All Comments on 'Paradise Obtained Ch. 11: Megan'

Yeeees, sure, that's all Haller wants. Sure thing. That's why you build him into the story, to have him have no effect on anybody or anything.

Sorry if I sound salty but that's just because I really like everything else about your story but Haller is just an irritant. Also, you didn't establish any stakes or risks or dangers that Haller's presence might cause so it's not even real drama.

So I find myself barely cross-reading to maybe finally get to the point with Haller so I can get back to enjoying your story.

To quote Monty python: "GET ON WITH IT!

PS.: Love your stuff, keep on trucking!

Rockefeller, a multi billionaire at the turn of the 20th Century, was asked by a reporter “How much money is enough?” To which he replied “Just one dollar more.”

Money controlled him, he was it’s slave.

Your protagonist is no different: he is a slave to women, to sex, to his passions and his greed.

He is weak. After all, he could do a lot of good but all he cares about is fucking women who can’t say no. So at what point will he say enough? Never. He can’t because he’s looking for something he can’t have: genuine love.

In the end, he’ll be no better than a geriatric, arthritic old man who pisses his pants because he has no bladder control. Picture Hugh Hefner at the end of his life and you’ll see what your protagonists future will hold: he’ll be a meme.

Thanks both for the feedback, which I really appreciate. Re Haller, the reason there is no establishment of danger is actually, as I said when there was disgruntlement about him 'stealing Matt's harem', he doesn't present any danger to Matt or his girls provided Matt does what he wants. Basically Haller uses people and so long as they go along with it he is not malevolent toward them. The main villain of this universe is Geoff Mills.

As to the comparison with Hefner, given that Hugh Hefner lived to 91, was extremely rich, had sex with a ludicrous number of really hot girls, still had time to be married three times and have four children, and - as far as I know - regretted none of it, I suspect Matt would be happy with the comparison!

Eh....sort of got it there, Matt. The fact that he made her accept his orders/ideas as her own thoughts was still not really giving her the true choice to say no. He had already programmed her to "like him and the one other woman. "You like me, find me me interesting... You have a choice not to obey my order." It's not the same as actually being able to say no. She tried to fight them and lost. It would be interesting if he ever truly encounters a woman who doesn't acquiesce to Matthew's wants and harem.

As Megan says, "now I am a slave to another evil man."

Hi Anon, you are of course right. Matt's idea of giving them choices is mainly about making himself feel better about what he is doing, although that does mean he has at least developed a conscience as a result of spending time with the girls - at the beginning he had none. If he was truly sincere he would de-programme his harem and let them go. Having said that, the choice thing has some value - if he asked for something one of the girls really didn't fancy - say whipping her or something - they could refuse and he would honour that; someone who was fully enslaved could not.