All Comments on 'Shadow Investigations - Case 001'

Make this a first chapter and build on the story. Since it is a sex ring, maybe have Laura and Nikki have to meet with a higher up, someone over Mitch, who pimps them out.

Very goood

Loved the story: very hot. Looking forward to a next chapter!

Wow! You are very good at writing sex scenes! Very hot! I can't wait for the next chapter. It's kind of an over-the-top Sin City world they apparently live in, but I loved it for that. Laura wears halter tops to work and Nikki goes on a surveillance job at the "Quick-Stop Motel" wearing four-inch heels. Lol! You have a very vivid imagination and it makes the story fun to read!

Naturally Nikki will have to start doing undercover work and she and Laura will have to engage in hot sex with each other in a moment of peril to not blow an investigation. Perhaps you could bring Debbie into the action also, as she sort of works security too, and you should make Sugar a recurring character. She'll need a job with Gene out of the picture.

One issue though, and it didn't affect my five star rating, is that there are a lot of grammatical errors in the story. There were missing periods and many places where commas belonged. You put a period at the end of section of dialog when it should be a comma because it is all one sentence. For example: "'Holy shit you're good.' He offered." It should read: "'Holy shit you're good,' he offered." That issue really needs to be fixed, otherwise they are two stand alone statements. He offered? He offered what? A cup of tea? A piece of chewing gum? You also had some word choice errors. You wrote: "'Thanks, I think. We should get going.' She answered while moving passed him to the door." It should be past instead of passed. They are homonyms but don't mean the same thing. Thus, it should read: "'Thanks, I think. We should get going,' she answered while moving past him to the door." You also wrote: "Gene kept looking at Laura, she was becoming more and more afraid that this might go further than either her or Billy wanted." It should be: "this might go further than either SHE or Billy wanted." You wouldn't say, "Laura felt like this might go further than her wanted." You wrote, "Gene's expression had gone from party to obedient." What does that mean? What is a party expression? This must be an error. You also use UK spellings for several words such as "signalled" and "worshipping," but I guess that is okay since your bio indicates you are Canadian. The good news is that you can edit the story and replace this version easily on Literotica without changing any stats, ratings, feedback, etc., and there are instructions on how to do it. Well done and Cheers!

Wow, this was a really good and well written story. I am looking forward to chapter two!!!

Really loved this story! I hope to see more chapters.