All Comments on 'Romping on Winter Break - Day 08'

Hot Maia. Hope you’ll write more!

I feel like I know Beth sexually very well.....I would love to read 5-10 pages about Beth (no sex) to know the rest of her. I think you have a great character there ! but god I would LOVE to know her better.

I hope that is a little constructive and not just selfish.

Great story, just some continuity stuff. Was it Rylan or Ryan and the driver changed from Alan toCharles.

Well written. As mentioned elsewhere, a few flaws in the continuity....but you have to be looking for them. Proofreading is always important. Otherwise very hot and enjoyable. Good characterization, though a little chiche...well, we're not expecting Shakespear on this site. Overall very good, I would encourage you to keep it up!

I commond you. Writing is hard work. Literature is art, but its foundation is writing, which is a craft. Like any craft if operates by rules. A draftsman opeartes with a compass, protractor, and straight-edge. A writer operates with semantics (selecting the right words), syntax (using the words correctly), grammar, spelling, and punctuation.

You must either redouble your efforts to learn your craft or engage a competent editor -- or, ideally, do both.

Without intending to pile on, let me take examples from this second page of chapter 8:

* "The four of us were silent on the drive back to JFK airport, with Brooke leaning against Mark and me curled against Rylan. Alan dropped Brooke and I off at the departure gate," "Brooke and I" are here used as the direct object of the verb "dropped." The first-person pronoun used as a direct object must always be in the objective case, "me." One of your earlier commentators suggested, as a thumb-nail test, that you think of the phrase with just the pronoun. Would you say (or write), "Alan dropped I off at the departure gate"? Look at how you naturally used "leaning against Mark and me" correctly.

* "They certainly had no idea about Brooke and I being girlfriends, . . ." Again, the phrase "Brooke and I" is being used as the object of the preposition "about." Objects of prepositions must be in the objective case," so it should read, "about Brooke and me." Again, applying the thumb-nail test, would you say, "They certainly had no idea about me being . . ."?

* "I knew Mark was heading to another school in the area, close to Brooke and I, . . ." Again, would you say, "close to I"?

I offer these examples in the spirit of constructive criticism. You have the makings of a very fine writer. You might even aspire to join the ranks of those few writers on the site who are producing literature.

Probably one of the best series on the site. Loved the characters and dynamics. Would love to see more of them. Super glad to see you're still writing with your newest story, and excited to see what else you create.

Very well written series. I'd love to read more of the girls post winter break adventures. Great job. Thank you

I loved this series! It was so hot and very well written! I truly hope you keep writing about them

One of, if not the best, series I've found on Literotica so far. I'll definitely be coming back to this one again.

Maia, while I am usually a grammar nazi (no racial slur intended), and I agree with Gaius on the small details, I have to say that I have thoroughly enjoyed reading your entire bang gang series. Your writing doesn't come across as straight point, rather an intriguing story with relatable characters, with a LOT of great sex scenes mixed in. Plus, the lighthearted nature of your stories is just fun 😁! It's the hallmark of a good writer when you can make your readers overlook the minor grammatical errors and continue on just enjoying the story. So thank you for providing some of the best erotica I've read in a while!

I quite enjoyed our time together. Thank you.