who gives a fuck about Ray?

Unreadable. Confusing changes in point of view. Random tense changes. Pass.

Just another heartless Cunt wife story with a sissy coward husband. Pathetic! And 8f you don't like the comments then don't read them you wining little bitches

Unreadable. Please find someone else to edit your stories before publishing. When the writing is this bad, it's just not hot.

The plot was different and danced around a lot of clichés that always stream along behind the 'announcement' stories like remoras following a shark. Please learn to write conventional dialogue, as the John/Ruth tags were distracting. There's a reason most scripts have these tags in the left margin. I'd like to see moments, vignettes which shaped their month, given more a more detailed treatment. And John's little snit, even if he drew back from it, needs to earn him a 90-day Man Card suspension. 4/5.

Enjoy your stories. I'm guessing English isn't your first language and the translation to English makes your stories a little choppy.

John should have a conversation with Ray's wife he was dancing with his. Then kick in the nuts a couple of times when the dances were over. Then decide whether or not to go home with his own wife.

That was....awkward...as fuck.

This is a morality play about the sanctity of marriage. Chastity is upheld, no one transgresses. No erotic content, just a cautionary tale. Sorry, this does nothing for me.

Good story about beating temptation. But only one thing, at the end about Ray going to the therapist...who gives a shit about Ray??

Haha okay whoever said this story was sad by insecure men. Umm how is wanting to keep your wife from screwing another dude and her rediscovering her live of her husband insecure? Being secure doesn't mean you let other dudes bang your wife or get into cuck life, security level has nothing to do with it. Oh and before anyone says "if you're secure then you can easily find someone else" obviously have never loved someone enough to marry them. It's because you give them your soul and if you feel that is taken for granted does not mean in any way of being insecure. People need to really learn what insecure and secure really mean.

His wife had decided to fuck another man. She had evaluated the significance of fucking another man on her marriage, what it said about her character and personality, her values, her regard for her marriage and her husband, and her final choice was to fuck her coworker. So she asked permission. What aspect of betrayal and disrespect was left? How about if your pregnant wife asked you for permission to have an abortion? No discussion, no explanation other than she didn't want to be pregnant right then. The only thing stopping her from killing your child was you saying yes or no.

The marriage was over when she decided she wanted to commit adultery. Asking her husband to grant his permission and accept her betrayal simply proved how little she respected herself, their marriage, and her husband. We are asked to believe that they completely reconciled within a month, after some dating and dinners? A stupid hypothesis. Next time she won't ask. But she'll wait till the kids are born to keep the husband on her leash. If the husband doesn't take steps to protect himself and his future children then at least we can understand that his wife wanted to fuck a man with a brain, for a change. Thanks for the effort.

Save marriage in30 days but be celibate?? Not! Should be fucking like rabbits

Not bad but you are in need of help with your writing unfortunately it was that bad I stopped reading

***Thanks for the read.

Was he perhaps a voracious reader?

John would have been better off if he divorced her right away while she had a job. Now she can get him for alimony and child support.

but think what had to have happened to reach this level. TK U MLJ LV NV

Cured my insomnia

This story of a sexually bored and needful wife, her conflicted, confused, and yes, indecisive husband would not have fit very well of men and women in

I'm reading these kind of stories a lot lately. Wives letting their husbands know they're planning on cheating on them and somehow expect the husband to be ok with it. Why would any woman think that's a good idea? No husband would ever be ok with that.

No way any man would be ok with this. Realistically, not only would he divorce that bitch he would've kicked that other guys ass.

Don't know which is worse. The bad story, or the bad writing style.

Irritatingly ungrammatical. You don't know how to use quotation marks, at all..

Very difficult to follow! Might help considerably if you got a native English-Speaker to translate it into something more Reader-friendly, as attention and concentration are rendered very vulnerable by being obliged to stop, and re-read several sections over-and-over again to make SOME sense of it all, or just skim through it missing-out whole chunks!

Once upon a time there was a story with the right ending! Did you do well and I liked it, even if the story sometimes seemed sterile .. Thanks for posting!

The reality that you are writing in English as a second language is really apparent in this story. From other stories you have submitted I would say that you are more comfortable and getting better with each story.

I made a comment just moments ago that was in error. This is not an early posting but you may continue to expand you knowledge of use of written English.

But not well written. An editor or at least a proofreader would help.

Once upon a time is right. By simply asking, she destroyed all present and future trust. What would have happened in reality is (1) immediate divorce or (2) the mother of all postnups written and signed and YEARS of him monitoring her every move.

I would have divorced her... It would have broke my entire being to do so but what kind of life would you have knowing that your woman, your love, your best friend wanted to have sex with another, not only that but had the balls to say it to your!

First, Ray's wife should have been informed of what her husband was up to. Second, get a DNA test for that kid. Don't over-think it, just do it.

Should have divorced her. She WILL try to do this again in the future.

HVe a baby with s in e that just said wanted to cheat? Hmmmm no.

I think you need a ghost writer.

In the storyline as far as I am concerned, she tried to get a hall pass, what kind of a faithful wife does that. If that was her attitude towards their marriage he needed to bail on the marriage before having any kids. Even though the storyline had them stay together I would wager that this whole scenario would arise again and then he would have alimony and child support, then not a happy ending.

If she is thinking about doing it, then she will do it, it's just when that's the question. "it's the thought that counts".

4 four hope for the future. There was good interaction between the couple.

Good story. The dialogue was good, but the point of view changed too often, and each train of thought too short.

The parts I find unlikely:

- John was able to stay calm when Ruth made her request,

- that they were able to not discuss the elephant in the room for a month

No one gives a shit about Ray’s outcome.

Flake..

It was a decent story, but the constant heading between John & Ruth was a bit much & could've been written differently. A couple other thoughts:

-- 10yrs married & they're just thinking about having children?

-- Wife's unhappy with her marriage, leading to thinking about the weekend. Of course, Dr. Ray was probably full of shit talking about his marriage & feelings towards his wife. On the other hand, there's nothing indicating that she tried talking to her husband about her unhappiness or suggesting something - anything! - to stop the declining falling of their marriage.

-- Ruth's idea of improving her marriage: a weekend hall pass so she could fuck another guy? Again, without trying to improve her marriage 1st? Her asking that because of the above speaks about what she is.

-- Husband's right in worrying that she'll be liking sex with Ray more than liking sex with him. And who's to say that, if she did, she'll sneak around with Ray for more?

-- The month long idea was good. And was the stimulus to their marriage not only continuing, but improving.

But because of the writing, I'm giving this 3 stars. Bob

It seemed odd that he writes her a letter wherein he's going to divorce her and move far away. Then he what? Changes his mind? With no explanations? Too brief an ending with no real reasons.

Unreadable as written with the constant name headings... that's why freakin' dialogue was invented. Then there were all the illogical assumptions, which another commenter addresses, just below. This plot is like a story where a taxi driver shows up to fix a lady's broken garage door and ends up as assuming the identity of a Samurai masquerading as a college music instructor. I mean, "Huh?" Nothing makes sense in this story, either.

If you have to fight for your wife then she’s not worth keeping. One star for this cuckold bullshit.

so how would he know what they do or have done at work before the 30 day trial and during? Just because you "date" your own wife and sleep in another room doesn't mean a damn thing when she already told you she wants a weekend with someone else.

good story. cuckolding is a marriage killer

The story is rubbish. There is trust, but no verification. Therefore, his beliefs at the end of the term are a false result. Not suggesting she cheated, mind you, but under these circumstances, he cannot be certain.

By the way, what in heaven’s name is a “vicarious reader”? It is nonsensical, unless it is a situation during which someone reads to him.

Does the author realize that usage of the term renders the reader to presume the author is an idiot?

Sounds like Jesse Jackson or Al Sharpton, who routinely make up words or phrases on the fly to sound intellectual; rather they are buffoons. Just acks them.

Cuckold, dump the bitch

Not my cup of tea, but I will not cast stones.

Nice story but Ray needs a kick on the balls !

You seem from Germanic stock! Emotionless… writing like a robot or a reporter! The emotionless nature of the story does not allow the reader to actually feel involved!poor effort!

Enjoyable story. Yes, the writing could use a little refining. But overall, it is a good one. I like the theme. My suggestion: if you disable the anonymous commenting, you will cut at least 75% of the useless and hateful comments. Haters telling you that your story is rubbish or bullshit contribute nothing neither to your work nor to this site in general. Thank you for your writing

There is no spark in the story. It’s just a series of tedious and unbelievable lines of dialogue. I’m sorry, but it was just terrible.

It must have been the race track date that put them over the top!

The story had a good premise but the monotony of the marriage matched the dialogue between the couple. Maybe a less matter of fact presentation with a couple of adjectives would brighten the tale. On a positive side I liked the story.

The bullet points of the story were good ones, but that's all the story felt like - bullet points. *Nothing* drew us in, made us feel involved. He did this, she said that. He felt this. She did that. Epilogue.

2*

She's too stupid to make babies with.