All Comments on 'No Rules. Just Victims.'

I hope you plan on continuing this story...It seems to be wide open for that.

to show off your literacy. When the reader has to stop after every sentence to discern your meaning, the story loses any flow.

You're not James Joyce or F.Scott Fitzgerald so don't try to be. Just tell the story simply and descriptively.

I tried and tried some more to read through the first few paragraphs to no avail. I wish I could have finished reading the story, the title seemed intriguing. I saw in your bio that you were a reporter. Don't apply that talent to writing erotic fiction. Read a few stories on this site by authors like Daniellekitten, Rachlou, firstkiss, MarshAlien, AMY_Monaco, Ada_Stuart and the like...read how they describe characters and settings to draw their readers in. After that, read through the Writer's Resources here on Literotica. Finally, find yourself a Volunteer Editor, there are pages on pages of them here on Lit. A good VE can help you with sentence structure, flow, grammar, spelling and overall plot and character development.