All Comments on 'Sexual Frustration Ch. 01 - The Dancer'

Enjoyed the dialect and the humor of the story. The dialect was a little bit distracting, but worth it. A fun experiment - looking forward to more. Five stars.

I would juts like to add I was "just up and down wid di gal gal dem"! We need more writers able to use pig Latin effectively! This was far and away the best story posted in LW thus far today. I would only suggest you toss in some Cajun characters to make this story complete in ever way!

Not even spell check and a great editor could have saved this mess. Your attempt to be clever with your strange wording failed miserably. Too much time spent trying to decipher your language left the story in the dust. Pretty unlikable characters doomed what was left.

1 star

The dialect was fun but WRONG... The dialect you are trying to write YOU HAVE NEVER HEARD, It is totally wrong and detracts from the story, such as it is!

Not good 1* for effort 0* for quality! Didn't like it at all it was a non-event from story-telling point of view...

And the current 2.2 score is far too high. No ch2 needed for all the reasons in the other comments. 1*

Great! Maybe you and Billybob can get together and create some really cool redneck/thug/Chinese/Hispanic dialects! Write the whole story in it. How cool would that be? You could call it Poojun, or something.

“His liquid dripped harder”

SO SEXY!!!

HDK, him be done hangin wit de happy time in19. It's getting harder and harder though. "You've a better man than I am, Gunga Din."

as to the story, I'm usually good at translating dialog, but this one lost me at "den den girls". Maybe you're going for a Jamaican vibe, but you missed it.

Perhaps:

Legibility Frustration - The Gibberish would be more applicable.

It's not 'fun', its fucking unreadable! Where are the minus scores?

Learn to write. Get an editor. Some ting.

is any reader who claims they understand the slang the author was trying to create. At first I thought maybe it was Cajun, or maybe Ocracoke Brogue. Then I thought it must be an emulation of William Faukner's "The Sound And The Fury," where the story starts out being told by a mentally retarded person. But that retard is smarter than any of the characters in this story, and his narration can actually be understood.

But I think I got the gist that the husband is fucking around with the younger girls, so the wife starts, or at least wants to start, fucking around with a young virgin with a (hold it) huge dick. Or it all could have been some kind of Amway presentation for aborigines who are trying to learn English by reading Chinese bicycle assembly instructions.

What ever it was, it was so hard to understand that it wasn't possible to enjoy the plot, if there is one.

Wait a minute. I just checked, and the title says this is chapter 1. OK, you got me, totally. So there really is Martian Dumb Shit Reader ray. Hope it wears off faster than a New York marriage.

About a weird critter named Jar Jar?