All Comments on 'Penny the Conqueror Ch. 14'

I figured the queen’s ancestor would be someone penny knew but you shocked me with Groovi. Great chapter and a I loved the ending.

Thanks! I was kind of looking to leave Groovi as a red herring and leave another claimant to the throne, sort of floating out there as a constant worry to Penny. Then I thought, nah, let's just go with Groovi. It's a huge coincidence that Groovi works at the palace, sure, but Star Wars gets away with fantastic coincidences.

I hope you keep reading!

This is a good story, but you need to do a thorough editing pass on it. Besides the grammar and typo issues (particularly in the earlier chapters), I've noticed a number of narrative breaks in the story. For example:

>Oola gasped. "You are so wise, excellency! I am glad that I did not kill Vitala in that arena."

>Vitala giggled. "So am I."

...Vitala wasn't the one who fought in the arena, Penny was. That's why she's now queen, for goodness' sake!

There have just been a number of little things like that, and the trouble is that they yank the reader out of the flow of the story. Just something to consider.

I'd like to commend you for your reading, but never ask an author if he understands his own work. You're getting away with a little bit of lying by omission here. Vitala was supposed to fight Oola at first, and Penny stepped in at the last second. In Oola's mind, had she fought Vitala, she would have won. Now if I didn't make that clear enough through the narrative, I am truly sorry. I hope my tales of barbarian space warriors having copious amounts of lesbian sex does not seem unrealistic.

Hey, I also seem to be getting bombarded with one-star ratings on some of my chapters. You wouldn't happen to be taking out some frustrations on poor little old me, would you?