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Click hereAfter nearly another hour of sneaking down the path while battling terrifying visions of violent attacks or lewd concerns over her suit, the stealthy vixen finally rounded the last bend of a steep, winding section that ascended into Hewnstone's outer boundary. A side alley delved towards an older district straddling the spaceport's perimeter, leading to her room, but something ahead caught her attention and pulled her forward.
The sound of muffled music grew louder as she approached, and the noise of pub activity echoed through the widening tunnel until she came to a familiar set of large doors opening into a bar and lounge....
- COMMENTS
Carnalvalover 1 year agoAuthorFair criticism... I created a rough draft of this story with 20 chapters, and while refining the first 3-4 chapters, I've fallen into the trap of grabbing segments from future chapters that seem better placed earlier in the story. In doing that I've allowed a lot of redundancy to creep in where before it was spread out over the first 10 chapters.
I'll be resubmitting a pretty large edit to this chapter, and I'm trying to review chapter 3 in its entirey rather than focusing in on small sections or individual sentences and paragraphs - too often when doing so it feels like I'm missing the forest for the trees. It's good practice for a more ambitious project I have planned for the future though.
Thanks!
Anonymousover 1 year agoI really like it overall, but since you're asking for feedback I have a couple of thoughts. I do think you have a habit of repeating the same point a few too many times before moving the scene on. And as they keep saying in writing classes, "show, don't tell". Figuring out what that means exactly is the essence of good writing. Easier said than done, of course.
